“Back To December”

Prologue.1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10.11.12.13.14.15.

When my brother auditioned for the X Factor 2 years ago, I never imagined how much it would change my life. I met four boys who turned my life upside down.
I gained two new brothers in the form of Niall and Zayn, and Harry turned out to be the best friend I could ever for.
…Then there’s Louis. For two years, I’ve loved him. He’s all I wanted.
Two years ago, my brother auditioned for X Factor.
Two years ago, my brother made it to the X Factor final.
Two years ago, I met four boys who turned my life around.
Two years ago, I gained two new brothers, a best friend, and… well… someone I can’t even describe. I can’t put into words how much he means to me.

Prologue

(2010)

“No, , come here!”
“Whaaaat?” I groaned, my older brother Liam tugging on my arm. “I’m supposed to be meeting like, twenty minutes ago!”
“ can wait! C’mon, the guys are almost here… Please?” Liam stared at me, his bottom lip jutting out as he pouted. I glared at him and sighed, nodding my head in defeat as he grinned and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, directing me into the front room where he went back to doing what he’d been doing for the past half an hour – staring out of the window.
“You know; if I were you, I’d talk to them about their lack of timekeeping abilities. Because, y’know, if you get through and all, I’m sure Mr. Cowell won’t appreciate being kept waiting. I know I don’t like being kept waiting.”
“You’re not Simon Cowell, they can keep you waiting for as long as they please,” Liam scoffed, his face breaking out into a grin as I heard a car pulling up outside. He ran out into the hall and yanked the front door open so fast, it’s a wonder it didn’t fall off its hinges. I peered out of the window curiously, watching as each boy climbed out of the car.
Oh. Oh! I know that one! That’s one’s Zayn…
And that one, the little blonde one. He’s the Irish one with the eyes.
A boy with a head full of curls climbed out, and I laughed to myself as his foot got caught on the seatbelt and he stumbled slightly. Huh. He was hot, I suppose.
…And then, it was like it all happened in slow motion, like in one of those cheesy chick flicks. He stepped out of the car, his smile beaming as he flipped his hair out of his eyes. He was gorgeous.
“Oi, if you’re done perving, I’ll introduce you to them!” Liam hissed from the doorway, smirking at me as I turned to face him with red cheeks.
I tutted at him, out of the embarrassment of being caught, and I let him pull me outside to the four boys who’d be taking over my house for the next week.
“Guys, guys! This is my little sister .” he grinned at them, throwing an arm around my shoulders, “, this is Niall…” he pointed to the blonde one, who nodded and gave me a small smile. “Zayn…” I knew that. Zayn grinned, shooting a wink at me and I laughed quietly. “Harry…” Curly. He smiled and I nearly fainted when I saw the dimples – this boy was going to kill me with cuteness, seriously. “And that’s-“
“HEY! I’m Louis!”
“Oomph!” I stumbled slightly as he all but threw himself at me, pushing Liam out of the way and throwing his arms around me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. I heard the other three sniggering, and saw Liam roll his eyes at his new friend.
“That’s Louis,” he raised his eyebrows at me.
“I gathered,” I huffed, pushing Louis away and straightening my t-shirt out as I pointed at Harry. “He’s my favourite, I like his hair.”
“…” Liam groaned, rubbing his forehead as Harry grinned and ran a hand through his curls.
“Told you, didn’t I?” he turned and smirked at Louis, “Ladies love the curls!”
“Can I go now?” I asked with a pout as I turned my attention to Liam, “‘s probably wishing painful things on me because I’m late and you know how she is for timekeeping! I stayed, I met them, I got attacked,” I gestured towards Louis, who was still grinning. “Please, Liam?” I asked again, pouting.
“Okay, fine,” he sighed, and I smiled triumphantly. Pouting never fails. “I supposed it’ll give me time to warn this lot of you,” he pointed towards his four band mates.
“Except the one with the curls, I like his face,” I stuck my tongue out and grabbed hold of my jacket, waving goodbye to the four boys. “See you guys later.”
“Bye !” Louis stepped forward with his arms open, and my eyes widened when I realised he was going to try and hug me again. I moved quickly, ducking down behind Zayn and yanking the front door open, quickly stepping outside and pulling it closed behind me as I heard the laughter from inside. I shook my head and started walking to – finally – meet .
This was going to be an interesting week.

———-

one.

(2012)

“Shhh!” Louis hissed at me, putting a finger on my lips to try and stop my giggles. “You’re going to spoil it!” he whispered, creeping closer to the bed. I clamped a hand over my mouth and followed him, trying to hold my laughter in when I saw the mop of curls sticking out from the top of the duvet. “Okay… Toothpaste, nurse!” Louis held a hand out at me.
“Toothpaste!” I whispered, handing him the white and blue tube I’d swiped from the bathroom. With his tongue stuck out in concentration, he pulled the covers back slightly and carefully grabbed Harry’s hand, squeezing half of the toothpaste out of the tube. “Louis he’s got no clothes on!” I squeaked.
“Yes he has, he has boxers on. You’re lucky he’s even wearing them,” he shrugged his shoulders and I tutted, hitting his shoulder. “Owww! Save the abuse until afterwards!” he whined, moving the covers back over Harry and abandoning the toothpaste on the bedside cabinet. “Shoelace!”
“Shoelace!” I repeated in a whispered, handing him the lace that I’d pulled out of one of Harry’s shoes. I giggled quietly as Louis pressed a finger to his lips, dangling the shoelace above Harry’s face and tickling his nose with it.
“Awww!” I cooed, watching as Harry’s nose twitched and he sniffed in his sleep. Louis tutted at me and continued to tickle his nose, getting a bit closer to him. I laughed loudly when Harry’s hand shot up, smushing the toothpaste in Louis’s shocked face.
“You two would make awful burglars,” Harry mumbled sleepily, his eyes staying closed as he pushed the covers back and lifted his arm up. I grinned and kicked my shoes off, sliding in next to him and pulling the duvet back over us as his arm dropped around my shoulders.
“Oh, I see how it is. Styles is awake so I get abandoned,” Louis huffed, wiping his face free of toothpaste, and I poked my tongue out at him in reply as I cuddled up to Harry. He threw his other arm over my stomach and pulled me closer, burying his face in my hair as I let out another giggle.
“Fine, whatever, I know when I’m not wanted. You two can stay here and practice making babies or whatever, I’m off out anyway!”
“Oh,” I pouted. “Where are you going?”
“Just to meet ,” he answered, a smile crossing his lips when he said her name. I felt Harry freeze behind me as I looked at Louis in confusion.
“Why would you be going to… Oh,” I muttered, realisation hitting me when I saw the sheepish look on his face. “You’re back together?”
“Mhmm…” he nodded. “We sorted things out. I thought Harry would have told you?”
“Hmm. So did I,” I muttered, pulling out of Harry’s arms and turned to glare at him. He buried his head in his pillow and ignored my stare. “Well,” I turned back to Louis, a painted smile on my face. “Have fun! I probably won’t be here when you get back, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“What? I thought we were going to hang out today?” Harry sat up, yawning.
“We were,” I glared at him and he sighed, frustrated as Louis glanced between us, confusion etched across his face.
“Right, erm, I’m going to go and let you two sort out your little lovers quarrel or whatever it is… Text me later, , tomorrow night. Don’t worry, Harry, I won’t tell Liam you were in bed with his baby sister!” he grinned, winking at me and I stifled a laugh despite my mood. Urgh, I hated how he could always make me laugh. Bastard. Harry didn’t say anything in reply, he just reached behind him and grabbed a pillow from underneath his head, throwing it at Louis who ducked out of the way just in time.
“Get the fuck out, Louis,” he muttered, his hands rubbing over his face.
“Okay, okay… You want sexy time, I get it…”
“You’re a fucking dick. Just get out and go see your skanky girlfriend!” Harry snapped at him.
“Harry!” I hissed.
“Wow, you really need to get laid,” Louis scoffed at him and pointed at me. “Make sure he’s in a better mood by the time I get home!”
“GET. OUT!” Harry demanded. Louis rolled his eyes at him but did as he said, the front door of their apartment slamming shut a couple of minutes later. I sighed, snuggling further down in Harry’s bed, my back to him as he slipped his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should have told you.”
“Mhmm.” I mumbled.
“I just- you’re my best friend, . I knew if I told you, you’d be upset, and I didn’t want-“
“Does he seriously still think there’s something going on between us?” I interrupted him.
“Hmm,” Harry scoffed. “I’ve told him we’re not, but he thinks I’m lying because we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Just because he’s incapable of keeping it in his pants doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”
“Do you, uhm…” I started nervously. “Do you think that’s why he went back to ?”
“…Why, because he thinks we’re together?” Harry asked, and I nodded, shivering as his breath hit the back of my neck. “…”
“No, I know. Forget I said anything, it’s stupid. Why would he care who I was seeing? I’m just Liam’s little sister.”
“That’s not true,” Harry argued, his grip around my waist tightening. “You’re my best friend, you’re his best friend. He’s just… He needs a kick up the arse, that’s all. He’ll realise one day, I promise.”
“I’ve been waiting for him to realise for two years, Harry. I can’t wait much longer.”
“Then don’t wait!” Harry let go of me and sat up, rolling me over to face. I frowned at the grin on his face. “Don’t wait anymore! Find someone else! OH! I’ll set you up with Niall!”
“NO!” I laughed quietly. “No setting me up with Niall! Or Zayn, Harry!” I added quickly when he opened his mouth to speak, and he pouted at me. “But maybe I should just forget it and move on, you know? If anything was going to happen, it would have happened after Hannah. I… Oh it’s just a stupid crush, Harry. It’s about time I stopped thinking of it as anything more. Anyway!” I sat up and poked his stomach. “Get out of bed and get dressed, you’re taking me out!”

***

“Thank you so much!”
“No problem,” I smiled, handing the gushing fan in front of me her camera back.
“Do you mind… I mean… Can I get one with you, too?” she asked nervously and I looked at her in confusion. “It’s just… You’re Liam’s sister and you’re Harry’s girlfriend…”
“I’m-“
“Sure, I’ll take it, put your arm around Tessa!” Harry grinned at me, taking the camera off her – Tessa – and pointing over at me. Tessa let out a little squeak and stood next to me. I scowled at Harry, but put an arm around Tessa’s shoulders and smiled as Harry snapped a picture of us. “Here ya go, Tess! It was really nice meeting you,” Harry smiled, passing the camera back to her and slipping an arm around my shoulders.
“Thank you, it was meeting you too – both of you!” she smiled happily at us. “You make a really cute couple,” she whispered shyly.
“We’re-“
“Thank you!” Harry gave my shoulder a squeeze, and I glared at him. “Well, we best be off now, she’s dragging me shopping so I can carry all her bags,” he rolled his eyes at Tessa and she giggled at him. “Bye, hope to see you again soon!” he waved at her as he started to pull me down the road.
“You have to stop doing that!” I groaned, pulling my hand out of his grasp. “No wonder people think we’re together…”
“Come on, it’s fun!” he chuckled. “Liam goes purple every time someone brings it up!”
“Oh, okay, so when my brother has an aneurism and his head explodes and he dies it’ll be all your fault. I’ll make sure to tell Liam’s little fangirls that, thanks. They’ll be out for blood, Styles.”
“Hey! Better they think you’re with me than working out you’re in love with Louis.”
“I’m not in – I can’t even believe you just said that in public,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m not in love with anyone, Harry. Just… forget it. I’m not hungry anymore, I’m gonna go home.” I shrugged my shoulders and stepped towards the road, making sure nothing was coming before crossing.
“…” Harry groaned, quickly following me and grabbing hold of my arm. “Stop acting like a lovesick teenager! C’mon, we’ll go to mine and we’ll watch a DVD and stuff our faces, okay? And we can attempt to plan your birthday party without Liam taking over, alright?”
“…Only if we watch Stand By Me,” I smirked at him, laughing when I saw the pained look on his face. He hated watching that film with me, because I could recite it word for word. And I did. Every time I watched. Every. Single. Time.
“Okay, fine!” he threw his hands up in defeat and I giggled at him as I grabbed hold of his hand, “I love how you stop being mad at me and I don’t even have to say sorry.”
“It’s the dimples,” I told him, poking his cheek with my free hand. He stuck his tongue out at me, before stepping forward and pressing a sloppy kiss to my cheek. “You’re such a fool!” I squealed, wiping my face as he laughed at me.
“Come on!” he laughed, lacing his fingers through mine and pulling me back in the direction of the apartment we’d left only fifteen minutes earlier. “Hey shall we see if Zayn and Niall want to come round too? Oh! They can bring booze!”
“No!” I giggled, shaking my head at him. “I can’t get drunk, I can’t be hungover tomorrow, I need to be happy because I’m seeing my wife!”
“You’re girl-crush on Rihanna is unhealthy,” he raised an eyebrow at me and I tutted, rolling my eyes. “But okay. They can bring booze for me,” he grinned, pulling his phone out of his pocket, his fingers gliding over the screen before he pressed the phone to his ear. “Hey, man, it’s me… Harry… Who else would be calling from my phone?” he pointed at the phone and pulled a face at me as we crossed the road opposite the apartment building. “Listen, me and are gonna have a bit of a DVD afternoon… No mate, Stand By Me, I owe her,” he scoffed. “You fancy coming? Okay, cool. Grab Zayn, bring him and bring booze! See you in a bit!” he hung up before Niall could complain. “He’s coming.”
“I gathered,” I chuckled at him, following him inside the apartment building and into the lift. “Harry…?” I started quietly, avoiding his eyes as he looked at me questioningly. “Do you think… I mean, Louis and … Do you think it’ll last?”
“No,” he answered, hardly pausing to think. “He doesn’t love her. They’re effectively using each other, in a way. He doesn’t like being single, she likes being able to say her boyfriend is in One Direction,” he shrugged his shoulders as we stepped out of the lift and walked towards the flat, Harry slamming the door shut behind us once we were inside. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, , but you can do better than Louis fucking Tomlinson.”
“He’s your best friend. Be nice.”
“You’re my best friend, he’s second. And I am being nice, I could have called him something worse,” he mumbled. “I think you should try and move on, you know? Find someone else. I’d offer to help but you don’t like my choices!”
“Your choices consist of Niall and Zayn!” I laughed, shrugging my jacket off and abandoning it on a chair. “They’re like my brothers, it’s creepy. Hey, if we’re staying in can I borrow a pair of sweats? Skinny jeans are not the most comfortable of clothes to lounge around in.”
“Yeah, sure, you know where they are,” he waved a hand dismissively at me and I grinned in return, heading to his bedroom to search through his wardrobe. I quickly pulled on a pair of dark grey sweatpants and changed into one of his t-shirts before heading back into the living room and collapsing onto one of the sofas, swinging my legs over the armrest and resting my head on Harry’s lap. “…Comfy?” he smirked. “You know I’m going to have to move when Niall and Zayn get here, right?” he asked, pushing my head off his lap. I tutted but moved away, sitting up as the there was a knock on the door. “It’s open!”
“You’re an arse!” I groaned, throwing a cushion at Harry.
“BABES!”
“Hey, Zayn!” I giggled, squealing when he dived on top of me and started kissing my face. “Get off me you fool!” I pushed him away and jumped up, running over to Niall and throwing my arms around him. “NIALL! I missed you!”
“I missed you too!” he laughed, slipping his arms around my waist and hugging me. “No Liam or Louis today, then?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as I shook my head. “But I see you’re obviously with Harry. Again. You’re joined at the hip.”
“Did you bring booze?”
“Yes, Harry, we did,” Zayn rolled his eyes at him, a plastic bag dangling from his fingers. I laughed as Harry snatched it off him and walked into the kitchen, telling me to set the DVD player up and pulling Niall along with him. “Can we watch something other than Stand By Me?” Zayn asked with a pout.
“Yeah, we can watch The Goonies first.”
“Hey you guuuuuys!” Zayn grinned and I giggled at him again, grabbing the DVD and slipping it into the player. I turned round, debating on where to sit when I saw Zayn with his eyebrows raised, patting the seat next to him. I looked at him curiously, but sat down and smiled when his arm dropped around my shoulders. “Can I ask you something?”
“Kinda just did, Malik.”
“…Cute. Seriously, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I shrugged my shoulders, flicking through the adverts until the DVD settled on the display menu.
“Exactly how long have you been head over heels for Louis?” he asked quietly, and I swear my heart nearly stopped. I tried to play it cool as I turned to look at him with what I hoped was a look of confusion, and not guilt, on my face.
“What are you-“
“Don’t even try and deny it, Payne,” he laughed quietly. “I know you guys used to have this little crush on each other back in the X Factor days, but how long have you been in love with him for?”
“…Did Harry tell you?” I mumbled, ignoring his question.
“No. We’ve asked Harry about it, he denies all knowledge. He’s a good friend to tell secrets to. We already knew, we just wanted it confirmed.”
“We?” I looked at him in horror.
“Me, Niall and Liam. Don’t worry, Louis’s as clueless as the day he was born! He’s got no idea, he really thinks you’ve got a thing for Harry and vice versa. And I can promise you that none of us will say a word to him unless you want us to.”
“Why would I want you to tell him?!” I stared at him in confusion. “That would be like… like… that would be bad,” I finished lamely when I couldn’t think of an analogy, causing Zayn to laugh at me as Harry and Niall walked back in.
“Move, you’re in my seat,” Harry kicked Zayn’s feet. “You’re next to , my seat is next to . My seat is always next to .”
“We’re watching The Goonies first.” I told him.
“…You two can sit together,” Harry’s eyes widened and he plonked himself down on the other sofa, next to Niall. “Oh! I got you a drink!” he smiled, handing me a bottle of Budweiser.
“Cheers, Haz,” I took the drink off him and pressed play on the remote, settling down underneath Zayn’s arm and resting my head on his shoulder.
We got through The Goonies, myself and Zayn quoting most of it and laughing at things we really shouldn’t find funny at 18 and 19 years of age, but we did anyway. Stand By Me was almost over and I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes as River Phoenix’s character faded off screen.
“And she’s off!” Niall chuckled, pointing a finger at me.
Harry turned and rolled his eyes when he saw me sniffing and wiping away tears. “Zayn, hug her man before she starts bawling her eyes out!”
“Aww!” Zayn laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead. I pushed him away and wiped my eyes, hearing voices coming from the hallway, followed the by the front door closing.
“Yeah, I’m home , I’ll – oh the guys are here, can I call – oh my God what’s wrong?!” Louis’s eyes widened when he looked at me and he quickly ended the call without saying goodbye to . Not gonna lie, a tiny part of me was extremely giddy that he’d hung up on her to see if I was okay. “Why are you crying?!” he asked, panic in his voice as he knelt in front of me and took my hands in his. “Why are none of you fuckers making sure she’s alright?!”
“Lou…” Harry gave him a funny look. “Mate, we’ve just finished watching Stand By Me, you know how said she gets at the end.”
“Because River died in real life, and he fades out in the film, and it’s sad,” I sniffed, a tear trickling down my cheek. Zayn laughed, his thumb swiping the lone tear away as he winked at me and raised his eyebrow, glancing down at Louis who was too busy glaring at Harry to notice.
“Why’d you let her watch it when you know it makes her cry?!”
“As if he could have stopped her!” Niall piped up.
“Are you okay?” Louis asked quietly, ignoring Niall and turning back to me.
“I’m fine, it’s just a film, you know I cry over films,” I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at my hands, quickly pulling them out of Louis’s grasp when I realised he still had hold of them. “Talk about overreacting…” I laughed nervously, moving closer to Zayn. I was suddenly incredibly on edge now that I knew it wasn’t just Harry who was aware of my feelings.
“You’re my friend, you were crying,” Louis frowned. “Sorry I overreacted,” he rolled his eyes. “At least I was making sure you’re okay, maybe next time your boyfriend lets you watch something he knows makes you cry, he could look after you,” he shot a glare at Harry.
“Will do mate, thanks for the advice,” Harry nodded, tipping his bottle at Louis as I stifled a laugh. Louis rolled his eyes again and shot a small smile in my direction and grabbing my hands, pulling me into a standing position.
“Come on, I want some time. You’ve neglected me for long enough!” he pulled a face and I couldn’t help but laugh when he referred to us as ‘‘. “We’re going to my room,” he called back to the other three, pulling me along behind him.
“Keep the door open, please. Don’t want you trying to steal my girlfriend!” Harry called after us. I turned round, my eyes wide as I silently pleaded with him to get me out of going to Louis’s room with him, but he just smirked and shot me a wink.
Urgh.
Harry fucking Styles.
Remind me to kill him later.

two.

It was here. It was finally here, the day me and Louis had been talking about since he bought us tickets seven months ago – kind of like an early birthday present for my 18th, even though my birthday was two weeks before the actual concert.
We were going to see Rihanna!
I couldn’t be more excited if I tried! I was going to his and Harry’s apartment, we were having something to eat, going to the concert and then, afterwards, meeting the others and going out. It had been so long since I’d been out with the boys. I couldn’t wait!
I unbuckled my seatbelt and pulled my phone out of my pocket, dialling Louis’ number and telling the taxi driver to turn left.
“Yo, yo, yo P!”
“Hey Lou,” I rolled my eyes at his greeting. “I’m about two minutes away, can you come down and let me in, please?”
“Why do you sound so excited, ?” he asked in confusion. “Why are you here, anyway? I can’t hang out tonight, I have a date.”
“I…” I trailed off, my heart slowing down when I realised he’d forgotten. “I, uhm, Louis we’re supposed to be going to see Rihanna tonight, remember?”
“Huh? Oh… Oh yeah, we are… Oh well, it’s fine, I guess I can call Cheryl and reschedule…” he sighed.
“Cheryl?”
“Cole.”
“You arse!” I gasped, and he laughed loudly. “I really thought you’d forgotten then, I was going to get my taxi driver to beat you up!” I told him, and the taxi driver smirked, catching my eye in the mirror and winking at me as I giggled.
“Yeah, okay,” Louis scoffed. “As if I could forget about Rihanna… and you, obviously.”
“Oh, nice, I’m an afterthought,” I huffed. “Oh, hey, I’ve just pulled into the road, I can see you so I’m going to hang up now.”
“Oka-” Louis was cut off as I ended the call. I paid the taxi driver and thanked him, laughing quietly when I saw trying to hide a smirk as he glared at Louis, who looked slightly nervous.
“I was kidding, Louis.” I told him, stepping out of the taxi and closing the door behind me.
“I knew that!” he tutted, grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me inside. “Come on, I cooked!”
“…You cooked?” I raised an eyebrow at him as we stepped in the lift and he nodded at me. “You? …Cooked?”
“Yes, I cooked, is that so hard to believe?!”
“What did you cook?” I asked him sceptically, following him into the apartment.
“Pizza.”
“Oh,” I smirked. “You put something in the oven.”
“Yes but I still cooked it, didn’t I? I had to take it out of the box, I had to make sure the oven was on the right setting, I had to time it! Therefore, I cooked it. Don’t be so damn ungrateful. HARRY!”
“WHAT?”
“‘S HERE, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!” Louis shouted, and I laughed loudly at him.
“I’m wearing clothes, fucker,” Harry grumbled as he walked into sight. “I’ve been wearing clothes all day.”
“Yeah but you never know,” Louis shrugged his shoulders as he walked towards the kitchen. “Hey, we’re having pizza before we go and go, you want some?” he asked, opening the oven and sliding the pizza out onto a plate. “It’s four cheeses! Seeeee?” he asked, waving the pizza in front of Harry.
“…You’re getting changed before we go to the concert, right?” I asked, eyeing his outfit. Louis looked at me in confusion and I sighed loudly, catching Harry’s smirk. He knew what I was going to say. “Louis… I fucking hate those trousers and shoes. I mean, separately they’re fine, but together… Why don’t you wear socks?! Wear longer trousers!”
“I don’t think I own socks…” he trailed off, looking down at his feet.
“Or longer trousers,” Harry sniggered.
“It’s my signature look!” Louis glared at him.
“Okay, Tyra Banks. It’s your signature look,” Harry nodded, and I covered my mouth with my hand as I stifled a giggle, biting my lip when Louis turned his glare to me.
“I knew this would happen,” he pointed between me and Harry, taking a bite out of a slice of his pizza. “You’re not even official yet and already you’re ganging up on me. I hate you both.”
“No you don’t,” Harry argued, reaching past him and stealing two slices of pizza and passing one to me. “And we’re not together, officially or unofficially. We’re just friends. Right, ?” he looked at me with his eyebrows raised and I nodded, swallowing the food in my mouth before answering.
“Right.”
“Sure,” Louis scoffed. “That’s why you’re always having these little sleepovers.”
“I’m pretty fucking sure we’d know whether or not we’re together,” Harry turned to look at Louis. “Just because she stays over here, I stay over at hers or because we sleep in the same bed, doesn’t mean we’re together. Maybe if you opened your eyes and paid attention to what was going on around you then you’d realise is completely crazy about-“
“Harry!” I shrieked, my eyes widening. “Don’t say another fucking word!” I told him, causing him to sigh and roll his eyes at me, and Louis to stare at me curiously.
“Huh,” he smirked. “It’s Niall, right? Who you’re crazy about.”
“N-“
“Yes!” I answered quickly, interrupting Harry who was frowning at me. He threw his hands up in the air and shook his head. “Yes, it’s Niall. Please don’t say anything though, Lou. I don’t want him to know. I just- he’s my friend, and he’s Liam’s friend and it will make things awkward if he doesn’t like me back, soo… Don’t be too obvious about it, okay?”
“You’re secret’s safe with me!” Louis promise, miming zipping his lips up. “And just for the record, he’d be a fool not to like you back.”
“Fucking hell…” Harry muttered, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows as he pointed between me and Louis. “The pair of you, I swear to God. You drive me insane! If Niall does nothing about it when you tell him, , then Niall is clearly a twat and you can do better. Maybe you should forget about Niall and go find someone who actually deserves you.”
“He’s right,” Louis piped up, nodding his head in agreement. “We’ll find you someone tonight!”
“Uh, you’re going to a Rihanna concert, any guys there are going to be gay, taken, or perverts,” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Are you changing or what, Lou?”
“Yes, fine,” he rolled his eyes at me. “Let me go put some normal-length jeans on then. You’re such a spoilsport!” he called over his shoulder as he walked towards his bedroom. I waited until his door has closed before I turned to Harry and roughly shoved him into the worktop.
“OW!”
“Fucking ow? You’re lucky I don’t kick you in the balls!” I hissed. “What the hell are you playing at?!”
“Jesus, I wasn’t going to say anything , I’m not a complete dickhead!” he frowned, rubbing his back.
“Oh that’s debatable!” I snapped. “You’ve just, you’ve got to… Harry, please, you’ve just got to watch what you say, what if he works out it’s him?”
“What if he does? Would that be so bad?” Harry questioned. “At least then he’d know you feel, and he could actually let you know how he feels.”
“Of course that would be bad, are you crazy? There’s no way he’d feel the same!”
“Then why are you still hanging on, hoping that he will?” he raised an eyebrow at me and I paused, feeling slightly hurt by his question as I shrugged my shoulders lamely. “You need to move on, . I’m not saying it to be mean or to try and hurt you, I’m saying it because you’re my best friend and I love you. Maybe you and him… Maybe you both just missed your chance. Maybe two years was the right time, and neither of you did anything about it.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” I mumbled, staring down at my feet. I heard Harry sigh as he stepped towards me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. I sniffed, burying my face in his chest and slipping my arms round his waist as he kissed the top of my head.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just want you to be happy.”
“I know,” I nodded my head.
“Right, I’m ready and- ? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” I sniffed, pulling away from Harry as Louis walked back in, I kept my head down as Harry put an arm around my waist and pulled me to his side. “God I feel like such a girl,” I laughed quietly, pulling a face at Harry. He chuckled and kissed my forehead, whispering in my ear again that he was sorry.
“Is this about the Niall thing?” Louis asked sympathetically and I sighed, nodding my head. “Don’t worry about it, . He’s oblivious. Do you want me to say something?”
“NO!” Harry laughed. “Mate, come on, as if he’d believe you…”
“I resent that,” Louis frowned as someone knocked on the front door. “I can be serious sometimes, you know!” he called over his shoulder as he went to answer it.
“Thank you,” I whispered, looking up at Harry. He smiled down at me and ruffled my hair up. I tutted ducked away from his hand, fixing my hair as he grinned at me.
“Oh. You two are here.”
“Erm, shocking I know, but I live here,” Harry pulled a face at as she appeared in the doorway and she smiled fakely back at him, before turning her attention to me and raising an eyebrow. I just looked at her and turned to look at Harry, giggling at the look on his face.
“You two are so cute together… Aren’t they Lou?” she asked, Louis stepping up behind her, putting his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek. “Aren’t they adorable together? You actually make a really cute couple.”
“Oh they’re not a couple,” Louis shook his head. “What are you doing here babe?”
“Oh baby I had such a bad day at work,” she pouted. “It was so stressful!”
“Really? How stressful can it be working in Tesco?” Harry asked in confusion and I stifled a laugh as I hit his chest. “Alright, sorry, I’ll behave.
“Anyway,” shot us both a look before turning round in Louis’ arms to face him. “It was just such a horrible day, they made me work an extra hour after my shift ended! I just wanted to see you, I thought maybe we could have a night in and watch a movie or something?”
“Oh… …” Louis sighed, letting go of her and running a hand through his hair. “I can’t. I told you already, I’ve got plans tonight… I’m going out with , sort of a late birthday night out, we’re going to see Rihanna…”
“Oh…” sniffed. Here come the fucking waterworks. “I just… I could really do with a night with you, Louis. And I love Rihanna, I wish you would have told me, I could have come with you.”
“I’m sorry babe…” Louis reached a hand out and wiped away her tears. Urgh. Gag me with a spoon. “We’ve had these tickets for months though, you know I would have bought you one otherwise.”
“Can’t you just… I really don’t want to be on my own tonight, Louis. You’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to take care of me when I’m upset… Please? Can’t we stay in?” she him, the pout appearing back on her face. Louis paused for a few seconds, his gaze flicking between me and .
“No fucking way,” Harry hissed. “Don’t you dare, Louis.”
“I…” he sighed and looked at me. I shook my head in disbelief and looked up at Harry. “Why don’t you ask Niall if he wants to go?” he smiled hopefully and I shook my head again, grabbing hold of my jacket that I’d left on the kitchen table. “-“
“I don’t want to go with Niall, I wanted to go with you,” I told him angrily. “Fuck you, Louis. Have fun with your girlfriend. I hope she’s worth losing all your friends. Harry, come on.”
“You’re a bellend,” Harry muttered, shoving past Louis and following me out of the apartment, only stopping to grab his wallet and jacket. “C’mon, ,” he threw an arm around my shoulders. “We’re going to have an amazing time!”

***

He was right, we did have an amazing time. Our seats were absolutely amazing and, to top it all off, Harry managed to get a certain Mr. Cowell on the phone, who arranged it for us to go backstage after the concert and meet Rihanna. I nearly fainted, I wanted to marry that woman I swear. She’s amazing. We hung round for like an hour afterwards, before Harry persuaded me it’d be a good idea to go out for a few drinks…
A few turned into a lot and here we are, four hours later, staggering out of the lift and towards his apartment.
“Want you to make me feel, like I’m the only girl in the woooorld! Like I’m the only one that you’ll ever loooove! Like I’m the only one who knows your heart!” I sang loudly, fully aware that I was out of tune as I giggled and leaned against the wall, watching Harry trying to unlock the front door with his tongue stuck out in concentration.
“Soon as I can get this door open, I will make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world…” he winked at me.
“Promises, promises!” I tutted, waving a hand dismissively as he smirked at me.
“Someone fucking needs to… Aha!” he grinned triumphantly, pushing the door open and pulling me inside. I giggled and stumbled into him, kicking the door closed with my foot and smiling as Harry’s arms wound around my waist. “That was seriously the best night out I’ve had in a long time…”
“Tell me about it… Rihanna’s so sexy,” I sighed. “Why can’t I be like her, Harry? If I was sexy like Rihanna then maybe someone would actually want me,” I pulled a face, aware that I was rambling and more than likely making no sense whatsoever, but I didn’t care.
“If by someone you mean that knobhead who’s asleep, then I told you already, you can do better,” Harry scoffed, pulling me down onto his knee as he flopped down on the sofa. I shrieked and moved off him, swinging my legs up to rest across his and leaning my head on his shoulder. “…” he mumbled, tucking my hair behind my ear when I looked up at him. “I’m drunk.”
“I know,” I giggled quietly. “You’re pretty, Harry. Why don’t I like you? Things would be easier if I liked you.”
“Coz you have shocking taste in blokes,” he smirked.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I whispered, lifting my head up to place a kiss on his cheek, my lips landing on his as he turned his head to look at me. “Oopsy.” I whispered.
“Oopsy…” Harry repeated, his eyes travelling down to my lips again as he tongue snaked out and licked his own. “We’re drunk, aren’t we?”
“Mhmm.”
“If I… If I kiss you, will you be mad at me?” he asked quietly.
“No,” I whispered after a pause. Harry nodded, his hands moving up to cup my face and he leant towards me. He stayed still, his forehead resting again mine and our noses touching as I felt his breath hitting my lips. “Harry…” I whispered hoarsely. He nodded at me and closed his eyes, before his lips brushed against mine softly. It was innocent enough at first, but it wasn’t long the alcohol fuelled us on and I was lying on the sofa with him hovering over me, my hands tangled in his curls. We didn’t realise someone had turned the light on.
“What. The. Fuck.”
“Shit!” Harry gasped, pulling away from me and jumping up off the sofa, turning round and looking sheepishly at Louis. “Er, hey, did you have a good night? still here?”
“No, I kicked her out,” Louis frowned, walking closer and peering over the sofa at me. “What the fuck is going on? I thought you weren’t… You only went to a concert and you come home and… , are you drunk?”
“No!” I snapped at him.
“Yes,” he narrowed his eyes at me. “Yes you are,” he repeated, glaring angrily at Harry. “What the hell are you doing?! The only reason I didn’t go after her is because you were with her, you were only supposed to take her to the concert, not try and have sex with her! She’s drunk, you can’t fucking take advantage of her like that!”
“I wasn’t, we were-“
“You were on top of her Harry! Don’t act like nothing was going on, I’m not an idiot! The state of the pair of you, Jesus! , come on, you’re sleeping in my room,” he sighed, pulling me up off the sofa. I pushed him away from me and stumbled into Harry, who caught me and stopped me from toppling back down on to the sofa. “…?”
“I don’t want to be anywhere near you, Louis,” I snarled at him. “I fucking hate you. Go call your girlfriend, get her to sleep in your bed!”
“…” Louis trailed off, and I could see the hurt in his eyes but it didn’t stop me from carrying on.
“No. You made your feelings perfectly clear when you bailed on me, on plans we’ve had for seven months so you could be with that bitch. You can’t be my friend when it suits you Louis. You either care about me or you don’t, and judging by earlier on you obviously fucking don’t. So no, I’m not staying with you. You know what, I’m not even staying in the same fucking apartment as you. I’m going to Liam’s.”
“You can’t go to Liam’s, it’s 4 in the morning-“
“It’s two floors down, I think I can manage!” I interrupted Louis, and turned to look at Harry. “Walk me down?”
“No,” Louis shook his head. “If you want to go to Liam’s, I’ll walk you down, just let me throw some clothes on,” he sighed. “You, keep her here,” he told Harry, before rushing back to his bedroom. I scoffed and grabbed hold of my jacket, shoes and bag and made my way to the front door, Harry following close behind.
“Tell him I told him to go fuck himself,” I muttered.
“I will,” Harry smirked. I smiled softly when I looked at him and I reached up, my hand on his cheek as I let my lips find his again. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” he whispered. I nodded my head at him and quickly left the apartment, pressing the button for the lift and praying it came before Louis realised I’d gone. I’d just stepped inside when I heard him calling me and I repeatedly pressed the button for Liam’s floor, breathing a sigh of relief when the doors slid closed before he reached them.
I bit my lip, trying to keep my tears at bay when I finally reached Liam’s door and knocked. I wiped away the few tears that the spilled from my eyes, failing to keep them in anymore once the door opened and I saw my brother’s sleepy face peering at me.
“? What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep. I couldn’t find any words, I just shook my head and he sighed, pulling me into a hug and letting me cry on his shoulder. “It’s alright, it’s okay. Shhh, . You’re okay.”
“I hate him!”
“Louis?” he asked quietly, and I nodded, my head still buried in his shoulder. “You don’t hate him, .”
“I know I don’t. I love him, Liam. I love him and I hate it,” I sobbed quietly.
“I know sweetheart, I know,” Liam whispered soothingly in my ear. “You’re such a girl sometimes, … Come on you little crier,” he pulled away and lead me towards his spare room. “Let’s get you to bed.”

———-

three.

I woke up the next morning, confused as to where exactly I was until I heard Liam’s voice coming from the other room.
“No, I don’t care. She’s my sister and when she turns up here at 4 in the morning, crying her eyes out I’m going to be worried about her. I don’t care if you want to talk to her, I’m not waking her up. What the fuck did you do to her, Louis?!”
“I didn’t do anything!” Louis told him defensively.
“No, he didn’t. He just decided that he’d rather spend time with than go to the concert with her, so I ended up taking her instead. We went out and just had a bit too much to drink, that’s all…” I heard Harry sigh.
“Well at least I can count on YOU to look after her,” I could hear the anger in Liam’s voice and I didn’t even have to see him to know the glare he was shooting at Louis.
“Yeah,” Louis scoffed. “Course you can count on him to look after her, that why I caught them rolling round on the couch together. You’re lucky I got there when I did otherwise it would have gone waaaay past kissing, if you know what I mean…”
“WHAT?”
“No, it wasn’t even like that!” Harry started to defend himself and I groaned inwardly, pulling the covers over my head and squeezing my eyes shut when I heard someone slip into the room and close the door quietly.
“, you awake?” Louis whispered. I didn’t reply, I just stayed still and kept my eyes closed. “Oh okay, if you’re asleep then I guess you can’t stop me from doing this…” he trailed off, and I squealed when I felt him jump on top of me.
“Get off me you fool!” I huffed, using all the strength I had to shove him away. “I told you last night I didn’t want to talk to you. I’m mad at you, Louis. Go away. And I can’t even believe you just said that to Liam! Urgh. I’m going to have to go and rescue Harry,” I grumbled, pushing the covers back and feeling myself blush when Louis’s eyes landed on my bare legs. “Do you mind?!” I snapped, grabbing the sweatpants Liam had given me the night before and slipping them on.
“, wait,” Louis’s hand wrapped around my wrist as I tried to walk away from him. “I’m sorry, I only said that to distract Liam long enough for me to come and talk to you. I’m sorry, alright? About last night. I really, really am. I shouldn’t have left you to go on your own-“
“I wasn’t on my own, I was with Harry,” I interrupted.
“But I still shouldn’t have let you go without me. We’d had those plans for months and I’m such a dick for changing my mind and staying in with .”
“Whatever, she’s your girlfriend. I’m not,” I shrugged, and Louis looked at me curiously.
“I know you’re not, but you are my best friend, and I should treat you better. I’m going to treat you better. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I overreacted about you and Harry last night. It’s just- you said there was nothing going on between you, and you have these feelings for Niall, but if you and Harry like each other he could be a good distraction-“
“LOUIS. Stop talking,” I cringed, holding a hand up. “I’m not using Harry as anything. We’re friends, we were drunk. That’s all. I’m going to make sure Liam hasn’t killed him.” I mumbled, pulling my arm out of his grasp and pulling the door open.
“! Am I… I mean, do you forgive me?”
“…I’ll think about it,” I told him, stepping out into the hall and quickly going to brush my teeth before I walked to the living room. “Is everyone alive…?”
“YOU! You could have told me the whole story, ! Instead you just let me flip at Louis!” Liam frowned and pointed a finger at me.
“Yes Dad,” I rolled my eyes, taking a seat next to Harry on the sofa and cuddling up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist as he slung his arm over my shoulders. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t think turning up and 4am and blurting out ‘oh hey Louis just caught me making out with Harry, can I stay here tonight’ was a good opener.”
“Ew,” Liam pulled a face, his eyes shifting between me and Harry. “So, what? Are you two together now? I thought you had that thing for-“
“Niall!” I squeaked, hearing Louis walk into the room. “You thought I had that thing for Niall,” I looked at Liam with wide eyes.
“Oh you know about that too?” Louis asked, flopping down on the opposite sofa next to Liam and eyeing me and Harry, his eyes narrowed.
“Apparently I do,” Liam smirked.
“Obviously you didn’t like him as much as you thought, ,” Louis scoffed. “Seem to be replacing him pretty well with Harry.”
“Don’t start,” Harry warned him.
“Actually, we kinda need to talk, Liam is it okay if me and Harry go talk in my room?” I asked, standing up and taking hold od Harry’s hand.
“The spare room, and yes, it’s fine,” he nodded, waving a hand at me. I smiled and walked back to the spare room, dragging Harry along after me and feeling Louis’s eyes burning into the back of my head. I pulled Harry into the room and closed the door behind us before I collapsed face first onto the bed and groaned loudly.
“You alright babe?” he asked quietly, sitting down next to me and rubbing my back.
“Harry…” I started nervously, sitting up and looking at him. “What… What was that? Last night?”
“Honestly?” he sighed. “I don’t know. I was… I just, you’d been upset all night – I know you’d tried to put it to the back of your mind, but I could tell you didn’t enjoy the concert as much as you should have because you were thinking about Louis, and I was so mad at him, . He’s an idiot and I just wanted to make you feel better and we were drunk and I don’t know. Somewhere in my alcohol-hazed mind I thought it would be a good idea. It’s not… I mean, we’re still friends… Right?”
“Of course we’re still friends you idiot!” I tutted, hitting his chest with the back of my hand. A grin took over his face before he dived on me, knocking me onto my back and hugging me.
“And things won’t be weird with us?”
“Things will never be weird with us, Harry. I would never let things be weird with us.”
“…Things are weird with you and Louis though, huh?” he asked sympathetically and I pulled a face at him. “In all honesty … I think he’s a bit jealous.”
“Yeah, okay!” I scoffed loudly.
“No, really, I do. I think he kind of sees it as us taking each other away from him. It’s like, when we first met it was me and him all the time, then when Liam invited us to stay, you two… well, bonded, and it was always you two… Then when X Factor started, and we were away all the time, he found it hard being away from his friends so he cut himself off, and we got close… It’s always weird when three people are close, but now I think he sees himself as being a third wheel, sort of.”
“He’s a knob.”
“HA!” Harry laughed loudly. “Okay, I’ll let you fume at him for a bit longer, because it’s amusing when you’re angry at someone… as long as it’s not me. Come on you, let’s go face the pair of them and let them know they don’t have to kill me!”

***

I groaned, staring between the book and the laptop in front of me as I tried to concentrate of my Psychology homework. It had been a little over a week since I’d last spoken to or seen Louis, and I just couldn’t seem to get my mind to focus on anything for longer than half an hour.
“Still stuck on that, huh?” , my roommate, asked sympathetically as she walked into out small kitchen. I pouted and nodded my head at her, closing my laptop in frustration. “I’m telling you, it’s because of that boy… I don’t like him.”
“You don’t know him, ,” I muttered.
“I know enough to know that if he’s upset you, he’s no good for you,” she raised an eyebrow at me. “What about the one with the curls who’s always here, I like that one.”
“Harry,” I smiled. I’d been living with for three months, ever since I moved to London. We went to the same university and had one class together – unfortunately for me, it wasn’t psychology. was a little brainbox and I adored her, partly for the fact that, unlike most of the girls I’d met since moving here, she really didn’t give a toss who my brother was. I don’t even think she knew who One Direction were until she met me. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d never even heard of the X Factor. “Yeah, Harry’s my friend . I’ve told you this already.”
“Yes, Harry is also the only boy who ever seems to make you smile – apart from your brother, I mean. And from what you told me, he’s a pretty decent kisser – I’m talking about Harry, obviously. Not your brother.”
“Liam.”
“What?”
“My brother,” I chuckled. “He’s called Liam.”
“I knew that.”
“Sure you did,” I smirked. “The only one who’s name you know is Niall’s, and that’s only coz you’re both Irish!”
“And because he has those nice eyes. Seriously now, . You need to get the floppy-haired one out of your mind, clear your mind. Detox, so to speak. If you stop thinking about him you’ll focus more on your schoolwork, I’m telling you. You’ll be getting assignments in left, right and centre! The tutors won’t know what’s hit them!”
“…You’re right,” I nodded, standing up from the table and pulled a tub of Ben & Jerry’s out of the freezer, grabbing a spoon out of the door and nodding towards the living room. “I do need to clear my head. I’m going to have a little study break, watch some cartoons and then carry on. Fancy joining me?”
“…Is that Phish Food?”
“Yep!” I nodded. grinned and grabbed another spoon.
“Lead the way!” she told me, and I laughed quietly. We settled down on the sofa and she flicked the TV on while I opened the tub, moaning happily when I licked the chocolate ice cream off my spoon.
“Phish Food is better than sex, I swear to God!”
“I’m sure it is,” she raised an eyebrow at me and I blushed, remembering how religious she was.
“Sorry, .”
“Don’t apologise, just because I don’t have sex doesn’t mean I don’t think you should!” she giggled, sticking her spoon into the gooey mixture and popping it into her mouth. We settled on watching the Lion King (my choice, there is no better Disney film than the Lion King), and it had only been on for twenty minutes when someone knocked at the door.
“Bagsy not me!” I called, holding up my crossed fingers and grinning at who groaned loudly. “You have to get it now, I crossed my fingers and everything.”
“Fine, fine…” she rolled her eyes at my childishness and stood up, going to answer the door. “Oh. It’s you. , it’s for you, it’s the boy I don’t like.”
“Louis?” I asked in confusion, putting the almost-empty carton of Ben & Jerry’s down on the coffee table, pausing the film and going to the door. “Uhm. Hi,” I bit my lip, stuffing my hands in my pockets and watching the look Louis gave my friend before he turned to me.
“Hey. Err, can I come in?” he asked, smiling softly.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” I gestured for him to come inside as scoffed beside me.
“Don’t forget you have that assignment!”
“It can wait, it doesn’t need to be in until next week.”
“But you-“
“! It can wait,” I narrowed my eyes at her as I closed the door after Louis. She rolled her eyes at me and walked back into the living, were I heard the film start up again. “What’s up?”
“I can go, if you’re busy-“
“No, it’s fine,” I interrupted him, shaking my head.
“…Why doesn’t she like me?”
“Why are you here, Louis?” I asked with a sigh.
“Can we… Can we talk? Please?” he asked. I nodded my head and gestured for him to follow me to my room. He followed me inside and sat down on my bed as I shut the door over slightly, taking a seat on the chair in the corner of my room. He frowned at me and looked down at the space next to him. “…”
“So, what’s up?”
“Erm, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you haven’t been by the apartment or spoken to me in a week?” he raised his eyebrows. “I told you I was sorry, . You can be so stubborn sometimes.”
“Wow, great way to get me talking to you again,” I told him, sarcasm lacing my voice. “I’ve been busy with school.”
“But Harry’s been coming here?”
“Yes.”
“So, you’re busy with school, so you can’t talk to me, but you’re not busy enough for Harry to come over all the time?” he raised an eyebrow. “You two aren’t… you know. Are you?”
“No,” I tutted. “Lou, I’m sorry, I just… I’m mad at you still. You can think it’s stupid but I was so looking forward to going to that concert with you, it’s been ages since the two of us did something together without anyone else tagging along. It’s like, whenever you’re with her – actually, whenever you’re with any girl, the rest of us just don’t seem to matter.”
“I broke up with her.” he told me quietly. “The other day, she got arsey with me because I was moping over you, and she told me I was spending too much time with my friends and I was neglecting her… Harry brought up the Rihanna thing and she said some stuff, and I told her to fuck off,” he explained, and I just stared at him as he patted the space next to him. “, come sit here.”
“I’m fine where I am, thanks.”
“Please, ?” he pouted, and I rolled my eyes, but moved to sit next to him anyway. “You were right, I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot, I know I have. I just, I miss you! I promise I’ll never neglect you – or any of my friends, but especially you – for a stupid girl ever again! Just, please forgive me because I’m going crazy without your random texts!”
“Oh, fine,” I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re forgiven. But, Louis if you do anything like that again I swear to God I’ll cut your balls off.”
“…Okay,” he winced, and I giggled at him. He grinned and grabbed hold of me, pulling me into his arms and almost crushing my spine.
“Lou I can’t breathe!” I squeaked, pushing him away from me. He laughed and pulled back, looking down at me and holding my face in his hands – I was suddenly hit by déjà vu of last week with Harry. I gulped, watching as Louis studied my face.
“I love you, ,” he whispered. “I don’t say it enough, but I do. You’re my best friend and I love you for that.” he smiled softly before leaning in and planting a kiss on my forehead. I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat, willing myself not to cry. Of course he only meant it in a friendly way, why would he mean it any other way. “So!” he smirked. “I’ve got a plan on how to get you together with Niall…”

———

four.

Louis fucking Tomlinson. He’s such an arse, I swear. Leaving me stood outside in the cold for fifteen minutes with not even a text as to why he was running his late, and his phone was turned off! This is the last time I go to see a film with him, I swear to God. And if those girls behind me didn’t stop whispering about ‘Liam’s sister’ I was going to-
“…?”
“Oh,” I turned round when I heard someone speak my name, and smiled when I saw who it was. “Hey, Niall. What are you doing here?”
“I’m meeting Louis, he wanted to go see a film but no one would go with. He begged. Have you seen him? I’m late and I couldn’t get in touch with him to let him know.” he frowned, and I groaned inwardly. “…Okay, you look like you want to kill someone, what’s he done?”
“I’m so sorry Niall,” I sighed. “He’s trying to set us up.”
“Who, Louis?” he asked in confusion and I nodded. “Why would he do that?!” he laughed.
“Coz he thinks I’m in love with you,” I mumbled, looking down at my feet. Niall raised an eyebrow in amusement and waited for me to explain. “Harry got a mood on a couple of weeks ago and nearly slipped up about how I felt… Louis assumed we were talking about you and I just… let him believe that we were. I’m sorry, he’s obviously set this up as some sort of lame blind date. I’m going to murder him.”
“Hey, wait,” he chuckled, taking hold of my hand. “As long as we’re both here… Let’s go and watch people getting blown up!” he grinned, and I smiled up at him. “I’ll get the tickets, you get the popcorn?”
“Deal!”

***

From: Louis
hows it goin ? 😉 x

I ignored Louis’s text and switched my phone off as Niall slid into the seat opposite me and smiled. “Sorry, it was Harry wondering if I wanted to go out.” he apologised, and I smiled at his accent. I could seriously listen to him talk for the rest of my life.
“It’s fine,” I shrugged my shoulders. The film had finished almost an hour ago, and we’d decided to go for a quick drink afterwards, which Louis had been particularly pleased about when Niall told him. “So he didn’t know about Louis’s little plan, then? You can go if you want, I have work I should get done anyway.”
“Nah, it’s fine, I like hanging out with you,” he grinned, sipping on his drink. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, which is stupid because you’re always with Harry and we live in the same building. But you never come and see me and Zayn…” he pouted at me.
“Stop it,” I tutted, smacking the back of his hand. “I would come and see you and Zayn, but I’m never allowed to leave their place… Louis always pouts at me and I end up staying. Twat.” I scoffed, and Niall chuckled, nearly choking on the drink he’d just taken into his mouth. “Sorry,” I giggled. “God, I can’t believe he did this!”
“Why not? Subtlety’s never been Louis’s strong point, has it?” Niall laughed. “And anyway, I’ve had a good time. It’s not often I spend the night in the company of a pretty girl!”
“Now that’s a pile of shit, Niall!”
“Okay, okay, it’s not often I spend the night in the company of a pretty girl I’m actually interested in talking to,” he smirked.
“Pervert.”
“Hey, you’re the one who loves me,” he tipped his pint at me and I tutted. “So what are we going to tell Louis about our little date, hmmm? Did I take you home, did we kiss? Did you throw a drink in my face because I tried it on with you?” he stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed.
“We let him see me leaving yours tomorrow morning,” I smirked, making Niall nearly choke on his drink again. “I’m joking, you moron!”
“No…” Niall paused, looking round. “Why don’t we? It’d be interesting to see what he does. I’m not saying we have to fake-date or anything, just… let him think something happened and see how he reacts.”
“Uhm, no coz Liam will-“
“Liam will know nothing happened anyway because he knows we’re not into each other like that. Come on, it’ll be a laugh! I’ll take you home, you can get some things and come and have a sleepover with me and Zayn!”
“He’ll flip his shit,” I giggled. “I mean, he went mad when he caught me and Harry kissing and-“
“I’m sorry,” Niall held up a hand and interrupted me. “When he caught you and Harry what?”
“Oh…” I trailed off un embarrassment. “Uhm, it was a few weeks ago, we were really, really drunk and we just… made out a little bit. Louis found us and went mad.”
“Huh,” Niall looked at me curiously. “Is that why they weren’t talking?”
“They weren’t talking?”
“Yeah, it was about three, four weeks ago, not long after the Rihanna thing. You weren’t around and Louis wouldn’t talk to Harry unless he had to, there was lots of glaring and Harry was at your place a lot. Liam ended up dragging them both into a room one day when we were recording, dunno what he said but things seemed to go back to normal after that. Then you came back and everything was fine. No one ever tells me or Zayn anything, we’re always left out of your little foursome!”
“I don’t… Why weren’t they talking?” I frowned. “…I’m confused.”
“… you do know that Harry… he used to have a huge crush on you, you knew that, right?”
“Er. No. No, I didn’t,” I mumbled. “Are you winding me up?”
“No… It was back in the day, not long after X Factor. He got over it, he told me it was because you had feelings for someone else and he realised he didn’t have a chance – obviously now I know he meant Louis. He doesn’t- I mean, he’s over it now, obviously, and he’s more than happy being friends with you but… I just don’t want you to get caught in the middle of anything, alright?”
I nodded my head at him, staring down at the table as I quickly finished the rest of my drink. “You know what, Niall? I will come back with you. I think I need to shout at Louis.”

***

“Well, well, well! What do we have here, then?”
“Don’t be a dick Louis, you know what we have here,” I rolled my eyes when he opened the door and pushed my way past him into the apartment, smirking and turning round when I heard Niall laughing behind me. “Are you coming in?”
“Yeah, just let me grab Zayn and I’ll be back down in like ten minutes,” he grinned and gestured for me to hug him, which I did. “I had a good time tonight , we should do it again!”
“Just go get Zayn!” I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him out the door as he laughed. “I’m staying here tonight,” I told Louis, turning to face him. “So are Niall and Zayn. Liam’s busy.”
“So? How did it go?” Louis raised his eyebrows, following me into the living room. “Did it work? It sounded good, he wants to go out again! I’m a genius, aren’t I? You can thank me later. I like diamonds.”
“Fuck diamonds, I’m buying you socks. We’re just friends, Lou,” I sighed. “I felt so stupid trying to explain what was going on! Urgh. Is Harry here?”
“No, why?” Louis smirked, “After some sexytime?”
“No!” I felt myself blush, “Jesus, Louis!”
“Sorry,” he chuckled. “But no, he’s not here. He’s gone for a drink – remember Aiden? Stupid question, of course you remember Aiden, I had to witness you wiping the drool off your chin everytime you saw him. But, anyway, he’s gone for a drink with him. I was going to go too, but I wanted to be free and sober when you rang to thank me for your wonderful evening. So? What happened?!”
“You’re such a girl,” I scoffed. “Nothing happened, he turned up, I died of shame, we went to see the film and had a drink afterwards. Then came back here, now I’m being harassed by you. The end.”
“That’s a crap story,” Louis frowned.
“It’s a true story,” I laughed, watching as he sat down next to me. “I know you were trying to help Lou, but you really shouldn’t have done that. I was mortified!”
“But he said he had a good time!”
“As friends, Lou! Nothing else! I told you we’re friends and I don’t want to spoil anything.”
“Didn’t stop you getting off with Harry,” he huffed, averting his gaze from me and crossing his arms moodily over his chest as I stared at him in amusement.
“Is that what this was all about, because I kissed Harry?” I asked. Louis stayed silent. “Why’s that bothered you so much, Lou? You’re obsessing over it, and Niall told me you and Harry stopped talking. Is Harry… he’s not- did it bother him?”
“Why, coz of his crush on you?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “No, it didn’t bother him. It bothered me with how quickly he just shrugged it off, like it meant nothing.”
“It didn’t mean anything,” I shrugged my shoulders. “We were drunk.”
“But that’s not- I was jealous, alright?” he mumbled. My eyes widened in shock as I looked at him avoiding my gaze. “I just- we never got that, y’know? And I know all about your little crush on me when we met, I was told several times as I’m sure you were told of my crush on you,” he scoffed. “Coz Harry can’t keep his mouth shut about anything. Or, well, he couldn’t back then. He kept his mouth shut about your Niall secret, he wouldn’t even get involved in my matchmaking scheme,” he frowned. “It’s just that, I don’t know. We liked you and he got to kiss you, and I didn’t… Not that I want to kiss you, coz you’re my friend and that’d be weird,” he shook his head, and my heart dropped. “I don’t want him stealing you off me ,” he pouted.
“No one could ever steal me off you,” I whispered, looking down at my hands. “I love you, Louis.”
“Aww, I love you too !” he giggled and dived on me, hugging me tightly to his chest. “See this is why you’re my best friend, coz you’ll never let anyone take my place, because I’m your favourite right?”
“Yes, you’re my favourite,” I rolled my eyes.
“After Niall, obviously,” he winked.
“Louis.”
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” he held his hands up in defence and let go of me, grinning when Niall and Zayn walked in and slammed the door behind them. “Do you two mind, we’re bonding here!”
“Move, I’m sitting next to ,” Zayn ignored Louis, pushing him out of the way and stealing his seat, wiggling his eyebrows at me as I giggled. “So then! Let’s get this party started!”

***

I sighed, my eyes closed as I cuddled further into Niall, my back to his chest and his arm slung over my waist. His grip tightened when I moved and I smiled slightly. I loved every single one of these boys, they’d turned into family over the last couple of years.
After Niall had come back with Zayn, the four of us had sat around, ordered pizza, had some drinks and watched cartoons for most of the night, until the alcohol had gotten the better of Zayn and he’d suggested playing a game of truth or dare – which, of course, Louis had jumped at, and he thought he was being clever by daring Niall to kiss me. Harry had come home halfway through that particular dare and had nearly killed himself laughing, before daring me to kiss Louis.
Remind me again why I’m friends with either of these losers?
That was about two hours ago, and now we were scattered around the living room – Harry and Zayn were on one sofa, cuddled up and fast asleep. Myself and Niall were on the other, bigger sofa, him snoring softly behind me and me half asleep. And Louis was… I don’t know. I think he’d ended up underneath the coffee table.
“! Psst! !” Speak of the devil.
“What, Louis?” I mumbled sleepily.
“Are you awake?” he hissed.
“Of course I’m awake, dipshit. How else am I answering you?”
“Ooh, someone’s grouchy…” he whispered, his voice closer this time. I sighed irritably and opened my eyes, shrieking when I saw his face right in front of mine. “Shh!” he chuckled, clamping a hand over my mouth.
“What do you want?!” I asked quietly, swatting his hand away.
“I’m sorry to disturb sleepy time with lover boy,” he smirked, raising an eyebrow as his gaze shifted to Niall. “But will you come somewhere with me?”
“No.”
“! Please? I want to show you something!”
“Don’t care.”
“It’s really cool, I promise! …I’m not going to leave you alone until you say you’ll come!”
“You’re worse than a child, I swear,” I groaned, moving Niall’s arm from around my waist and trying not to wake him up as I stood up and pulled my Uggs on. “Where are we going then?”
“Come on!” Louis grinned at me, taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine as he pulled me out of the apartment. “Here, put these on…” he stopped and closed the door quietly behind us, handing me a hoody and scarf. I rolled my eyes but did as he said, scoffing when I realised the hoody was about four sizes too big on me. “Okay, come on!” he took my hand again, and I frowned in confusion when I noticed the blankets and pillows he was carrying under his arm.
“Are you planning a campout or something, Lou?” I asked sceptically. “What’s with them?”
“You’ll see,” he giggled, pulling me towards the staircase. We walked up a couple of flights before I stopped, refusing to let him pull me any further when I realised where he was trying to take me.
“Are you taking me to the roof? Louis you know I don’t do well with heights!” I dropped his hand, crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head.
“, c’mon, it’s alright,” he wiggled his fingers at me. “You trust me, don’t you?” he asked with a pout. I sighed loudly, but nodded my head and let him drag me the rest of the way, giggling quietly at the grin on his face when he pulled me through the door leading to the roof. “Wait!” he ordered, dropping my hand a pointing a finger at me, taking a few steps away and spreading the blanket out on the floor, throwing the pillows on top of it before lying down and gesturing for me to come over. “Lie down,” he told me. I did as he said, resting my head on the pillow next to his and turning to look at him questioningly. He didn’t say anything, he just pointed to the sky and I looked up.
“Wow…” I breathed.
“I know,” he grinned, biting his lip and I saw him turn his head to look at me out of the corner of my eye. “You like this star stuff, so I thought I’d bring you up here…”
“It’s amazing,” I murmured, my eyes fixed on the millions of twinkling stars.
“Tell me some of them,” Louis whispered, reaching for my hand. “I know that one though, that one’s the pan,” he pointed, and I giggled at him.
“It’s the Big Dipper, Lou. Or the Saptarshi.”
“Same thing,” he waved a hand dismissively.
“They’re the seven brightest stars of Ursa Major,” I told him, and I saw a look of confusion spread across his face. “It’s another constellation, roughly translated it mean great bear. Look…” I pointed. “That one there is Ursa Minor.”
“Let me guess, little bear?”
“Little Dipper, Louis,” I laughed. “But yes. See that star, the brightest one of Ursa Minor?” I pointed, and he nodded. “That’s Polaris, the north star.”
“Oh! Is that what the wise men followed, to get to Jesus?!”
“Yes,” I tutted, rolling my eyes at him.
“Wow…” he trailed off. “Show me some more? Show me mine! Capricorn!”
“Lou that’s like one of the faintest constellations!” I giggled, narrowing my eyes and staring at the sky. “Do you see those three stars?” I pointed to each separate one. “They kind of look like a triangle? If you follow them, then Capricornus. That’s yours.”
“…Where’s yours?”
“I’m getting you a book of constellations for your birthday,” I told him.
“I’m serious! It’s kind of interesting, I used to think you were a massive geek for being into this stuff but you get so… different, when you talk about it. You’re so passionate about it. … Why aren’t you studying any of this at university?”
“What, constellations?” I raised an eyebrow, turning to face him as he nodded. “The constellation course was all booked up, Lou,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s just a hobby… Trying to make a career out of gazing at stars would just… It’d lose its meaning. I want to do it because I like it, not because I get paid for it. Do you know the myth behind your constellation?”
“Of course I don’t,” he scoffed. “I’m not a swot like you,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling. “…Tell me?”
“It’s supposed to be Amalthea – he was a goat, he nursed Zeus when he was a baby, took care of him after his mother saved him from being killed by Kronos – that’s Zeus’s father, he was supposed to be overthrown by his sons, so he ate all his kids. Apart from Zeus. I love Greek mythology… Oh! See those stars there… That’s my favourite constellation, I love the story behind it. It’s so pretty…” I sighed.
“Yeah… it is,” he agreed quietly, his gaze burning into me as I kept my eyes on the sky. “What is it?”
“It’s Andromeda… She was a princess, but she was chained to a rock as a sacrifice to a sea monster…”
“Oh so the stars are prettier than the story?” Louis snorted.
“No,” I shook my head. “It ended alright. It was her mother’s fault… She thought she was better than she was, she bragged about her own beauty and it pissed Poseidon off-“
“Is that the mythological term then, it pissed Poseidon off?”
“Do you want to hear the story or not?” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he mimed zipping his lips. “It pissed Poseidon off, so to punish the Queen he sent a sea monster, Cetus, to destroy their land. The King, Andromeda’s father, went to the Oracle for help but he was told that it wouldn’t stop until he sacrificed his daughter to the monster, so they chained her naked to a rock. But Perseus-“
“The horse?”
“No, that’s Pegasus!” I groaned. “Perseus was a hero, he killed Medusa, stop interrupting me! Perseus found Andromeda and he killed Cetus, he saved her. They got married, they had nine kids… Seven sons and two daughters. She died, and that’s where she ended up. That’s her now. Or, I like to believe it’s her,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“It’s her,” Louis whispered in agreement, putting his free hand behind his head. “Hey! We should go as them for Halloween! Perseus and Andromeda, when they first met.”
“She was naked and chained to a rock when they first met,” I laughed. “So no, I’m not going as Andromeda. I’m going at Judy Jetson!”
“Lame,” he stuck his tongue out at me and I tutted. We stayed there in silence for a few minutes, just looking at the stars before he gave my hand a squeeze, lifting it to his lips and kissing it, bring it down and resting it on his chest. I could feel his heart beating. “I love you, .” he whispered. I turned my head slightly to look at him, but he was still staring at the sky, a small smile on his face.
“I love you too, Louis.” I whispered back. He turned and smiled at me, before pulling me up.
“Come on, let’s get back before Niall wonders where you’ve gone,” he winked, gathering up the blankets and pillows and leading me back inside.

———-

five.

“Finished, handed in, over, stick a fork in me coz I’m done!” I sighed happily, flopping down on the sofa and closing my eyes.
“…Got your essay in then?” smirked.
“Yes! Last one until Christmas! Woo-hoo!” I cheered, laughing and stealing a chip off her plate. “So tomorrow I’m celebrating in style! Are you coming?”
“With you?” raised an eyebrow and I nodded. “Am I coming, with you, to Simon Cowell’s Halloween party. Hmm… Uh, no.” she chuckled.
“Why not?!” I cried. “Come on ! It’s at some hotel in town, I’m supposed to be sharing with Harry but I’ll make Lou switch with me, they can share and we can have Louis’s room! We’ll have a laugh! I promise, I won’t even try and pair you off with Niall or anything…”
“Well it’d be stupid to try and do that, Louis thinks you’re in love with him after all.”
“Urgh!” I groaned. “I know, could I not have said it was Zayn? He’d never try and get me together with Zayn!” I tutted at myself, putting my feet up on the table in front of me and grabbing the TV remote, settling down to watch Hollyoaks and sighing when I heard my phone ringing loudly. “What?”
“Oh someone’s happy!” Harry laughed on the other end. “Just calling to sort out the plans for tomorrow…? You are still coming, right? Did you persuade ?”
“No,” I mumbled. “She’s having none of it, Haz. Danielle’s still going, right? And her friend Bex? It’ll suck if I’m the only girl!” I told him.
“Yeah, I spoke to Liam before and everything’s still on. So me and Louis will come and pick you up about 1 to go to the hotel, party starts at 7,” he paused, and I heard him talking to someone in the background. “Sorry, Niall wants to know how his girlfriend is,” he chuckled. “Did your costume turn up?”
“Yep! I can’t wait Harry, I tried it on and said it looked good. It’s kinda short, though, so I might wear tights or something.”
“Ripped tights.”
“Why ripped tights?”
“Because it will make the costume look more authentic, duh,” Harry tutted, and I could practically see him rolling his eyes at me.
“, Louis’s at the door for you,” told me as she walked into the living room. I hadn’t even heard anyone knock.
“Oh, hey Harry I gotta go, apparently Louis’s here. So tomorrow at 1?” I stood up from my seat and walked to the door, gesturing for Louis to come inside.
“Yep, tomorrow at 1. Erm… Behave yourself tonight, alright?” he told me, and I could hear the grin in his voice. I didn’t answer, tutting as I ended the call and shoved my phone back in my pocket.
“Hey, Lou,” I smiled. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh I need an excuse to come see you now?” he huffed. “Will you come somewhere with me?”
“What, now? I’m not going on another roof, Tommo.”
“If you call me Tommo again, I’ll push you off a roof,” he grinned at me. “Seriously. Will you come somewhere with me now. It’s a surprise though, so I can’t tell you where we’re going until we get there…”
“Uhm… Yeah, wait here,” I left him stood by the door and went back into the living room, slipping my shoes back on and picked up my coat and scarf from where I’d thrown them on the chair. “I’m going out with Louis, . I’ve got no idea where he’s taking me so if I don’t come home… Call the police?” I joked.
“I resent that!” Louis called.
“You shouldn’t be eavesdropping!” I called back, giggling and grabbing my keys. “See you later .”
“?” she called quietly, and I turned to look at her. “…Be careful, alright?” she told me, and I smiled softly, somewhat flattered by her concern for me. I guess we really were friends. “Have fun!”

***

“Ta-da!”
“…The museum,” I raised my eyebrows at Louis as he revealed his ‘surprise’. “The museum, on a Friday night. …Wow. Party hard, Lou!”
“Don’t be such a sarcastic little bitch, it’s the lowest form of wit!” he laughed. “Come on!”
“It’s closed!”
“It’s closed for people who aren’t in One Direction,” he winked, beckoning for me to follow him down the side of the building. I rolled my eyes and stuffed my hands in my pockets, watching as he pressed his phone to his ear. “Hi, it’s Louis Tomlinson… Yep! Yes, I’m outside now… Okay, that’s great, thank you!” he put his phone back in his pocket and bit his lip, grinning at me. I could see the excitement in his eyes and I was half-dreading what he had up his sleeve – you never knew with him. I opened my mouth to ask him what was going on, but stopped when a door opened in front of us and a tall, blonde man with glasses popped his head out.
“Mr. Tomlinson?” he questioned, looking at Louis.
“Yes!” Louis grinned, putting a hand on my back and pushing me forward. “, this is David Dunn, he’s stayed here late for us, so I could bring you.”
“To a museum,” I raised an eyebrow.
“Very nice to meet you, ,” David held his hand out and I shook it warily. “If you’d follow me, I’ll take you through,” he gestured for us to follow him, and Louis again pushed me forward, falling into step behind me.
“How’d he manage to persuade you to stay late, then?” I asked, looking around and feeling immensely creeped out by the building. Museums were weird enough in the daytime, with hundreds of people milling about the place. At night, when everything was dark… It was worse.
“Ah, Mr. Tomlinson made a few phone calls to the right people,” David chuckled in reply. “And when he offered to throw in a couple of autographs and tickets to his bands next concert in London, I couldn’t refuse. My daughters love him.”
“Your daughters are crazy. No offense!” I added quickly. “But he’s a lunatic.”
“Hey! I can hear you, you know,” he huffed, stepping up beside me and throwing an arm around my shoulders. “And Dave, you can call me Louis!”
“None the less, my daughters have been One Direction fans since they were put together by Simon. Sofia has pictures of the spiky-haired on all over her walls!”
“That’s Zayn,” I giggled. “He has a nice face.”
“Louis here is April’s favourite – she was ecstatic when I gave her the autographs. Although I don’t think she’d be too pleased to find out about his girlfriend!” he laughed.
“Oh I’m not- we’re not- Liam’s my brother,” I stuttered. “It’s not- no.” I shook my head and Louis smirked at me, obviously amused by my ramblings. Why hadn’t he corrected him?! He can be such an arse sometimes!
“David here is in charge of running the planetarium,” he nodded his head at me. “You can thank me anytime.”
“Are you serious?!” I squeaked. “See Lou, this is why you’re my favourite!” I told him, and he laughed quietly. “Wow, so, we get a behind the scenes look at the planetarium, then?”
“Something like that,” David smiled, holding a door open and gesturing for me to go through first. I said a quiet ‘thanks’ to him and stepped through, my hand reaching up and clutching onto Louis’s which was still wrapped around my shoulders. “Louis tells me you’re quite interested in constellations and the stories behind them?”
“Yeah, I am,” I nodded my head. “I was trying to teach him about Andromeda the other week but he kept interrupting me.”
“You finished though!” Louis tutted loudly as David showed us inside the planetarium.
“If you’d like to take a seat and look up at the ceiling…” David trailed off.
“You can do it without the commentary,” Louis told him. “She’ll tell me what they all are!” he jabbed his thumb at me and I tutted, pushing him forward. He laughed and grabbing hold of my hand, pulling me into the seat next to him and putting an arm around my shoulders. The room darkened, and I let out a quiet gasp when the ceiling started twinkling with tiny little lights. “Come on then … teach me.”
“The one you can see now, that’s Cetus…”
“…Cetus. Huh. Isn’t that the sea monster?” Louis turned his head to look at me, and I nodded, letting out a squeal when the next one appeared.
“That’s Perseus!” I pointed.
“Andromeda’s husband,” Louis stated. I was impressed he’d remembered, to be honest. “Tell me about him?”
“The myth, or the constellation?”
“…The constellation, don’t want David kicking us out coz you’re telling me Greek stories!”
“Okay,” I laughed quietly. “It’s brightest star is Alpha Persei, but that’s not it’s most famous star… That title goes to Algol, the Demon Star… It’s supposed to represent the eye of Medusa, you know who Perseus killed? Six of his stars have planets… Oh! This one is Cassiopeia! She was Andromeda’s mother-“
“The one who pissed Poseidon off,” he grinned at me, and I ignored him as I carried on.
“You can usually see her best in November… We’ll have to go star-gazing again in a couple days so I can show you her for real,” I turned my head and smiled at him. “Oh, uhm… wow, I’m not sure about this one… I think it’s Hydra?”
“You’d be correct in thinking that,” David’s voice piped up, and I could tell he was smiling even though I couldn’t see him. “What do you know about Hydra, ?”
“Uhm, it’s the largest of the modern constellations, isn’t it?” I asked nervously, biting my lip.
“Right!” David laughed. “Would you like a job here, ?!”
“I would love a job here,” I chuckled. “It’s all so fascinating…”
“We could use someone who actually knows what they’re talking about working in the planetarium for the public shows. You won’t need any qualifications, you’d just need to turn up on time and answer any questions the public may have. If you’re unsure, the information is easily found on our database…”
“A-Are you serious?” I asked with a stutter. “A job? Here?”
“You’ll have to go through the interview process, of course… But I’ll put in a good word for you,” David told me. “You just have to apply.”
“Uh, yeah, yes I’ll apply!” I laughed, turning round and beaming at Louis.
“See, told you you’re a swot,” Louis whispered, nudging my side and smirking at me. “Hey Dave? Can you show us Andromeda?” Louis called out to him. “And maybe point out that thing I asked you to?” he asked, and Andromeda came twinkling onto the ceiling, one ‘star’ shining brighter than the rest.
“What’s that one?” I asked in confusion.
“That’s the most famous star in the constellation…” Louis whispered in my ear.
“No it’s not,” I frowned.
“It is now,” he giggled, shoving something in my hands. I looked down and read the certificate he’d handed to me, my widening with each bit that I read.
“Y-You named a star after me?” I whispered, staring at him in shock.
“I did,” he smiled at me. “To say sorry for being such a dick with the Rihanna concert and your birthday. Soo… Happy belated birthday, . You’re part of Andromeda now.”

***

“I still can’t believe you named a star after me,” I laughed giddily, reaching over and pinching one of Louis’s chips as we walked the small distance back to my apartment from the tube station.
“I still can’t believe I take you out on this lovely date and you leave with a job!” he laughed, stopping abruptly when he realised what he’d said. “I mean- I didn’t mean- you know.”
“I know,” I whispered. “It’s fine, forget it.” I told him. We walked in silence for a while, until I caught him smirking at me. “…What?”
“Heard from Niall at all?”
“No,” I groaned, rolling my eyes at him. “Lou I told you; we’re just friends, alright? You’re not… Louis don’t you go planning anything for this stupid party tomorrow or I will kill you! You know he’s bringing a date!”
“I know, I know…” he trailed off, defeat in his voice. “I won’t, I promise. What are you going as, anyway?”
“I can’t tell you,” I giggled. “Harry made me promise. Our costumes sort of… match. His idea, not mine. It’s pretty awesome though, I tried mine on before and nearly fell over when she saw how short it was! So, I’m thinking I need to wear tights or leggings or something.” “You and Harry are going… together, then?”
“Sort of, I guess,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Not together, together, obviously. But I’m sharing the room with him so he figured we’d get there together, yeah. I can’t wait for you to see our costumes!”
“Huh,” Louis scoffed, staring down at the Starbucks cup in his hand.
“…What?” I asked curiously as we stepped into my apartment building. “What is it, Lou?”
“I… No, it doesn’t matter, you’ll get mad,” he shook his head, sighing. “I’ll see you tomorrow, night .”
“No, Lou, wait,” I grabbed hold of his arm. “What’s wrong? Look… Come inside and we’ll talk,” I smiled, unlocking the door and walking into my apartment. Louis hesitated in the doorway for a few seconds and shook his head. “Louis.”
“I think I’m best staying here in case you attack me for what I’m about to ask,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “, I’m being really serious now, I know I’ve teased you about it before, but… I want an honest answer. Have you slept with Harry?”
“What?” I laughed, before realising he actually was serious. “Uhm, no. No, Louis, I haven’t.”
“And there’s… I mean, what are you two, exactly?”
“Friends?”
“Just friends?”
“Yes, just friends,” I rolled my eyes, hanging my jacket up.
“Like we’re just friends?” he bit his lip as he looked at me, and I nodded my head. “Like you and Niall are just friends?”
“Me and Niall are just friends,” I tutted at him.
“But you have these… feelings for him,” Louis watched, trying to gauge my reaction. “Do you have those kinds of feelings for anyone else… Say… For Harry?” he asked, and I scoffed. Loudly. “…I’ll take that as a no?”
“Yes, you can take that as a no.”
“Can I… Do you mind if… It’s kind of a weird question but did you ever… These feelings for Niall, did you ever have them for… y’know… me?” he asked quietly, and I couldn’t work out whether it was hope or disgust I heard in his voice. I’m leaning towards disgust.
“Wha- n-no. No. We’re friends Lou! It was- I mean you know about the little crush I had on you, but that was- it was a while ago. It was a crush. It was nothing,” I shrugged my shoulders, acting as nonchalant as possible when I heard let out a loud ‘HA!’ in the front room. She was obviously listening in the nosy little cow!
“Nothing, right. Just checking,” Louis laughed quietly. “I’m er, I’m gonna go, so I don’t get back too late. Need my beauty sleep!”
“Huh. Beauty sleep? You realise the party’s tomorrow, right? How long do you plan on sleeping for?” I raised an eyebrow, grinning as his mouth fell open in shock.
“You’re mean!” he laughed, hugging me tightly and pressing his lips to my cheek. “See you tomorrow, !”
“Yeah… See you tomorrow, Louis.”

———-

six.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
“Positive. I’ll feel like a third… well… a ninth wheel… I’ll just feel like a spare part!”
“You can have my date and I’ll go with Louis!” I suggested, but laughed and shook her head, telling me to go and have fun. I leaned over in my seat, wrapping an arm around her neck and hugging her. “Thanks for the lift !” I smiled, jumping slightly when the car door was yanked open.
“!”
“Hey, Harry,” she giggled at him as he dived over me and attacked her with hugs. “Will you get off me Curly, I have a reputation to uphold! I doubt my parents would like it if they saw me plastered across a gossip magazine!”
“Yeah, and you’re squishing me you big oaf!” I huffed, pulling on his hair to get him out of the car. He laughed and crawled out, helping me stand up and pulling my small suitcase out of the backseat. “Thanks again , and I’m sorry about this fool.”
“It’s fine,” she chuckled. “Have fun guys, let me know if you want me to pick you up?”
“She won’t, I’ll bring her back… Well. I’ll make Louis bring her back. See ya !” Harry called, waving as she pulled away from the curb. “ you want to see our room, it’s AMAZING! I fluttered my eyelashes at Simon and he forked out for a bit more and got us a better room, it’s so awesome! The others have claimed it as their own though…”
“The others are here already?” I asked, allowing him to take my hand and pull me towards the lifts. My eyes widened as I took in the lobby of the May Fair Hotel. “Wow.”
“Wait till we get upstairs!” he giggled, pulling me inside the lift. “And yeah, the we’ve been here for ages waiting for you!”
“I know, I’m sorry!” I tutted. “I know we said 1, but I woke up late and had shit loads to do… I had a late night!”
“Funny that, so did Louis,” Harry smirked. “Where did you go anyway? He came strolling in, ignored me when I asked if he’d had a nice time and went right into his room. Ignored me this morning as well, fucker.”
“He asked me if I had feelings for him last night.”
“WHAT?!” Harry stuttered, his eyes widening. “What did you say?!”
“Uhm, I denied it?” I laughed.
“What?! Why?! that was the perfect opportunity for you to go ‘yes Louis I’m madly in love with you, let’s get married and have lots of sex and babies’!”
“Err,” I raised an eyebrow at Harry. “I think he’d run if I said that. It wasn’t- I don’t know, he seemed to get arsey when I told him me and you were going to the party together-” Harry interrupted me with a snort of laughter. “He started going on about my ‘feelings’ for Niall, he asked if I’d ever had those feelings for you or for him… I just denied it all!”
“Hmm.”
“Oh, he asked if I’d slept with you, too.”
“And? What did you say?”
“What do you think I said?!” I laughed. “I told him the truth, I said no!”
“Shoulda told him we had, would’ve been funny,” Harry shrugged his shoulders. “He might have gone purple and his head might have exploded.”
“He might have told Liam.”
“…So we’ll just stick with the truth, then,” Harry coughed, and I laughed at how scared he was of my brother. “Go on,” he pushed me out of the lift and pointed further down the hall. “We’re in the one at the end, on the left.”
“I’m gonna need to start getting ready like, right now you know? So I’m kicking everyone out,” I told him, stopping in front of the door and waiting for him to open it. He rolled his eyes at me and muttered something about girls taking ages, before swiping the key-card and pushing the door open. “Hey guys!” I stepped into the room, my mouth falling open as I looked around. “Wow…”
“I know,” Louis narrowed his eyes, frowning at me. “It’s amazing what Harry will do, considering you two are just friends.”
“Oh have you saved up all your bitchiness for ?” Harry scoffed, raising an eyebrow at him. “Think we’re gonna bang or something?”
“I’d appreciate it if neither of you spoke about her like that,” Liam frowned at them, and they immediately shut up. I let out a soft laugh and threw my arms around my brother, hugging him tightly. “Looking forward to tonight? Danielle can’t wait to see you, she had to go back to our room to start getting ready though.”
“I can’t wait! Tell her I would have been here sooner, but I overslept this morning and had loads to do… And because Harry didn’t actually tell me to get here until 4, the wanker. I’ll come to your room when I’m ready though, I have vodka! Or she can come up here, whichever… Is Bex still coming?”
“Course she is. She’s staying with me,” Zayn grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Ew,” I mumbled, zipping open my suitcase and pulling out my toiletries bag.
“Jesus how long you planning on staying here?!” Niall chuckled.
“I’m a girl, I need my essentials,” I grinned, looking up at him. “If any of you need to pee, I suggest you go now because I want to start getting ready, and I intend to hog the bathroom…”
“You can’t hog the bathroom, I need a shower too!” Harry whined.
“I’m a girl, it’s expected of me to hog the bathroom,” I scoffed, sticking my tongue out at him and walking into the bathroom, staring at the shower in confusion. “Uhm, Harry? How the fuck am I meant to work this thing?!” I called, and I heard him laugh as he walked in, shutting the door over.
“He likes you!” he whispered, reaching past me and turning the dial on the shower, the water bursting out of the head.
“What, who?”
“Louis! …Don’t give me that look , he does otherwise why else would he be so arsey about who you go with to some stupid party?!” he rolled his eyes at me. “You can believe what you like but I think he’s realising how he actually feels about you… fucking took him long enough,” he muttered. “And he thinks you love Niall, HA!”
“Shut up!” I hissed, elbowing him and glancing through the gap in the door, seeing Louis peering towards us curiously. “Those fucking glasses Haz,” I groaned. “I can’t cope when he wears those things, I just want to pounce, ugh. Make him take them off!”
“Oh yeah,” Harry scoffed. “Sure, I’ll just walk up to him and be all, ‘oh hey sorry Lou, you need to take those glasses off your face before orgasms at the sight of you’. Coz that won’t raise any eyebrows at all.”
“Get out!” I tutted, pulling the door open wide and pushing him out. “Liam! He’s being pervy!”
“Liar!” Harry gasped. “You’re the one who got me in there under the false pretence of acting like you didn’t know how to work the shower! Mate, she’s trying to seduce me, I swear.”
“I’m going back to my room, I wanna have a sleep before the party,” Louis sighed, pulling himself up off the chair and walking straight past the bathroom, not even glancing at me as I called goodbye to him. He walked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him.
“The fuck’s up his nose?” Niall laughed.
“He’s jealous coz he thinks me and are doing… erm, having relations,” Harry smiled innocently, glancing towards my brother who rolled his eyes.
“…And on that note, I’m getting in the shower,” I laughed, closing and locking the bathroom door. The shower was like heaven, I swear. I didn’t want to get out of it but, alas, after forty minutes I couldn’t justify spending any longer in there. I turned it off, stepping out of the massive cubicle and wrapping one of the fluffy white towels around myself, grabbing another to dry my hair with.
“Took you long enough, I need a piss!” Zayn groaned when I left the bathroom.
“Erm, go piss in your room?” I raised an eyebrow.
“What, and miss you walking out wearing a towel? I don’t think so! Nice legs, babes,” he shot me a wink, dodging the pillow Liam threw at him before diving into the bathroom.
“Where did Niall go?” I asking, searching through my suitcase for my pyjamas.
“ will you put some fucking clothes on please?!” Liam snapped at me.
“It’s only Harry!” I laughed. “He doesn’t mind!”
“I’m sure he doesn’t mind!” he glared at me. “But I don’t particularly like you parading around in front of my friends in a towel! Get. Dressed.”
“Alright Grandad,” I rolled my eyes at him, pushing past Zayn as he left the bathroom. I discarded the towel on the bathroom floor, quickly pulling my red and white Elmo pyjamas on. I heard Zayn shout goodbye to me, and I shouted goodbye back as I pulled the door open.
“FYI,” he grinned at me, stopping himself from closing door as he looked me up and down. “I’m not sure Liam will like you parading around in that either. Good job he’s gone, hmm?”
“What? I’m clothed,” I pointed to the short-sleeved pyjama top and shorts. “His opinion is invalid!” I waved a hand dismissively at him and he laughed as he pulled the door shut behind him. “Bathroom’s all yours Haz!” I grinned.
“Finally,” he rolled his eyes, but didn’t move from where he was lying on the bed. “Y’know, if we get drunk again tonight-“
“When we get drunk again tonight,” I corrected.
“Well, yeah. When we get drunk again tonight, I don’t mind giving you a repeat performance of after the Rihanna concert…”
“I’m sure you don’t,” I laughed. “Because you’re a pervert. Now fuck off in the bathroom and let me dry my hair in peace.”

***

“Holy fucking shit you look amazing!” I squealed, looking Danielle up and down as I opened the door and laughing when I saw Liam with his fake moustache. “You both look great, oh my God!” I giggled. Danielle was dressed a gangsters moll, her short, pleated white skirt making her legs look even longer and darker than they normally were. Liam, of course, was dressed as a gangster, complete with fake moustache and plastic gun.
“Us, look at you!” Danielle giggled at me. “What’s Harry- oh my God you match each other, how cute is that?!” she grinned when Harry stepped up behind me and flung an arm over my shoulders. I looked down at myself and grinned. I did love our costumes…
Harry was wearing dark blue jeans, he’d put some rips in them and dotted fake blood in random spots. His hockey jersey was black and red, with VOORHEES printed on the back of the it and he had a hockey mask dangling from his fingers.
I was wearing the same hockey jersey, also with ‘Voorhees’ printed on the back in giant white letter, only mine was a dress. I had opaque black tights on, with holes in and ladders running up them. My hockey mask, however, was in the form of a bag and I adored it. It’s what made me choose the costume. Yes, myself and Harry were going dressed as Jason and Miss Voorhees, from the Friday the 13th films.
“It’s a bit short isn’t it?” Liam frowned, eyeing my dress up.
“Love the ‘tache mate, very you,” Harry nodded at him, trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.
“Ignore him, I like it!” I told my brother. “Are we going now? Are the others here yet? I’m dying to see what they’re wearing!”
“Bex and Zayn are there already,” Danielle linked her arm through mind. “They match too, he’s Virgil and she’s Lady Penelope. I was worried me and Liam would look like an old married couple because we’re matching, but everyone else is too!”
“Who the hell are Virgil and Lady Penelope?”
“…From Thunderbirds?”
“Oh I never watched Thunderbirds. Do we know what Niall and Louis are going as?” I asked as we walked towards the lift, leaving Harry and Liam to lock the hotel room and follow us on. Danielle shook her head at me and I sighed. I loved Halloween! Seeing everyone dressed up in stupid costumes made my entire year! We got into the lift and, seeing as neither Danielle or myself had any idea at all where the party actually was, we left Harry and Liam walk ahead once the lift reached the lobby. “Hey where are you going?” I asked in confusion as they lead us towards the exit.
“Oh fuck! I forgot to tell you!” Harry stopped walking, slapping his forehead and tutting to himself. “Simon changed the venue, it’s at Whiskey Mist now… It’s not far, don’t worry. There’s a car waiting for the four of us, Louis’s coming with Niall and Millie.” he explained. I assumed Millie was Niall’s date. “Sorry … I know you’re not fond of photographers…” he sighed, rubbing my back soothingly as I sighed.
“No, it’s fine. They’re not there for me, it’s alright,” I shrugged my shoulders, clinging on to Danielle’s arm as we stepped outside, only to be blinded by the flashed. Danielle let out a little shriek and let go of me, grabbing hold of Liam’s hand.
“Come on,” Harry put his arm around my shoulders. “Just keep your head down,” he whispered. I fucking hated this part. I know it’s part of Harry and Liam’s lives now, but I still hated it. I heard a car door open and looked up, Harry gesturing for me to climb in first, which I did. He followed me inside and we waited for a while, Liam and Danielle posing for pictures outside. “Oi! Are you two fuckers coming or what?!” Harry called out of the open door. Danielle laughed quietly at him, tugging on Liam’s hand and leading him towards the car. He closed the door after him and told the driver to leave.
It was only a short journey, and I was immediately dreading getting out and facing more cameras.
“…Liam, why don’t you and Harry go first, hmm?” Danielle smiled sweetly at him. “Give me and some space to actually move!” she winked at me. Liam smiled, kissing her on the cheek and telling Harry to get out of the car before he followed.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Danielle, waiting a couple of minutes after the boys left before we climbed out.
“It’s okay, it’s pretty daunting to me as well,” she admitted, taking hold of my hand as we walked past the photographers. They were still too busy taking pictures of the boys to notice us, so we walked right inside and straight over to the bar.
“Jesus what’s with you flaunting your legs lately?!” Zayn laughed from behind me and grinned, turning round to look at him and laughing when I saw his costume.
“Only you could make a Thunderbird look sexy, Malik.”
“You know it!” he winked.
“!”
“Hey Bex!” I squealed, throwing my arms around the blonde girl. “You look great!”
“So do you!” she laughed. “You and Harry match, I see?” she raised her eyebrows questioningly, glancing over at the door as Harry and Liam walked through.
“So do you and Zayn,” I smirked.
“Yeah but I’ve never denied that Zayn’s fit,” she shrugged her shoulders, grinning when Zayn slipped an arm around her waist. “You, on the other hand, always claim you and Harry are nothing more than friends. And what’s this I hear about you being in love with Niall?!”
“What?!” I coughed. “Who told you that? Wait, I don’t even need to ask. It was Louis. Arse. I’m not in love with Niall. Crossed wires, is all…” I waved a hand dismissively, happily accepting the drink Danielle passed to me.
“Come on, I got us a booth,” Liam told us, slipping his hand into Danielle’s and leading us towards the back of the club. It was still pretty early, only around half 9, but it was busy enough. I slid into the booth next to Harry, sitting on the end as my eyes scanning the room and stopping on one woman in particular. Harry followed my gaze and groaned loudly when he spotted who I was staring at.
Cheryl Cole.
“ don’t fucking make a show of us alright?!” he chuckled in my ear. “I’ll introduce you later if you promise not to act like a-” he stopped talking, interrupting my Zayn’s loud laughter as he pointed towards the entrance. We followed his gaze, each one of us laughing when we saw what had caused Zayn’s hysterics.
Niall.
Dressed as Barney Rubble.
The short brunette next to him, who I guessed was Millie, was dressed as Betty Rubble. Huh, they match, too. My laughter stopped in my throat when Louis stepped in behind them.
Jack fucking Sparrow.
He was going to kill me, I swear to God.
“He looks so… ugh!” I hissed at Harry. “Why does he do this to me?! Arsehole!”
“He doesn’t do it on purpose, you’re too chicken shit to tell him you’re in love with him so how does he know what he does to you?!” Harry laughed. “OI! CAPTAIN JACK! OVER HERE!” he hollered. Louis’s head snapped in our direction and I saw his eyes widen, before he shook his head and smiled, making his way over to us with Niall and Millie behind us.
“Hey guys!” Louis smiled happily, gesturing for me to move up. I scooted up as close to Harry as possibly, making just enough room for Louis to sit down. He put an arm around me, pulling me into a side-hug and kissing my temple.
“Guys, this is Millie,” Niall grinned. “Millie, this is the guys… And their girls. This is Danielle, Bex, and that’s . She’s-“
“Liam’s sister, I know,” Millie smiled. “It’s really nice to meet you all! Niall talks about you all the time!” she bit her lip and I could tell she was nervous. I don’t blame her – if I wasn’t Liam’s sister I would have been shit scared the first time I met the boys. I smiled over at her, she seemed really nice and Niall obviously liked her – the grin hadn’t left his face since he’d walked in and he kept stealing little glances at her, like she did with him. Adorable. Louis smirked and turned his head to me.
“I’ve been in the car with them , don’t worry, she’s not a patch on you. At all.” he whispered in my ear, nodding towards Millie. I bit my lip to keep from grinning.
“Thanks, Lou.”
“Lou?” He scoffed. “It’s Captain, Captain Lou!”
“Oh, sorry, Captain!” I laughed. “You look good, by the way. Loving the eyeliner!”
“Guyliner, please, . It sounds less gay,” he grinned at me, his hand resting on my knee. “You look amazing… Although I’m surprised Liam let you out. It’s a bit short, isn’t it?”
“That exactly what he said!” I tutted, rolling my eyes. “I’m 18 now, I’m allowed to wear short dresses y’know! Especially on Halloween! Besides, I’m wearing tights, see? Dani’s skirt is way shorter and she’s not wearing tights!”
“Dani’s allowed, she’s my girlfriend,” Liam stuck his tongue out at me, overhearing our conversation.
“Aren’t you supposed to go and mingle? Being celebrities and all?” I asked him, ignoring his comment. “That’s code for ‘fuck off Liam, you’re annoying me already’.”
“HA!” Louis snorted. “Come on , let’s go and dance… Harry you don’t mind if I steal your date, do you?”
“No problem man,” Harry waved a hand dismissively. Charming.
“Just until mine gets here, obviously,” Louis smiled, stepping out of the booth and holding his hand out to me. I reached out to take it, stopping when I realised what he’d said and looking at him in confusion. I dropped my hand and cocked my head to the side. “…What?”
“You have a date too?”
“Oh, uhm, yeah…” he trailed off, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I just figured, y’know, everyone else has one so I should bring someone, too. She’ll be here soon, hopefully. She was pissed when I called her though, because of how we ended things and-“
“?” Harry scoffed. “‘s your date. Nice, Louis. Real nice. I’m sure Simon would love to meet her.”
“There’s nothing wrong with her,” Louis frowned. “Simon doesn’t like it when we date anyone, you and Liam only get away with it because you’re the golden boys! Of course it helps that everyone thinks you’re fucking Liam’s sister!” he hissed, and my head snapped up to look at him as Danielle and Bex gasped. He closed his eyes, obviously realising he’d completely said the wrong thing.
“Excuse me,” I mumbled, pushing past him as I left the booth and looked around for the toilets. I could feel the tears already forming in my eyes, damn that stupid vodka me and Harry had finished at the hotel. I’m hardly even drunk and I’m already emotional, urgh.
“-“
“You, leave her!” I heard Danielle snap at him. “Don’t you dare even talk to her, that was so out of order, Louis. I’m gonna go after her.”
“Thanks, babe,” Liam sighed. I heard Danielle walk up behind and link her arm through mine.
“Lost?” she asked.
“Toilets,” I whispered. She nodded and we walked past the bar, down a few stairs and she pushing open a heavy door, gesturing for me to go first. Urgh, even the toilets in this place were amazing. I walked over to the mirrors, balancing my bag on the sink, my hands shaking slightly as I fumbled with the zip. I could feel Danielle staring at me curiously, but I ignored her and pulled out my mascara. As if I needed to put more on. I just needed something to do, or I was going to march back out there and wrap my hands around Louis’s throat.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Danielle asked. “I knew you had something for one of them – I mean, between Harry and Louis. I always assumed it was Harry, because you’re together a lot. But it’s not, is it? It’s Louis.”
“Mhmm.” I mumbled in reply.
“How long, ?”
“Oh, I don’t know. From the second he got out of the car before they went to judge’s houses?” I laughed weakly, and I saw Danielle wince. “I know, I’m pathetic. I should get over it. I’ve tried, though. I get so far and I really think I don’t love him anymore and then he does something so sweet like naming a fucking star after me and I go right back to square one!”
“You love him?” she asked in shock. Shit. “I just thought it was a little crush…”
“It was,” I shrugged my shoulders. “At the start, because he had Hannah and I liked her. I wasn’t jealous or anything when they were together because, well, how can anyone be jealous when the girl is as lovely as Hannah was? So I just left it and me and Harry got close… Then he ended things with Hannah and, I don’t know. Maybe I should have told him then. We weren’t as close then, you know? And I didn’t feel so strongly, so if I’d have told him, and he wouldn’t have felt the same I would have been able to get over it. But now… If I tell him now, Dan, if he finds out… I’ll lose him altogether, I know I will. And there’s no way I’ll get over that,” I shook my head, sniffing back the tears. Danielle sighed loudly and wrapped her arms around me.
“You’ll never lose him,” she whispered in my ear. “Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he loves you too much to let you go completely. And, wait a second, he named a star after you?” she pulled back and raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded, reaching up to wipe my eyes.
“…” Louis called quietly from the doorway. I looked over at him, tutting when I saw he had his eyes screwed shut. How long had he been stood there for?! “Am I okay to look? No one’s naked? Peeing?”
“No, Louis, no one’s naked. Or peeing,” Danielle told him. He breathed a sigh of relief, his eyes landing on me when he opened them, his face falling.
“I made you cry,” he muttered, stepping inside the bathroom and letting the door close behind him.
“I’m fine,” I smiled weakly, turning my back on him and stuffing everything back in my hockey-mask bag.
“I’m sorry , you know I don’t think before I open my mouth,” he apologised quickly. “I didn’t mean it, I know there’s nothing going on with you and him – even if there was, it’s none of my business so I still shouldn’t have said what I did. I was just angry, I lashed out at him and you got caught up in it because I’m a twat. I’m sorry…”
“You said that already,” Danielle told him, and I stifled a laugh.
“I think Liam might stab me in the neck if you don’t go out there smiling, …”
“I’m fine, Louis. Honestly. here yet?” I changed the subject.
“Uhm, no, not yet… Come and dance, . I’ll buy you a drink?”
“The drinks are free,” I scoffed. “I don’t really feel like being your back-up until gets here,” I told him, grabbing hold of my bag and walking past him, ignoring his confused stare. “So excuse me whilst I go and fuck Harry some more.”

***

“He keeps staring,” Zayn whispered drunkenly in my ear. We’d been at the party for roughly two hours now and, after realising I was probably making a show of myself dancing like I thought I was part of the Pussycat Dolls, I’d decided to sit down. I had no idea where Danielle and Liam had disappeared – I didn’t really want to know. Niall and Millie were being all cute out on the dance floor. had shown up about an hour ago – dressed as a fucking prom queen, I mean it’s not even a proper costume! She’d obviously just thrown on something she already owned and stuck a plastic crown on her head! It’s like, seriously bitch? You’re coming to Simon Cowell’s Halloween party and you can’t even be bothered to dress up properly! Urgh.
…I digress. As soon as she’d turned up, she’d dragged Louis on to the dance floor and they’d been there ever since, but neither of them looked they were having a good time.
…Not that I was watching them or anything.
“Let him stare.”
“You’re drunk,” Zayn giggled.
“You laugh like a girl,” I scoffed, and Bex snorted as she took a sip of her drink. “Oh where did Harry goooo?” I whined. “He’s the only singleton like me, he needs to come back and bring me more vodka!” I huffed, glancing over at Bex and seeing her tapping her feet in time to the music. “…You two can go and dance you know, I’m not going to top myself or anything. I shall be miserable alone until Harry gets back.”
“…You sure?” Bex bit her lip. I nodded my head and she grabbed Zayn’s hand, hauling him up and pulling him away to dance. I watched them for a couple of minutes, glancing round every so often and trying to spot Harry. Where the hell was he?!
“Hey,” Louis whispered, slipping into the booth next to me. I turned my head to face him, looking around for . “She’s gone. Wasn’t having a good time, said I was being miserable. Got her knickers in a twist coz I kept looking to see if you were alright. Where’s Harry?”
“Dunno,” I shrugged my shoulders, stirring my vodka and coke with a straw. “He wondered off like twenty minutes ago to go and get us drinks, hasn’t been back since.”
“Hey!” Louis called, waving over a passing server. “Hi, can I get a bottle of Corona and a… what are you drinking?”
“Vodka diet coke,” I gave the waiter/server/barman/whatever my best smile. “A large one, please.”
“Sure thing, I’ll be right back,” he smiled, nodding at Louis and walking towards the bar.
“You’re 18 you know, you don’t have to flirt to get drinks anymore,” Louis scoffed.
“Maybe I like flirting!” I shot back at him. “Y’know, seeing as I’m such a big whore and all.”
“I never called you a whore, ,” he frowned. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I don’t think that about you, I could never think that about you. I’ve said sorry, I told you I didn’t mean it, what more do you want? Blood? I could grovel, if that’ll work. Another star, maybe? This time part of Perseus?” he nudged me with his elbow and I bit my lip, trying to hide my smile. “Careful, your face might crack!”
“Shut up!” I tutted, elbowing him and letting my eyes drift over to the dance floor. Louis followed my gaze and sighed quietly.
“Niall,” he mumbled. “Are you jealous coz he’s here with Millie? I told you, she’s got nothing on you and-“
“It’s not Niall,” I mumbled.
“What?” he asked, leaning closer to me as our drinks were placed in front of us.
“I said, it’s not Niall. It’s never been Niall, Louis. I’ve never had any kind of feelings for him at all. I just… it was easier to let you think it was him, that’s all.”
“…Oh,” Louis looked at me in confusion, holding the bottle in his hands. “You might wanna tell him that, I’ve been dropping hints like crazy since you told me it was him.”
“He knows.”
“Oh.”
“Liam and Zayn know, too.”
“Ah,” he nodded in understanding. “So, it’s Harry, then? That’s why you told me it was Niall, you couldn’t actually admit it with him stood there could you.”
“It’s not Harry, it’s you,” I mumbled, the music seeming to get louder around us. How could he be so fucking dense?!
“What?” he leaned in closer. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”
“Nothing, yeah, it’s Harry,” I shrugged.
“What’s me?!” Harry asked, grinning as he stumbled into the booth and slid a drink towards me, glancing at the other glass in front of me. “…Oh. Where did you get that?”
“Lou,” I jabbed a thumb at him.
“Ooh,” Harry wiggled his eyebrows and I groaned inwardly. He was clearly drunk, this was going to be both amusing and humiliating if he couldn’t keep his trap shut. “Trying to get her drunk mate?! Gonna seduce her are you?! ‘Bout time you fuckin’ realised you’re in love with her!”
“Harry!” I hissed at him. “Sorry Louis, he’s obviously had too much to drink! Where the hell have you been Hazza?!”
“I know, I’ve been ages sorry, I pulled someone!” he giggled, his eyes twinkling as I laughed quietly. “She’s fit as well, you’d like her! Her names Lauren! …Laura. …Lydia? LILY! Lily, her name is Lily! Like the flower! …Or maybe it was Rose?” he looked at me in confusion. “What was her name, ?”
“How the fuck am I meant to know?” I laughed in amusement. “I didn’t meet the girl! Did you get her number?”
“No, she went for a piss and she was gonna meet me back at the bar so- ah fuck!” his eyes widened as he realised he was sat down, and he scrambled out of the booth, rushing back over to the bar as I laughed loudly.
“You’re a good actress,” Louis told me and I jumped, forgetting he was there. “Pretending like it doesn’t bother you when he goes off with other girls.”
“Meh…” I shrugged.
“…I’m not in love with you ,” he sighed.
“I know,” I whispered, feeling a stabbing pain in my chest. “I told you, ignore him. He’s drunk, you know how he is. Excuse me, I want to go and find Liam,” I quickly downed the drink Louis had gotten and grabbed the one Harry had left for me, sliding out of the booth and going in search of my brother and his girlfriend.
The next few hours were spent avoiding Louis and dancing with anyone and everyone I could find – including Harry’s new lady friend, who was actually called Andi. It was close to 4am when we finally left – minus Niall and Millie, who’d left an hour or so earlier – with Liam making a quick stop to say goodbye to Simon who – in my drunken state – looked like he needed a hug. So I hugged him, much to his amusement and Liam’s embarrassment.
“Bye Si!” I called, waving over my shoulder and lacing my fingers through Harry’s as we made our way to the exit.
“ you can’t refer to him as ‘Si’!” Liam hissed.
“Just did, didn’t I? What’chu gonna do about it?” I asked. Danielle and Bex giggled at me, Zayn and harry sniggering as Liam sighed in frustration. “Don’t be such a misery arse!”
“You’re never coming out with me again!” he groaned when I let out a loud squeal as the flashes started going off as soon as we stepped outside.
“You alright?” Louis asked quietly, placing his hand on the small of my back. I jumped and pulled away from him, shooting him a glare and stepping closer to Harry.
“I am fine, thank you. Please do not touch me.”
“-“
“I just said I’m fine!” I snapped at him.
“…Right, okay, Harry and , you go with Zayn and Bex. Louis, you come with us,” Danielle stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. Letting Bex and Zayn climb into the car first, I saw Louis hesitate out of the corner of my eye, glancing between me and Harry. “She’s drunk Louis, that’s all. She’ll be fine, Harry won’t let anything happen to her.” she told him. He sighed, and nodded his head as he followed them to the second car. The car ride was spent with me almost falling asleep on Harry’s shoulder and he practically had to carry me out once we got back to the hotel. We waited for the others before going up to our room, but Danielle and Liam were on a different floor anyway.
I stepped into the lift behind Harry, avoiding Louis’s stare as he kept his eyes on us both.
“You two are sharing, right? Same floor as me and ?” Harry asked Zayn and Bex, who nodded. “Aww,” he smirked at Louis. “Forever alone, huh Louis?”
“Just press the damn button, Harry,” he mumbled, reaching past him and hitting out floor number.
“Don’t get your pants in a twist just coz knocked you back,” he scoffed. “Shame really…” he sighed, the lift pinging as we got to our floor. “Coz if you were actually decent enough she might have been going back with you and I could have brought Lily back with me…”
“Andi,” I corrected him.
“Right, Andi. That’s what I said!”
“Don’t start, Harry,” I mumbled, letting Zayn and Bex step past us as they walked towards their room, Bex swiping the key card to get in. “Goodnight, Louis,” I smiled weakly at him, seeing the anger in his eyes as he glared at Harry. He ignored me and took a step towards his friend.
“You really are a dick, you know that?!” he snapped, and Harry’s eyes widened. “You can’t see what’s right in front of you – what you’ve wanted ever since I’ve fucking known you – you just ignore it and it’s killing her and you’re such-“
“I can’t see what’s right in front of me?!” Harry laughed coldly. “Wrong, again, Louis! Open your damn eyes and realise that this isn’t about me! You’re so fucking insecure, you only showed an interest when you thought I was fucking her and-“
“DON’T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT!” Louis shouted, shoving him backwards. I let out a yelp as Harry ripped his hand from mine and pointed a finger at Louis.
“Double standards mate? I can’t talk about her like that, but you can? I know more about her, I care more about her than you ever will-“
“Then why do you keep fucking her about?!” Louis grabbed hold of Harry’s shirt, shoving him against the wall.
“Stop it!” I hissed at them. “Both of you, stop! ZAYN!” I called, quickly knocking on his door. He opened it minus his shirt, his face creased in confusion. “Zayn I don’t know what’s happened, they’re both drunk and they’re shouting at each other and- Louis STOP it!” I squeaked, grabbing his other arm and trying to pull him away.
“You don’t know how lucky you are,” he muttered to Harry. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, that ever will happen to you and you don’t even care.”
“I don’t care?! I fucking love her you idiot, she’s my best friend and I hate knowing that there’s something I can’t fix because she’s in love with someone who doesn’t even deserve her friendship!”
“Yeah well, you said it, not me,” Louis scoffed, letting go of him as Zayn pulled him away. “I’m fine, get off me,” he shrugged Zayn off and I glared at him, stepping past him to get to Harry who was rubbing the back of his head.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he mumbled.
“You can’t help yourself can you ?!” Louis laughed coldly, and I turned to stare at him angrily. “You go running back to him all the fucking time, letting him treat you this way and-“
“IT’S NOT HIM!” I shouted.
“,” Harry put a hand on my arm, his eyes wide as he shook his head. “You’re drunk, don’t-“
“What, it’s not him either? It’s not Niall? Is it Zayn this time?” Louis rolled his eyes.
“No! It’s not Harry, it’s not Niall, it’s not fucking Zayn!” I hissed. It was bad, I knew what I was about to say could potentially destroy it all but I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol or the anger over the way he’d treated Harry that was fuelling me on, but I was going to say it. He needed to know, even if I was going to regret it later – which I was pretty damn sure I would. “It’s none of them. It’s you. I’m in love with you.”

———-

seven.

I don’t remember leaving the hotel, but somehow I found myself outside, my legs crossed and my head in my hands as I sat on a bench. I did it. I told him.
And I ran.
I hadn’t given anyone a chance to say anything or try and stop me, I just pushed past Harry and I ran. I’m a fucking idiot. I blame the vodka. I looked down when I felt something wet land on my leg, and it was only then I realised I was crying. I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand and smudging my eyeliner and mascara everywhere. I must look like a weirdo, sat outside at four in the morning crying.
“…I don’t know, Louis, I’m round the corner from the hotel…”
I froze when I heard Harry’s voice. Oh, God, please don’t let them see me like this.
“I don’t know! I’ve looked everywhere I can think of and- NO! No, you stay there! No! Because if she sees you then she’ll run again and- Louis I don’t give a shit, just let me find her alright?! And don’t tell Liam, we don’t want him killing anyone… Namely, you and me for letting her run off… I will. I know you’re sorry, Louis, just… you can talk to her when I find her. Lou… I-I promised her that she wouldn’t lose you when she told you how she felt… Please don’t make me break that promise… I know, I know you do but I just-” he stopped talking, and the footsteps I could hear stopped behind me. “I’ve found her,” he mumbled. “I will. Yes, I will, Louis. Lou- Louis! I’m hanging up now!” he grumbled, moving round the bench and taking the seat next to me. “…He’s worried sick about you,” he told me quietly.
I stayed silent, refusing to look at him. “. Come back, alright? It’s freezing out here.”
“Does he hate me?” I asked quietly, and Harry sighed next to me.
“Of course he doesn’t hate you . He loves you, he was pacing round his room when I left. Zayn had to sit on him to stop him from running out to try and find you!”
“I can’t go back Harry,” I whispered pathetically, “I don’t want to see him, I can’t see him when I’m like this!”
“Then you won’t,” Harry put an arm around my waist and pulled me into a standing position, “But you are coming back with me. It’s too cold to stay out here. You don’t have to see Louis if you don’t want to. We’ll just go straight to our room and lock the door, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay. Good. Come on,” he kept his arm around my waist and guided me back to the hotel, where I cleaned my make-up off and got changed into my pyjamas, stealing one of Harry’s hoodies before I climbed into bed and cuddled up to him.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I remember was opening my eyes when I heard hushed, but angry, voices coming from the door.
“Please Harry! I just want to see that she’s-“
“She’s fine, I told you she’s fine. She’s sleeping and she doesn’t want to see you! She… She thinks you’re going to hate her. Please, just let her sleep and I swear I’ll make her talk to you tomorrow-“
“You’ll make her talk to me? What, she doesn’t want to speak to me at all?”
“Of course she does, she’s just embarrassed and-“
“Harry?” I called sleepily, throwing the covers back and standing up. “Come back to bed, I’m cold…” I told him, and I heard him sigh loudly.
“I’ll be back in a minute , just… stay there a sec,” he called back.
“Who are you talking to?” I yawned, running a hand through my messy hair and walking towards the door, stopping when I saw Louis stood there, his eyes landing on me as he looked past Harry, “Oh. Uhm, hi.”
“Hey,” he smiled weakly. “Can we- are you alright?” he asked quietly.
I nodded my head, chewing my bottom lip and looking away from him.
“, I know it’s late… early… whatever, but will you- I mean, can I come in? Can we talk?” he asked, his eyes pleading with me.
I glanced at Harry, who shrugged his shoulders at me. I paused for a second, before nodding slowly. Louis breathed a sigh of relief, shoving Harry out of the way and walking towards me, wrapping me in his arms. I froze, my arms at my side.
“…” he whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, a few tears slipping out as I brought my arms up around his waist and clung on to him.
“I’ll just…” Harry coughed awkwardly, “Yeah, I’ll just go hang out in Louis’ room, then… Uhm, let me know when I can come back or whatever… Or not… Okay bye!” he mumbled, and I heard the door close quietly.
“We can fix this, right?” Louis whispered in my ear. I didn’t answer, keeping my eyes closed and grabbing handfuls of his t-shirt. “Please tell me we can fix this, .”
“I don’t know-“
“I can’t lose you,” he interrupted, pulling away from me and cupping my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “I won’t lose you. You’re the only thing that- I love you , you know I do, you’re my best friend and I don’t- I’m not losing you. I’m just, I’m not. I can’t!”
“I don’t know, Louis,” I whispered, avoiding his stare. “I don’t know if I can do it anymore. Being friends with you, it’s- it hurts.” I admitted quietly, squeezing my eyes shut when he I saw the hurt in his eyes as he let his arms drop down to his sides.
“I’m- that’s not fair, . I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t know,” he told me, his voice pleading with me. “…Can we talk about this? About… how you feel? About what’s going to happen now?” he asked, and I nodded slowly at him. He paused, watching as I crawled back into bed, sitting up and pulling the covers over my bare legs before patting the space next to me. Louis kicked his shoes off and climbed up next me, lying on top of the covers, his ankles crossed.
“You still need to buy socks,” I told him, and he chuckled quietly at me before sighing. “I’m sorry, Louis,” I whispered. “I didn’t want you to find out that way. I didn’t want you to find out at all, I was never going to tell you, I was just angry and I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I knew before I said it that I should keep my mouth shut, but my brain didn’t quiet the message to my mouth…”
“I’m glad you told me,” he admitted, taking my hand and lacing his fingers through mine. “Otherwise I would have been trying to set you up with Harry for the rest of my life. I wasted enough time trying to set you up with Niall! …How did you even explain that to him?”
“He, uhm, he knows…” I mumbled and Louis turned his head to look at me, “They all know. Zayn, Harry, Liam… Even Danielle knows.” “…And ,” Louis stated. “That’s why she hates me, isn’t it?”
“She doesn’t hate you…” I trailed off. “ is strictly on Team , that’s all.
“Team Has… Ooh,” Louis nodding in understanding. “Wants you with Harry, right. I get it. Is there anyone who isn’t on ‘team ‘?” “Uhm, me and Harry?” I laughed quietly, shrugging my shoulders.
“Well, add me to the list of people against it,” he mumbled, playing with my fingers. “…How long, ?” he asked. I looked at him in confusion, unsure of what he meant. “How long have you felt this way?”
“Oh,” I breathed. “Um, a while, I guess. Like, two years, maybe.”
“I- wha- two years? Since I’ve known you? The entire time?” he asked incredulously, and I nodded. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“What was the point?” I shrugged. “You had Hannah, you had Eleanor, you had … I was just Liam’s little sister-“
“You’ve never been ‘just Liam’s sister’! How long have the others known?” Louis interrupted, his jaw clenched. “. How long has Harry known about this?”
“…Since the start,” I mumbled. “He kept trying to get me to tell you but I wouldn’t listen, I didn’t want to ruin anything and-”
“I’m going to kill him.”
“What, why?” I laughed, stopping when I saw the serious look on his face. “…Lou?”
“Because he knew! He knew all along! He knew how you felt, he knew and he didn’t fucking do anything! He didn’t try and… and… I don’t know, he just sat there and kept his mouth shut about the whole thing and we’ve wasted so much time and now we’re in this mess and-“
“What difference would it have made?” I asked quickly. “You had a girlfriend, as soon as you split up with Hannah you jumped into a relationship with Eleanor, I was around for the fallout of that and no one was just gonna jump in and be all, ‘oh hey Louis, cheer up, loves you’! It took you so long to get over her and then there was , honestly, it wouldn’t have changed anything so don’t start blaming Harry for anything! He tried to get me to open up and tell you how I felt but I wouldn’t do it because I knew this would happen!” I told him, gesturing between us.
“You’re always defending him!”
“Because he hasn’t done anything wrong!” I laughed. “Jesus, Louis. Why are we even talking about Harry?” I sighed, pushing my hands through my hair.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “It’s easier than talking about what we need to…” he trailed off. “… Y-You know you’re my best friend, right? And you know I love you,” he stated. I nodded at him, refusing to meet his gaze. I already knew what he was going to say.
“But?” I whispered.
“…I don’t know what to do,” he whispered back. “I care about you so much, , I really do, but… do you know what this could do to us?”
“Why did you take me out last night?” I asked, ignoring his question. “To the planetarium. Why did you take me?”
“Because we’re friends and-“
“Why did you take me up to the roof the other week? Why did you get so pissed about finding me and Harry kissing? Why do you get so pissed about everything me and Harry do? Why did you name a fucking star for me, Louis?!” I snapped, interrupting him. “You do all this shit because we’re friends and because you ‘care’ and it’s so fucking confusing, I can’t take it anymore! Normal people don’t do that for people they’re friends with!”
“Harry does shit for you all the time!” Louis laughed, shaking his head.
“And again, back to Harry,” I rolled my eyes at him. “This isn’t about him, Louis. This is about- it’s about you.”
“It’s about us,” he corrected in a whisper, reaching for my hand and staring at me when I pulled it away from him.
“Friends don’t get all touchy feely with each other,” I raised an eyebrow at him and he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “I swear to God if you mention Harry one more time I’ll kick you in the balls.” I warned, and he smiled sheepishly at me. We sat in silence for a while and I leaned back against the wall, my eyes closed.
“…What are we gonna do, ? Where does this leave us?”
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, my eyes still closed. “I-I know I said it hurts to be your friend, Lou, and I’m sorry. It does hurt, but I can’t- I don’t want to lose you,” I admitted. “I just, I’m gonna need to sort my head out. It might take a while to get over you.”
“We can fix this though, can’t we? We can go back to how it was, be friends again.”
“Of course we can…” I agreed quietly and he reached out, giving my hand a squeeze.
“Maybe… Maybe we should have some space though, hmm? Just for a little while, until you… until these… y’know, until the feelings… stop.”
“That could take months,” I laughed quietly, and Louis looked down. “…Oh. So we won’t see each other for months, then. Okay, I get it. No seeing each other until I’m one hundred percent over you, got it. Maybe you should go now, then,” I pushed him away from me and pulled the duvet up further around myself.
“-“
“Go, please, Louis. Before I really do kick you in the balls,” I threatened. He sighed running a hand through his messy hair before leaning forward and pressing his lips against mine. “What are you doing?!” I hissed, pushing him away from me. “Get out, Louis!”
“-“
“GET OUT!” I shouted, pushing him off the bed as tears filled my eyes. “You’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to be anything more than friends so you can’t do that to me, it’s not fair! I fucking love you, you arse! You can’t just kiss me and- I hate you! Just get out Louis!”
“ I’m sorry, I-“
“GET OUT!” I shrieked, wiping my eyes with my sleeve – well, Harry’s sleeve, really. Louis bit his lip and stared at the ground, before nodding and going to open the door. He paused as he opened it, turning back to look at me but I avoided his gaze.
“Shall I… Shall I send Harry back?”
“He’ll be asleep, just leave him.” I mumbled.
“…”
“Goodbye, Louis.” I glared at him. He sighed as he left the room, pulling the door closed behind. I grabbed my phone and quickly checked the time, deciding that 7am was a more than reasonable hour to make the phone call I needed to. I climbed out of bed and started throwing stuff in my suitcase as I waited for her to pick up.
“Hey ! I thought you’d be dying of a hangover right now, are you only just getting home? Did you have a good time?”
“,” I sniffed.
“…What happened?” she asked quietly when she realised I was crying. “Are you alright?”
“Can you come and get me? I know it’s early and I know you’ve got church but- please, . I can’t- I need to leave.”
“What’s happened? It’s that Louis one isn’t it? I’ll kill him , I swear I will!” she told me, and I heard a door close and keys jangle. “I’m coming now, I’m just getting in the car.”
“…” I paused. “I need to go back to ours to get some stuff, but could you- it’ll only take me 10 minutes to shove some things into a suitcase, can you take me to the train station?”
“I- of course I can, but what for…?” she trailed off and I sighed before answering.
“Because I can’t stay here. I’m going back home.”

***

Five hours later, I was staring out of the train window as I got closer to home. had taken me home and I’d grabbed some things, before she dropped me at the station and I jumped on the first train to Wolverhampton. Hearing a buzzing noise, I looked down at my phone on the table and saw the screen flashing with Harry’s name. It was about the 28364th time he’d called in the last hour and I figured I couldn’t ignore him anymore.
“Hello?” I answered quietly.
“! Thank God, where the hell are you?!” he yelled. “Guys, it’s alright, I’ve got her on the phone, you can tell Liam he doesn’t need to ring the police!”
“What?!” I stuttered.
“Yes,” Harry tutted. “He’s worried out of his mind, we all are. He’s been ready to murder Louis for the past two hours. Where are you?! I got back to the room and you’d gone, all your stuff was gone and I called you at home and there was no answer!” he sighed, and I heard yelling in the background before a door slammed. “Sorry about that, I’ve had to leave the room… Hold on. LIAM WILL YOU SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO TALK TO HER! Right, okay, sorry, I’m back. He’s shouting at Louis. where are you?”
“I’m on a train, going home.”
“…Oh,” he paused, and I could hear the confusion in his voice. “How long ago did you leave? You’re still on the train?”
“No,” I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “I’m on a train home, to Wolverhampton.” I whispered. Silence. “…Harry?”
“What happened?” he asked quietly. “Between you and Louis.”
“Ask him.” I mumbled.
“I have done. We’ve all asked him, he won’t talk to us. Just sits there like a zombie and stares into space. I… He came back to his room and I was still awake, I was gonna come back but he told me you’d said to leave me there and… I couldn’t have left anyway, . He was a mess, he started crying and he wouldn’t stop! Then when he actually fell asleep I went to our room but you’d gone and- hold on Liam wants to talk to you. Mate, you can in a sec alright? No, she’s going home… No the other home, real home. Yes, alright, hold on. God!” he groaned and I giggled quietly. “I don’t know what you’re laughing for coz he’s gonna kill you when he sees you next. Look, , just come back alright? We can talk about this and we’ll sort it all out, okay? Louis’s an absolute state- Liam I said hold the fuck on! OW! You bit me, you fucker!”
“?” Liam’s voice replaced Harry’s as he’d obviously stolen the phone away. “What the fuck are you playing at, ? Do you even know how worried I’ve been?”
“I know, I’m sorry, I just had to get out of there Li and-“
“What did he do to you?” he asked quickly, interrupting me. “I swear to God if he hurt you I’ll kill him right now.”
“Liam, come on,” I sighed irritably. “It’s Louis, what do you think he did, exactly? We just… I told him how I felt and he doesn’t feel the same. I’m upset, I just want to go home so I am. I’m fine, I promise. I just want to get home and see Mum. Can you put Harry back on, please? He doesn’t yell at me.”
“…Louis wants to talk to you,” Liam told me quietly.
“No!”
“I…” Liam sighed. “Lou, she said no… He says he’s sorry and he didn’t mean it and he wants to talk, can you text him or something when you don’t hate him as much?”
“I don’t hate him,” I whispered.
“She doesn’t hate you,” his voice got quieter as he spoke to Louis. “…I really think you should tell her that yourself, this is getting a bit- alright, okay… He says he loves you.”
“I know he does, he tells me all the time. Tell him I hope we can still be friends when this is all done with? I have to go Liam, I’m getting off the train now.”
“ I don’t think that’s what he-“
“Bye,” I interrupted him, ending the call and turning my phone off before shoving it back in my pocket. I pulled my suitcase out of the luggage compartment and waited patiently for the train doors to open, before stepping off and lugging my suitcase behind me as I made my way to the exit, stopping when I heard the familiar voice calling my name. “…Mum?”
“, there you are!” she smiled.
“How did you know I’d be here?” I asked in confusion, walking towards her.
“Your friend rang, told me you were coming home. She told me the vague details of what happened… Are you alright sweetheart?” she asked sympathetically, holding her arms out for a hug. Tears filled my eyes again and I bit my lip before collapsing into her arms. “Oh, …”
“I don’t know what to do, Mum.” I sobbed into her shoulder as she ran a hand up and down my back. “I’ve lost him.”
“No, you haven’t,” she whispered. “That boy thinks the world of you, you haven’t lost him at all,” she pulled away, holding me at arms-length and wiping away my tears. “We’ll sort this mess out, don’t you worry. Come on, baby. Let’s get you home.”

———-

eight.

After spending two days locked in my bedroom, only leaving it to use the bathroom, I figured I’d better show my face before my parents declared me legally dead or something. I grabbed the first hoody I saw – one of Liam’s which I’d stolen last time I stayed at his – and pulled it over my head, making a face when I felt how greasy my hair was. Maybe I should make an effort to actually wash it today…
I was halfway downstairs when I heard my mum talking to someone.
“It’s okay sweetheart, don’t worry, I just thought maybe you could both spend a couple of days here, she could do with a friend right now… Don’t be silly, I know you’re busy! Yes, but I’m not sure she still keeps in touch with her friends from school…” she sighed, smiling when she looked up and saw me. “Speak of the devil! How are you love? Do you want to talk to Liam?” she asked, holding the phone out. I shook my head and took a seat on the sofa, tucking my legs underneath my body and grabbing the remote control. “Liam said Harry wants to talk to you, . He said you’ve been ignoring him!”
“My phone’s dead,” I mumbled. “Tell them I’ll text them later.”
“Did you hear that?” she asked into the phone, her eyes widening at Liam’s reply. “Liam James Payne! I don’t care how old you are, you do not talk about your sister that way!”
“Give me the phone,” I sighed loudly, holding my hand out. Mum looked at me wearily before passing the cordless over to me and I pressed it to my ear. “What do you want, arsewipe?”
“!” Mum frowned at me.
“How come I get the full name treatment and you don’t?!” Liam tutted on the other end of the phone. “I should be the favourite, because I’m famous.”
“What do you want?” I repeated, ignoring his statement. “I’m busy.”
“Doing what? Sleeping? Crying?” he scoffed. “It wasn’t even me who wanted to talk to you, it was Harry, but he’s gone for a piss. …How are you?”
“I’m sure Mum’s told you,” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m fine though, seriously Li. I’m actually thinking about going shopping this afternoon, and I’ve got my uni books and everything so I’ve been doing loads of revision…”
“How are the university, with you taking off?”
“Alright, actually… Dad called them, lied and said he’d pulled me out for a few weeks due to ‘personal issues’, they said as long as I submit my essays and that online, it’s okay. Polly’s getting notes for me from my lectures, too. Sooo… How’s everyone?”
“Don’t act like you’re concerned how the rest of us are,” Liam laughed quietly. “Ask the question you really want to ask… He’s doing okay, I suppose. He’s a bit quiet and Harry said he caught him crying again, he won’t talk to any of us about it but he’s obviously going through it all in his head. He’ll be alright. So will you.”
“I know,” I muttered. “Mum trying to get you to come home, then?”
“Yes,” he groaned. “She wants me to bring Harry with me, we’d come but we’re just so busy right now with interviews and stuff, and we need to get started on the album and everything so-“
“Liam,” I interrupted him. “Don’t even worry about it, I’m fine, really. She’s just being… Mumish. Listen, tell Harry I’ll call him later, alright? I’m gonna go get ready and go out…”
“Okay, will do. Try not to think about… well, everything, okay? It’ll work out for the best, y’know. Promise. …What? Oh, okay. , Zayn said you’re trending on Twitter.”
“Ew what for?” I pulled a face, standing up and making my way back upstairs to get my laptop. “Do I even want to know why? Put Zayn on!”
“Harry’ll shit a brick if you talk to Zayn and not him you kn-“
“Then Harry should have held it in, how long does it take him to piss anyway?!” I snapped. “Just put Zayn on!” I demanded. Liam tutted and the line went quiet for a minute before I heard Zayn’s voice.
“Vas happenin’ babes!”
“Oh my God,” I giggled. “I haven’t heard you say that for ages! What’s this about me trending on Twitter?!” I asked, quickly typing my password in and waiting for the internet to load.
“Because we have nosy fans,” Zayn scoffed. “There are pictures floating about of you out with Louis the other night, before the Halloween party. Louis tweeted something the other day about missing a friend, he thought he was being cryptic but some fans had spotted you back home so they put two and two together and realised he meant you… And coz Harry was pissed at him, he tweeted about how people always realise what they want when they can’t have it anymore… And now you’re trending, well, you and Louis are trending… There seems to be some sort of debate going on about whether you’re better with Harry or Louis…” he trailed off and I groaned loudly as I scanned through my mentions.
“Why are they so interested in this?! They’re crazy!”
“They’re not crazy they’re just… interested!”
“Discussing my non-existent love life?! On Twitter?! For the world to see?! WHY do I have to be friends with you lot?! They wouldn’t care if I was having boy drama with someone else!”
“You’re right, they wouldn’t,” Zayn chuckled. “Can I just say though, Team Harry seems to be winning-” he stopped talking and I heard a door slam shut in the background. “So, uhm, yeah. You have your very own trend! This is what happens when you hang around with boy bands. Get some new friends!”
“Is that ?” I heard Louis’ voice in the background.
“Uhmmm…” Zayn coughed awkwardly. “Uh, yeah.”
“Can I talk to her?”
“Err-“
“I have to go, I need to get ready, tell Harry I’ll text him, okay?” I told Zayn quickly.
“ you don’t have to-” I didn’t let Zayn finish his sentence as I ended the call, throwing my phone down on the bed. He was the one who said we needed space, he couldn’t just demand to talk to me all of a sudden. I crossed my legs and pulled the laptop closer, rolling my eyes as I scrolled through some of my mentions before sending out a quick tweet.

just to set the record straight… me & harry are friends, never been anything more. same goes for me & lou. it’s good to be home 🙂 x

I sighed, logging out and closing the laptop, grabbing my phone as I felt it vibrate against my foot. It was a text from Twitter, saying I’d received two replies to my latest tweet, both from Harry.

I only went for a wee and @ couldn’t even wait 2 mins to talk to me, had time to talk to zayn tho 🙁 .x

@ i’m hurt! first you don’t stay on the phone to talk to me, now you’re denying our love! 🙁 .x

I smirked before sending a quick reply to him.

@Harry_Styles zayn was there, you weren’t… pee faster next time, curly. you do nothing to help these rumours haz! gotta go, talk later x

I clicked back to my mentions and rolled my eyes at a tweet that stated I was “clearly doing both Harry and Louis”. Okay then. I sent Harry a quick text, telling him I was turning my phone off and I’d ring him later, before I went to get ready.
I needed to get out of the house.

***

An hour later I found myself traipsing around Tesco, my trolley full of shopping – both for myself and for mum. Most of it for myself. Most of it junk food and alcohol.
“Pissing hell am I seeing things?! Payne is that you?!”
“Huh?” I turned round in confusion, smiling softly when I saw , my old friend, smirking at me. “Hey, .”
“What are you doing back here? London life not all it’s cracked up to be?” she asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked in my trolley. “It’s obviously turned you into an alcoholic. Come here you!” she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “At least you still remember my name, anyway!”
“Of course I remember your name,” I tutted when she pulled away.
“Really? You seemed to have forgotten I existed, I’ve not heard from you since before you left. What, you think you’re too good to hang out with normal people now because your brother got lucky?”
“What?” I frowned in confusion. “No, I’ve just been busy with school and-“
“Yeah you’ve been real busy…” she rolled her eyes at me, tossing her black hair over her shoulder. “I keep up with the gossip, you know. I’ve seen all the pictures of you and Curls. You fuckin’ him?”
“What? No!” I spluttered, laughing. “Uhm, no. Not at all! He’s a friend, we’re actually pretty close, but that’s all we are. How are you anyway!?” I asked, eager to steer the conversation away from Harry and the others.
“Not bad, not bad…” she nodded. “I dropped out of college, I’m training to be a hairdresser now instead. Hey, listen, I’m actually going out tonight with some friends – seeing as you’re back, you fancy tagging along?” she asked.
“Oh, uh, yeah sure! That’d be fun,” I smiled.
“Cool… Your number still the same?” she asked, and I nodded in reply. “Alright, I’ve gotta go pick some shit up from ‘s – that’s my boyfriend – but I’ll call you later and we’ll hang out. Wear something low cut!” she called, waving at me over her shoulder as she walked away. I smiled and shook my head at her as I went to pay for my shopping, fishing my phone out of my bag and switching it back on so I could call Harry.
“Hey babe.”
“Hey,” I smiled into the phone. “You busy?”
“Nah, just at some photo shoot… I can talk, though, hold on… GUYS! I’m taking a break, got a phone call…”
“Hot date, Harry?” Niall’s voice called.
“No, it’s just ,” he scoffed and I tutted at him. “Sorry babe! I didn’t mean it like that, you know I think you’re fit really. If you weren’t in love with Louis I would have pounced by now.”
“Harry!”
“Oh calm yourself ie),” he laughed. “He’s not here, he’s getting his hair fixed. He’s not talking to me anyway, got his knickers in a twist because of Twitter… Tried explaining how the fans are on my side because I’m obviously the fittest one and we’d have gorgeous babies, he didn’t seem to like me making a joke of it so now he’s avoiding me. How are you? What’s it like being back home? Done anything interesting?”
“I’m good, it’s nice being home… Mum’s treating me like I’m about to break, though, and Dad’s avoiding the topic altogether… He just keeps giving me chocolate. I’m not complaining. I’ve not done anything, today’s the first day I’ve left the house… I’m going out tonight, though – remember ? I just bumped into her, she’s gonna give me a call later so we can ‘hang out’. I intend to get completely wasted and spend all day tomorrow in bed,” I told him, smiling at the cashier and handed over the money to pay for my things. “Should be fun. I apologise in advance for any drunken messages you may receive. I advise you all to turn your phones off.”
“…I’ll hide Louis’.”
“That might be a good idea,” I laughed quietly, thanking the woman behind the till as I took my bags. “…He told me we needed space, Harry. Until my feelings went away.”
“I know,” Harry whispered. “He told me… I almost kicked the shit out of him but he got upset and nearly started crying again, and I can’t deal with boys crying, so I stopped shouting and ran. Niall dealt with the tears. You’ve turned him into one big crying mess, ie)! Fix him!”
“I can’t fix him until I’ve fixed myself,” I laughed quietly. “He told me we needed space, so I’m giving him space.”
“…Have you not worked out by now that he knows what he said was wrong? He’s desperate to talk to, . He’s too scared to ring you in case you tell him to fuck off, that’s why whenever he works out one of us is talking to you he gets all-“
“Are you talking to ie)?” Louis asked in the background and Harry let out a loud ‘HA!’
“See?!” he chuckled down the phone. “I’m going to give him the phone.”
“Don’t. You. Dare,” I warned, my voice low. “I’m serious Harry, I don’t want to talk to him yet, alright? I’ll talk to him when I’m back in London.”
“But-“
“I mean it, Harry.”
“,” he sighed loudly. “You can’t keep running away like this. You can’t keep him pushing him away for the rest of your life-“
“I don’t need to push him away for the rest of my life, just until Liam realises he’s better than the rest of you fuckers and decides to go solo, and you’ll all have a massive fight and fall out and I’ll never see you again!”
“Have you heard this?!” Harry laughed loudly, calling to the others in the background. “ reckons Liam’s gonna ditch us and go solo so she never has to deal with us again!”
“Love you too, idy)!” Niall called and I giggled at him.
“Gimme the phone… Harry! Give. Me. The. PHONE!” Zayn grunted and laughed triumphantly as I heard his voice float down the line. “You’ll never get rid of us that easily you know. We’ll stalk you until you give in and talk to us again. That’s all I wanted to say, I’ll just pass you back to Harry now…” he trailed off and I laughed at him, hearing Harry tut as got the phone back.
“He amuses me…” I sighed in amusement. “I’m gonna have to go though, Haz, I’m jumping in a taxi to go back home and get ready for tonight.”
“…” he whispered, and I froze, gulping slightly when I realised I was speaking to Louis. “Uhm, hi… Harry gave me the phone…”
“I have to go,” I mumbled.
“ wait! Please, just… talk to me?” he pleaded and I bit my lip, hearing the desperation in his voice.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted quietly, climbing into a taxi and telling the driver my address. “I just… I want things to go back to how they were, Louis. I hate this.”
“I hate this, too,” he sighed. “…Come home?”
“I can’t, I have to go, I’ll talk to you soon,” I didn’t wait for him to reply as I turned my phone off and shoved it back in my bag.

***

I had absolutely no idea who I was dancing with. He was one of ‘s new friends, that much I knew, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember what he was called. He grip on my waist tightening as I pressed my back against his chest.
“I’m thirsty!” I called to him over the music. It was nearing 2am, we’d been out for four hours now and I was beyond tipsy, but I needed more to drink. I wanted to get so drunk I couldn’t remember my own name, let alone Louis’.
“Same as before babe?” he whispered in my ear and I nodded, pulling away from him as he walked to the bar. I glanced around the crowded club, trying to spot and her boyfriend – , I think he was called. I noticed a tall redhead staring at me and frowned – she’d been watching me all night. I glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow as she smiled, waving me over. I shook my head and looked back to see where my dancing partner had gone, stopping when I felt a hand on my arm.
“, it’s me, !” I heard, turning round to see the redhead stood in front of me. I narrowed my eyes and stared at her, realisation dawning on me as I squealed happily and threw my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly. had been my best friend since my very first day of school, but we’d grown apart by the time we’d finished high school – mainly due to the fact that I’d started hanging around with , and hated her.
“! Your HAIR!” I giggled, flicking the ends of her long hair. “It’s RED!”
“I know,” she laughed quietly. “Wanted a change, bored of the blonde… What are you doing home?! Last I heard you were off in London living the high life and hanging out with popstars!”
“Popstars suck arse, . Louis’ a dick. Oh, hey! I’m here with , you remember , right? You didn’t like her, though… Her friend’s just gone to get me a drink!” I smiled happily, gesturing towards the bar. frowned, her hand tightening around my wrist as she pulled me off the dance floor and guided me towards the toilets. She pushed me into the first empty stall she could find and stepped in behind me, pulling the door shut and locking it behind us. “What the fuck, ? I was waiting for my drink!” I complained.
“Sit down,” she demanded, pushing me backwards. I rolled my eyes, dropping the toilet lid down and sitting on it. “Look at me, ,” she grabbed hold of my chin and made me look at her as she studied my face carefully. “How many drinks have you taken off them?”
“I dunno, couple,” I shrugged. “Maybe five or six… What’s the big deal?”
“,” sighed, unscrewing the lid on the bottle of water she had in her hand. “Here, drink some of this…” she told me, holding it out to me. I pushed it away and shook my head. I didn’t want water, I wanted vodka! “, please… Look, is… She’s not the same person you were friends with, alright? Her boyfriend’s an absolute tosser, he’s into all kinds of weird shit and she’s gone off the rails… Babe, please just take a sip, I don’t trust them, alright? They could have put anything in it!”
“ wouldn’t do that to me!” I glared.
“Please,” scoffed, grabbing hold of my face again and lifting the bottle to my lips, making me drink. “‘s a first class crack whore nowadays, . She pops pills before she even gets out of bed.”
“…I don’t believe you,” I looked at her sceptically.
“Okay, fine, you don’t have to believe me… But are you willing to risk it, hmmm? Don’t think about yourself, think what it’ll do to Liam if his little sister is caught hanging round with people doing drugs…” she raised an eyebrow. “I know you, and I know you wouldn’t want anything you do to reflect badly on Liam…”
“…” I whispered. “I don’t feel well. I think I’m drunk.”
“No shit,” she smirked at me. “You’re wasted, babe. Do you want me to put you in a taxi?” she asked, hooking an arm around my waist and helping me stand up as I nodded. She lead me outside, grabbing someone she knew along the way and calling a taxi for me. “Want me to come with?”
“No, I’m fine…” I yawned. “You stay and have a good night…”
“Gimme your phone,” she wiggled her fingers and I did as I was told. She tapped something in before handing it back to me. “My number’s in there, text me so I know you got home okay, alright?” she told me, turning her attention to the taxi driver. “If I haven’t heard from her in twenty minutes, I have your licence plate and I swear to God I’ll have the police after you before you can blink!” she warned him and he scoffed at her. “Don’t forget to text me, ! We’ll hang out tomorrow or something!” she called, waving through the window as she closed the door and banged on the roof, letting the driver know is okay to leave. I stared down at the phone in my hand, frowning when I saw I had an unread message. From Louis.

harrys snoring.. may smother him with a pillow xxx

I pulled a face, deleting the message and directing the driver to my street.
“I’m sorry about my friend, she was so rude!” I told him.
“It’s okay love,” he chuckled. “Means she cares, should be more girls like that around. Number 12, is it?” he asked, and I nodded at him. “Here we are love,” he told me. I handed him some money and unbuckled my seatbelt, climbing out of the taxi unsteadily and slamming the door shut. “…I think I’ll wait for you to go inside, make sure you don’t pass out in the garden.”
“Thanks,” I grinned at him, turning my key in the lock and letting myself into the dark house. I kicked my heels off and stumbled into the living room, collapsing onto the sofa and pulling the blanket off the back of it, pulling it over myself and covering my bare legs. I grabbed my bag, pulling my phone out to let know I was home before finding another number and pressing the call button before I could stop myself.
“Hello?” he yawned.
“Did you smother him? Please don’t kill him, I like having him in my life. He fixes everything when I screw up.” I whispered.
“…?”
“Hmm. Hey, Lou.”
“, it’s 3 in the morning, what are you- are you drunk?” he asked, amusement in his voice. “You sound wrecked. Have a good night?”
“Mhmm. I was out with drug dealers and such. Epic night, man.” I mumbled.
“What?” he asked in confusion. “You didn’t- are you alright? Have you taken something?”
“Just too much vodka… rescued me…”
“Well, I don’t know who is, but remind me to send her flowers as a thank you for saving you…” he laughed quietly. “What’s wrong, ?”
“Everything,” I sniffed, feeling the tears come to my eyes. “I was having a good time tonight, you know? I was dancing with some guy and he liked me, at least I think he liked me. Maybe he just wanted sex… But I didn’t care anyway, I just wanted to forget you and have fun with someone else, but I couldn’t, could I? I miss you so fucking much Louis and it’s only been three days since I last saw you. What’s wrong with me? Why do I miss you? Why can’t I fucking hate you? I’ve tried, y’know. I’ve tried to hate you and it doesn’t work because you’re so fucking perfect and I hate it. I hate that I can’t hate you. Although really, that in itself could be classed as hatred towards you, but it’s not – it’s more hatred towards myself for being incapable of not loving you.” I sighed. Silence. “I think I’m drunk, Lou.”
“I think you’re smashed, babe,” he told me quietly. “Look, I- me and the guys, we have the next couple of days off… Can I come and see you?”
“No,” I answered. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea, do you? Because I’m in love with you, y’see. And we’re friends, and me being in love with you complicates things and makes everything awkward. So no. Don’t come and see me. I don’t want to see you.”
“-“
“Harry told me you cried,” I interrupted him. He sighed in frustration, and I could just picture him running a hand through his hair, an annoyed frown on his face.
“I did.”
“Why did you cry? You don’t cry. You never cry.”
“Because I love you, you fool,” he chuckled quietly. “I hate not having you in my life, . Can’t you just come home and we can sort all this out? We can talk and we can be friends again and… who knows what’ll happen, right…?”
“I know what’ll happen,” I sighed. “You’ll break my heart again, and Harry will have to put it back together like he always does and I can’t, Louis, I can’t do it anymore because it hurts too much. Maybe you’re right about this whole space things. Maybe we just shouldn’t even be friends anymore.”
“Don’t say that!” he snapped. “Don’t fucking threaten me with that, it’s not fair. I didn’t mean it that way and you know it. I was trying to be fair to you, I could have been selfish like I wanted to be and have you around me every day like always. I said we needed space to make it easier for you.”
“You think this is easy?” I scoffed.
“No, I know it’s not easy, it’s fucking hard, alright? You won’t even talk to me, . You talk to the others and then as soon as you hear me you get off the phone…”
“I’m not in love with the others,” I told him simply. “Not even Harry. Shocker, I know. Although I should be in love with Harry, coz that’d be easy, wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t be complicated, it would be so simple and-“
“Can we not talk about Harry, please?” Louis mumbled. “Listen, , maybe we should talk tomorrow… When you’re sober?”
“Mhmm. Maybe. I’m tired.”
“Okay, well, go to bed and ring me tomorrow…” he trailed off.
“I will,” I yawned. “G’night Lou.”
“Night, . Love y-” he stopped himself from finished his sentence and sighed. “Sorry. Goodnight.” he whispered before my phone bleeped in my ear, letting me know he’d hung up. I sighed, wiping away my tears and lying down on the sofa, resting my head on a cushion and closing my eyes. I was going to have a hell of a hangover when I woke up.

———-

nine.

I groaned loudly when the sunlight hit my face and I buried my head further into my pillow. It was Friday now, and my hangover from drinking so much on Tuesday night still hadn’t disappeared completely. I was never drinking again.
“CASSIDY! Come on, it’s half past twelve, it’s the afternoon, get out of bed!”
“I’VE GOT A HEADACHE!” I called back to my dad. “Leave me be!”
“You do not have a headache, you have a three day hangover, now get out of bed there are people here to see you!” he told me, his voice getting louder as he stepped into my room.
“…There are?” I peeked out from under the covers. “Who?” I asked curiously, letting out a squeal when Liam’s face appeared in my doorway. “LIAM!” I pushed the covers off me and jumped up, walking towards my brothers open arms.
“MOVE!” I heard Harry before I saw him. He shoved Liam out of the way and ran into me, taking me down with him as we landed on my bed, him on top of me with his arms wrapped around me and his face buried in my neck. “You’re not allowed to leave London without me ever again, ever! You’re coming on our next tour too, I’ve missed you entirely too much ! Don’t leave me with those horrid boys again!”
“You were supposed to wait downstairs!” Liam groaned.
“I’ve missed you too Harry!” I giggled loudly, kissing his cheek and ignoring Liam’s complaint.
“Okay, son, I know you’re friends but a boy lying on top of my baby girl is not something I need to see…” Dad coughed awkwardly from the doorway. “So I’m going to leave Liam in charge and head off to work. Try not to do too much damage, alright? You’ll have to fend for yourselves tonight, your mum and I are going round to the Miller’s.”
“Pretty sure we’re capable of picking up the phone and ordering a pizza, Dad,” Liam grinned at him. I let out a giggle as I pushed Harry off me.
“Has Mum left already?” I asked, looking over at Dad as he nodded. “Oh, okay… I’m supposed to be hanging out with tonight, is it okay if she comes round?”
“Ask me, he just said I’m in charge!” Liam smirked.
“If you keep that smile on your face, you can have anything you want sweetheart,” Dad laughed, ducking down and kissing my cheek. “This is the happiest I’ve seen you since you got home!”
“It’s amazing what happens to her when she sees my face, isn’t it?” Harry grinned. Dad rolled his eyes at him, shouting goodbye over his shoulder as he left the room.
“What are you doing here?!” I squealed in excitement, throwing my arms around Harry again and hugging his close to me.
“We had a couple of days off, then some things got cancelled and we swapped some other things round so we could come and see you. Styles threw a hissy fit at Simon because he missed you, so here we are.” Liam smirked.
“Awww! You missed me!” I cooed, pinching Harry’s cheek. “I missed you too, Harry.”
“I was worried about you,” he mumbled into my hair before placing a kiss on my head. “Louis told me you rang him the other night when you were drunk. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Please don’t remind me of that phone call…” I groaned. “Harry I was so drunk, I can’t even remember half the stuff I was saying to him! …Did he tell you? Was it bad?”
“No, he didn’t tell me anything, just that you’d called him and you were drunk,” Harry shrugged. “Whatever you said seemed to make him think about things, though. He sat me down and said sorry for being a twat over the past week, said he’d realised a few things and was going to fix everything.”
“I wish I knew what I’d said to him…” I frowned.
“He’s downstairs, ask him,” Liam shrugged his shoulders and I froze, glaring at him. “…What?”
“…Did you just say he’s downstairs?” I asked. “Louis is downstairs right this second? Like, in this house, downstairs?”
“Mhmm,” Liam nodded his head. “He wanted to come with. Harry tried to stop him but I thought it’d be nice if he came along too, so you could talk to him or whatever. Harry was supposed to wait downstairs with him, but obviously he didn’t.”
“LIAM!” I shrieked. “Why didn’t you listen to Harry, you fucking dick! I can’t believe you’d even… God! You could have warned me! I’m gonna- I have to- I can’t go down there! Where’s my phone, I’m going to ask if I can stay in hers until you fuck off! Harry, you can come with me!”
“Score, sleepover with me and two girls, woo!” Harry did a little cheer and I raised an eyebrow at him. He coughed, catching the look Liam shot at him and he smiled nervously at me. “I mean, uhm… Maybe you should stick around and talk to Louis?”
“I don’t want to!” I squeaked, freezing when I turned around and saw Louis stood awkwardly in the doorway, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
“If I give you vodka and get you drunk, will you talk to me then?” he asked, giving me a nervous half-smile. Liam looked between us anxiously and I could see Harry biting back a smile.
“…Depends,” I frowned. “You’ll have to give vodka because she’s coming round, too.”
“No problem,” Louis laughed. “I owe her flowers anyway for saving you from drug dealers.”
“Drug dealers? What?!” Liam’s eyes went wide as he glared at me. I giggled and shook my head, telling him it was nothing. “What drug dealers? What’s he on about? Louis! Tell me!”
“Do you see what you’ve done?!” I pointed an accusing finger at Louis. “It’s was nothing Liam, seriously. I was out with and a few of her friends when I bumped into , she told me they were into, well, drugs. She put me in a taxi and sent me home, that’s all. Not being funny, but can you three piss off so I can get in the shower?”
“Nothing I haven’t already seen,” Harry waved a hand dismissively at me and I scoffed when I saw the look Liam shot him. “Uhm, I mean, yes of course … Louis stop being such a pervert! Get out and let her get changed!” he tutted, jumping up from his spot and my bed and ushering Louis out.
“What?! I didn’t even-“
“God, Louis! Don’t be so rude! She’s not going to get naked while we’re in the room!” Harry tutted again and continued to push him out. I stifled my laughter at Harry’s behaviour, grinning up at my brother when he laughed quietly.
“He’s really missed you, you know?” he told me.
“I know, I’ve missed him too, life gets boring without Harry Styles.”
“I meant Louis,” Liam smirked.
“…Oh.” I coughed, routing the my wardrobe for something to wear.
“, can you stop for a second?” Liam sighed, closing my bedroom door. I heard him shoo Harry away, who was obviously stood outside eavesdropping. “, stop,” he tutted at me, gently grabbing my arm and turning me round. “Listen… I had a talk with Louis, the day after everything. Before we realised you’d gone. He was… I know you were upset about it, but so was he. He was so cut up about it all, I’ve never seen him that way before, not even when he split up with Hannah or Eleanor… I don’t think any of us realise just how much you mean to each other, I don’t even think he realises… He’s not been himself since you’ve been home. I’m worried about both of you, I just want you to promise me something.”
“…What?” I mumbled.
“Just talk to him, hear him out. Try and fix whatever this thing is and be friends again.”
“I don’t know if I can do friends again, Liam,” I whispered, shrugging my shoulders nervously. “I’ve told him, it hurts just being friends.”
“And it won’t hurt him if you just walk out of his life? You’re being selfish,” Liam frowned at me. “Harry manages to be friends with you, don’t you think it hurts him – especially when he sees you so in love with Louis?”
“Major difference there Liam, Harry’s not in love with me,” I scoffed.
“Yeah… You keep telling yourself that,” Liam raised an eyebrow. “You’re as oblivious as Louis if you think that’s true.”
“He’s not,” I frowned.
“Whatever you say…” Liam nodded. “I’ll leave you to get ready, anyway. Just come down when you’re done.” he told me as he left my room. I stared after him in confusion, wondering if that conversation had really just happened.
…Urgh.
There was no way I was spending the day on my own with three boys. I needed to ring .

***

“…Huh,” paused. After taking my time getting ready, I’d called and asked her to come round, to save me from the uncomfortable situation waiting for me downstairs. Unfortunately for me, she was in work. But she’d promised to come round once she’d finished I’d just finished telling her about my conversation with Liam and she was trying to dissect what he’d meant about Harry. “Well… I obviously don’t know him so I can’t really comment, but from pictures I’ve seen and things you’ve told me… I’d say yeah, Curly’s harbouring some sort of crush. Again, I don’t know him, I’d have to see him with you to work out whether or not it was love… But you, I know. You couldn’t be any more into the floppy haired one! Your voice completely changes when you talk about him!”
“Louis,” I sighed, taking a sip of my drink. “You know that, though. I’ve already told you about the whole mess.”
“Has he had a girlfriend? You know, since you’ve known him?”
“Who, Louis?” I looked over at her. “Yeah, he was with Hannah when I first met him and then-“
“No, no,” tutted, her voice lowering. “I know about him already, I mean Curls. Has he- I’m sorry, she’s not at her desk right now, can I take a message?”
“What?” I laughed.
“Of course, I’ll get her to call you right back!”
“Ooh,” I giggled. “Boss?”
“Certainly. Thank you for… Okay, she’s gone,” breathed. “What was I saying…? Oh, yeah. Has Harry had a girlfriend?”
“Oh, yeah,” I smirked. “Yeah, there was Amy but- actually no they went on like two dates and he never mentioned her again… Oh! But there was Chloe, they- uhm, no, they were just sleeping together… But there was Jessica too, they were… no, nothing happened there either,” I frowned. “He did meet a girl at the Halloween party last week, Andi I think her name was. He seemed to like her… Huh. I never realised he didn’t have a girlfriend, he’s just a bit of a player I think…”
“…Or the only girl he wants isn’t interested in him,” I could hear the smirk in her voice. “Oh yeah, Curly’s got the hots for you. Boom, point one to !”
“Soooooph!” I groaned.
“What?! I’m team Harry, I like him. He’s got a nice face, you’d have cute babies.”
“There is no team Harry!” I sighed in frustration. “There’s no team anything! My God, you people are so annoying!”
“I’m confused, though…” she paused. “Didn’t you make out with him or something? Isn’t that what started the downward spiral of the Louis thing, because he caught you Harry halfway to sex?”
“We were not halfway to sex at all!” I tutted. “But, yes, after we’d been to see Rihanna, myself and Harry had a little bit too much to drink and kissed for a while. But that was…We talked about that and decided it was a mistake. Our relationship just isn’t like that. We’re friends.”
“So you don’t have any romantic feelings towards him?”
“Towards Harry? Uhm, no,” I laughed quietly. “That’d be like having romantic feelings towards… I don’t know… You.”
“Hey, I’m fit!” she laughed.
“Details…” I trailed off, running a hand through my hair.
“Babes I’m gonna have to go,” sighed. “I’ve got a load of photocopying to do before I get out of here… I finish in an hour though, I’ll come right to yours alright?”
“Yeah, cool. Bring wine! We still going to that Firework display?”
“Of course! Ask the boys, too… Oh, wait!” she whispered. “Listen, if you really don’t feel that way about Harry, you should let him know. Sooner rather than later. And you need to sort out whatever’s going on between you and Louis. Just fuck and get it out of your system, or stay friends and get over him.”
“You’re so ladylike, ,” I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me.
“You know- Yes definitely, I’ll scan the accounts right over to you, can I take your e-mail address please?”
“There’s no team Harry, at yahoo-“
“Alright sarky arse,” she hissed, interrupting me. “See, that’s my point. You’re insistent that there’s no ‘team Harry’, but not that there’s no ‘team Louis’. Just screw the guy and be done with it. I’m hanging up now. See you later!” she blew a kiss down the phone before she hung up. I laughed, throwing the phone at the end of the bed and looking up when I heard a knock on the door.
“Uhm, who is it?” I called.
“It’s Louis… Can I come in?” he called through the door.
“Yeah, sure… Since when do you knock?!” I laughed as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. He shrugged his shoulders, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he looked around the room.
“…Do you fancy going out somewhere, for a walk? Just us two?” he asked hopefully.
“Uhm… finishes in work in an hour and she’s coming round here, so she’ll be here at like half five…” I trailed off, seeing the disappointment on his face. “But I guess as long as we’re back before then, I can go? Did you have anywhere in mind?”
“Just… around,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I thought maybe we could talk? Without Liam or Harry butting in.”
“Yeah…” I sighed. “Okay, let’s go.”
“I’ll meet you downstairs, I really need to pee!” he grinned, rushing out of my room. I laughed quietly, shaking my head and slipping my converse on before walking downstairs. I could hear Liam and Harry talking in the living room, their voices hushed.
“…had every opportunity to tell her!” Liam hissed. “I don’t want her with him, Harry. He’ll break her heart and we’ll have to fix it again! Do you know how much that will screw up the band?!”
“I’d rather her be happy with him then miserable because she’s not,” Harry mumbled. “It’s not up to me anyway – or you. You know you can’t stop it, right? He loves her.”
“No, you love her. He only wants her because he knows he can have her!”
“Liam-“
“You wrote a damn song about how you’re better for her than he is! Fucking fight for her, Harry!”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s happy with Zayn – let it go.” Harry glared at him. Liam stared at him in confusion and Harry’s gaze landed on me, a smile stretching across his face. “Hey! Have you finished beautifying yourself now? Can we spend some BFF time together?” he asked, glaring at Liam when he sighed loudly.
“Uhm, I’m actually about to-“
“You ready to go, ?” Louis interrupted, throwing an arm around my shoulders. I smiled at him, nodding as I looked back at Harry.
“Going for a walk with Lou,” I pointed my thumb at him. “We’ll be back soon though, because ‘s coming round when she finishes work. Oh! She told me to ask you, we’re going to a firework display – you three can come if you want?”
“We’re an afterthought!” Harry gasped, his hand covering his hand. “Hear that, guys? I bet she doesn’t even want us there!” he sniffed. I rolled my eyes at him and poked Louis in the side, pushing him out of the room. “Be good, kids!”
“Don’t call me kid, I’m older than you!” Louis called back. I giggled quietly, wrapping my scarf around my neck and grabbing my jacket before we stepped outside, Louis taking my hand in his. “Okay, I have no idea where we can go.”
“Mmm… Pub?” I suggested. “There’s one just round the corner.”
“Pub it is!” Louis nodded his head, and we started walking. “…I’m sorry, . For what I said before you left. I didn’t mean it, I was being an idiot.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered, looking at the floor.
“No, it’s not,” he frowned as he stopped walking, turning me round to face him. “Look at me, ,” he whispered. I did as he said and lifted my eyes to meet his. “It’s not okay. I was going on about how I didn’t want to lose you, and then I say something stupid like that? It’s so far from okay I can’t even… I just…”
“Louis, it’s alright,” I smiled softly at him. “Really. Forget it. I forgive you.”
“The thing is, ,” he carried on, no indication that he’d even heard me. “I only said it because I was scared- no I was terrified, because you’re my best friend. You’ve been my friend, you and Harry, since it started and I can’t imagine being without either of you. And I always thought you two would end up married and living in some mansion with all these adorable little kids running round and I’d be crazy Uncle Lou, you know?” he ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration as I let out a chuckle. “And I’d gotten used to that thought. But then… Then you tell me you love me, and I… It was like my mind just shut down out of shock because the truth is, , I’ve never been more in-“
“!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Louis groaned when Liam’s shout interrupted him. “Mate! We’re having a conversation here!”
“Sorry,” Liam rolled his eyes. “But , ‘s just called, said she tried your phone but there was no answer. She got off work early, she’s on her way round now.”
“Oh,” I frowned, looking up at Louis. “Uhm. Rain check?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled. “We’ll talk later.”
“Sorry,” I smiled apologetically at him as we both followed Liam back to the house. It would just have to wait.

———-

ten.

“So why are they having a bonfire party two days before bonfire night?” Harry asked quietly in my ear as we stood in front of the bonfire, which had yet to be lit. I pulled a face at the muddy field and shrugged my shoulders in reply as he huffed. “What did you and Louis talk about on your walk?”
“Our walk that lasted all of 6.5 seconds?” I raised my eyebrows. “Nothing. He apologised for what he said before I left, told me he’d only said it because he was scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“No idea,” I tutted. “That’s when Liam chased us down the road like the gimp that he is.”
“Ahem, that gimp, has just brought you a toffee apple!” Liam grinned proudly, nudging my side as he joined us.
“Ooh! Gimme!” I held my hands out, trying to snatch the toffee apple out of his hands as he held it away from me. “Liiiiaaam!” I whined. “Harry tell him!”
“Did you get me one?” Harry asked curiously. Liam nodded, passing him one of the sticks but keeping the other one out of my reach. “Cheers mate,” Harry grinned, taking a bite out of the apple. I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, looking around.
“Where’d and Louis go?” I asked.
“ was supposed to be helping me bring theses back,” Liam told me, waving one of the toffee apples in my face as he took a bite out of his own. I pouted, reaching out and finally snatching it away from him, smiling triumphantly as I bit into it.
“Mmmm…” I moaned.
“Anyway, she was meant to be helping me, but she got distracted by a boy with spiky hair. He looked vaguely familiar, actually. I think you might have gone to school with him. So she’s in that area somewhere,” he waved his hand dismissively. “And Louis went to get drinks of some sort.”
“…And you didn’t think Louis would need help?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I couldn’t help, I had apples!”
“I’m sure you can hold three sticks in one hand, Liam!” I tutted, rolling my eyes.
“You go and help him,” Harry smiled, elbowing me. “I’ll keep Liam occupied so he doesn’t chase you this time. Look, Liam! Something shiny! Ooooh!”
“Harry.” Liam gave him a withering look. I giggled at them and turned around, my eyes scanning the field until I saw him stood over by the drinks stand.
“I’m going to see if he needs a hand,” I told them, pointing over at Louis and walking towards him, finished my toffee apple and discarding the stick on the way. “Hey Lou!”
“Oh, hey,” he smiled, turning around as he stuffed his change in his pocket. “I got you a drink,” he told me, handing me a polystyrene cup. “It’s hot apple cider, the lady told me it was nice. So if you hate it, it’s her fault!”
“It’s lovely,” I laughed quietly, taking a sip. “They have this every year, Mrs. Rawley makes it. She has it done to an art, it’s amazing.”
“…Do I get brownie points for getting it for you, then?” he asked, smiling cheekily.
“Yeah, you get brownie points…” I nodded. “Not that you need them. Umm… You were saying something before, when Liam interrupted us?”
“Oh, I… It’s nothing,” Louis shook his head, and I thought I saw his cheeks turning pink. “It can wait until later.”
“…Harry’s keeping him entertained, he won’t come running back over,” I pressed, gesturing over to where Liam and Harry – and now – stood. “We can talk, if you want? will kill both of them if they try and interrupt.”
“She will?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Oh, er,” I shrugged, avoiding his gaze as I felt my own cheeks turning pink. “She, um, she thinks we have some sort of… tension, or whatever… Y’know what, never mind, we don’t have to talk, shall we go back over to them?”
“No,” Louis smiled, taking my hand in his and sipping his own drink. “You’re cute when you’re nervous,” he laughed, and I rolled my eyes at him. “I like it, though. That I make you nervous, I mean.”
“You’re a dick.” I told him, making him laugh loudly.
“Come on,” he tugged on my arm, leading me away from the crowds flocking around the still not lit bonfire and towards a quieter area of the field. “People keep staring.” he whispered.
“Because you’re Louis Tomlinson,” I raised an eyebrow. “Of course people are staring! They’ll be on a hunt for the others, next. I’m amazed no one’s cornered you and asked for an autograph or a picture.”
“They already have,” he shrugged. “A girl, she was about ten. The exact words she used were ‘Niall’s my favourite but he’s not here so you’ll do instead’. Such a charming little child,” he tutted, rolling his eyes when I laughed. “Then her mum asked if you were here, apparently she was your English teacher in high school.”
“No way,” I breathed. “Miss. Edmonds?!”
“Well, I don’t know, she introduced herself as Hazel, her daughter was called Mia.”
“Yes!” I squealed. “That’s her! She was my favourite teacher! She was so lovely, Louis. She’s the one who made me believe I could be anything I wanted! What did she say?”
“Not much,” he looked at me, amusement at my excitement evident on his features. “She asked if you were here, I said yes and pointed to you, she said she wouldn’t disturb you while you were busy with your boyfriend and that she’d find you later.” he smirked. “Everyone assumes you and Harry are together. But, yeah. She started telling me about you when you’d been in school, how proud you were of Liam and how much stick you got when X Factor started… You never told us you got hassle because of it.”
“Eh,” I shrugged. “I can handle myself. It was girls, mostly. Jealous because I knew you all through Liam. I didn’t care, you’d all worked hard and I was too proud of all five of you to let it bother me. Besides, they were only doing it because they wanted to get in your pants. Or, well, mainly Zayn’s pants, to be honest. I only really had a small group of friends in school, and all of a sudden everyone was sucking up to me. That’s why I didn’t really keep in touch with or , and why I only have in London because, really, doesn’t give a crap who you are. Neither does , actually. Should have made more of an effort to keep in touch with her.”
“Well, now you can,” Louis smiled, giving my hand a squeeze and letting his eyes drift towards our three friends. “She seems to be getting along with Harry, anyway.” he pointed, a smirk on his face. I turned around and grinned when I saw screaming wildly as Harry threw her over his shoulder, Liam laughing and snapped a photo of them on his phone.
“Dude, she’ll murder him when he puts her down,” I chuckled. “Oh hey! I never told you! I have an interview next week, I applied online and David recognised my name, gave me a call yesterday and asked me to go in.”
“That’s great !” Louie grinned. “See, you and your stars and your stories about the stars… I knew you’d like it there.”
“I loved it there.” I corrected him. “It was a good night.”
“Hmm,” Louis muttered. “It was, yeah…”
“…What is it, Louis?” I asked. “You obviously want to say something.”
“I just… You lied to me, .” he whispered. “That night, when I asked if you had feelings for me. You said no.”
“That’s what you’re gonna focus on?” I laughed. “Okay, wow,” I shook my head, pulling my hand out of his. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh yes Louis, I do have feelings for you, pretty damn strong feelings. I’ve been in love with you almost as long as I’ve known you’. Because I’m sure you would have reacted brilliantly to that.”
“I asked you though, !” he sighed. “I asked you if you and Harry were just friends like we were, and you said yes! Were you lying about that? Do you have feelings for him?”
“Oh my God, no!” I groaned. “Will you get this out of your head please?! I have absolutely no feelings for Harry whatsoever other than friendship! I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep going over and over my non-feelings for Harry.”
“He loves you.”
“I love you,” I glared at him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and avoiding my stare. “Obviously the feeling isn’t mutual.”
“It is,” he whispered, his eyes meeting mine. “I love you, , but I feel like I’m in this constant battle with Harry and it’s a horrible feeling. I just, I wish you’d make your mind up and-“
“Make my mind up?” I glared at him. “…Please do not tell me you’re going to ask me to choose between you.”
“No, no of course not!” he shook his head quickly. “Jesus, , I’d never make you do that! I just need to know that, if it came down to it… That it would be me. That you’d want me.”
“Why do you need to know that, if I don’t have to choose? Why do you need to know who it would be?”
“Why can’t you answer?”
“I-” I paused, sighing loudly. “Because you mean completely different things to me and I shouldn’t have to answer, because I’d rather have neither of you in my life than just have one of you!” I gestured over towards Harry, catching him staring at us curiously and bring Liam’s and ‘s attention to us as well. “I love you. I have done for a long time. Right now you’re really pissing me off, but I’ll still love you. I don’t think I can stop. Harry’s my friend, he’s my best friend and I would have gone insane without him the past couple of years. He’s the one who’s been there for me when I’ve been crying my eyes out and feeling like my heart was breaking because of you. And I know it’s not fair to use that against you, because you didn’t know how I felt… But you do now, and I can’t- no, I won’t just turn around and tell you that yes, if I had to choose, then I’d choose you. Because I wouldn’t.” I shook my head.
“So you’d choose him?”
“No,” I told him flatly. “No, for once in my life I’d put myself first and I’d choose me. I’d walk away from both of you and I’d choose myself over either of you. Because if I’m not happy with myself, how can I be happy with either of you? I… Louis I’m so fucking in love with you sometimes it hurts and I want to scream because it won’t go away and I know, I know if we- I know the risks, alright? I know we could fuck everything up, but right now our friendship doesn’t seem to be in such a perfect state and I need to get that back. I need us to be friends because I can’t lose that. But I can’t lose Harry, either. He’s been my rock, he’s been there when I needed a friend to cry to, he’s cancelled dates for me and-” I stopped, frowning as realisation hit me. “I can’t do this.” I mumbled, turning to walk away.
“ wait!” Louis grabbed hold of my arm, turning me back round to face him and crushing his lips against mine. “I don’t want to lose you either,” he whispered, his thumb brushing over my cheek as I closed my eyes, trying to block out the sound of cheering. Must she ruin this moment? “I need you.”
…Moment ruined.
I snapped back and looked at Louis, my eyes searching his. “…You need me,” I mumbled. “Louis… Do you want me?” I asked quietly as he stared at me in confusion. “Do you need me, or do you want me?”
“I- both,” he frowned when I shook my head and pulled away from him. “What?”
“I don’t want you to need me, Louis,” I whispered. “I need you to want me. They’re two completely different things.” I told him sadly, walking away from him and back over to the other. “I’m going home.”
“What?” Liam frowned. “But the fireworks haven’t even started yet?”
“You just missed them, you fucktard,” hissed, elbowing him in the stomach. “Major fireworks over there with her and Louis. Are you alright? Do you want me to come back with you?” she asked me.
“No,” I shook my head, holding my hand out to Harry and wiggling my fingers. “Walk me home?” I asked.
“ you live like three minutes away-” he started.
“Please, Harry?” I looked at him pleadingly. He nodded, taking my hand in his and passing his half-eaten toffee apple to Liam. “Keep Louis here please, I need to talk to Harry.” I whispered in ‘s ear as I hugged her.
“Ah… Go get him, girl.” she whispered back.
“Not like that!” I cried, blushing when Harry and Liam raised their eyebrows at me. “Just… come on, Harry!” I rolled my eyes and stomped away from him, leaving him to follow behind me. He caught up a couple of minutes later and threw an arm around my shoulders as we walked in silence.
“What did he do this time?” he sighed.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I whispered, digging my keys out of my bag as we turned onto my road. He wasn’t lying when he said I lived three minutes away.
“Okay,” Harry whispered. “But you know I’m here when you do want to talk about it,” he told me, giving my shoulder a squeeze.
“I know,” I whispered back, slipping the key in the lock and pushing the door open. I shrugged my jacket and scarf off, abandoning them on the chair in the living room as Harry followed me inside. “Harry do you love me?” I blurted out, my eyes widening. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“
“Yes,” he interrupted me, frowning. “I do.”
“Y-You didn’t mean Bex before… did you? When I heard you and Liam talking… You were talking about me?” I asked quietly, and he nodded.
“I saw you stood there,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t want you to find out.”
“Why not?”
“Why didn’t you want Louis to find out about your feelings for him?”
“…Because I thought I’d lose him as a friend,” I answered quietly. “Harry you could never lose me.”
“I know… Just didn’t want to risk it, wasn’t worth it. I know how you feel about Louis, as long as you’re happy then I am, too.”
“But you-“
“,” Harry sighed, taking my hands in his. “I’ve been there from the beginning. If you were ever going to feel that way about me, you would have felt it by now. But you don’t, you love Louis and I’m okay with that.”
“But I’ve been running to you for years!” I panicked. “Everytime Louis… Everytime I was upset over him I ran to you and you made it go away, you made it all better again and you felt- Harry I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t beat yourself up about it! I’m perfectly happy just being friends with you,” he smiled. Why was he being so nice to me? I shook my head, feeling the tears come to my eyes. “Oh don’t cry! You’re such a girl sometimes, !” he laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me towards him.
“I don’t know what to do, Harry,” I whispered. “Everything’s so screwed up.”
“No it isn’t. It’s easily fixed… , don’t even worry about it right now, okay? Come on, let’s go upstairs… we can watch the fireworks from your room,” he tugged on my hand and pulled me out of the room. “Just forget about everything tonight, alright? Just be happy.”
What had I ever done to deserve him?

***

The incessant banging on my bedroom door woke me up the next morning and I groaned loudly when I opened my eyes, the hangover kicking in immediately. Damn Harry and his ability to get alcohol from anywhere at all. I swear he conjured it up last night and-
“Fucking hold on, I’m coming!” I grumbled, slipping a hoody on as I stalked over to the door and pulled it open, ready to yell at the person on the other side and stopping when I saw it was Louis. “Oh. Hi. I thought you were Liam.”
“ I’m sorry,” he whispered quickly. “About last night. About every single thing I’ve ever done to hurt you, I’m so sorry.”
“Lou, what’s-“
“No, stop, I need to say this,” he held a hand up to stop me, pushing his way past me into my room. “There are things you don’t know, . Things I need to tell you… I… When I split up with Hannah, it was because of you. Because she could see how much I cared about you as more than a friend and I couldn’t lie to her anymore. Then there were all those rumours about you and Harry, and you were always so close and secretive and… together, I didn’t know what to believe. And I met Eleanor, and I thought, if you had Harry why couldn’t I have someone? , if I’d have known… I wouldn’t have even looked at another girl. I love you. I have done for a long time,” he admitted, his arms finding their way around my waist.
“Louis, stop, I-“
“I’m stupidly in love with you, Payne, and it scares me,” he admitted, interrupting me and resting his forehead against mine. “Because I don’t know what I’d be without you. And I know this could screw it all up, I know our friendship is at risk here but… I want you. I want you too much to care about what might happen if I lost you. I love you. Can we just… Can we try? Can we be together?”
“I can’t,” I whispered, removing his arms from around my waist as he stared at me in a mixture of confusion and hurt. I was going to lose him, I knew it. But I had to tell him. I couldn’t lie anymore. “Louis, last night…” I trailed off, swallowing the lump that was in my throat.
“…Last night what, ?” he asked, worry in his eyes.
“I slept with Harry.”

———-

eleven.

“Where did he go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, what happened?”
“I don’t know, Liam!” I sighed in frustration, running my hands through my hair and pacing around the living room. “He just- we talked, last night. And, I don’t know, it didn’t go the way either of us had planned obviously, so I came home. Then I did-” I stopped talking, glancing at Harry who’s eyes were glued to the floor as . looked between us curiously. “I did something I shouldn’t have,” I whispered, sitting down on the sofa and looking up at Liam. “I told him something and he obviously didn’t take it very well. He wouldn’t even wait for me to explain, he left.”
“What did you tell him?” Liam asked in confusion.
“I don’t want to talk about it, it’s-“
“Well to be honest ., I don’t care if you want to talk about it or not,” Liam rolled his eyes. “Because you’re going to have to talk about it. Louis’ been gone for…” he looked at his watch. “Four hours now. He’s not answering his phone, he’s not replying to texts…”
“Louis’ a big boy, he can look after himself,” . sighed. “Just drop it, Liam.”
“But he’s-“
“Drop it, Liam.” . shot him warning look.
“With all due respect, .,” Liam glared at her. “I think you should keep out of it, you don’t know Louis or the situation.”
“Clearly, I know more than you think I do,” she rolled her eyes. “Read the signs, Liam. It’s seriously not that hard to work out what’s happened.”
“Oh you think because . opens up to you that you know the shit I’ve had to deal with because of her and Louis?” Liam snapped. “You don’t know a thing.”
“I obviously know why she’s-“
“Just stop it, both of you,” I whispered, interrupting them and letting my head fall into my hands. It had been four hours since I’d told Louis about me and Harry. The way he’d looked at me… It was like he didn’t even know who I was. I could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes and I wanted to explain, to tell him we were drunk and I was upset, that I just needed to feel wanted by someone. I wanted to tell him it was a mistake.
But I couldn’t.
I didn’t get the chance, because he’d stormed out of the house, shoving past Liam and calling Harry a ‘fucking dick’ on his way out. I’d called him approximately 37 times in the four hours he’d been gone, but he had yet to pick up his phone or reply to any of the texts or voicemails I’d left him. I don’t care if I seemed desperate, I needed to talk to him.
“He’ll be okay, .,” Harry mumbled quietly from his spot on the sofa. I looked over, seeing . wince at the glare I shot him. “You’ll sort it out, you always do. I’ll talk to him.” he told me. I stared at him, my eyes narrowed as I tried to work out whether he was being serious. Did he honestly think he could fix this just by talking to Louis?
“I need to talk to Harry,” I told Liam, keeping my gaze firmly fixed on the curly-haired boy across the room. “In private.”
“Alright, go upstairs then,” Liam shrugged. “Me and . will wait here for-“
“Oh for crying out loud!” . groaned loudly, standing up and grabbing old of Liam’s arm. “We’ll be in the kitchen,” she looked pointedly at me as I mouthed a thank you to her. “Come on!” she tutted, pulling a rather confused Liam out of the room. I got up and closed the door after them, feeling Harry eyes on me as I started pacing again.
“He can’t get mad at you for this, .,” he muttered. “You’re single. It’s not like you’re dating him or anything, and how much has he messed you around?”
“You think that’s what he’s upset about?” I raised an eyebrow at him as I stopped my pacing and took a seat opposite him.
“Well what else would it be?” Harry rolled his eyes. “He’s throwing his toys out of his pram because he wants you to himself!”
“Hmmm, I don’t know Harry, what else could it possibly be?” I asked sarcastically. “Could it maybe be that he told me loved me seconds before I blurted out that I’d had sex with you?” I asked, catching him wince when I said ‘sex’. I ignored it. “Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because I’ve spent the last few weeks telling him that there’s nothing going on with you and me, that I don’t like you in that way and that nothing would ever happen between us, only to prove him right? I can’t believe I fucked up so badly,” I sighed. Harry’s head shot up and his eyes met mine. “He knew this would happen.” I whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Harry apologised quietly, staring at his hands. “I shouldn’t have- I came on to you, .. This is my fault,” he shook his head.
“We were both there, Harry. This wasn’t just you,” I stood up from my seat, and walked over to where Harry was, sitting down next to him. “I could have said no.”
“But I shouldn’t have done it, .,” Harry looked up at me, his eyes shining with tears. “Because I know. I know you love him and I know he loves you, but last night I was just so… I was drunk, and I needed- I wanted to kiss you and I knew as soon as you kissed me back that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself but I’m not sorry. I don’t regret it,” he ran a hand through his already messy hair. “I- you never gave me a chance, .. I was there, I’ve been there right from the start and you’ve never noticed the way I feel, you’ve been too wrapped up in Louis and- I just wanted you to see.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, sniffing and looking down.
“No, no don’t do that,” Harry tutted, hooking his fingers under my chin and lifting my eyes to meet his. “Don’t be sorry. Because now I know. I know that you don’t love me that way, I know you’re head over heels in love with Louis and I know he loves you, too. I know you two belong together and I was stupid to think I could ever come between that – I don’t even want to come between it. Now I can move on.”
“But you-“
“I love you. But I’d rather see my two best friends happy together than miserable apart, .,” he raised his eyebrows.
“How did I even end up with you in my life, seriously,” I muttered, wiping my eyes and burying my head in his chest as his arm made its way around my shoulders.
“You’re extremely lucky,” Harry chuckled, kissing the top of my head. “He loves you, .,” he whispered, squeezing me closer to him. “This’ll work out. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I whispered back.
“I resent that, I intend to keep this one!” he tutted at me. I didn’t reply as I rested my head on his chest, hearing his heart beating and thinking about the past 24 hours.
“…Harry?” I asked quietly.
“Hmmm?” he hummed in response.
“Yesterday, when I heard you and Liam arguing,” I sat up and looked at him. “He said… He mentioned a song that you wrote… About me?”
“Oh, that,” Harry frowned, shifting uncomfortably. “Uhm, yeah…”
“…Do I know it?”
“Uh, yeah, it’s actually… It’s one of your favourites, on the first album… I, erm, it’s More Than This,” he sighed. “But that was a while ago, Cass. I don’t think that anymore, I don’t think I’m better for you than he is.”
“I- do the others know?” I asked. “I mean, obviously Liam does, but Zayn? Niall? …Does Louis know?”
“No,” Harry scoffed. “Zayn couldn’t keep a secret like that if his life depended on it, and Louis would have demanded answers, so no. He doesn’t know either. Liam and Niall are the only ones who knew how I felt in the first place, they’re the only ones I told. Niall thinks I got over it. Liam obviously knows differently.”
“I… I feel so bad, Harry,” I told him. “Because I know how you must have felt – I felt it too, having to watch Louis pine over Eleanor and then move on to . and… I’m sorry I did that to you.”
“You didn’t know, you fool!” Harry laughed quietly. “Listen, I don’t resent you for it or anything, I don’t blame you because you didn’t know, and even if you did know it wouldn’t have made a difference, would it?” he raised an eyebrow and I shrugged my shoulders. “Be honest, .. If I would have turned round to you anytime in the last two years and said ‘oh hey, I’m in love with you, be my girlfriend’, would you have said yes?”
“I…” I paused. “No…”
“Exactly,” Harry smirked. “So it’s fine. Forget it. Besides, I’ve got last night to remember, that should keep me going for a few months,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me and I blushed, punching his arm. “Ow! Alright, sorry, too soon to joke?!”
“Yes,” I hissed at him. “We’ll… This won’t change anything, will it Harry? We’ll still be friends, right?”
“Best friends!” he grinned at me and I smiled weakly back at him. “Oh come here you wuss!” he tutted, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my hair. “We’ll always be friends. I double promise you.”
“I love you, Harry,” I murmured.
“Hmm, I know. Love you too, ..”
“Oh well this is nice and cozy, isn’t it?”
“Louis!” I pulled away from Harry, my eyes widening as I saw Louis glaring at us from the doorway. “Where’ve you been?!” I asked, jumping up from my seat and rushing over to him. “I’ve been- we’ve all been going mad worrying about you! Why didn’t you answer your phone to dick?!” I hit him with the back of my hand.
“Well neither of you look too worried,” he snapped at me.
“Mate!” Liam breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped out of the kitchen. “There you are! Where’ve you been, why did you run off?”
“Ask your sister,” Louis told him, keeping his eyes fixed on me.
“I have, she said she doesn’t-“
“Louis please just let me explain…” I whispered, interrupting Liam.
“Uhm… Liam maybe we should leave the three of them to talk and-“
“Explain what?” Louis scoffed, interrupting . who was standing nervously behind Liam. “Explain how after telling me there was nothing going on with you two, how he was just your best friend, after telling me you loved me and after letting me love you back, you fall into bed with Harry? Explain that?”
“W… What’s he talking about?” Liam looked between the three of us uneasily and I shot . a pleading look, begging her to take Liam away. “.? What the fuck does he mean you fell into bed with Harry? Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you-“
“Why do you even care?!” I growled, turning angrily to look at my brother. “You’re the one shipping me and Harry! I heard your little conversation yesterday! You’re the one putting these ideas in Harry’s head that he needs to fight for me and that he’s better for me! Newsflash, Liam! He’s not fucking better for me because I don’t fucking love him.”
“.!” . hissed, glancing behind me at Harry.
“S’alright ., it’s no secret,” Harry shrugged his shoulders. “I already know she doesn’t feel that way about me. We’ve talked. It’s fine.”
“Oh you’ve talked?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “So it’s all fixed now? Harry’s had his go, so now I’m free to have her, right?”
“No,” Harry groaned. “Louis, I didn’t mean it that way, I just meant-“
“You get everything handed to you on a fucking plate, Harry!” Louis laughed coldly. “You want to sing? You get put in a band and you get the majority of the vocals, fuck the rest of us, right? You get the fans falling at your feet, you get every single woman you ever meet falling all over as soon as you flash them a smile, and you get the only thing I’ve ever wanted!” he gestured to me. “You knew, you knew I was coming here to tell her I love her, and you still, you just… You take her!”
“It wasn’t like that!” Harry argued. “We were drunk, Louis! We were drunk and lonely and stupid, alright? I know you love her, but so do I, and I just wanted – I wanted a chance, because as long as you’ve been around she’s looked right through me and last night she didn’t! Last night I wanted her and she needed someone to be there!”
“Do you see now?” Liam asked me. “Do you see why I didn’t want this, why I wanted you to forget about Louis and find someone else? Harry, do you see why I pushed you towards every girl who’s ever shown an interest in you? Because I knew this was going to happen,” he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. “And it’s going to fuck everything up. All our achievements, everything we’ve worked hard for, it’s all going to come down to nothing because my sister has come right in the middle of the band and split us all up! Everyone’s going to take sides!”
“Liam don’t-“
“No, .,” Liam spat. “You don’t know what I’ve had to put up with for the past two years! If I’ve not had . crying that she loves Louis and he doesn’t notice her, I’ve had Harry moaning about how much she means to him and how he just wishes she’d give him a chance! And I tried, I tried so hard to find a way to make this all work out but I just couldn’t. And now it’s fucked, and it’s your fault, ..”
“Shut the fuck up,” Harry snarled at him. “You’re out of order, Liam. It’s not her fault. I started it, I kissed her first. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine.”
“No,” Liam shook his head. “No, it’s hers. She loves Louis, she can’t live without him, she’s sick of just being the best friend, blah fucking blah,” Liam narrowed his eyes as he stared at me. “So what’s the first thing you do when you have an argument, hmm? You jump into bed with Harry. I’m sick of this, ., I really am. Grow the fuck up!”
“Liam,” Louis growled. I gulped down the lump in my throat and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall as I pushed past Liam, Louis and . and quickly walked upstairs.
“That’s right! Run away like you always do and leave me to clean up the mess!” Liam called after me.
“Stop being an arse!” . hissed at him.
“This has nothing to do with you Liam,” I heard Louis tell him as I walked into my room and sat on my bed. “This has nothing to do with any of you. It’s between me and ., so I’d appreciate it if you all fucked off so I can speak to her alone.” he snapped. I heard a door slam and footsteps walking upstairs. “.…” Louis mumbled, stepping into my room and quietly closing the door. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started that everyone there.”
“He’s right,” I whispered, tears rolling down my face. “I-I’ve messed it all up. I’m sorry. Louis, please don’t hate Harry, please.”
“I don’t hate Harry,” he sighed, sitting down next to me. “I just hate what’s happened. I love you, .. I… It took me a while to say it, but I’ll keep saying it every single day until you know that I mean it. I love you.”
“I love you too, Louis,” I whispered, smiling weakly at him.
“But…” he paused, sighing. “Harry loves you, too. I’ve known that for a while. And I know you say you don’t love him, . I know you’ve said you have no feelings for him, but… How can I be sure? How can I know that if we tried, if we were together, that you wouldn’t go running off with Harry whenever we had a… disagreement? How can I know that this won’t happen again?”
“Because it won’t, Louis,” I told him. “I promise you it won’t. We were drunk and we made a stupid mistake and- it just, it won’t happen again. We’ve talked about it. We’re friends.”
“And what if you get drunk again, .? What if you end up in bed with him again? …I wouldn’t be able to forgive either of you.”
“Louis…” I trailed off, my voice shaking.
“I think we should be friends, .. Just friends. For now, at least.” Louis mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.
“Okay,” I muttered, nodding. “Friends, yeah. Whatever.”
“.…” he whispered. “Look at me,” he demanded, and I lifted my head up. He reached a hand out, brushing a few of my tears away with his thumb. My breath caught in my throat as he edged his way closer, his lips finally landing softly on mine.
“Friends don’t kiss like that,” I whispered when he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine. He closed his eyes and smiled, kissing the tip of my nose before he stood up.
“I’ve, erm, I’ve booked a ticket to go back home tonight,” he told me quietly. “I figured it’s for the best, give us all time away from each other to clear our head and stuff. …I’ll see you when you get back though, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing’s gonna change, ., I promise. We’ll work this out, the three of us. We’ll still be the three weird best friends we’ve always been.”
“Yeah, sure,” I nodded.
“…Do you want me to send Harry up?” he sighed.
“No,” I shook my head. “…I wouldn’t mind a hug off ., though.”
“Coming right up,” Louis smiled, pausing in the doorway of my room. “Bye, ..”
“Yeah… Bye, Lou.” I whispered, watching as he walked out of my room, pulling the door closed behind him.

———-

twelve.

First day of my new job… wish me luck! xxx

@ you got it? told you! have fun 🙂 …and you’re welcome 😉 x

I smiled when I saw that Louis had replied to the tweet I’d sent out earlier on. I’d just finished my first day at the planetarium and, after swapping numbers with a couple of the girls I now worked with and thanking David profusely, I was on my way back home.
I never thought I’d have so much fun at a job! I grinned, shifting in my seat as the bus moved slowly along and I tweeted Louis back.

@Louis_Tomlinson I had lots of fun, cheers Lou 🙂 x

I’d only just sent the tweet when my phone buzzed, letting me know someone had mentioned me in a tweet, my eyes widening when I saw it.

Awkward when I’m trying to get my friends together and I can’t because @ is avoiding me, Lou and even her own brother…

What. An. Arse. My mentions were immediately flooded by girls asking why I was avoiding the three of them. I groaned in annoyance, earning a strange look from the woman in the seat next to me as I pressed my phone against my ear and waited for him to pick up.
“Well, well, well! Hi babycakes!”
“Delete that tweet now Harry!” I hissed, not even bothering to say hello.
“So you’re not avoiding me now?”
“Harry, I swear to God…” I trailed off and he sighed loudly. It had been three weeks since I’d seen or spoken to any of them – not because I was avoiding them, per se… I’d just been busy with university and they’d been busy writing and recording the new album. I’d spoken to Zayn a few times, actually. It was on twitter, but that counts as speaking to him…
“I miss you, .” Harry mumbled.
“I miss you too Harry,” I sighed quietly. “It’s just, this whole space thing me and Louis are doing doesn’t really permit me to just pop round for a coffee, y’know? And Liam still isn’t talking to me, either. Everything’s fucked up-” I stopped, the woman next to me tutting at what I assumed was the word ‘fucked’. “Sorry, Harry, hold on…” I turned to look at her. “If you don’t like my language, I suggest you find somewhere else to sit. There are plenty of other spare seats on this bus and if you knew the situation I was currently in, you wouldn’t just be tutting at me for my choice of words,” I glared at her. She tutted once again, standing up and moving further down the bus.
“…Did you just tell someone off?” Harry asked in amusement.
“Yes,” I mumbled. “Sorry, I’m just wound up,” I sighed. “I’ve never gone this long without speaking to any of you…”
“Can I come and see you tonight?”
“No.”
“Charming!” Harry scoffed. “Please? I miss , my best friend. Not , the girl I’m in love with.”
“Harry.”
“What?!” he laughed. “Does that unnerve you, when I say I’m in love with you? Sorry, I’ll stop it. But please? Can I just come round for a tiny bit?”
“No, really, Danielle’s coming over,” I pressed the bell when I reached my stop and moved to the front of the bus, waiting for the doors to open and telling the driver thanks.
“Well she won’t mind if I’m there, will she?!”
“Harry-” I stopped dead as I turned the corner to my road, seeing the familiar figure leaning against the side of my apartment block. “Harry Edward Styles why are you outside my apartment?!” I groaned.
“Oh, are you here?!” he asked, turning round. I could see the grin on his face from where I was and I scowled as I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked quickly towards him. “Hi!” he beamed, opening his arms for a hug. I frowned at him, pushing him out of the way and unlocking the door to the apartment building. “Caaaaass…” he moaned, following me inside. “Come on, I missed you! You were avoiding me!”
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” I grumbled. “I just wanted a bit of space from the lot of you! I can’t see Louis, Liam’s not talking to me, I stayed out of the way for a reason, Harry.”
“They’re stupid reasons,” he argued. “Please let me in?” he pouted.
“…Oh fine,” I sighed loudly, stepping aside and letting him inside the apartment. He grinned at me and rushed inside, pulling his hat off and hanging it on a coat peg. “Polly?” I called. “…Eh. She must be out.”
“She is,” Harry whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist as he stepped up behind me. “She left just as I got here but she wouldn’t let me inside, in case you didn’t want to see me. I tried flirting with her but it didn’t work, I must be losing my touch…”
“That’s why I love her,” I smirked, tapping his hands for him to let me go. He didn’t. “Harry, c’mon, this is weird,” I sighed, pulling out of his grip as he looked at me with a hurt expression on his face. “It’s just, you’re all touchy-feely and it’s… it just feels strange.”
“Strange because of what we did,” he paused, looking at me curiously. “Or strange because you know how I feel now?”
“I don’t know…” I shrugged.
“…Or is it strange because of Louis, because you don’t want to piss him off by seeing me?”
“What? No,” I scoffed. “It’s just weird because everyone’s always thought we were this couple even though we weren’t and now that we’ve…” I trailed off.”
“…Now that we’ve had sex, you can say it , you’re a big girl now,” Harry rolled his eyes at me.
“Well, yeah. Now that we’ve don’t that, I don’t know. It just feels different, alright?” I huffed, turning my back to him as I shrugged my coat off and threw it over the back of the sofa. “Look, I just think that maybe-“
“You promised,” Harry whispered. “You said I wouldn’t lose you.”
“Oh Harry you’re not losing me,” I tutted at him. “I just think, I don’t know. I can’t help but feel guilty everytime I see you or talk to you, because I know how bad I felt seeing Louis in love with other people. I don’t want to be the person who makes you feel that way…”
“But you’re not, . You don’t make me feel that way. I knew what I was getting into when I started falling for you because I knew you loved Louis, I had the chance to distance myself from you so these feelings didn’t go any further but I chose to be around you all the time instead. It’s my own fault because I couldn’t stay away from you and I’m- no,” he frowned, shaking his head. “I was going to apologise but you know what? I’m not sorry, , because I can love you more than he does. But whatever,” he shrugged. “I get that you love him and you don’t have those feelings for me, that’s fine. I’m just asking that you have a bit of consideration here and don’t act like I’m going to fucking pounce everytime I touch you. I’m still your best friend, right?”
“Of course you are…” I mumbled. “I’m sorry, Harry. I’m just having a hard time trying to work all this out in my head.”
“It’d help if you actually let someone in to help you try and deal with it,” he raised an eyebrow at me, opening his arms for a hug. I sighed and stepped into them, wrapping arms around his neck and closing my eyes. “I love you, .” he mumbled.
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you too Harry…”
“Good!” he pulled back, grinning at me. “So what are we doing when Danielle gets here then?! Girls night in?!”
“Erm,” I chuckled. “I don’t know, we were gonna have a glass or five of wine and have a gossip about, well, you and Louis. But I guess we can’t do that if you’re here… So we’ll just have wine and do whatever,” I shrugged my shoulders, grinning as someone knocked on the door. “That’ll be her now! Go and let her in!” I shooed him out into the hall and he rolled his eyes at my bossiness, but did as I said. I pulled some glasses out of the cupboard, groaning inwardly when I heard a voice coming from the doorway.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, uhm, I just came to see …”
“…Hmm,” he scoffed at Harry’s answer.
“Play nice, boys,” Danielle warned them as I turned round in time to see her glide into the kitchen. “Hey babe, hope you don’t mind but, well, I brought Liam. He wanted to come.”
“Oh did he?” I raised an eyebrow, looking past her as Liam and Harry stepped into view. “Why, so he can yell at me and blame me for more stuff?” I rolled my eyes and Liam sighed loudly, looking at me pleadingly. “…Fine. What?”
“…Dani can you and Harry, uhm… Go somewhere else?” Liam asked quietly.
“Sure thing,” Danielle smiled, linking her arm through Harry’s. “Come on, Styles. Us curly’s should stick together. Let’s go for a walk!” she pulled him towards the door. Liam waited until he heard the door click shut behind them before he looked at me, a pout on his face.
“Don’t give me that look!” I yelped, covering my eyes with my hand and pointed at him with the other. “That’s not fair! You do that eye thing that makes you look like one of those homeless puppies and it makes me want to give you a hug and feed you cake!” I grumbled. The amount of things he’d gotten away with over the years with that face… Arse.
“…”
“No!”
“I’m sorry ,” Liam mumbled. He wrapped his arms around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head. “I didn’t mean to shout at you. I know it wasn’t all your fault.”
“It’s okay,” I mumbled back to him, squeezing my eyes shit and letting my arms circle his waist. “I-I’m sorry too, Liam… You were right. I’ve been selfish, I didn’t think how it would affect anyone else, I didn’t give a second thought to you or the band. I just- I didn’t know it would get like this. I didn’t know Harry would- well. You know.”
“You didn’t know Harry would fall in love with you,” Liam smiled weakly, pulling away from the hug. “It’s okay, . How could you have known that? Have you… I mean, he was here… Are you two…” he trailed off.
“…What? Are me and Harry together? No,” I chuckled quietly. “No, he just said he missed me, that’s all.”
“Louis misses you too.”
“Are you pushing me towards Louis, now?” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Because when we were back home, the conversation I overheard told a very different story, Liam… Correct me if I’m wrong, but you told Harry to fight for me? You said Louis only wanted me because he knew he could have me, you said he’d break my heart.
“I know, I-” he paused, sighing and running a hand through his newly cut hair. “I was wrong,” he mumbled. “It’s just that- ever since I introduced you to them, that first day they came to the house, I saw your face when you spotted Louis getting out of the car. You just stared at him, like you were in your own little world. And when you actually met them and he freaked you out by, well, by being himself, really, when he dived on you – you got all googly-eyed and I knew you’d get hurt, because I knew he had Hannah… They’d only been at ours for about three days when I realised Harry had a crush on you, he seemed like the better option…” he trailed off. “But I was wrong, . Because Louis does love you. He adores you. The signs have always been there and I’ve just never paid any attention to them because I was too hating his obliviousness to your feelings. I always thought he was just like that with his girl friends – but he’s not. It’s just you.” Liam looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. “I just wanted to protect my little sister.”
“…What changed your mind?” I asked quietly, trying to take in everything he’d just said.
“Honestly? …I’m not saying this to make you feel bad , but what changed my mind was seeing how heartbroken he was when we came back home. He wouldn’t talk to me, he wouldn’t talk to Harry… He barely spoke to Zayn. The only one he told anything to was Niall. I think… I think you’re it for him, . As far as he’s concerned, I think you’re ‘the one’.”
“…Really?” I bit my lip nervously.
“Really. That’s basically what he told Niall. But… Look, he knows you don’t love Harry, he believes you on that. But he knows that Harry loves you and he’s scared that one day you’ll look at him and realise you could have been better off with Harry. He’s scared he’s going to hurt you and you’ll go running to Harry. He’s scared he’ll lose you to his best friend.”
“I don’t love Harry though,” I whispered. “I love Louis.”
“I know you do,” Liam rolled his eyes. “You’ve only told me every single day for about a year,” he smirked, and I tutted as I smacked his arm lightly. “Louis just… He knows now how much he’s already hurt you without even meaning to. He doesn’t want to risk hurting you anymore.”
“Everyone gets hurt, Liam. You go into a relationship knowing that it won’t be easy, that you’ll have to work at it, that maybe it won’t last forever. Someone will always get hurt. And if… When Louis’s ready to talk to me, if we decide to try…”
“…Then Harry will get hurt,” Liam finished my sentence and I nodded sadly. “Harry understands, though. He’ll be upset, but he won’t show it. He’ll get over it and he’ll be happy for you. You’re his best friends. The three of you – that kind of friendship is forever, . You’re like… Charlie’s Angels!”
“…Oh my God,” I snorted back a laugh. “Could you not have thought of a better comparison?!”
“No,” he frowned. “Only Sooty, Sweep and Sue… Oh actually that works better, two boys, one girl… Okay, so you’re like Sooty, Sweep and Sue then!” he tutted when I laughed at him.
“Urgh…” I groaned in frustration. “What should I do, Liam? I don’t know what I can do to make everyone happy! If Louis wants to try, I’m going to hurt Harry… If he doesn’t, I don’t know if- it’ll hurt too much being friends with him but I can try. But it’ll always be there, the fact that I love him. And even then, will it hurt them? Will I hurt Louis by staying friends with Harry? Will I hurt Harry by being with Louis? Will I hurt him by not being with Louis?!”
“…Notice in all of questions you didn’t once say ‘will I hurt Louis by being with Harry’?” Liam smiled softly. “You don’t have those kinds of feelings for him and you’ll hurt all three of you if you try and pretend that you do. Listen… I know you don’t want to, I know you want to have them both in your life… but maybe you can’t, . Maybe it’s one or the other.”
“I don’t-” I frowned and shook my head. “No.”
“,” Liam sighed, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking into my eyes. “Maybe that’s what it’s going to come down to, it’s something you have to consider. Maybe you have to lose one of them. Maybe you’re going to have to choose.”

———-

thirteen.

“Are you here?”
“Yep, I’m just getting out of the lift now…” I smirked when I saw him stood outside the apartment door. “I can see you, so I’m going to hang up…”
“Oh!” he turned around, pulling the phone away from his ear and grinning when he saw me. “Babes!”
“Hey Zayn!” I giggled as he wrapped me up in his arms and kissed my head. “How are you?” I asked, and he shrugged, casually draping his arm around my shoulders. “Is Louis inside then? Does he know I’m coming?”
“Of course he knows,” Zayn pulled a face, pushing the door closed with his foot after we’d stepped inside. “He’s been banging on about seeing you for like a week, . As soon as Liam got back from seeing you Louis was all ‘oh my God did you ask her to come for my birthday?!’ before Liam even got through the door properly… It was kind of cute. Kind of. Mostly I was embarrassed for him, but whatever.”
“Don’t be horrible!” I scoffed, hitting his chest with the back of my hand. “…How is he? You know, with the whole me still talking to Harry thing?”
“…Honestly?” Zayn frowned, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t know. He doesn’t really talk about it, I just know that Harry’s been trying his hardest to get their friendship back on track, but Louis’s… I think he just needs time. He feels like Harry betrayed him. LOUIS!” Zayn yelled. “Your girlfriend’s here!”
“Zayn!” I squeaked quietly, elbowing him hard in the side. “I just- Keep your mouth shut, Malik! You’ll scare him off!” I hissed at him.
“Oh please, it’s only a matter of time,” Zayn scoffed, dropping his arm from around my shoulders and taking my hand instead, pulling me into the living room where the others were. Liam was sat on the arm chair in the corner, Danielle perched on his knee. Harry and Niall where sat on the bigger of the two sofas, a space left between them, and Louis was sat on the other sofa, a party hat on his head and he was surrounded by wrapping paper. I smiled, shaking my head when I saw the grin on his face.
“You’re not supposed to open anything yet, it’s not your birthday for another two days!” I laughed at him.
“!” he giggled, his fingers wrapping around my wrist as he yanked me down onto the sofa next to him. “Hi!”
“Hello,” I smirked at him, looking round at the others. Harry smiled softly and gave me a small wave before turning back to his conversation with Niall, tutting when Zayn plonked himself down between them. “…If I give you your presents now, you’ll open them, won’t you?” I asked Louis.
“Me? Nooo…” he tried – and failed – to look innocent. “Gimme!” he demanded, wiggling his fingers and holding his hands out.
“Charming,” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t see or talk to you for ages and you don’t ask how I am or anything, I don’t even get a hug because you just want your damn presents… Typical boy, only interested in what he can get for himself!”
“I’m sorry,” Louis laughed quietly. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me as close to him as he could and pressing his lips to my forehead. “I missed you,” he whispered. “I know it was my idea, but I really can’t do the whole space thing anymore, . I’m not letting you out of my sight ever again.”
“Hmmm,” I sighed, closing my eyes. “What does that mean, then?” I asked. Louis pulled away, smiling and tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.
“We’ll talk later, when everyone has stopped pretending like they’re not staring at us,” he smirked, raising an eyebrow at the others who quickly looked away when they realised they’d all been caught. I scoffed, leaning down and grabbing the bag by my feet before handing it to Louis.
“Here, happy birthday! It’s nothing special or anything, I know it’s your 21st but I’m a poor student.”
“If it’s off you, I’ll love it,” he smiled, grabbing the present out of my hands and ripping the paper off, laughing loudly when he saw what it was.
“…Socks,” Zayn looked at us in confusion and I saw Harry stifling a laugh. “You bought him socks for his 21st birthday? You’re the worst present buyer ever !”
“No, I love them!” Louis grinned, kicking his shoes off and pulling a pair of the socks on, sticking his feet out in front of him and wiggling his toes. He grabbed his phone off the arm of the sofa and took a picture of his sock-covered feet, quickly typing something out before putting his phone back down. I rolled my eyes when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket and I pulled it out, already knowing that the picture had made its way to Twitter. I was right. The screen was lit up with a notification, letting me know Louis had mentioned me in a tweet.

Early birthday present from @ – I love them! THANKS !

“There’s more,” I nudged him, gesturing to the half-opened present.
“This is why I like you the best,” Louis grinned. “Everyone else gets me one present for Christmas and my birthday, you get me two!”
“Three,” I corrected him as he pulled out the second thing.
“What’s that?” Niall scrunched his face up in confusion.
“It’s a constellation chart…” Louis grinned. “And a book on astronomy! And Greek mythology!”
“Since when are you into astronomy?” Zayn asked him.
“Since taught me about it a while ago, it’s actually really interesting. You can laugh all you want Horan,” Louis pointed at him. “But it is interesting. And so is Greek mythology, if you had any culture, you’d listen to her.”
“I bought you the constellation chart so you can go star gazing without climbing on the roof and giving me a heart attack. Thought you could stick it on your ceiling or something, that way you can look at them from the comfort of your own bed!”
“Mhmm…” Louis glanced at me. “And that way, you can still look at them with me, too.” he smirked, and I blushed when Zayn whistled at us. Louis chuckled and threw an arm around my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my temple. “You’ll be back in London for my party, right? When do you go home?”
“My train leaves in…” I looked down at my watch. “Just over an hour, so I should get going soon. My stuff’s in the hall, I’m going right to the station from here. I come back on New Year’s Eve.”
“You come back the day of my party?” Louis raised an eyebrow. “But what if something happens on the trains and you can’t get back?!”
“Then it’ll be your own fault for having your 21st party on New Year’s Eve!” I tutted, elbowing him in the ribs. “I can’t come back any earlier, doesn’t want to get the train on her own and she’s in work until the 30th.”
“Sophie’s coming?”
“Yeah, I…” I paused, looking at him in confusion. “You didn’t ask her?” I asked, and he shook his head. “Liam?”
“Nope,” Liam shook his head.
“Er,” Harry coughed, holding a hand up. “I DM’d her on Twitter and asked her if she wanted to come along… I thought it might be nice for her to meet everyone now that she’s back in touch with …”
“Huh,” Niall scoffed. “That’s Styles code for ‘she’s fit, I wanna bang her’.”
“No it’s not!” Harry blushed. “I just, she’s a nice girl, that’s all. Like I said, if she’s ‘s friend then why shouldn’t she be invited? was invited!”
“Yeah but we know .” Zayn raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, and they – as in Harry, Louis, and Liam – know Sophie,” Danielle shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t see the big deal. More girls for me to dance with when Liam’s being all sensible and boring.”
“…Lovely!” Liam tutted, squeezing Danielle’s side and making her squeal.
“This is going to suck, you know?” Zayn groaned at Harry, gesturing towards Liam and Danielle before pointing at me and Louis. “When these two finally sort things out, we’ll be surrounded by couples!”
“What about Bex?” Harry frowned at him. “I thought you and her had that… thing?” he asked, but Zayn just shrugged his shoulders.
“Okay, and on that note…” I laughed quietly, standing up. “I should probably ring a taxi, don’t want to get stuck in traffic and miss my train…”
“What?” Louis pulled a face. “Don’t be stupid, I’ll drive you!”
“Erm…” I glanced at the others, frowning at Harry’s smirk. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Lou.”
“No problem…” he grinned, putting his shoes back on and standing up.
“Have a good Christmas, guys,” I smiled, making my way over to Liam and hugging him. “You’re coming on Boxing Day, right?” I asked him, he was spending Christmas day with Danielle and her family.
“Yeah, yeah we are,” he nodded. “I’ll talk to you on Christmas day though, alright? Tell Mum I’ll call in the morning.”
“I will, bye guys!” I gave the others quick hugs before following Louis outside.
“Have fun!” Niall called after us.
“And be careful!” Harry added.
“Yeah, don’t think Liam fancies being an uncle yet!” Zayn snickered. I heard a thwack and Zayn mutter an ‘ouch’, so I assumed Liam had smacked him. I smirked and pulled the front door closed behind me.
“They’re just trying to wind us up, they’ll stop. Eventually,” Louis smiled, taking my hand in his and grabbing hold of my case as we stepped into the lift. “When they get used to it.”
“Used to what, Louis?” I sighed, pulling my hand out of his and crossing my arms over his chest. Louis looked down at his now-empty hand, a small frown on his face as he brought his eyes up to meet mine.
“Well… us. Used to us.”
“Oh so is there an us, then?” I raised an eyebrow at him. Louis smiled weakly, shrugging his shoulders and avoiding my gaze. “Have you had enough space now?”
“…” he sighed.
“Look, Lou, I get it alright? I know what I did was wrong and I know it hurt you, I know I completely contradicted myself by doing it, but it was a drunken mistake. There were absolutely no feelings involved. It’s just… When I finally told you how I felt, you… I thought that was it, I thought I’d lost you because you were all ‘oh I need some space, maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore’,” I pulled a face. “And then you turn up when I go home, and we talk and we’re so close to fixing it all… And I screwed up, I know I did, but you go back to needing space and-“
“I needed space,” Louis interrupted, the lift doors sliding open. “Because you had sex with my best friend.” he scoffed, grabbing my suitcase and walking out of the lift. I rolled my eyes and followed him out.
“Yes, I know, and you’re never going to let me forget it,” I tutted. “I’ve said sorry. I made a mistake, Louis, and I regret it. I just feel like you’re never going to make your mind up, that you’re just going to keep me hanging on until you make a decision…”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” Louis frowned. “I just need some time, . I’m trying to sort through everything in my head, that’s all.”
“Okay,” I nodded, grabbing my suitcase off him and pulling my phone out of my pocket. “Well until you’ve sorted everything out and decided what it is you actually want, maybe I could do with some space.”
“-“
“I’m ringing a taxi,” I interrupted him, pushing open the door of the building and stepping outside. “Have a good birthday and a nice Christmas, Louis. Call me when you make your mind up.”

***

“Hmm…” Sophie frowned, handing over a £20 note to the taxi driver and following me out. “And you haven’t spoken to him since you left?” she asked, closing the car door as I turned round to face her.
“Nope.” I shrugged my shoulders, fixing my dress and sending a small wave to the boys fans who were stood outside the hotel. It was New Year’s Eve, the night of Louis’s 21st party and we were a tiny bit late… Okay, a lot late. We should have been there at half eight and it was nearing 11pm, but we’d had a few drink in the flat, had a gossip and sort of lost track of the time. Whatever. We were fashionably late!
“Huh,” she tutted, flashing a smile at the doorman as we stepped inside. “Well then. You’ve got a decent amount of vodka in you, so I suggest tonight you flirt like crazy with Harry, that’ll give Louis a massive kick up the arse!”
“That’s what started all this!” I tutted, lightly slapping her arm. “I’m not going to flirt with anyone, vodka or no vod-“
“! !”
“Speak of the devil…” hissed in my ear, a smirk on her face as she straightened up and grinned at Harry as he approached us. “Hey, Harry.”
“HELLO!” he laughed drunkenly, giving her a hug before planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “You’re in sooo much trouble! Louis’s seriously pissed that you’re so late!”
“Louis can go fu-“
“Hey!” Zayn grinned, wrapping an arm around my waist and interrupting . “You’re here, finally! Oh, hi, you must be ,” he smiled at her.
“Well!” She grinned back, looking him up and down. “You look good enough to eat!”
“!” I shrieked. “Oh my God, stop hitting on my friends! Urgh, okay,” I shook my head and turned to Zayn. “Where’s Lou? I guess I should go say hi.”
“He’s, uhm, over by the bar I think…” Zayn pointed. “He’s missed you.”
“Yeah, yeah…” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be back, I apologise in advance to your or anyone else takes an interest in tonight – she seems to be on a manhunt!” I patted his shoulder, turning around and making my way over to the bar, my eyes scanning the crowd until I saw him talking to a blonde girl. He smiled, laughing at whatever she said before pulling her into a hug. I had no claim on him, I knew that, but I still felt jealousy stirring the pit of my stomach when I saw the girls face.
Hannah.
“!” Niall shouted down my ear, wrapping his arms around me before I had time to react. “Hi! You remember Millie, right?” he asked, pointed to the shorter girl beside him.
“Hey, yeah of course I do!” I smiled. “Hi, Millie! Nice to see you again… So, hey, random question! I don’t suppose either of you fancy getting absolutely paralytic with me tonight?!”
“Uhm…” Millie laughed quietly, shifting her gaze to Niall. “I would, but I have to work tomorrow… Sorry?”
“Yeah, and I’m not helping you drown your sorrows over Louis,” Niall smirked, throwing an arm around Millie’s shoulders. “Have fun though, .” he told me. I pulled a face and waved them away, finding a seat at the bar and ordering a bottle of wine.
“…?” I heard her behind me and she put a hand on my shoulder as I turned round. “Hey, do you remember me?”
“Of course I remember you,” I smiled weakly. “How are you, Hannah?”
“I’m good,” she nodded, smiling as she hopped onto the bar stool next to me. “I see you’re on the wine,” she smirked. I nodded gesturing to the barman for an empty glass. I poured some wine into it and pushed it towards Hannah. “Thanks! How are you doing, ?”
“I’m alright,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I saw you talking to Lou, are you, erm… Are you getting back together?”
“What?! No!” Hannah scoffed. “I have a boyfriend back home. Even if I didn’t, even if I had those feelings for Louis – which I don’t – I wouldn’t go back to being with him while he was in love with someone else. It was bad enough the first time when I realised he had those feelings for you,” she told me, taking a sip of her wine. “He was talking to me before about you, . Said he needed an outside perspective.”
“…Oh,” I mumbled, looking down into my half empty glass. “So you know everything, then?”
“Yep,” she nodded. “You and Harry? Honestly, I must be the only person who did not see that coming! Louis knows you made a mistake, hun. He’s done holding it against you, he’s getting past it.”
“He’s staring, did he send you over to talk to me?” I raised my eyebrows at her, glancing at Louis out of the corner of my eye.
“Uhm… Maybe?” she smiled sheepishly, laughing. I giggled and grabbed the half-empty bottle of wine, topping up our glasses. “C’mon, ,” she took my hand and pulled me off the stool. “Let’s go and dance!” she grinned, taking her glass of wine in her other hand and leading me off to the dance floor.
We danced for a while, before and Harry came and stole me away and dragged me back to the bar, demanding that we do shots. I smirked as I watched them together, Harry grinning everytime laughed.
“You fancy her,” I whispered to him. He smirked at me, shrugging his shoulders. “You should do something about it, she’s nice. I approve. She’d be good for you, Harry.”
“Eh,” he pouted, watching her as she leaned over the bar to get someone’s attention. “She’s cute. Reckon I need to get over you before I go chasing after anyone else, though.”
“Harry…” I sighed.
“I know, I know,” he held his hands up apologetically. “I’m sorry. Oh… incoming!” he hissed. I looked at him in confusion before I felt someone place their hand on my back and lean into me.
“Hey,” Louis whispered in my ear. “Can I steal you for a bit? I want to talk to you.”
“Er,” I looked at and Harry, who had their eyebrows raised at me, with a huge ‘I-told-you-so’ smirk on her face. “Yeah, okay…”
“Okay, good,” he grinned, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them. I saw Hannah stood with Liam and Danielle and I bit back a smile as she gave me a thumbs-up. Louis pulled me over to a quiet corner, pushing me in front of him and glancing over his shoulder. “Hi.” he whispered.
“Hi… Having a good party?” I raised an eyebrow, my back resting on the wall as I looked up at him.
“Hmm…” Louis shrugged. “So-so. Would have been better if you actually got here on time,” he smirked.
“Yeah… sorry,” I chuckled. “Me and were having a few drinks and rang to say happy new year, coz she’s back in Ireland… We just got distracted, I guess. And we had to wait ages for a taxi too, so it’s not all our fault! Oh, hey, I was talking to Hannah before…”
“Yeah, I know,” Louis grinned. “I saw. Did you have a good Christmas…?”
“Yeah, was alright,” I shrugged. “Quiet without Liam, though. I, uhm, I missed you.”
“Mhmm…” he paused. “I missed you too, . But you needed space, right? So I gave you space, and you were right. I was stringing you along, keeping you hanging on until I made my mind up and I was wrong, I shouldn’t have done that. You deserve better than that. Maybe Harry, maybe anyone can give you better than that. But, if you’ll let me, I’ll try my best to make it up to you, .”
“You mean…?” I trailed off nervously, glancing over his shoulder as the DJ announced the countdown to New Year.
“I mean I love you,” Louis breathed, leaning in closer. “And I want to be with you. For real. I want everyone to know.” he told me as everyone around us started counting down.
“10, 9…” “Really?” I bit my lip, and he nodded at me. “I love you, Lou.” I whispered.
“6, 5…”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he grinned, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and leaning in closer, stopping just before his lips touched mine.
“3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
“Happy new year, ,” he mumbled, finally pressing his lips against mine. He pulled away after a couple of minutes, resting his forehead against mine. “I have a feeling 2013 is going to be a good year.”

———-

fourteen.

“I’m gonna fall!”
“No, you’re not. Just concentrate, it’s not that hard – honestly!”
“Don’t let go of my hand!”
“But I-“
“I’M SLIPPING!” Louis shrieked, making a grab for my hand. I laughed and skated the short distance over to him, taking his hands in my own and helping him stand up straight. “Honestly, ! I can’t fall, what if I land on my face?!” he looked at me in horror, pointing to his face. “This, this is the money, right here!”
“Really? I could have sworn your talent was singing, not looking pretty. Besides, it’s not your face they like, it’s your arse!”
“I am not pretty, I am ruggedly handsome,” he turned his head away from me, his nose in the air as I laughed. “I am! My mum told me so!”
“Okay then. I’m letting go of you now, Lou.”
“No you can’t, I-“
“You can stand on your own!” I told him. “Look, just… You’re not balanced properly! Move your legs a bit further apart…” I instructed and he smirked at me.
“,” he raised an eyebrow. “We’re in public…”
“Don’t be a pervert or I’ll push you over myself, Tomlinson!” I pointed a finger in his face. “Just stand with them further apart… Like that, yeah. Then you just- look, give me your hand and we’ll actually try skating first alright?” I raised an eyebrow, holding out my hand to him which he immediately grabbed and clung on to. “Okay, push off with your right foot… Right, Louis!” I tutted, his foot left foot colliding with my right one. He did the most womanly shriek I’ve ever heard as the blade caught the ice. He stumbled, his feet slipping on the ice and he fell down, pulling me with him. I landed on his stomach and he let a loud “oomph!”, laughing when he looked at me sprawled across him.
“Really, , if you wanted to get closer you should have just told me,” he grinned, leaning up on his elbows, one of his hands reaching out as he brushed his fingers across my cheek. “You’re cheeks are all rosy…” he whispered. “And you’re nose is red. You look like Rudolph.”
“…Romantic, Louis,” I giggled, opening my eyes to see the smile on his face. I saw a flash out of the corner of my head and my head snapped round, my eyes landing on two teen girls stood over in the corner, huddled together and glancing our way. I quickly moved away from Louis, pulling myself up and holding on to the side as I helped him up, letting go of his hand when I was sure he wasn’t going to land on his arse again.
“What’s wrong?” he frowned, putting his hands on my waist. I peeked over the shoulder, the girls still staring over at us.
“Fans,” I whispered, pointing. Louis turned round and smiled at them, sending a small wave their way as they started giggling. “I’m just-“
“Are you still getting hassle?” Louis interrupted. I shrugged my shoulders, looking down and examining my fingernails.
It had been a little over a month since Louis and I had “officially” gotten together at his birthday party and, while the majority of One Direction fans were lovely, there were a few that were… well, much less accepting.
I was still trying to understand why, if you don’t like someone, you don’t just ignore them? Instead of seeking them out on Twitter to send them abusive messages. The boys had been supportive, though – especially Harry, he was constantly sticking up for me as best he could without getting into trouble – and Danielle was teaching me how she dealt with it.
, however, had taken to arguing back with them. Apparently, she “wouldn’t let anyone talk to her friend that way”.
“It’s getting better,” I told him quietly. “It’s… I just ignore it, now. What’s the worst they can do, call me names on the internet? They don’t know me, they don’t know the situation…”
“They know you’re Liam’s sister, they know you’re my girlfriend and they know you’re our friend. They shouldn’t do it. It’s… , they’re just silly little girls. They don’t know anything about us. If they could see how happy you make me, how in love I am with you then they’d-” Louis stopped, his eyes lighting up and a grin spreading across his face. “! Let’s do a Twitcam!”
“Erm, no, that’s a terrible idea,” I laughed quietly, shaking my head and pushing his away slightly as I saw the girls skating over to us. Louis sighed, letting his hands drop from my waist as he moved to stand beside me, leaning against the side.
“Hi girls!” he grinned when the fans reached us. “How are you?”
“Hi Louis,” the brunette giggled. “Uhm, we’re sorry to interrupt, but can we have a picture please…?”
“Of course you can!” Louis grinned. “Have you got a camera? Here, pass me it, you can get one with first!” he took the pink camera out of her hands and grinned at me.
“Louis,” my eyes widened. “I’m sure they don’t-“
“Thank you!” the blonde girl let out a little squeak as they moved to stand either side of me. I glared at Louis, unable to keep the smile off my face as he snapped a couple of pictures. I shook my head, laughing quietly as the girls thanked me before they turned expectantly to Louis.
“What are your names, girls?” he asked, moving between them and tripping up slightly. “It’s okay, I’m alright! Wahey, see , I’m getting better, I didn’t even fall that time!”
“Luckily, you still have the poor girl’s camera in your hand,” I smirked, holding my hand out. “Give it.” I demanded.
“She’s so bossy…” he complained to them, but handed me the camera anyway and wrapped an arm around each of the beaming girls. “So, what are your names then?”
“I-I’m Laura…” the blonde stuttered.
“I’m Eva. It’s really nice to meet you both!” the brunette bit her lip. “Are the others around? Like, say… Harry?”
“Nope!” Louis laughed, the three of them smiling as I took the picture. “Just us two I’m afraid,” he smiled at them as I passed Eva her camera back. “I’ll let you in on a secret…” he whispered. “We’re on a date!”
“Louis!” I hissed.
“That’s not a secret,” Laura smirked at him. “Everyone knows she’s your girlfriend!”
“Oh God,” I groaned, bringing my hand up to my forehead and sighing. “I’ll just- I should let you- I’m gonna go and skate and let you two talk to Louis, I’m sure you don’t want me hanging around…”
“Aww, …” Louis whined, pouting and reaching out to grab my hand.
“If you let go of the side, you’ll fall,” I warned him. His eyes widened when he realised he wasn’t holding on to anything and he quickly made a grab for the rail, breathing a sigh of relief when his hand wrapped round it. “Wimp!”
“You’re so cute together!” Eva squealed, her green eyes going wide as she clamped a hand over her mouth. “Uhmm… Sorry, I didn’t mean- that wasn’t meant to make me sound like such a fangirl.”
“We are though, aren’t we?” Louis grinned. “See , these ones like you!” he told me, gesturing towards the girls as he turned to them. “I’m trying to get her to do a Twitcam with me but she’s refusing. She’s been getting a bit of hate y’see.”
“Oh…” Laura frowned as she looked over at me. “Please don’t think we’re all like that, … 99% of Directioners are totally behind you, it’s just a few who give us a bad name. As long as the boys are happy then no one should comment. …You are cute together though!” she added quietly, blushing. I stared at them both curiously, pulling my phone out and skating back between them, opening the Twitter app.
“Do you girls have Twitter?” I asked. They nodded. “What are you names?”
“Uhm…” Eva paused, her cheeks turning pink as she groaned quietly. “I can’t believe I have to tell you this… It’s uhm, it’s Mrs. Eva Styles…” she sighed when I giggled quietly.
“HA!” Laura snorted at her friend. “I’m Laura W 95!” she told me. I smiled, nodding as I typed and sent a tweet.

Just met the two loveliest 1D fans ever – @MrsEvaStyles and @LauraW95, thank you for being so nice girls 🙂

They squeaked when they saw it and Louis grinned, holding up his own phone.
“Hey, girls, I think you’ll find you’ve got a new follower, too…” he told them, and they squealed again.
“OH MY GOD!” Eva shrieked, her grip on her phone loosening and her eyes widening as she stared at her friend. “HARRY FUCKING STYLES HAS TWEETED ME! Oh my actual God!” she grinned. “Oh my God! THANK YOU!” she told me, throwing her arms around me.
“Uhm, you’re welcome…?” I laughed in bewilderment, not sure as to why she was thanking me until she shoved her phone in my face and I read the tweet.

@ hanging out with my wife, ? @MrsEvaStyles when’s the honeymoon, Eva? 😉 .x

“He’s such a flirt,” Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Anyway girls, it was lovely meeting you but we should get going soon, Liam will go mad if I don’t get her home on time!”
“Shut up,” I tutted, hitting his chest with the back of my hand. “Really, though. Thank you both, it’s nice to know not everyone is against me… I only ever seem to see the nasty tweets!”
“Bye, girls,” Louis smiled. “See you again soon!” he waved at them before he held his hand out to me and wiggled his finger. “…What? I can’t skate on my own, , pull me along!”
“You fool,” I laughed at him, taking his hand and doing as he said as I skated backwards to get off the ice. I sent a quick wave over to Eva and Laura as he we stepped off the ice, Louis stumbling as his blade met the concrete.
“Jesus they’re even harder to walk on the normal floor with…” he groaned, bending down and untying the laces so he could pull the boots off. “That’s better!” he grinned, watching as I walked past him, my boots still on. “You’re such a show off, you could have told me you were like a professional skater…”
“I’m not,” I giggled, untying my own laces as we waited in the queue to get our shoes back. “I used to skate when I was little, used to go all the time because her mum’s skated for years, so I tagged along occasionally. I guess it’s kind of like riding a bike, you don’t forget,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I landed right on my arse, I bet I’ve got a massive wet patch on my jeans, do I look like I’ve pissed myself?” he frowned, stretching to try and see.
“No,” I chuckled. “Your backside looks fine, Louis.”
“You’re biased, you’re my girlfriend,” he smirked.
“Biased, but not mean – I’d tell you if you looked like you’d had a little accident,” I giggled. “It’s fine, honestly. Good job you’re wearing dark jeans for a change. And anyway, why bring me ice skating if you don’t know how to skate?!”
“Because I thought it would be romantic!” Louis tutted loudly. “You know, holding hands, having fun when we’re trying not to fall over, keeping close because it’s freezing cold…” he waved his hand in the air. “How was I supposed to know you’re like the Wayne Rooney of ice skating?”
“Ew,” I pulled a face and Louis smirked, knowing only too well of my dislike for said footballer and all things Manchester United. “You know I’m an Arsenal girl, Lou…”
“I know…” he sighed. “Sadly, not everyone can be perfect!” he laughed, his arms snaking round my waist as he kissed the tip of my nose. I scrunched my face up, grabbing the ends of his scarf and pulling him towards me until his lips met my own.
“Erm, excuse me… Excuse me, are you in the queue? Do you want your shoes?”
“Oh!” I blushed, pulling away from Louis when the girl behind the counter coughed to get our attention. “Uhm, yes please…” I smiled, putting my skates on the counter next to Louis’s. She rolled her eyes at us, grabbing the skates and going to get out shoes. She dumped them on the counter, pushing them over to the side before calling for the next person in line.
“Well! She was cheerful!” Louis muttered sarcastically, slipping his shoes on and waiting for me to pull on my Uggs. “Come on then, beautiful,” he held his hand out to me. “Let’s get out of here.”

***

“…I thought you said it was just Harry who was in?” I turned to look at Louis in confusion as he unlocked the door of their apartment. I could hear voices from inside and, unless Harry was talking to the TV, he wasn’t alone.
“I thought it was,” Louis shrugged, pushing the door open and gesturing for me to go in first. He stepped in behind me and closed the door, taking my coat and scarf and hanging it up for me.
“You’re such a gentleman, Louis!” I laughed quietly.
“My mum taught me well,” he smirked, kissing my forehead. “Uhm… Speaking of my mum…” he paused, looking nervous. “Okay, don’t freak out about this or anything, right? But she sort of wants to meet you.”
“…She’s already met me,” I looked at him in confusion.
“No, I mean… God, she’s being such a woman about it, she wants to meet you officially. As my girlfriend,” he blushed. “She was going on about asking you and your parents over for dinner like next weekend or something… She’s going to call your mum, I think.”
“Oh, okay,” I shrugged my shoulders, laughing when shock covered his face. “What is it, Lou? Don’t you want me to come?”
“No, I do, I just…” he paused, shuffling his feet nervously as his voice dropped to a whisper. “Your dad kind of scares me!”
“Louis!” I laughed loudly. “My dad won’t so anything to you, I promise! He was surprisingly fine about it when I told him and Mum, he just said that-” I stopped, deciding it was best not to mention my dad’s shock at me announcing Louis was my boyfriend, and not Harry. “He was happy. He likes you.” I shrugged.
“Are you two going to stand in the hall all night or are you going to get your backsides in here and let me laugh at how injured Louis is after falling over countless times?!” Harry shouted from the living room.
“I only fell over once, dick!” Louis called back, and Harry laughed loudly. I smirked at Louis, grabbing hold of his hand and pulling him into the living room.
“It was hilarious Haz, you should have heard him, ‘don’t let go of my hand, I’ll fall!’, so I held his hand and he fell anyway and he pulled me…” I trialed off, stopping in my tracks when I spotted the person sat next to Harry on the sofa, my face scrunching up in confusion. “?”
“Hiya !” she grinned, her hands wrapped around a can of Budweiser. “Did you guys have fun? Harry told me you were spending the day together! What did you do… or do I not want to know?!” she wiggled her eyebrows.
“We just hung out, we… Sorry,” I shook my head. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming!”
“Oh,” she waved a hand dismissively. “Harry called last night to see if I fancied hanging out, so I hopped on the train this morning and here I am! You should have warned me about him, . He’s kind of a pervert.”
“I am not!” Harry scoffed.
“So when I asked you what you were doing today and you said nothing,” I looked at Harry. “You lied?”
“No…” he started carefully. “I just… I don’t know. I wasn’t doing anything, we’ve only been out for a drink and then hung round here all day. Is there… Are you alright, ? You look… Are you mad at me? Is it a problem that I’m hanging out with ?” he raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk on his lips. Oh I see what you’re trying to do, Harry Styles. Game on.
“No,” I shrugged my shoulders. “No, it’s fine. Just a bit strange that you didn’t mention it, that’s all. Did you know about it, Louis?” I looked at him and he shrugged, shaking his head. “Why the big secret, Haz? If you’re just hanging out. Anyone would think you didn’t want to tell us… Scared in case something goes wrong, maybe? Is this a date?”
“NO!” Harry frowned. “No it’s not a date, it’s just two friends spending time together, that’s all! Tell her, !”
“It’s most definitely not a date,” pulled a face, glancing at Harry. “He’s too immature for me, babe. I’m just using him in the hope he’ll one day introduce me to Simon Cowell, so I can seduce him and live a life of luxury.”
“Ew,” Louis shuddered, pulling me down onto his lap as he sat on the sofa. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I leaned back against him. “Simon Cowell. Terrible taste, . Harry would be an improvement.”
“Harry doesn’t have as much money.” quipped. “And I’m sure Simon is much more…” she paused, looking Harry up and down. “Capable of pleasing the ladies, if you know what I mean.” she raised her eyebrows and I snorted, biting my lip to keep from grinning. Louis let a little laugh slip out, burying his face in my hair to stop it. I shivered when I felt his breath hitting my neck.
“Is this gang up on Harry night or something?” he pouted, his eyebrows furrowing as he turned to look at me and Louis. “You know, there are plenty of other seats on the sofa alone, I’m sure you don’t have to sit on his knee.”
“I know. But I want to.” I shrugged. Louis chuckled, moving my hair out of the way and placing little kissed on the back of my neck. “Stop it, Lou!” I slapped his knee.
“Urgh, get a room,” groaned. I blushed, letting my hair slide forward to hide my face. “…Huh,” tutted. “, I need a drink, come with me?”
“You’re only going to the kitchen,” Harry gave her a look. She ignored him, finished the last of her beer and standing up, gesturing for me to follow her. I gave Louis a quick kiss and tapped his hands so he’d let me go before I followed her into the boys kitchen, where she was routing through the fridge. She pulled out another can of Bud, holding one out to me.
“Do they have any Coors?” I asked, and she shook her as she checked again. I sighed, holding my hand out and taking the Budweiser. She closed the fridge and leaned against it, eyeing me curiously. “…What?” I asked, opening the can and taking a sip.
“You haven’t slept with him yet, have you? Louis, I mean. Obviously you’ve slept with Harry.”
“Shhh!” I hissed, quickly closing the door over. “We don’t talk about that, ! And no, I haven’t. Not yet.”
“Why not?” she questioned. “It’s been, what? Five weeks? And you’ve been in love with him for how long?”
“We just-” I paused, double checking that the boys couldn’t hear us. “We talked, when we first got together. We said we’d wait for a bit because we didn’t want to rush anything… I don’t know. He just, he hasn’t tried, so…” I shrugged my shoulders. “We’ve never… We just haven’t. Yet.”
“Yet,” smirked at me. “So you do want to.”
“I, uhm…” I sighed. “Are we really talking about this ?”
“Hey, it’s either you talk about with me, Danielle or , or you talk about it with Harry. Or Liam. Your choice.” she shrugged. “If you choose Liam though, please can I be there to witness that conversation? It might be fun seeing Liam’s face turn into something resembling a tomato.”
“You’re mean,” I pouted. She smiled innocently at me, waiting for me to continue. “Jesus, ,” I groaned. “You’ve seen him, of course I want to, who wouldn’t?! And it’s not like we haven’t had the opportunity, y’know? I sleep over here, he sleeps over at mine, but nothing! I don’t want to seem like some sex-mad person, you know? Because I’m not, I’m really not. But he’s just so… ungh. , he’s gorgeous. He’s so perfect and I just- I just… Half of the time I just wish it would be acceptable for me to pin him down and be like ‘okay take your clothes off now’ but I can’t!” I ranted, running a hand through my hair. “It’s so frustrating!”
“Wow,” mumbled. “Babe if he’s half as frustrated as you are I’m amazed he hasn’t exploded by now!” she giggled. “…Everyone thinks you have, you know? Because you stay over at each other’s a lot. Harry was saying before that it’s-” she stopped herself, frowning. “Nothing. He was just saying you’re always all over each other. And from what I witnessed in there,” she pointed to the living room. “You are. He’s always touching you! Granted, in the wrong places, but still.”
“SOPHIE!” I shrieked. “Oh my God!” I tutted, before laughing loudly when I saw her grin. “You need to move to London and come and live with me and !”
“I know, I’m amazing,” she grinned at me. “Honestly though , I think you should talk to him about it… Maybe he thinks you’re not ready? …Okay, I don’t mean to bring this up or make you feel guilty or anything, but… Maybe it’s because of what happened with Harry…”
“…You think?” I chewed on my lip nervously. “That thought did cross my mind… He doesn’t have anything to worry about though, . I love him.”
“I know you do. He knows you do. But it’s Harry Styles for crying out loud, heartthrob! Maybe he’s worried that he won’t… do as good of a job.”
“Okay,” I scoffed.
“This is totally inappropriate, but…” she leaned closer to me. “Was he good?!”
“Oh my God I am not talking about this!” I laughed in shock. “Seriously, . Inappropriate doesn’t even begin to describe it!”
“But was he?”
“!”
“Come on, ! I’m not going to tell anyone, am I?!”
“Oh my God, yes, okay?! Yes, he was… it was good.” I mumbled, my cheeks heating up as I felt myself blush. “I take it back. You can’t come and live with me and !”
“Alright, I’m sorry, I’ll behave,” she chuckled. “I was just curious! Talk to Louis, though. He’s no doubt just as horny-“
“I’m not horny,” I hissed.
“Okay, fine, he’s no doubt as frustrated as you are,” she smirked. “So just casually mention it to him when you pluck up the courage. Or I’ll mention it. Or just drink lots of vodka and pounce on him,” she shrugged. I cough, choking slightly on the beer I’d just sipped. laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulders. “Come on, let’s get back in there before they realize we’re talking about them!” she spoke the last bit loudly as we walked back to the living room, Harry and Louis turning to smirk at us. patted my shoulder. moving to sit at the other end of the sofa to Harry and giving him an annoyed look when he kicked her foot.
“Everything okay?” Louis smiled, putting his arm around me and pulling me closer as soon as I sat down next to him. I looked up at him and smiled, leaning my head up and kissing him.
“Yeah,” I told him. “Everything’s great.”

———-

fifteen.

Clutching the mug of coffee in my hands, I smiled as I let my eyes drift over to where Louis was sat with his youngest sisters. Feeling my eyes on him, he looked up and winked at me, a grin on his face. I felt myself blush and looked away when Daisy turned her head to stare at me.
“…He’s hardly taken his eyes off you all weekend,” Jay whispered from beside me. I turned to her and smiled softly, shrugging my shoulders. We’d gotten to her house a little before lunchtime yesterday, Louis becoming wrapped up in his sisters almost as soon as we’d walked through the door, it was adorable! Louis had driven us there, calming down immensely when he found out my parents couldn’t make it this weekend. We’d spent the day with his mum and sisters, before going out for a meal with them, his dad and his grandparents. I’d actually had a really lovely time, even if Louis had been incredibly nervous!
“Do you miss him?” I asked quietly. Jay watched her son, a proud smile on her face as she nodded slowly, knowing that we had to leave soon.
“The girls keep me occupied, though. I’m guessing it’s harder for your parents, having both their children gone. Anne, too. Speaking of Anne…” she paused, making sure was occupied before she spoke to me again. “I have to ask, . Harry…?” she trailed off, and I stared at the cup on my hands.
“We’re just friends,” I mumbled, seeing the questioning look on her face. “…How much has Louis told you?”
“Everything, I think,” Jay frowned, her eyes shifting over to Lottie who was staring at us. She shook her head, gesturing for me to follow her as she walked out of the room. I stood up, which caught Louis’ attention and he raised his eyebrows at me.
“Just going to talk to your mum,” I smiled softly and he nodded, his eyes still on me as I left the room and followed Jay into the kitchen where she was sat at the table. She waited for me to sit opposite her before speaking.
“What is there to tell, ?” she asked quietly and I shrugged my shoulders, nervously picking at the sleeve of my jumper. “I know Harry has feelings for you, I’ve known that for a long time, I could tell by the way he looked at you. Louis looks at you exactly the same way. And I know something happened between you when you went home before Christmas.”
“That’s it, pretty much,” I whispered. “But we’re friends. That’s all we are, that’s all we’ll ever be. I promise. I’m not going to hurt Louis. I-I love him.”
“I know you do,” Jay smiled at me. “I know you don’t want to hurt him – the way he looks at you, you look at him exactly the same. I could see in your eyes the second I met you two years ago how much he meant to you and I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you, him being so oblivious to it all and you having to watch him date other girls…” she paused, leaning forward slightly. “But you and Harry are so close, sweetheart.”
“I know, but he’s just-”
“He’s just in love with you, too,” Jay interrupted. “I don’t usually get involved in Louis’ relationships, he’s 21 now, he can make his own decisions and he’s old enough to deal with the fallout. Don’t get me wrong, , I love the two of you together! I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time, which is why I brought the Harry situation up… The two of you, you’ve been that cliché will they, won’t they best friend double act since the very start of the band. Anne used to tell me all the time that Harry never shut up about you, that she was convinced you were going to end up as his girlfriend. That first week they spent at your house before they went to judges houses, Louis came home at the end of it and told me about everything you and Harry had been up to. He had Hannah, then, but the way his eyes and his whole face lit up when he spoke about you, I had a horrible feeling my baby was going to get his heart broken.”
“I’d never break his heart,” I insisted.
“You almost did,” Jay raised an eyebrow at me. “After what happened with you and Harry, he came home for a couple of days and I don’t want to see him that hurt again,” she told me, and I quickly looked away from her as I felt the tears in my eyes. “Oh, I’m not saying this to upset you, I just want to make sure that this means as much to you as it does to Louis. There’s more to consider than just the two of you if this ends badly. You’re Liam’s little sister, there’s Harry to think about…”
“Harry was a mistake,” I told her, my voice a little more confident. “It was a stupid, drunken mistake that I regret and I wish I could take back more than anything I’ve ever done. I’m so ashamed of myself for it, but we were drunk and lonely and we took advantage of the situation. I would never hurt Louis. I love him, I love him so much, Jay, I have done for a long time and this – he – means more to me than anything I’ve ever had. No one else comes close. Not even Harry.”
“What have you said?” I heard Louis groan from behind me and I turned round to find him stood in the doorway, a worried expression on his face. “I told you to leave it, Mum!”
“No, it’s fine,” I told him quickly. “My mum would do the same if it was Liam!”
“Yeah but it’s not your mum, it’s my mum and it’s me, and I asked her not to bring this up,” he narrowed his eyes at Jay as he came to stand behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. “It’s in the past, Mum. We’ve talked about, I’ve talked about it with Harry and we’re good. Harry’s my best friend and he’s fine with it. He knows I love her and he’s backed off. We’re friends, we all just want what makes each other happy…”
“And what if, one day, it’s Harry who makes happy?” Jay raised her eyebrows.
“Why are you doing this?” Louis frowned. “You’ve never been the type of mum to get involved in my relationships, why now? And okay, if one day decides it’s Harry she wants, then… Yeah, sure, I’ll be hurt. But I love her, and I love Harry and I want them both to be happy. So I’d get over it eventually and I’d move on. I don’t… I told you, Mum. I asked you not to bring this up.”
“I know you did,” Jay sighed, pausing as she looked between us. “I’m not saying it to upset either of you. But I’ve seen you together this weekend, and… You both look so happy. Louis you haven’t been like this in a long time, it’s like you’re… Like it’s all either of you need.”
“It is. She is all I need,” Louis mumbled quietly, his cheeks turning pink as he gave my hand a squeeze.
“And you know I love Harry like he was one of my own, I love all the boys that way. But Harry’s… He’s the kind of boy who doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants.”
“Not with this he’s not,” I told her quickly. “He’s not, he wouldn’t. I trust him on this.”
“So do I,” Louis nodded. Jay smiled at us, shrugging her shoulders. “…So? Do we have your blessing?”
“Oh Louis you’ve had my blessing since before you even made it official!” she tutted, rolling her eyes. “You’ve had my blessing since the first time I saw you together at X Factor!”
“My mum, shipping me with someone else when I had a girlfriend!” Louis gasped, his eyes widening. Jay laughed, reaching over the table and tapping his arm. “We’d, uhm, actually we’d better get going, Mum…” he sighed, his face falling slightly. “It’s just… ‘s got work tomorrow night and-“
“I can get the train!” I interrupted quickly. “I can just go and get the train tonight, or we can leave tomorrow, I don’t mind.”
“No,” Louis smiled, shaking his head. “We’ve got an interview tomorrow afternoon anyway so we really should be getting back…” he trailed off, standing up from the table. I sighed, standing up too and going upstairs to get our bags, leaving him alone to say goodbye to his mum an sisters in peace. I made sure all of our things were in the bags we’d brought with us, before sitting down on the edge of the bed to give Louis some time downstairs. “Hey…” he popped his head round the door. “Are you alright? Did Mum upset you?”
“No, no!” I shook my head quickly as he came to sit next to me. “I just wanted to give you some time to say goodbye to them on your own, that’s all. …Did you really talk to Harry, then?”
“Yeah, I did,” Louis nodded. “The other day. Things haven’t been the same between us in a while and I needed to fix it, he’s my best friend after all, and I work with him. We hung out for the day, we’re good. I didn’t realise how much I missed it! I miss the three of us hanging out, too… Maybe we can do that this week? Well, with , too. I think Harry has a soft spot for her.”
“For ?” I frowned.
“Yeah, they’ve been talking a lot from what I gather. Why? …Does that bother you?”
“Yes,” I grunted. “I don’t like Harry hanging out with my female friends, he’ll fuck them and then leave, and he’s not doing that – not to !”
“Nah, I think he actually likes her,” Louis shrugged. “He said something about her staying at ours while we were here this weekend.”
“What?”
“What?” Louis frowned. “What’s wrong with that?”
“If he fucks her around, Louis, I’ll castrate him. And that’s not a threat, it’s a promise!” I huffed. Louis chuckled, putting his arms around me and pulling me as close to him as he possibly could, one of his hands tangling in my hair as he brought his lips down to meet mine.
“I can’t wait to get you back home,” he breathed into my ear.
“Oh really?” I smirked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Any particular reason?”
“Yes,” Louis grinned, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m going to lock us in my room and not let you leave until you have to go to work.”
“Promises, promises…” I waved a hand dismissively. He laughed quietly, standing up and holding a hand out for me to take.
“Come on, babe. Let’s get out of here.”

***

“, no, it’s not like that, it’s-“
“What, Harry? It’s not like what?” snapped. I kept my eyes closed, cuddling back up to Louis as I heard the hushed – well, Harry’s hushed voice – from outside the room. ‘s voice wasn’t so quiet. “Not like you were just fucking me to-“
“Shut up, you’ll wake them up!” Harry hissed at her.
“I don’t give a shit!” growled, and I heard her stomping. I obviously wasn’t getting back to sleep anytime soon, so I kicked the bed covers off me and reached down to the floor, grabbing one of Louis’ discarded t-shirts and a pair of his sweats, pulling both items on and tying my hair up in a messy bun as I shuffled to the door, opening it quietly. “I can’t believe I fell for your stupid lines!”
“I never- they weren’t lines, ,” Harry sighed as I stepped out of the room and gently pulled the door shut behind me, careful not to wake Louis. “I like you, I just…” he trailed off uncertainly and I yawned, rubbing my eyes. I knew this would happen.
“You’re just still in love with ,” finished for him.
Whoa.
What?
“I can’t just stop being in love with her, .” Harry mumbled, his face going pale when he saw me walk into the room. He gulped as he looked down at my clothes. “Uhm, h-hey, ! So you stayed over, then?”
“You know she did!” snapped at him, a sad smile on her face as she turned to me. “I’m assuming from the fact you’re wearing his clothes that you and Louis have finally consummated this relationship, then?”
“Erm,” I paused, fiddling with the ties on the baggy sweatpants. “Yeah, we- uhm, guys, what’s going on…?”
“Nothing!” Harry answered quickly, a pleading look on his face as he stared at .
“Yeah, it’s nothing babe,” shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve got to go, I need to be getting back to Wolverhampton, back to work tomorrow!” she walked over to me, kissing my cheek. “I like Louis, he’s good for you. I’m happy for you both, .” she whispered in my ear.
“I… Yeah, thanks, . Me, too. I’ll… Call me, alright?” I mumbled, glancing over at Harry who was avoiding my gaze.
“I will!” she nodded at me, walking to the front door and pulling it open. “Oh, and Harry?” she paused, turning back to look at him. He looked up, his eyes wide. “Next time you want to make jealous, don’t use me to do it, you dick.” she spat, storming out of the apartment and slamming the door behind her, leaving me and Harry staring at each other in silence.
This was not good.

———-

sixteen.

“Thanks for meeting me, .”
“It’s fine, I figured we should talk, anyway,” I smiled, pulling out a chair and sitting down opposite her, Starbucks being unusually empty for lunchtime on a Saturday. I did a double take when I saw her hair. “! Your hair, it’s black!”
“Mhmm,” she smiled nervously and taking a sip of her drink – hot chocolate, I could smell it. “Is it… Does it look okay? I got it done yesterday afternoon…”
“It looks amazing, wow!” I reached out to touch it. “It’s really nice, I like it. It suits you!” I smiled reassuringly at her. She shrugged her shoulders and stared into the mug in her hands. I sighed, running a hand through my hair and waiting for her to speak.
It had been almost two weeks since ‘Harry-gate’, as Zayn was calling it – he’s the only person I’d told about what had happened – and even though I’d text and rang a few times, she hadn’t got back to me until last night, when she asked me to meet her today. Harry had avoided me as much as possible and, to be honest, I was getting a bit pissed off with it all. “So,” I looked at her. “How come you’re in London?”
“Just to see you,” she shrugged her shoulders and I nodded, pursing my lips together as I wondered what it was that I’d supposedly done wrong, and wondering why she’d called if she was going to be this way with me.
“Look, , have I done something to you?”
“What? No, why?” she scrunched her face up in confusion and I smiled at the guy who placed my chai tea latte in front of me.
“You’ve avoided me for two weeks, Harry’s avoided me for two weeks. You finally call me back and it’s like you don’t even want to be here, like someone’s holding a gun to your head forcing you to be polite.” I raised eyebrow.
“I just…” sighed, running a hand through her shiny hair. “I know you’re not going to like what I have to say, that’s all…” she paused, and I took a sip of my drink as I waited for her to continue. “You and Louis… It’s real, right? You love him, he loves you.”
“Yes.”
“There’s no chance of you changing your mind and falling for, I don’t know… Harry?”
“What? No,” I snorted.
“Well in that case, you might want to tell Harry that,” scoffed. “He’s- when I was there the other week, how much of our conversation did-“
“Argument.” I interrupted.
“Disagreement,” she corrected, narrowing her eyes. “How much of it did you hear?”
“Enough.”
“He- we- I think I like him, ,” sighed loudly. “I thought he liked me, too. But when he realised you’d stayed, when we woke up that morning… He turned into this big jealous mess, going on about if I thought you’d heard us, if you knew I was there, if you’d mind that we’d slept together. I kept trying to change the subject but he always brought it back to you.”
“That’s not my fault,” I mumbled. “Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? I warned you not to get involved with Harry. He’s a nice guy, I love him because he’s one of my best friends, but he’s a whore. I told you that.”
“I’ve spoken to him, . I’ve been speaking to him a lot this past week,” she admitted and I couldn’t help feeling jealous. So they’d talk to each other, but neither of them would talk to me? Fine. Bitches. “Do you and Louis really have to rub your relationship in Harry’s face? How’s he supposed to get over you if you’re there all the time?”
“We’re not- he’s not- he said he was happy for us!”
“Yeah okay,” rolled her eyes. “He is happy for you, but he’s fucking heartbroken too, . He’s still in love with you. He still wants to be your friend too, but you’re always with Louis and he’s starting to resent you both, no matter how much he tries to hide it. I can tell.”
“You can tell?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “You’ve known Harry for about four months and suddenly you’re an expert on him? I’ve known him for almost three years, he’s my best friend. Don’t think you can waltz in here and try and tell me how he’s feeling!” I snapped. raised her eyebrows, leaning back in her seat and eyeing me curiously.
“Sounds like jealousy,” she commented. I tutted loudly and turned to look out of the window. “Is it jealousy, ? What are you jealous of? Do you think I’m going to replace you as Harry’s best friend, or do you think I’m going to replace you as Harry’s love interest?”
“Pft,” I scoffed. “Neither. Harry can be friends with whoever he wants, he can date whoever he wants. It doesn’t concern me.”
“…You need to talk to him.”
“I can’t!” I whined. “He’s ignoring me, much like you were. I’ve called him, I’ve text, I’ve tried to talk to him when I’ve been round at theirs and I get nothing but grunts or ‘whatever’ out of him!”
“You have him wrapped round your little finger,” grumbled.
“Clearly, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. If you said jump, he’d ask how high you wanted him to go! I just, I don’t want to see either of you get hurt, but until you tell him otherwise… He’s going to keep holding on for you.”
“How am I supposed to talk to him, ? He’s avoiding me like pre-teens avoid Caroline Flack!” I huffed. snorted, coughing loudly as she almost choked on her drink.
“I know he’s been avoiding you, I’ve told him off for it. That’s part of the reason I’ve not really spoken to you…” she paused uncomfortably. “I’m jealous. I like him, I didn’t think I would. He was cute, yeah, but we spent time together and we talked a lot and I thought maybe he liked me, but it was to piss you off. When he told me he’d not spoken to you since, I got so mad at him – but I got mad at you, too, even though you haven’t even done anything. He’s so stupidly- well. Let’s just say I wish I had a boy who saw me the way Harry sees you,” she smirked. “Speaking of…” coughed, a nervous smiled on her face as she glanced behind me. “I asked him to meet me here for a coffee, and he’s right on time.”
“What?!” I turned my head quickly and saw Harry step inside the coffee shop, stopping dead when he saw me. His eyes went wide as they met mine and he shot an angry glare.
“Sit your arse down, Styles,” she called over to him, earning a few strange looks from the people sat around us. I could see the scowl on Harry’s face from here as he shoved his hands in his coat pockets, shuffling towards us as slow as he possibly could. “Hello, Harry.”
“You’re a bitch,” he huffed, slouching down in the free seat between us. “Hiya, …” he mumbled. I smiled softly in reply, picking at the napkin lying on the table in front of me. pulled my attention to her when she cleared her throat and stood up, smirking down at the both of us.
“Well, guys, have fun!”
“What?” Harry choked out, staring at her. “What do you mean, ‘have fun’? I thought we were having lunch?”
“Ah, I never said that,” bit her lip and I could see her fighting back a grin. “I said, ‘Harry would you like to go for lunch’, you said yes. I never specified who with, so you’re going with . So, like I said, have fun! …And if you can’t be good, please be careful.”
“,” I hissed, my cheeks heating up as I avoided Harry’s stare. She shrugged her shoulders, reaching a hand out and ruffling Harry’s curls before leaning down and planting a kiss on my cheek and grinning at us both.
“Well I’m off, have fun on your BFF day!” she called, waving at us over her shoulder as she rushed out of the shop as fast as she could. I sighed, keeping my eyes on the coffee mug in front of me. I saw Harry shift out of the corner of my eye and he leaned forward, peering into ‘s half-finished hot chocolate. I snorted when he snatched it up and took a sip.
“What? It’s only going to get wasted otherwise!” he insisted. “And I like hot chocolate.”
“That’s gross, you don’t know where she’s been.”
“I do, actually,” Harry grinned smugly, one arm crossed over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. I scoffed at him and pulled a disgusted face, to which he raised his eyebrows. “Jealous…?” “No,” I rolled my eyes.
“…Okay. I’ll pretend like I believe you.”
“God you’re so full of yourself sometimes, Harry!” I tutted at him, huffing and picking up my latte.
“That’s okay,” he eyed me curiously, a cheeky grin covering his lips. “You’ve been full of me at one point, too.” he added in a whispered. My eyes widened in shock and I coughed, quickly putting my drink back on the table and leaning forward, trying not to choke. “Oh my God, ?” Harry’s eyes widened in panic as I carried on coughing. “Oh my God! ! Breathe!” he hit me several times on the back and I scowled at him, slapping his hand away and getting my breath back, hiding my face in embarrassment as everyone turned to look at us. “Are you okay? You went purple for a second, I thought you were going to die! …Although of course I would have been on hand to provide mouth to mouth.”
“Oh God,” I groaned, pushing my almost-empty mug away and picking my bag up off the floor, slinging it over my shoulder and standing up. “This was a bad idea,” I told him. “I can’t- I’m going to go now. Maybe you should just keep on avoiding me. I’m sorry, Harry.” I mumbled, shaking my head and quickly leaving the shop, tears stinging my eyes as I headed home.

***

“Have you and Harry had a fight?”
“What?” I looked up at Liam in confusion, tearing my eyes away from my book. Liam tutted as he sat down next to me, slapping my legs so I’d get my feet off his coffee table. “You’re such a woman, Liam. You’re like mum.”
“And you’re a slob,” he waved a hand dismissively.
“I’m not a slob, I’m just not a neat freak, Monica,” I smirked, finding myself amusing.
“If I’m Monica, that makes you Ross,” Liam smirked.
“Why does that make me Ross?!”
“Because he’s all into dinosaurs and shit, and you’re into all that ancient Greek and Rome shit and stuff like that. And because he was in love with Rachel for years and didn’t do anything about it. Like you and Louis! And Harry’s Joey. And Louis, Chandler.”
“Oh my God!” I laughed. “Yes! That works, though! Because Niall is Phoebe because he’s all ‘wah’ and mad, and Zayn is totally Rachel. Oh my God,” I snorted. “You’re married to my boyfriend, and I have a baby with yours. What?”
“Will you stop calling Zayn my boyfriend!” he whined.
“Aww, baby,” I cooed, leaning over and tapping the end of his nose. “I’m just giving the Ziam shippers what they want. It’s Zayn fault, if he wouldn’t have announced to the world that you’d kissed I wouldn’t tease you about it.”
“…You changed the subject!” Liam pointed an accusing finger at me. “I asked you a question and you completely avoiding answering it! So you are fighting with Harry, then?”
“No, I’m not fighting with Harry…” I trailed off, thinking about yesterday in Starbucks. “We’re just, I don’t know. Drifting apart?”
“Bullshit,” Liam scoffed. “What’s going on? Is it because you’re spending so much time with Louis, is Harry jealous or something?”
“Uhm…” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Liam I really don’t want to talk about this, I was reading…” I gestured to my book.
“You’re reading The Iliad, you’ve read it about a thousand times, I’m sure it can wait,” he pried the book out of my hands and threw it over his shoulder. “Now tell me what’s going on. I’m your brother, Harry’s my friend, I have a right to now.”
“You’re so nosey,” I groaned at him, leaning in the opposite direction and burying my face in one of the cushions scattered on his sofa. “Fine. It’s… it’s complicated. I just… He slept with ,” I mumbled, picking at an imaginary thread on my jumper. “Harry, I mean. Obviously. But yeah, he slept with a couple of week ago, and I heard them arguing the next morning-“
“The next morning, did they stay at yours?” Liam asked in confusion, his face paling when I blushed. “Oh. Ew. You stayed at theirs. With Louis.”
“What, it’s not like I haven’t stayed over before!” I huffed embarrassedly.
“Yeah, but I can tell from your face that you did… stuff. Stuff you shouldn’t be doing.”
“You do it,” I mumbled.
“I’m older. I’m a boy. I’m not my little sister so I’m allowed to do that. I feel… I’m not quite sure how to take this. I don’t think I like it. I feel violated.”
“Liam,” I scowled at him. “He’s my boyfriend. What did you expect? I’m really not talking about this with you, oh my God. But, anyway. When I heard them arguing I – I didn’t mean to – but I guess I kinda snuck up on them and heard what they were saying. was so mad at him, Li! He was trying to apologise and he said he liked her, and she was all ‘oh you like me but you’re still in love with ‘,” I pulled a face and Liam spluttered. “And Harry was like, ‘well I can’t just stop being in love with her’, and then he saw me and tried to act like they hadn’t been arguing. Then was leaving, and she told Harry next time he wanted to make me jealous, he should use someone else…” I sighed.
“…So Harry slept with , who he likes, even though he loves you, to make you jealous?” Liam asked. I shrugged my shoulders at him, still not sure what exactly happened. “And ? Does she like Harry?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I met her yesterday, she likes him. She said I should let Harry know I’m with Louis and only Louis, so he doesn’t keep hanging on or something. She had the cheek to tell me that we’re rubbing our relationship in Harry’s face, too!” I scoffed, waiting for Liam to agree with me. When I was greeted with nothing but silence, I turned to see him avoiding my gaze. “Liam?”
“Well…” he paused uncertainly. “You are kind of kissy a lot… it’s not a bad thing, I just think maybe you should both have some consideration for how Harry might be feeling in all this. His two best friends have paired up, he’s left on his own.”
“…He was sort of flirty with me yesterday, Li,” I mumbled. “He was being inappropriate, saying things he shouldn’t be saying.”
“Like what?” Liam frowned, and I shrugged again, not wanting to answer him. “. Like what?”
“Just… I nearly choked on my drink and he said something about giving me mouth to mouth.”
“Oh,” Liam chuckled. “That’s just typical Harry, though. That’s not bad compared to what he could say!”
“Okay then,” I snapped. “Wanna know what made me nearly choke on my drink, hmm? I told him he was full of himself, and he went, ‘you’ve been full of me too’, how’s that for ‘typical Harry’?!” I asked. Liam didn’t see anything, but his face went red. I’m not sure whether it was out of embarrassment or anger. “And he thinks I’m jealous of him and . So does she.”
“Are you?”
“Not for the reason they seem to think,” I huffed. “They’re my friends, Liam. They’re my friends separately. Together, they’re like… like… like what if I fall out with one of them, hmmm? Then they’ll take each other’s sides! ‘s been avoiding me because of Harry! They shouldn’t be talking like they do!”
“You’re insecure,” Liam grinned, and I groaned loudly as I buried my face back into the cushion. If he started singing, I was going to kill him. “I’m going to ring Harry and get him to come down, you two need to talk.”
“What?” I sat up quickly. “You can’t! What about Sibling Sunday?!”
“Pft,” Liam scoffed. “You’ve been here for two hours, and for over half of that you’ve had your nose buried in a book. Our brother/sister bonding can wait,” he smirked, putting a finger to his lips and putting his phone to his ear. “Harry, mate! Yeah, not bad, you? Good, good… Listen, can you come round for a minute? No, everything’s fine, I just want to ask you something… Alright, see you in a bit, man.” Liam hung up, shoving his phone in his pocket and turning to me. “He’s on his way.”
“You know what?” I fake-gasped, standing up and making a grab for my book. “I actually just remember I have some work I should be doing, so-“
“Sit. Down.” Liam interrupted, giving me his older brother glare that always made me hide from him when I was little. I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed at him, flopping back down on the sofa and sticking my feet up on the coffee table again. “.”
“You’re making me stay, Monica,” I pulled a face at him. “Therefore, I am keeping my feet firmly planted on this table. Unless you’d like me to kick you up the arse with one?”
“You’re a brat,” he grinned at me, jogging to open the front door when someone knocked on it. I frowned. I was being ridiculous, I know I was. But I didn’t care. I really didn’t want to see Harry. For some inexplicable reason, I was… nervous. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and I felt like I was going to throw up. I’d never felt like that around Harry before, he was my best friend.
“Oh… Erm, hi … I didn’t know you were here,” Harry mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he sat as far away from me as possible. Liam walked in behind him, eyeing the both of us curiously and shaking his head.
“I’m going out.”
“What?!” I cried. “Where?!”
“Figured I should go and chill with Rachel for a bit. You and Joey have fun.” he smirked, wiggling his fingers in a wave and walking off before either of us could stop him.
“…Did he just call me Joey?” Harry asked in confusion. “And who’s Rachel?”
“He means Zayn, it’s- never mind,” I shook my head, my eyes trained on the blank TV screen across the room. “You can go, if you want.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered quietly. “About yesterday. I was out of order.”
“You were,” I agreed bluntly.
“Is that… I mean, Louis said you were meant to come round last night but you rang and said you couldn’t. It wasn’t because of me, was it?” he asked quietly, and I shrugged my shoulders, playing with the ends of my hair. “…” he sighed, moving from the chair across the room and coming to sit next to me. “How’ve we gone from being best friends, to avoiding each other?”
“Dunno,” I muttered. “You’re the one doing the avoiding, Harry. I tried calling and texting you, but you were too busy talking to .”
“Careful, ,” Harry warned. “Anyone would think you really were jealous.” he scoffed. I did say anything, just stayed silent and still refused to looked at him. “…Oh my God. You are, aren’t you? You’re jealous.”
“Not for the reason you think!” I snapped. “You’re both my friends and I feel like you’re taking each other away from me!”
“Are you sure it’s not because I’m sexy?”
“Harry.”
“What?!” he laughed. “I am sexy!”
“Oh my goodness,” I sighed. “You know, I liked it better when you weren’t such a twat.”
“I’m not a twat,” he frowned.
“Why did you have to tell me?” I asked quietly after a pause. “That you loved me. Why couldn’t you have just pretended that you didn’t?”
“Are you fucking serious right now, ?” Harry snarled at me. “You’re fucking selfish, you know that? Not just you, either. Louis is selfish. You both… You know how you used to feel, when you’d see Louis with Hannah, with Eleanor, with ? How hurt you’d be and how you just wanted to grab him and shake him and tell him you were better than them? That’s how I feel every damn time I see you together, , and he knows damn well what it feels like too because he thought you were my girlfriend for months. Wanna know a secret? I never told him you weren’t. I let him believe it, because if he thought that, then I wouldn’t have to deal with you two getting together.”
“And you call me selfish?!” I shrieked. “You knew how I felt about him!”
“AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU!” Harry shouted, standing up and pointing angrily at me. “You know I’m in love with you, Louis knows I’m in love with you, everyone knows I’m in love with you! But you and him, the pair of you just swan around like he’s your Prince fucking Charming and it makes me sick! Because I know, I know it’s going to end in tears and you’ll come running back to me, expecting me to pick up the pieces! I’ve been a pretty fucking amazing friend to you since I’ve known you, . I’ve put my feeling aside, acted like I wasn’t head over heels for you so you had someone there everytime Louis made you feel like shit,” he snapped. “And the one time I need some reassurance from you that you’re not going anywhere, that we’re still going to be friends, you turn around and ask me to pretend I don’t love you? What the fuck is that about?”
“I-I didn’t mean…” I started quietly, tears in my eyes as I paused.
“And here come the water works,” Harry laughed harshly, tugging on his messy curls. “You infuriate me sometimes, Payne. I pretended. For two years, I acted like you were nothing but a friend to me. And I know you’re happy now, I know you have Louis and you don’t look at me that way, but all I’m saying is, you both know how I feel. Why can’t you just have a little thought for me, your supposed best friend, and not flaunt relationship in my face every damn day? Because it hurts, and I need you. I need my best friend, but I can’t have her because she’s the one making me feel this way.”
“Harry-“
“No,” he interrupted, shaking his head and turning away from me. “I’m losing you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I knew I would. I just didn’t think it would be so soon, I didn’t think you’d be so cold about it. It’s like now that you have Louis, you don’t need anyone else. I mean, when was the last time you spoke to Zayn? Niall? Before today, when was the last time you saw Liam?” he asked. I stayed silent. I couldn’t answer, because I couldn’t remember. “…Exactly. You’re so wrapped up in each other that you don’t notice anything going on around you. It’s like… It feels like you were just keeping me around and now you’ve got what you want, now you have Louis, you don’t need me or the others anymore. Like we’re second best.”
“Harry I never meant to make you feel like-“
“Well, you did,” he interrupted. “And yeah, okay, maybe I’m trying to put in your place, to push my feelings for you on to her. But it’s failing. Miserably. I-I can’t stop thinking about you, . Not even in an ‘oh my God I love her so much why didn’t she choose me’ way, but in a ‘where’s my best friend gone’ way.”
“Harry…” I trailed off, biting my lip and taking a step towards him. “Hug me.”
“What?”
“Hug me.”
“Excuse me? We’re fighting.”
“I don’t care,” I shook my head. “Just hug me, Styles,” I whispered, practically throwing myself at him and flinging my arms around his neck, burying my head in his shoulder. I kept tight hold of him, but it took him a couple of minutes for his arms to make their way around my waist. “I’m sorry for being a bad friend.” I whispered.
“Hmm.” he mumbled, his face in my hair. “You’re not really a bad friend. I just miss you, when you come round now it’s to see Louis and for the last couple of weeks you’ve been shut in his bedroom…” Harry pulled away and wiggled his eyebrows. “Hey, is it inappropriate if I ask who’s better? Me or him?”
“Yes, that’s inappropriate,” I tutted, letting go of him and slapping his arm. “Let’s do something, Haz. Something Hassie like, something we used to do all the time.”
“Like what?” Harry rubbed the back of his neck, frowning down at me.
“…I bet Liam’s left his laptop on,” I bit my lip. “I bet he’s left himself signed into Twitter, as well…” I trailed of, and Harry grinned at me.
“Twitter takeover!” he cheered. “LET’S MAKE UP ZIAM STORIES AND TWEET ABOUT THEM!”
“YES!” I squealed, taking off towards Liam’s room. “Race you!”
“Hey!” Harry yelped, lunging at me and grabbing hold of my waist from behind, pulling me to a stop. “You cheated, you had a head start!” he laughed quietly, letting go of me and throwing an arm around my shoulders as he kissed the top of my head. “Love you, ,” he mumbled into my hair. “In a best friend way, obviously.”
“Hmm,” I smiled. “Love you too, Haz.”

———-

seventeen.

Hassie shippers, this one’s for you 😉

“Is Liam talking to you yet?” Louis whispered in my ear, his chin resting on my shoulder and his arms around my waist as he lay behind me on the sofa.
“No,” I snorted, leaning into him as he chuckled. “It’s been five days! He still pissed at Harry, too. So at least I’m not the only one in his bad books. It’s not even my fault, Harry was the one who sent the tweet about Liam and Zayn sharing a bed – it had nothing to do with me!”
“Yeah but I bet you didn’t try and stop him,” Louis snorted, his fingers tickling my stomach. I squirmed and slapped his hand to stop him but I didn’t answer. “Thought not!”
“OI TOMLINSON! Put her down please, she’s mine this weekend!” Harry called. Louis tutted loudly in my ear and I giggled as he let go of me and we turned to see Harry grinning cheekily at us, an overnight bag slung over his shoulder. “Are you ready?”
“I’ve been ready for an hour, Styles. I was waiting for you to finish packing your make-up,” I smirked in reply. I stood up, hearing Louis groan behind me as I pulled out of his grasp. “Shall we go, then?” I raised an eyebrow.
Harry was going home for the weekend for a family party – a great aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary or something, he didn’t even know. Anne had invited me along to stay. I hadn’t even needed to think about it, I’d said yes almost right away. Some best friend time with Harry was most definitely needed.
“Yep!” Harry smiled, grabbing the small suitcase I’d left by the door and pulling a face at me. “Bloody hell, . We’re only going for one night, what’s in here?! You’re such a girl… Anyway, I’ll take it down to the car, leave you two to say goodbye in peace and kiss and whatever it is you do that makes me want to throw up.”
“See ya tomorrow night, mate,” Louis chuckled, pulling Harry in for a hug. “Have fun, yeah? …Make sure she doesn’t get horrendously drunk, okay?”
“I won’t,” Harry smirked. “Don’t worry; she’s sleeping in Gemma’s room anyway, so she hasn’t got to attempt to resist my sexiness.”
“Harry.” I sighed warningly.
“I’m kidding! He knows I’m only joking… Right? You do know I’m joking?” he looked worriedly at Louis, who had a smirk on his face.
“I know,” he nodded, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief. “Once she’s a taste of Tomlinson, she’ll never go back!”
“Oh my God!” I groaned.
“No, love. My name is Louis,” he spoke slowly, throwing an arm around my shoulders. “I can see how you might get confused, though.”
“The pair of you, I swear,” I shook his of and tutted. “Forget you both, Zayn’s my best friend, Niall can be my boyfriend.”
“You wish you were good enough for Niall Horan!” Harry called over his shoulder as he walked out of the door. “I’ll wait in the car!”
“Why am I even going out with you?” I raised an eyebrow, looking up at Louis when he slipped his arms around my waist and grinned at me. “You’re so bad.”
“Which is exactly why you’re my girlfriend,” he winked. “You wouldn’t have me any other way!”
“Eh, I suppose,” I shrugged my shoulders and Louis laughed, lightly pressing his lips against mine. “I’ll call you when we get there, okay?”
“And before you go to sleep. And in the morning, and when you leave to come back.”
“You’re so needy!” I giggled.
“Another reason why you love me!” Louis grinned, pecking my lips again and letting go of me. “Go on, go and get in the car before I lock you in my bedroom and never let you out!” he shooed me through the front door and I smiled, kissing his cheek quickly before making my way downstairs to Harry’s car.
“He actually let you come, then?” Harry smirked over at me, pulling out of the parking space as I put my seatbelt on.
“Of course he did,” I frowned. “Why wouldn’t he? He was fine when I told him about it, he said he thought it was a good idea that I spend some time with you,” I shrugged my shoulders, kicking my shoes off and pulling my iPhone out of my pocket. “Shotgun on the music!” I called happily, waving my phone in the air and plugging it into Harry’s radio as he groaned loudly. He tried to pull it away, but I slapped his hand and he snatched it back, scowling at me. “You know the rules, Styles. I called it. My music. Suck it up, bitch.” I smirked, pressing play and shuffling down in my seat, putting my feet up on the dashboard and blushing when I heard what song was playing. I glanced at Harry and saw him fighting back a grin when he started to quietly sing along:

“When he lays you down, I might just die inside
It just don’t feel right
Coz I can love you more than thi– hey! I was listening to that!”

“Tough!” I snapped, quickly turning skipping over the song and grinning at the next one that came on.
“. What the hell is this?” Harry laughed, pointing to my iPhone.
“New Kids On the Block! …You have to know this song Harry, oh my God!” I squealed, turning it up and singing along loudly.
“Owww, my ears!” Harry moaned. I ignored him and carried on singing along.

“You got the right stuff, baby
Love the way you turn me on
You got the right stuff, baby
You’re the reason why I sing this song
All that I needed was you
Oh girl, you’re so right
Said all that I wanted was you
You made all my dreams come true!”

“You sound like Wagner when you sing.”
“OI!” I shrieked, leaning over and hitting his arm as he laughed. “Just you concentrate on your driving, Styles!”
“Pretty hard to just concentrate on that with you screeching along to ancient boybands.”
“New Kids On the Block have been around longer than you’ll ever be, Haz.”
“I’m setting the Directioners on you.” he scoffed.
“Try it, Styles,” I scoffed. “I’ll just set on you.” I smirked as he shifted uncomfortably, his eyes staying glued to the road. Well, well, well. I’ve clearly touched a nerve there. “You okay, Haz?”
“Have you spoke to her? . Since last week?”
“Nope,” I shook my head in reply. “I’ve tried, though. She’s been avoiding me again. Have you?” I asked, and he shook his head. “She’ll call eventually. She just… She liked you. She’ll get over it, she’ll get in touch and things will go back to normal.”
“Things with me and you, , have never been normal. They never will be.”
“You have a point,” I smirked, yawning. “I’m gonna have a nap, wake me up when we get to the service station, okay?” I yawned, closing my eyes and resting my head, smiling softly when I felt Harry take my hand in his.
“I’m turning your music off, then.”

***

“Harry, love!”
“Hi Mum!” Harry grinned, dropping the bags to the floor when Anne opened the door and throwing his arms around her. “We would have been here an hour ago but threw a tantrum because she wanted Starbucks.”
“I did not!” I stared at him open-mouthed and slapped his arm. “I didn’t, Anne! I said I wanted one, he drove past three service stations until we found one! I didn’t make him do it and I did not throw a tantrum!”
“I believe you, ,” she laughed quietly, ushering us inside and giving me a quick hug. “It’s so good to see you! Harry, take the bags upstairs and put them in your room. Gemma’s just popped out to the shop, she’ll be so-“
“What?” Harry turned to look at his mum in confusion. “I thought Gemma was at uni?”
“She’s home for the weekend, I thought I’d told you?” Anne shrugged. “I’m so excited to have both of my babies back!”
“Well, wait, if Gemma’s home where’s gonna sleep?”
“…In your room? always sleeps in your room when she’s here,” Anne looked between us, realisation hitting her when she saw Harry’s uncomfortable frown. She let out a small gasp and covered her mouth with her and. “Oh I’m sorry, I guess it’s different now with Louis being in the picture. I didn’t even think – I’m sorry, .”
“It’s fine,” I smiled, shaking my head. “Really, it’s okay. I’ll stay in Harry’s room, it’s not like it’s anything new, is it? Harry stop being such a girl about it and take my bag upstairs!”
“You’re setting the feminist movement back, . Carry your own bag!” he grinned and started making his way upstairs. I rolled my eyes, but grabbed my suitcase and followed him up to his room.
“Your poor mum looked like she was about to cry.” I told him.
“She knew about Louis,” Harry frowned, shrugged his shoulders. “I told her about everything, I don’t know what she’s playing at.”
“What does it matter? We used to sleep in the same bed all the time,” I pulled a face. “I’m a champion at stealing the bed covers thanks to you and your hogging of them. …Harry. Seriously, come on. What’s the big deal? Are you- If you’re not okay with it I’ll sleep on the sofa or something.”
“No, it’s fine,” he sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed and patting the space next to him. I dumped my suitcase in the corner of his room and moved to sit next to him. “I just don’t think Louis would appreciate us sharing a bed, considering last time we did… Well. You were there, you know what happened.”
“Louis doesn’t need to know,” I paused. “And besides, he knows that’s not going to happen this time. Or any other time, come to think of it. Look, Harry-“
“No, no,” he shook his head at me. “I’m being stupid, it’s alright. Friends share beds, right? So we can, too. Just… I really hope you haven’t brought those fucking shorts to sleep in.”
“…Uhm,” I bit my lip, knowing exactly which shorts he meant and knowing that they were stuffed in my suitcase. He groaned, running a hand over his face and through his hair.
“Okay, you’re sleeping in something of mine, then. Sweats and the baggiest t-shirt I can find.”
“Harry,” I rolled my eyes at him.
“Hey, it’s either sweats and a t-shirt, or I jump you when you’re asleep. You pick.” he waved a hand dismissively. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. What had gotten into him? I wasn’t used to him being this… open, about how he felt. “Sorry,” he chuckled when he caught me blushing. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, . I just think it’s best if we’re honest with each other now, for the sake of our friendship, you know? I don’t want us to keep having blow-ups like at Liam’s. You’re too important to me, I hate arguing with you.”
“Sweats it is, then,” I nodded. “Gimme a hug, Harry.”
“You’re so bossy!” he scoffed, but pulled me into a hug anyway. “And needy. You’re always after hugs lately.”
“I like hugs,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I like your hugs. Your hugs have always been my favourite. But if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it like you deny being a granny grabber.”
“I’m not a granny grabber!” Harry snorted, pulling away from me quickly. “Caroline was not a granny!”
“Close enough,” I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes.
“Come on,” he pulled me up. “Let’s go see my mum.”
“You go, I’m going to wash my hands. They smell like Wotsits,” I waved him away and walked towards the bathroom, smiling when I heard him running downstairs. He can deny it all he wants, but he’s such a Mummy’s boy. I washed my hands quickly, drying them on the fluffy towel and following Harry downstairs. I heard voices coming from the kitchen and I was about to walk in, but stopped when I heard Harry say my name.
“ is fine about it Mum, really… It’s like nothing’s changed, she’s not weird around me anymore. I guess I’ll just have to pretend it doesn’t bother me.”
“What is it that bothers you, Harry?” Anne asked, her tone sympathetic. “That she’s gone back to acting like you’re best friends, that she’s with Louis, or that she doesn’t feel the same?”
“All of it,” Harry sighed. “I don’t know. I’m glad we’re still best friends, I’d be lost without her, I just wish she’d acknowledge it sometimes, you know? Like, she knows how I feel about her, I’m not expecting her to be all ‘hey Harry are you over me yet’, but a little ‘how are you, Haz’ would be nice.”
“Harry you have to understand, it’s probably hard for her, too… You’re her best friend. She’s been head over heels for Louis since day one and you knew that, you put yourself in the best friend role. You knew this would happen one day.”
“I didn’t though, did I?” Harry grumbled. “I didn’t know Louis would actually pull his head out of the sand for long enough to realise how amazing she is.”
“…If this is going to be too hard for you, son, maybe you should reconsider the friendship.” Anne told him in a whisper and I frowned, jumping when the front door banged open.
“GEMMA!” I shrieked.
“!” she laughed, dropping the plastic bag onto the floor and throwing her arms around me. “Fellow member of the 1D sister’s club! How are you, babe? I hear you and Louis finally got round to taking things beyond ‘just friends’!” she winked, nudging me.

“Uhm… Yeah…” I laughed uncomfortably. “Erm, Harry’s in the kitchen.”
“No he’s not, Harry’s right here,” he spoke from behind us. “God, Gemma. You get uglier every time I see you.”
“Shut it, you!” she laughed, pulling him into a headlock and messing his curls up even more as I laughed at them. “Where’s Louis? I thought you would have brought him along too!”
“Mum didn’t ask him, she only asked ,” Harry shrugged his shoulders and glanced over at me. “Besides, me and need some best friend time and if Louis was here, she’d be attached to his lips.”
“Hey!” I cried. “We’re not that bad!”
“Sure you’re not,” Harry scoffed. “You wanna see them, Gem. I’m telling you, I hate it when she stays over and I have to sleep in the next room. I’m gonna have to start staying with one of the others, they’re not exactly quiet if you know what I-“
“HARRY!” I shrieked, diving on him and covering his mouth with my hand. “If you want children one day, I suggest you don’t finish that sentence, oh my God!” I tutted, shrieked in disgust when I felt something wet on my palm. “You licked me! You’re so disgusting Harry, you’re a pervert. ANNE! Harry is sexually harassing me!”
“Leave alone, Harry!” Anne called from the kitchen. I giggled at the shocked expression on Harry’s face and Gemma smirked at us.
“It’s nice to know that whatever happens, you two will always have the same dysfunctional friendship,” she chuckled, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from Harry. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here,” she told me, starting to lead me upstairs. “Come on, . You’re helping me decide what to wear!”

***

“He might be an complete idiot sometimes,” Gemma whispered in my ear, her eyes on the dance floor as we both watched Harry. “But his heart’s in the right place. He does love you.”
“Mhmm,” I mumbled, taking another sip of my vodka and coke. We’d been at the party for a couple of hours and I was slightly buzzed – unlike Harry, who was… Well, completely smashed. He’d hardly said two words to me since I’d walked downstairs with Gemma when we were ready to leave. His obviously bad mood hadn’t improved once we’d got to the party, with everyone saying it was nice to see me and asking Harry if he’d ‘made his move’ yet. He kept having to explain that we were just friend and that I was Louis’ girlfriend, until the last person asked him – some old aunt of Anne’s, she must have been about 90 – and he’d snapped and blurted out that he actually had made his move, he was just too much for me to handle in the bedroom and I’d decided to ‘fuck’ his other best friend instead.
I’d nearly died.
Harry had proceeded to drink himself into oblivion ever since and I’d stuck to Gemma’s side for the rest of the night, only leaving her when their cousin, Matty, had dragged me up to dance.
“I can guarantee he feels awful about what he said, he’s just too stubborn to apologise…” she sighed. I shrugged my shoulders, quickly finished my drink and standing up.
“You want another one?” I asked, pointing to Gemma’s half-empty glass. She shook her head and I turned away from her as I made my way to the bar, smiling at the girl who served me and asking for another vodka and coke. “Oh, actually, can you make it a double please? Thanks,” I smiled weakly, pulling some money out of my bag and getting ready to pay her.
“…Well you’re certainly not related to me.”
“Huh?” I turned to my head to the side when I heard someone speak to me, and I smiled at the boy that was stood there. He looked a bit like Harry, only with shorter, neater hair. And not as attractive. And with brown eyes. He had a slight air of arrogance about him… I couldn’t put my finger on it, I’d not even spoken to him and there was something about him I didn’t like. Maybe it’s because his eyes were too far apart… “Oh. No, I’m not.” I replied, smiling tightly. He grinned, his tongue slipping out and wetting his lips and he looked me up and down.
Urgh. Seriously?
“Grant Warrick,” he smiled, holding his hand out for me to shake. I did, reluctantly. “Grandson of the happy couple.” he gestured behind him.
“Oh. Payne. Here with a friend.”
“Gemma. I saw you sat with her.”
“Oh. No, actually I’m here with Harry,” I told him, thanking the girl behind the bar and taking my drink off her.
“Oh!” Grant grinned in surprise. “You’re one of Harry’s girls?”
“Excuse me?” I raised an eyebrow. “One of Harry’s girls? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know… one of his flings? He has a lot of them,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Always bringing different girls home… I’m sure you’re different, though.”
“I am, actually,” I smirked. “I’m his best friend, so I know everything you’ve just said is a pile of shit. He never brings girls home unless he’s serious about that. That’s happened once in the entire time I’ve known him, now if you’ll excuse me…”
“How about a dance, Cassandra?” Grant’s finger wrapped around my wrist softly and I frowned at him, pulling away.
“My name’s , and no, I’m going to talk to Harry.”
“Sorry, ,” he smirked. “Come on, sweetheart. Just one little dance?”
“She said no,” Harry growled, stepping beside me and wrapping a protective arm around my waist. “Kindly remove your hand from her arm, before I do it for you,” he demanded, his eyes narrowed into a glare. Grant sighed, letting go of my wrist and holding his hands up. “Good. Now run along like a good little boy, go and find a girl who’s actually interested in you. Maybe you won’t even need to use force!”
“Harry,” I whispered. “He really didn’t-“
“I’m dealing with it, ,” he snapped. I rolled my eyes at him, putting my drink and my bag down on top of the bar. “Why are you still here, Grant? Go away.”
“Why are you here, Harry?” Grant raised his eyebrows. “It’s my grandparents party. Why don’t you leave? can stay here, get to know me a little better.”
“I have a boyfriend,” I snapped at him. “And even if I didn’t, there’s no way I’d be going anywhere with you. Harry, come on…” I tugged on his hand but he ignored him, his stare fixed on his cousin. “Harry,” I slipped between them, placing my hands on Harry’s shoulders and feeling him relax a little, but he was still staring at Grant. I sighed, moving my hands up and taking hold of his face. “Harry,” I whispered, and his eyes softened as they met mine.
“Does your boyfriend know that you’re having an affair with your best friend, then?” Grant spoke up from behind us and I groaned inwardly when Harry’s face instantly hardened. “I mean, there must be something going on. He looks at you like – well. There’s no way Harry could be friends with such an attractive girl without getting something from her. Tell you what, Harry – how about you have your go, and then I’ll have her, hmm?”
“I swear to God if you don’t-“
“Okay, that’s it,” I interrupted Harry and grabbed my bag from the bar, taking tight hold of Harry’s hand. “We’re leaving, come with me,” I started to pull him away, but stopped and turned back to Grant. “Wait, one more thing. I don’t know who you think you are, I don’t care who you are, I don’t care that you’re his cousin. You could be the fucking king for all I care, but let me tell you something about Harry… He is ten times the man that you’ll ever be, he’s an amazing man, he’s a perfect boyfriend and he’s an amazing friend… as well as being amazing at other things,” I smirked, Harry snorting behind me. “I promise you, Grant. You’re not as good as you think you are. And the girl that told you you were? She lied.” I raised an eyebrow at him and turned around, pulling Harry out of the room and into the corridor where he pulled me into a hug. “Your family is going to hate me.”
“Are you kidding?!” he laughed giddily. “Please, Grant is an arsewipe, 99% of my family know that. Besides, no one was even paying attention, the music’s too loud and they’re all too drunk.”
“Like you,” I comment, poking his dimple. “You’re smashed, Hazza.”
“I think I might be,” he frowned, moaning. “Take me home, !”
“Okay,” I giggled. “Wait here, just let me go and tell your mum that we’re-“
“Nooo,” he groaned. “Just ring her from the taxi…”
“Harry I haven’t even called a taxi, just wait here, alright?” I pulled his arms away from me and smirked as he leant clumsily against the wall. “Don’t move.”
“Yes, Mum.” he rolled his eyes.
“Brat,” I tutted at him and walked back inside, quickly finding Anne, Robin and Gemma. “Uhm, I’m sorry, but could you possibly call us a taxi…? Harry’s… Well, he’s a little drunk, I’m going to take him back home.”
“Ah,” Robin shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll take him back!”
“No, it’s okay,” I smiled. “I want to go with him. We had a bit of a run in with a relative, Grant something.”
“We saw,” Gemma giggled, watching Anne as she pulled her phone out, I assume to call a taxi for us. “I thought you were going to deck him! What did you say to him?! He looked like he’d seen a ghost when you’d finished telling him off!”
“Er, nothing…” I shrugged my shoulders, blushing. “He was winding Harry up, I just told him Harry was a better person than he’d ever be. I may have also possibly mentioned that Grant isn’t as good as he thinks he if, and whoever told him he was, lied…” I coughed nervously and they laughed. “Thought I’d step in, didn’t want Harry punching him or something ridiculous.”
“Should have let him, no one likes him,” Gemma scoffed. Anne tutted at her daughter before smiling up at me.
“I’ve called a taxi, the taxi office is only over the road so it should be here soon… Are you sure you’ll be okay getting him back?” she asked in concern.
“Oh I’ve dealt with drunk Harry enough times to know how to get him to cooperate,” I giggled. “Thanks, I’ll see you guys in the morning, have a good night!” I waved to them, quickly going back outside to Harry. “Your mum’s called us a taxi, it should be here soon…” I told him, sinking down to the floor beside him, my legs stretched out in front of me and my ankles crossed.
“Mhmm…” Harry mumbled, his eyes on my bare legs. He shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes as he looked up at me in confusion. “I’m sorry I’ve been a dick tonight.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s just, you walked downstairs in that dress with your damn legs on show and I- I was jealous, of Louis. I wanted you to be walking downstairs to me,” he mumbled. “I wanted to be able to show you off tonight. But you’re just my friend, so I can’t…”
“Harry…”
“I know, I’m sorry,” he grumbled. “I’m drunk. Ignore me. Let’s go wait outside for the taxi!” he huffed as he stood up, holding a hand out to me. I looked up at him for a second, before sighing as I placed my hand in his and allowed him to pull me to my feet. He tripped, stumbling backwards and pulling me even closer to him. “Whoops.” he whispered.
“Whoops? Harry you’re such a clumsy drunk, I swear one day you’re going to-” I stopped talking, my breath catching in my throat when I looked up and realised how close his face was to mine.
“Would you be really, really mad at me if I kissed you?” he muttered, his eyes travelling to my lips.
“Yes,” I whispered. “Louis would be mad, too.”
“Yeah…” Harry licked his lips. “Yeah, Louis. Right. You’re right, I’m sorry,” he shook his head, letting go of me and taking a step backwards when he heard a horn beep from outside. “Th-that’s probably our taxi, we should…” he trailed off, gesturing outside.
“Yeah. Yeah, we should,” I nodded in agreement, walking out of the building with Harry trailing after me.

***

I sighed quietly, my eyes fixed on the ceiling before I turned my head slightly to look at Harry sleeping beside me, a small smile forming on my lips when I saw the pout on his face. He had one arm slung across my stomach, his hand resting on my hip and his hair splayed across his pillow. He really was beautiful…
Wait, what?
No, he’s not beautiful. He’s Harry. Harry’s not beautiful. Harry’s normal. Well, not normal, normal. I mean, he’s Harry. He’s as normal as being Harry Styles allows him to be.
…I don’t even know anymore.
I shuffled to the side, trying my best not to wake him up and freezing when he moved, his grip on me tightening as he pulled me closer to him, his face right next to mine.
“What are you doing to me, Styles?” I whispered, my palm resting against his cheek. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing away the thoughts of Harry and thinking about Louis.
Louis, who was at home, waiting for me to get back.
I’m the worst person in the world.
I lifted Harry’s arm up gently and quickly slipped out of bed, almost tripping on the ends of the sweatpants Harry had made me wear as I made my way downstairs. We’d gotten back just over two hours ago and I’d made Harry go right to bed, promising him I’d be up soon. I lied. I’d waited until Anne, Gemma and Robin had come home before I’d slipped in beside him. He was already asleep, but as soon I lay down next to him, he’d had his arms around me and he was burying his face in my hair.
I sighed, switching the kettle on and finding the teabags. My elbows rested on the worktop and I let my head drop to my hands.
“Pull yourself together, ,” I whispered. “Think about what this would do to Louis. Think about Louis.”
“?”
“Don’t do that!” I yelped, whirling round when I heard Harry’s sleepy voice from behind me. He was shirtless, a confused look on his face and he rubbed his eyes, his hair messy. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Are you alright?” he asked. “You were muttering something about Louis.”
“I’m fine, I just – I miss him,” I lied. Sort of. I did miss him. I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding Harry’s sceptic gaze. He knew I was lying.
“What am I doing to you, ?” he asked curiously, and I froze. “Just now, before you got out of bed. What am I doing to you?”
“I-I don’t… I don’t know,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t know what’s happening, Harry.”
“What do you mean…?” he took a step towards me. “Have I done something wrong?”
“No,” I shook my head. “Harry, I’m just, I- I’m confused, about… things.”
“What things?” he asked, and I bit my lip. “. What things? …Come on, . You can talk to me.”
“You,” I blurted out. “Confused about things with you.” I admitted, still refusing to look at me. Harry let out a deep breath and was instantly in front of me, his hands on my hips and his forehead resting against mine.
“Really?” he whispered, his eyes closed. “Don’t… Don’t tease me, .”
“I’m not,” I gulped, my fingers curling around the chain of his dog tags, his lips dangerously close to my own. “We can’t do this, Harry. We can’t.”
“We can,” he argued. “We shouldn’t. But we can.” he looked at me, his eyes clouded. “He doesn’t own you, …”
“I love him,” I whispered. “Fuck, Harry. I love him. I do. But I can’t-” I closed my eyes. “I can’t stay away from you.”
“I love you,” Harry mumbled, his lips closer than before and his eyes searching mine as if asking for permission. I gulped, nodding my head as his grip on my waist tightened. He leaned his head down, and it happened.
He kissed me.
And I let him.

———-

eighteen.

I curled my body towards the door, staring out of the window and picking at the red varnish on my nails and hearing Harry sighed quietly beside me. We’d been driving in complete silence ever since we’d left Holmes Chapel, the only sounds coming from the radio or from my and occasionally from my phone, Taylor Swift filling the car every time Louis called.
And he’s called approximately seven times in the past hour.
“Answer it,” Harry mumbled when my phone rang loudly. I snapped my head round to stare at him, but he kept his attention on the road ahead. “If you keep avoiding him, he’s going to know something’s wrong. Just answer the damn phone, .” he demanded. I rolled my eyes at him but did as he said and accepted the call.
“Hello?”
“Hi beautiful!”
“Hey, Lou,” I smiled softly when I heard his voice. “I’ll be home soon, we’re about an hour outside of London.”
“A whole hour?” Louis groaned. “Tell Harry it’s no time to drive like a grandmother, it’s about time he put his boy racer hat on and sped you right back here to me… I missed you last night, I woke up hugging my pillow.”
“Awh babe!” I laughed quietly. “Did you really? That’s… That’s sort of adorable. I missed you too…” I told him, shooting Harry a glare when he scoffed. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, it’s just that Harry was so drunk I thought he was going to punch his cousin, so I had to look after him.”
“Yeah, I nearly punched my cousin because he was hitting on your girlfriend, Louis!” Harry called, loud enough for Louis to hear him. “And I didn’t get much thanks for it, either!”
“He wasn’t hitting on me,” I lied. “He asked if I wanted to dance, I said no. Harry overreacted. Again. Louis, erm, do you want to come to mine tonight, instead of me staying at yours again?”
“I’d love to, but I can’t… We’re getting picked up early in the morning, we’re on Daybreak.”
“Oh,” I frowned. “Oh, it’s alright. I’ll just see you tomorrow, then?”
“What, why? No! Come back here with Harry! You can hang out here tomorrow and watch us on Daybreak! What time are you in Uni?” he asked. “Or work? Because I’m pretty sure Harry will drop you off. OR! You could come with us to Daybreak! And our driver can drop you off at Uni or work or wherever you want to go!”
“I have a lecture at 3, but I’m off before then…” I paused. “I’ll, erm, I’ll see you in an hour, then? I’m gonna have to go, I think Harry’s getting frustrated because I’m talking to loud and his delicate little head can’t take the hangover.”
“Okay,” Louis chuckled. “I’ll see you soon, I love you .”
“I-I love you too, Louis,” I whispered, pulling the phone away from my ear and hanging up quickly, stuffing my phone back into my bag and throwing it into the backseat. I sniffed, tears filling my eyes as I turned my head away from Harry.
“…”
“Don’t,” I whispered. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to see Louis.”
“-“
“I said don’t, Harry,” I snapped at him. “Just fucking drive, I want to go home to my boyfriend.”
“Yeah, coz you were really concerned about him last night!” Harry snapped back, anger the only thing on his face. I ignored him, the guilt flooding me again as I wiped my eyes. Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair and switching lanes, pulling the onto the hard shoulder and shutting the engine off, a frown on his face. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising,” I muttered.
“We need to talk about this, .”
“I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to go home and eat my weight in ice cream, okay?” I picked at my nails. “I can’t talk about this right now.”
“We had sex.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“. We had sex against the damn wall in my mother’s kitchen.”
“I. Know.” I repeated through clenched teeth. “I am well aware of what we did and didn’t do, Harry, you weren’t the only one there.”
“Then you must also be ‘well aware’ that you can’t run away from this, we need to fucking talk about it!” he scowled at me. I didn’t reply. “You weren’t… Were you drunk?” he asked, and I shook my head. “Did you… enjoy it?”
“What the fuck kind of question is that?!” I asked. “Did I enjoy cheating on my boyfriend?!”
“Okay, alright, bad choice of words,” Harry winced. “Do you regret it?” he asked quietly and I paused, staying silent. “?” he looked at me nervously, and I slowly shook my head. “You don’t regret it?”
“I don’t know, Harry,” I admitted quietly. “I don’t know, alright? I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I do know that I feel awful about it, that I feel guilty. But… I think, if I could go back and change it… I wouldn’t stop it,” I whispered hoarsely. “Does that make me a terrible person? It does, doesn’t it? I have a boyfriend who’s so lovely, he’s all I’ve wanted for so long and now I have him and I mess it up because of the fucked up sexual attraction I have to you!”
“…Sexual attraction?” Harry smirked at me.
“Not the time, Styles!”
“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry,” he coughed. “I- do you… have feelings… for me?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed in frustration. “I… I like you, I think. But I don’t love you, Harry. Not in that way. I love… Jesus, I love Louis. I really love him, like I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him and fuck. I’m going to lose him, because when he finds out about this he’s going to hate me. I’m going to lose them all. Liam’s going to disown me, Zayn and Niall will want absolutely nothing to do with me anymore, my mum and dad will be so disappointed in me. This is… it’s going to kill him.” I let my head fall into my hands, a sob escaping me as I let the tears roll down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey,” Harry unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged forward, wrapping me in his arms and kissing the top of my head as he rubbed my back. “It’s okay, . It’ll be alright,” he whispered, his cheek resting on my head. “We won’t… Louis doesn’t… I won’t tell him, . He won’t find out about this unless you tell him. I know you love him, you’re both so…” he sighed. “As much as it pains me to admit it… You’re kind of made for each other, I think. I’m not going to do anything to come between you again, I promise. We’ll just… We’ll put it down to a drunken mistake.”
“And what about the next time?!” I cried. “I can’t- I don’t know if I can stay away from you, Harry!”
“Then I’ll stay away from you,” he whispered, taking my face in his hands and forcing me to look at him, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “You know I love you, . You mean the world to me, I’d do anything for you. Being with Louis makes you happy, being with me makes you hate yourself. I’ll stop, . I’ll leave you both alone. We can’t- Jesus, as much as I want to be selfish here, … We can’t hurt him.”
“I know,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt him, I- I love him, Harry. I know I haven’t done a very good job of acting like it in the past 24 hours, but I do love him. He’s… He’s everything. Oh my God what have we done?” I gasped, covering my face with my hands. “I’ve ruined it, I’ve wrecked it all.”
“No, no,” Harry grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. “This wasn’t just you, alright? It wasn’t- I was there as well, I could have stopped it but I didn’t. It’s both of us. I kissed you first.”
“I wanted you to,” I mumbled.
“No,” Harry shook his head. “No, I pushed you, I-“
“STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR ME!” I yelled at him. “Stop doing that! Stop acting like I can’t do anything wrong! I kissed you back, Harry! I kissed you back and I had sex with you and Louis didn’t even cross my mind, stop making excuses and pretending like it was all you! You can’t keep- you can’t let me off the hook!”
“I’m not trying to, I didn’t-“
“I have to tell him,” I whispered. “I can’t lie to him. I have to tell him what happened.”
“If you tell him, you’ll lose him. We both will.”
“I know.”
“Then don’t tell him, !” Harry sighed. “You love him, he loves you. That’s all you’ve ever wanted since we’ve been friends and you’ve got it, don’t let some stupid drunken mistake change that, it’s… It’s not worth is, . I’m not worth it.”
“…What if you are?” I asked quietly, peering over at him. He had a small half-smile on his face as he shook his head.
“I’m not,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe we shouldn’t… Look, whatever we started last night… We’ve taken it way too far over the line of friendship. We can’t take it back and the only way to make sure it doesn’t happen again is to stay away from each other. I mean, when the other boys are there, obviously we’ll be friend around them, but I think that-“
“What are you saying?” I whispered nervously. “What are you getting at, Harry?”
“I’m saying…” he paused, sadness in his eyes. “Our friendship… It’s… unhealthy. My feelings aren’t going to go anywhere when I’m around you all the time. I’m saying we should-” he stopped talking, groaning and tugged on the end of his hair. “Us, being friends. It’s over, . We’re done.”

***

“What on earth are you eating?” Louis asked, a smirk on his face as I looked up at him when he sat next to me. I shrugged, swallowing the chocolate that was in my mouth and digging the spoon back into the jar.
“Nutella.”
“Straight out of the tub?”
“It’s the only way to eat Nutella! Everything else ruins is!” I claimed.
“Well… I can think of a few other ways to enjoy it,” he wigged is eyebrows at me and my cheeks burned as I looked down, my hair hiding my face.
“Pretty sure you’d ruin the taste of Nutella, too. All it’s chocolaty, hazelnutty goodness!” I stuck my tongue out at him, putting another spoonful in my mouth.
“Hazelnutty isn’t a word,” Louis mumbled, his eyes on my mouth as I licked the spoon clean.
“…Something got your attention, Lou?” I asked innocently, raising an eyebrow at him. He shook his head, snapping out of his daze and grinning at me.
“You’re a tease,” he whispered, his face inching closer to mine. My eyes fluttered closed and I waited for his lips to meet mine, but they didn’t. Instead, I felt him snatch the spoon out of my hands and my eyes shot open in confusion to see him grinning smugly at me, a spoonful of Nutella in his mouth. “Mmmm, chocolaty!”
“You’re a twat, gimme my spoon back!” I groaned, reaching for it. Louis smirked and held it further away, above his head. I huffed, abandoning the half-empty jar of Nutella on the coffee table and kneeling on the sofa as I stretched up to get the spoon. Louis let it, and it landed on my cheek before falling onto the floor. I stared at it over the back of the sofa and pouted. “Go get me another one!”
“You know where the kitchen is!” Louis tutted, chuckling when I looked up at him. “You have chocolate on your face, where the spoon hit you,” he pointed. I rolled my eyes and went to wipe it off, but he grabbed my hand and shook his head. “No, no… I’ll get it…” he mumbled, his lips landing on my cheek and his tongue snaking out and licking the chocolate away. “All gone…” he murmured in my ear.
“Tease,” I breathed, pulling his face to mine and kissing him. “Was there even any Nutella there?”
“No…” he smirked at me. “I just like messing with you!”
“You’re such a bastard!” I groaned, pushing him away from me. He whimpered, putting his arms around my waist and pulling me back towards him and kissing the back of my neck. “Louis, if you don’t stop it I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“Would those actions involve you dragging me off to my bedroom?”
“…Possibly.”
“Thought so,” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. He sighed irritably when my phone rang loudly and I smiled apologetically, reaching for my bag to pull it out. “Ignore it.”
“It’s Zayn.”
“Even more reason to ignore it,” he smirked, reaching for me again. I giggled quietly, swatting his hands away as I pressed the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Z.”
“Is Louis there?” “Well it’s nice to talk to you, too.” I huffed.
“ I don’t have time for this, I’ve tried Louis’ phone and it’s going straight to voicemail, is he there?”
“What’s wrong?” I frowned at the panic in his voice. “Where are you? I thought you were out with Harry?”
“I am, we are, we’re nearly back at the apartments, I just- I need help, I need to talk to Louis, he’s taken something and-“
“HE’S WHAT?!” I shrieked, “What do you mean, he’s taken something?! Is he okay!? Let me talk to him!”
“I can’t!” Zayn snapped. “He won’t talk to anyone, he wants Louis! just put him on the fucking phone!” he demanded. I threw my phone towards a confused looking Louis and jumped up, fumbling to put my Converse back on and throwing Louis his TOMS.
I fucking hated those shoes.
…Not the time to be thinking of footwear, !
“Wh- yeah, I’ll be- what, no, you’re on the first floor, take him to yours and I’ll see you down there. Zayn… Zay- ZAYN. I’ll be there in two minutes!” he threw my phone on the sofa and slipped his shoes on, standing up and staring at me. “I have to go to Zayn’s, you just stay here and-“
“I’m fucking coming with you!” I shrieked, interrupting him. “He’s my best friend, I need to see if he’s okay!” I threw the front door open before he could stop me and rushed towards the stairs, running down them as fast I could to get to Zayn’s.
So I hadn’t actually spoken to Harry in almost two weeks, but no matter what had happened he was still my best friend and I still loved him. I needed to make sure he was okay. I had to see that he was alright. I heard Louis’ footsteps behind me as I ran through the door leading to Zayn’s floor and stopped dead when I saw him struggling to get Harry inside his apartment.
He looked a mess.
His shirt was untucked, his blazer looked torn, his hair was even messier than normal and his eyes were red and puffy. He was crying.
…No.
He was sobbing. I held back my own tears and rushed towards them, Zayn’s eyes widening when he saw me. He shook his head, holding out a hand to try and stop me from coming closer.
“, no, he’s-“
“Harry!” I put a hand on his arm, only for him to shove me away, his hand snapping up as he glared at me. “Harry are you alright?” I reached out to touch his arm again, but he shook Zayn off him and pushed me away as hard as he could, my back colliding with the wall.
“Get away from me, I fucking hate you!” he hissed. “You’re a bitch, you’ve screwed my entire life up, I wish I’d never met you!”
“, are you alright?” Zayn asked quickly.
“What the fuck was that?!” Louis shouted, rushing over and grabbing hold of me. “Are you alright, did he hurt you?” he asked, taking my face in his hands. I shook my head, my eyes fixed on Harry. “Are you sure?”
“I’m fine,” I croaked.
“What the fuck, Harry?!” Louis growled. “You could have hurt her, what are you doing?! What the hell has he taken?!”
“Just help me get him inside!” Zayn snapped at him. “, go home.”
“No.”
“.”
“No, Louis,” I muttered, pushing past him and helping Zayn take Harry inside, where he shook us both off and collapsed onto the couch, his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking as he cried. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Zayn ran a hand through his hair as Louis stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “He was… He was with some girl, some blonde thing who even I wouldn’t go near, you could catch an STD just from looking at her. I tried to get him to leave her, to stay with me but he wouldn’t. She gave him something. He doesn’t know what it was.”
“Since when has he taken drugs at all, let alone off skanky girls?” I shook my head and turned to walk towards him, but Zayn stopped me.
“I really think you should leave this one to Louis after what happened out there. I don’t want him to hurt you. Harry wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
“He won’t hurt me, Harry would never hurt me,” I mumbled, ignoring the dull ache in my back where I’d hit the wall.
“He’s not himself, though, is he?” Louis sighed. “Zayn’s right. Just let me talk to him,” he kissed my forehead and made his way over to Harry, crouching down in front of him and putting his hands on Harry’s knees. “Haz, mate… What’s going on?”
“Louis!” Harry cried, wrapping his arms around Louis’ neck and hugging him tightly. “Louis… Louis why aren’t we friends anymore?”
“What? We are friends, silly. Why wouldn’t we be friends?”
“Because of her,” Harry spat.
“Wha… Who, ?” Louis frowned in confusion and Harry nodded quickly.
“Because she’s come in and fucked it all up and me and you… we never see each other anymore! I mean we see each other, but we don’t talk Lou. I miss you, you’re like my brother and I hate what I did.” Harry slurred. Oh, fuck. I gulped and took a step forward, but Zayn wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side.
“He doesn’t know what he’s saying,” he mumbled, his lips pressed against the side of my head. “You know he loves you. He doesn’t mean it.”
“I tried, I tried so hard,” Harry rambled on, waving his hands in the air. “I really tried to make it go away, to not love her anymore but I can’t, Louis. It won’t go away and it won’t stop hurting. It hurts. Make it go away. Please, Louis. Make it go away. Make it stop.” he whimpered. Louis’ face was pale and I saw him gulp as he stared over at me, clearly not knowing what to say or do. I covered my mouth with my hand and screwed my eyes shut, burying my face into Zayn’s shoulder.
“He means it,” I told him, my voice hoarse. “He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you,” Zayn pulled back and put his hands on my shoulder. “Hey. He doesn’t hate you. He just hates feeling this way. It’s not your fault.”
“It is,” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “It’s all my fault. Everything that’s happened. I never should have… I should have stopped it and…”
“, stop,” Zayn shook me. “Stop it. He’s drunk, he’s high off God only knows what and he doesn’t mean it. Stop beating yourself up over this.” he sighed, letting go of me and looking over my shoulder. I turned round to see Louis walking over to us.
“Uhm,” he shuffled nervously on the spot, his hands stuffed in his pockets as he looked at me. “I’m gonna take him back up, put him to bed and make sure he’s alright. Maybe… Maybe you should go home…”
“It’s two in the morning, she’s not going home, you can stay here,” Zayn told me.
“Okay,” I whispered. Louis sighed, taking my hands in his and kissing my forehead, his lips lingering longer than normal.
“I love you, . I love you more than anything, I just think… Harry obviously isn’t handling this well. I think I need to spend some time with him and talk about it all.”
“Yeah, Louis, it’s fine. I understand, you should talk to him. I love you too.” I smiled weakly at him. He sighed, going back over to Harry and helping him stand up.
“Where are we going?” he mumbled, his curls flopping into his eyes.
“Home. I’m going to put you to bed.”
“Larry Stylinson isn’t real, Lou,” Harry scoffed, and Louis rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face despite himself. “Louis?”
“Mhmm?”
“I love you, man.”
“I love you too, Harry,” he chuckled. I stood aside and watched Zayn open the door for them, Louis mouthing ‘I love you’ too me over his shoulder as he walked out. I nodded at him, waiting until Zayn had closed the door before I burst into tears, realisation hitting me.
This was something I couldn’t fix. It was really finished. I’d well and truly lost Harry.
And it was all my own fault.

———-

nineteen.

At eight the next morning, after sleeping for a grand total of two hours all night, I shuffled out of Zayn’s bedroom, pulling an abandoned hoody of his around me tightly as I walked into the living room and saw him sitting – shirtless, might I add – on the sofa with a cup of tea.
“Morning, babe,” he smiled softly at me as I flopped down on the sofa next to him, tucking my feet underneath me and yawning. “Want a cuppa? Coffee?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“Put a shirt on,” I muttered, my eyes trained on the TV.
“Well someone’s grouchy!” Zayn smirked. “Didn’t get much sleep last night? I felt you tossing and turning, I thought you were having bad dreams… You look shattered, . Why don’t you go back to bed for a bit?”
“Can’t. Uni. Two hours.” I coughed, trying to keep my eyes.
“Call in sick. I’ll call in for you. You can barely form complete sentences, . You’re in no state to go into university. Why don’t you stay here for the day, sleep for a bit and I’ll take you home later? Or you can go and see Harry…?” he trailed off, his question lingering in the air as I shook my head. “He’ll want to apologise, .”
“He won’t even remember,” I sighed. Zayn mumbled something and stood up, walking into his room and emerging a couple of minutes later carrying his duvet and a pillow. I let him lift me up and put the pillow under my head, before he threw the duvet over me and tucked me in, kissing my forehead.
“You’re like my sister, . Liam will murder me if I don’t look after you. You’re tired. No, you’re exhausted, so you’re staying here and you’re going to sleep. I’ll get your clothes and things from Louis’ place, you just rest.” he murmured. I was too tired to argue with him as my eyes fluttered closed as he sat by my feet.
“Zayn?” I whispered.
“Hmm?” he hummed, turning the volume down on the TV.
“I slept with Harry.” I admitted quietly. Zayn paused.
“I know, babe.”
“No, I-” I pushed the covers back and sat up slow, biting my lip nervously as I glanced at him. “I mean, two weeks ago. When we went to his mum’s.”
“Yeah. I know,” Zayn sighed. “He… Harry told me, a few days ago. I won’t… I’m not going to say anything to anyone, . You can talk to me, you know? If it’s bothering you. I’d rather you talk to me than hide it all like Harry’s doing, that’s why he’s-” Zayn stopped talking, the ringing of the phone interrupting him. He sighed heavily as he reached across to pick it up. “Hello? …Yeah she’s still here. No, she looks like shit so I’ve told her she’s not going in,” he glanced at me. Charming. “Louis I don’t think that’s- Yeah, but is Harry-? I’m not telling you what to do, I’m- would you let me finish a damn sentence? Jesus! I’m not saying that you don’t know what’s best for them, I just think you should wait until has had a sleep and until Harry’s not hungover. What? Louis-” Zayn growled, pulling the phone away from his ear and slamming it down angrily. “Your boyfriend is impossible!”
“Uhm… Why?”
“Never mind,” he shook his head. “He wants you to go back up now. But, if you don’t want to, I’ll call him back and tell him you’re asleep.”
“No, it’s fine,” I sighed, stretching as I stood up and grabbed my Converse. “Thanks for letting me stay, Zayn.” I smiled softly at him and he shrugged his shoulders. I kissed his cheek and left the apartment, pulling the door closed and jumping when I heard someone shout behind me.
“Oi! What are you doing leaving Zayn’s at half 8 in the morning?! And in your pyjamas?!”
“Uhm…” I turned round to face Liam’s curious stare. “Nothing, I stayed over last night, that’s all…” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just heading back up to see Lou and Harry.”
“Why did you stay at Zayn’s? You and Louis haven’t had a fight, have you?” he asked in concern. I shook my head, turning round to walk towards the stairs when Liam put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Hey, … What is it, what’s wrong? You’ve got that look on your face like you had when Mr. Wiggles died!” he told me, and I smiled up at him. Mr. Wiggles had been my hamster when I was 7, he was my best friend and I’d adored him. Liam had thrown him out of the window to see if he could fly, I’d refused to speak to him for three weeks.
“When Mr. Wiggles was murdered, you mean,” I glared. “It’s nothing, Li. Honestly, I’m fine,” I told him.
“You can’t lie to me, I’m your big brother. You’ve been crying…”
“Liam please don’t be nice to me,” I whispered, avoiding his eyes. He took a step forward and tapped my back, causing me to wince and step away from him. He looked at me, his face creased in confusion. “Must have slept funny!” I laughed nervously. He narrowed his eyes at me and took hold of my wrist, pulling me closer to him and grabbing the bottom or Zayn’s hoody and my t-shirt. “Liam, don’t-” I stopped talking, screwing my eyes shut when he lifted the back of my top up slightly and he froze. “Liam, it’s really not what it-“
“I’m going to kill him,” he spat. “Did he do this to you? Did Louis do this to you?”
“What? No, Louis would never-“
“Then why are you trying to hide it?!” he interrupted angrily. “Your back, , the bruise…”
“It’s not even that big…”
“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Liam yelled.
“You’re jumping to conclusions!” I moaned. “It wasn’t even- I tripped! I tripped and I fell over!”
“You’re lying to me,” he pointed. “I know you’re lying to me, you forget that I know your lying face. I know you. I’m going to murder him,” Liam growled.
“Liam-” I sighed, but he ignored me and started to run up the stairs. “LIAM!” I shouted, quickly following him. “Liam stop, it wasn’t-” I touched his arm but he ignored me, banging on the door.
“Alright, I’m coming, keep your hair on!” Louis called from inside before he opened the door, his small smile fading when he saw the look of anger on Liam’s face and the panicked one on mine. “What’s going on?”
“What the fuck have you done to my sister?!” Liam snarled, shoving him inside.
“Liam he hasn’t done anything!” I grabbed his hand and tried to pull him backwards. “It wasn’t him!”
“What’s happened?!” Louis’ eyes widened as he looked at me. I just shook my head and kept hold of Liam’s arm. “Liam, what’s going on?”
“She’s hurt! Someone hurt her! Her back, it’s all-“
“I told you I fell over!” I interrupted him quickly, seeing the realisation cross Louis’ face. “Louis, no, it’s-“
“Show me,” he mumbled. I sighed exasperatedly and ran a hand through my messy hair. “. Show me what he did to you.”
“He was drunk, Lou, he was upset. He didn’t mean it, he-“
“Show me.”
“No,” I frowned stubbornly. “It was an accident, it’s not like he did it on purpose – why are you overreacting? Just leave it… Is he awake? I want to see if he’s okay.”
“It wasn’t an accident, he purposely shoved you into a wall!” Louis argued, and I couldn’t help but let my mind flash back to two weeks ago in Anne’s kitchen, my cheeks burning with embarrassment as I thought about it. “HARRY! Can you come out here, please?”
“Wait, wait… Harry did that to you?” Liam frowned.
“No! Well, yes, but… Okay, he was drunk and he was upset, alright? He was crying, and it was obvious he didn’t want to talk to me but I was pushing it because I wanted to see if he’s okay, you know how I get when my friends are upset… He pushed me away, that’s all. I tripped over my own feet and I hit the wall. It wasn’t on purpose, Li. The pair of you are seriously overreacting, as if Harry could ever hurt anyone like-“
“What’s going on?” Harry mumbled, rubbing his eyes and yawning as he stepped out of his room. My eyes widened and before I could stop myself, I’d ran past Louis and grabbed Harry’s hand, pulling him back into his bedroom and locking the door behind us.
“CASSIDY MARIE PAYNE GET BACK OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!”
“NO!” I shouted back to Liam, double checking that I’d locked the door. “No, I’m talking to Harry!”
“BUT HE’S-“
“He’s harmless!” I told him.
“BUT-“
“Liam, mate, come on…” Louis interrupted him with a sigh. “He doesn’t remember, he was… Listen, they need to talk, come in the living room and I’ll explain…” he trailed off, their voices getting quieter. I assumed Louis had dragged Liam off to another room. I breathed a sigh of relief and turned my attention to the boy who’d crawled back into bed, my eyes narrowing on the Harry-shaped lump under the covers.
“Oh, no, I don’t think so Styles!” I snapped, grabbing the end of his duvet and attempting to pull it away from him. He groaned and held on to it, his eyes squinted as he popped his head over the top of the covers.
“Later, . Louis’s only next door, he’ll hear us…” he mumbled sleepily.
“Wha… Oh my God, no. No, Harry. That’s most definitely not why I’m here, you pervert!” I hissed, tugging on the duvet one last time and smiling triumphantly when I succeeded in pulling it away from him. “I’m here because I want an answer as to why in the hell you thought it was a good idea to take drugs last night?!”
“What are you on about?!” Harry groaned loudly, burying his head in his pillow.
“Styles, do not make me sit on you.”
“Promises…” he smirked lazily at me as he rolled over to look at me. I scoffed. “Don’t act like you don’t want another go of me, Payne. I’m amazing and you know it. Best you’ve ever had.”
“You’re clearly still drunk,” I raised an eyebrow. “Do you not remember last night? At all?”
“Not really…” he frowned, sitting up and tossing his hair out of his eyes. He patted the empty space next to him for me to sit down, but I shook my head and moved a pile of his clothes off the chair so I could sit there instead. “… Come on, you always get in bed with me!”
“Not anymore,” I shook my head at him. “Harry, what do you remember? About last night?”
“I don’t know…” he started carefully. “I was dancing. With a girl. I had a headache, she gave me painkillers.”
“…She didn’t give you painkillers, Harry. Whatever she gave you made you go off your head, Zayn had to bring you home. You were crying, he had to call Louis to help him. I went down with him, y-you… You told me you hated me.” I whispered.
“I what?” Harry was suddenly alert, his eyes wide as he looked at me. “, I don’t. I don’t hate you. I hate how I feel, but I could never hate you!”
“You told me you wished you’d never met me.”
“. I was drunk, it was-“
“Hey, sometimes the truth comes out when people are drunk,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Do you think I’ve ruined your friendship with Louis?”
“What? No. No, I- I just miss how close I used to be to him, that’s all… But it was bound to happen, . Friends always drift apart when one of them is in a relationship…”
“Bullshit. That’s crap, and you know it. Zayn and Liam are as close as anything and Liam’s been with Danielle for ages. You’re doing it again, making excuses. I should have… Harry, I’m sorry, I never- I didn’t think about anything but what I wanted. I knew what this could do to the three of us but I just… I was selfish. I’m sorry, I- maybe I should just-“
“I did something to you,” Harry interrupted me. “Last night. I did something, I hurt you. That’s what Liam was shouting about.”
“It’s nothing,” I shook my head.
“What did I do?”
“It’s nothing, Harry.”
“,” he stood up, grabbing hold of my shoulders. “What did I do to you?”
“You didn’t do anything, not on purpose. You were drunk, you were upset and angry and you didn’t want to see me but I wouldn’t take no for an answer, and you just wanted me to go away, that’s all.”
“I-I pushed you, didn’t I?” Harry stuttered. “I pushed you. Into the wall. I-I remember Zayn grabbing hold of me and asking if you were alright,” he let go of me and pushed his hair back.
“Harry, calm down. It’s a tiny little bruise, that’s all, Liam totally overreacted! Look! Harry, look,” I shrugged Zayn’s jacket off and lifted the bottom of my t-shirt up, twisting round and pointing at my back. “See? Nothing. It’s not even – it’s only hurting because Liam practically rugby tackled me in the hallway as I was leaving Zayn’s!” I tutted. Okay, slight exaggeration. But still. He had smacked me right on the damn bruise.
“I hurt you,” Harry murmured, his fingers running over the purplish mark as he sat down on his bed.
“I hurt you, too,” I whispered. “Maybe not physically, but I did. And I’m going to end up hurting Louis, too,” I let my t-shirt fall back down, but Harry lifted it up again, his eyes trained on the mark. “Harry…” I sighed. He told me to shush as he wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me closer. “Haz, what are you doing?”
“I’m kissing it better,” he whispered, his breath hitting my skin and causing me to shiver. I squirmed, but he held on to me tighter and pressed his lips against my back.
“Stop it!” I hissed. “Oh my- Harry, seriously, stop it…” I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding and pulled away, turning round to look at him and frowning at the cheeky grin on his face. I paused for a minute, before taking hold of his face and crushing my lips against his.
“Mmm…” he mumbled against my lips as he pulled away. “You want me,” he raised his eyebrow. “Told you so.”
“Shut up, Harry,” I whispered, my eyes closed as my hands dropped to his shoulders. “I shouldn’t want you. This is so wrong.”
“Wrong, yeah,” he muttered, his hand gripping my waist as he kissed my neck. “Doesn’t feel too wrong, though. Feels kinda nice. Maybe, if we’re really, really quiet…” he trailed off, smirking suggestively.
“I’m not having sex with you when my boyfriend and my brother are sat next door.”
“But you would if they weren’t?” he pulled back and grinned up at me and I blushed. “I knew it. I told you, I’m sexy. Admit it, . You find me irresistible.”
“…Do you not realise how wrong that sentence sounded? ‘I won’t have sex with you when my boyfriend is next door’? Jesus, I’m so screwed up!” I ran a hand through my hair and let out a squeak when Harry leaned back on the bed, pulling me down on top of him.
“Then we’ll be screwed up together, ,” he whispered. “Kiss me.”
“I can’t.”
“You want to.”
“I can’t.”
“-“
“I’m telling Louis,” I interrupted him quickly. “What we did, what’s been going on. I’m telling him. Clearly, we can’t stay away from each other, and I’m not going to hurt him anymore than I already have to,” I sat up, forcing Harry to let go of me as he nodded slowly. “I just, is it naïve of me to think the three of us might still be able to forge some sort of friendship out of this?”
“Probably, yeah,” Harry sighed. “I don’t think he’ll want to know either of us after this, . He adores you, and you’ve cheated on him. We’ve lied to him. He’ll hate us.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off, chewing on my bottom lip and putting Zayn’s stolen jacket back on. “I… I’m sorry, Harry. I never wanted it to come to this.”
“I know,” Harry smiled weakly. I gave him a half-smile, zipping up Zayn’s jacket and leaving his room.
“Hey, are you okay?” Louis stood up when I walked into the living room. I nodded, stepping into his open arms and looking around. “Liam’s gone. We, uhm, had a bit of an argument… I got a bit mad at him for thinking I could ever do that to you. He was so quick to believe it was me, and when I told him it was Harry he didn’t believe me! You’re okay though, right? You and Harry talked?”
“Mhmm,” I hummed, burying my face in his chest. “Can I get a shower, Lou?”
“What? Why are you asking, you’ve practically lived here since we moved in, of course you can get a shower!” he chuckled. “Are you doing anything today?”
“I have uni in like an hour…”
“No you don’t,” he grinned. “Liam called them, told then you were sick. So you have the day off.”
“So why ask what I’m doing if you know I’m doing nothing?” I sighed irritably. “I… Sorry, Lou. I’m just a bit tired. Pissed off with Liam, too.”
“He’s only looking out for you, baby…” Louis cooed, kissing my forehead. “Listen, go get a shower and I’ll run to Starbucks, get you one of those latte things that taste like Fairy Liquid,” he pulled a face at my love for the chai tea lattes. “I’ll be here by the time you’re showered and dressed and beautified or whatever. And then…” he slipped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly. “Then, me, you and Harry are going to hang out, like we used to. Just the three of us.”
“W-What?” I stuttered, pulling away from him in shock. “I don’t think that’s-“
“Ah, ah, ah!” he smirked, tapping my nose and shaking his head. “Nope. We need to sort out our friendships with each other before things get worse, so we’re having a day of fun and we’re going to the zoo! So go get your backside into the bathroom and get yourself ready!” he turned me round and pushed me gently towards the bathroom. “HARRY! Get up, get ready, we’re going out!” he called loudly, slamming the door shut behind him.
“What, why where are we going?” Harry called as he stepped out of his room, his eyes landing on me. “You look like you’ve just been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past. What’s wrong?”
“Better get ready, Harry,” I mumbled, my eyes on the floor as I shuffled to the bathroom. “Looks like the three of us are spending the day together.”

———-

twenty.

“Can we go and see the orangutans again?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve already been to see the orangutans. Twice.”
“But-”
“No.”
“But they’re-”
“No.”
“But Harryyyy!” I whined. “They’re my favourites! Louis would let me…”
“That’s because Louis’s going to get some tonight if he lets you go back there, which is why we decided that I shall be the zoo guide,” Harry quipped. My mouth fell open as I stared at him, a smirk covering Louis’ face as he nodded in agreement. “I need a piss.”
“Charming,” I scoffed, Louis chuckling beside me and kissing the top of my head. “Erm, so do I, actually…” I eyed the rundown, deserted looking block of toilets. “Why’s this place so empty?”
“Because it’s a weekday, it’s winter, and we’re by the flamingos,” Louis grinned. “Kids are in school, normal people are at home in the warm, and no one wants to see the flamingos.”
“I like flamingos!” Harry argued.
“Manly,” I smirked, patting his arm. “Those toilets look like something out of a horror film urgh. Oh my God it does though, it looks like the toilets out of Halloween! …Protect me, Lou?” I pouted at him.
“Awww,” he laughed. “Sorry love, Harry’ll have to save you from Michael Myers, I’m starving! I’ll go get us a table in there, alright?” he pointed over to the café. I sighed, nodding my head as Louis leaned forward and kissing my forehead before he walked towards the small building. I looked over at Harry and pouted.
“…No. No, don’t give me that look. I’m pissing in the bloke’s bit!” he covered his eyes with one of his hands, the other stretched out in front of him as he tried to feel his way to the toilets. I rolled my eyes at him, wrapping my fingers around his and making sure no one was around before pulling him into the toilets with me. “ what are you-”
“I am not going in there on my own, what if there’s some psycho killer lurking inside?! You go first!”
“What, so they kill me instead?!” he scoffed. “You’d miss me if I wasn’t here, Payne. And you’d have to forever live with the knowledge that it’s your fault I’m dead.”
“Pretty sure I’d get over it,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just stand guard or something. Pee in the sink.” I pointed, stepping into the cubicle and pulling a face at the graffiti covering the walls.
“How about no?” Harry chuckled, and I heard him open the door of the stall next to mine. “What if someone walks in, can you imagine the headlines? Heartthrob caught in ladies toilets with best friend’s girlfriend.”
“Heartthrob?” I questioned. “What heartthrob? Zayn’s the hottest and he’s not here.”
“Don’t try and be smart, !” Harry called. I smirked to myself and flushed the toilet, stepping out of the cubicle and going to wash my hands. Harry walked out behind me, zipping his jeans up as the door swung shut behind him. “Do you really think Zayn’s hot?”
“Wash your hands,” I ignored his question. He frowned, stepping up to the sink next to me and turning the tap on. I looked around for a hand dryer and, finding none, I turned back to Harry and dried my hands on his jumper. I giggled when he looked at me in shock, before he smirked and shut the tap off.
“Come here, …”
“No,” I shook my head, backing away. Harry reached out and grabbed hold of me, his wet hands tickling my sides. “Let go!” I shrieked, swatting at his arms as I squirmed to get away from him. “Harry stop it!” I giggled. He chuckled, his hands becoming still on my waist and his forehead pressed against mine.
“So much for staying away from you, hmmm?” he whispered, his eyes closed. I looked at him, studying his face. “I can’t do it, . I can’t stay anyway.”
“Neither can I…” I murmured, running a finger across his cheek. He looked at me, his eyes turning darker as I hooked a finger into the belt loop of his jeans and tugged him closer. “You know, Harry… If you let me go see the orangutans-”
“It’s all the way over the other side of the zoo!”
“I know,” I rolled my eyes, my other hand moving to the back of his neck and my fingers tangling in his curls, moving my lips closer to his. “But if you let me go,” I whispered. “I’ll make it worth your while…”
“Fucking hell, ,” he groaned quietly. “Stop it, we’re in public. If I walk out there with a boner Louis will never let me hear the end of it!” he shook his head and pulled away from me slightly, pausing to give me a quick kiss. My hands tangle in his hair as I held him closer to me. “…” he breathed against my lips. “I love you.” he whispered. I paused, looking up into his hopeful eyes.
“I know,” I whispered back. Harry sighed, letting go of me and running his hands through his hair as he stepped away.
“We’d better get back to Louis, before he sends out a search party.” “Harry-” “Don’t, . Just… come on,” he mumbled. I sighed, biting my lip and following him out to the café. He slouched down in the seat opposite Louis, avoiding my eyes when I took the seat between them.
“I didn’t know what you wanted,” Louis spoke. “So I got you nothing. Well, I got you coffee, but no food.”
“Thanks,” I tutted. “I’m not hungry, anyway,” I smiled softly, taking the coffee he handed to me. He looked curiously over at Harry, who was picking at a loose thread on his jumper. “So where to next, then?” I asked, causing Louis to turn his attention to me as he shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t know, I fancy going to see the penguins,” Louis held a chip out to me and I shook my head, so he popped it into his mouth. “But it’s up to our zoo guide over there,” he nodded his head towards Harry, who was messing with his phone. “…Harry.”
“Hmmm?” Harry looked up at us. “What?”
“Where to next, oh great and wise zoo guide?” Louis bowed his head down and I sniggered at him, Harry shooting me a smirk before answering.
“I think I can be persuaded to go and see the orangutans again…”

***

“Shhhh!” I giggled quietly, Louis letting out a deep breath next to me as he stared at the ceiling. “You alright over there, Lou?”
“Bloody hell, ,” he breathed. “What’s gotten into you tonight?!” he grinned and I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, whatever it is, I like it. I think I’ll take you to the zoo more often, turns you into an animal. HA! Zoo. Animal.” he chuckled. I smirked, pulling the covers over me more and cuddling up to him. He threw an arm around my shoulders and I put my head on chest as he pulled my closer and buried his face in my hair. “Love you.” he mumbled.
“Love you too,” I smiled even though he couldn’t see it. “We should probably get out there…” I sighed. We’d gotten back from the zoo around three hours ago and decided on a pizza night with the others – Harry had gone to Zayn’s almost two hours ago and they were going to be back with Niall, Liam and Danielle any time now. I really did not want to move from this bed. “Harry will be back with the others soon and I want to get in the shower.”
“Can I wash your hair?” Louis asked quietly.
“…What a random question,” I chuckled. “And no, you can’t. What if the others come back while we’re in the bathroom?”
“Then we’ll just be sneaky about getting out… Please?” he pouted at me and I rolled my eyes as I stepped back into my jeans and pulled one of Louis’ t-shirts over my head , nodding at him. “Really? You’re going to let me?” he grinned.
“Mhmm. But if you get shampoo in my eyes I will hurt you, okay?” I raised an eyebrow at him. He nodded eagerly and pulled a pair of sweat pants on, following me as I walked towards the bathroom. We were almost there when we heard the front door open and Niall’s laugh floated through the apartment. Louis groaned quietly and buried his face in my neck. “Rain check?” I bit my lip.
“Gonna have to be,” he mumbled, sighing loudly and taking my hand as he pulled me into the living room.
“Wahey! What have you two been up to then?!” Zayn wiggled his eyebrows at us. I blushed, ignoring him and hugging Danielle.
“You might wanna put a scarf on before Liam catches sight of you,” she whispered in my ear. I pulled away and looked at her in confusion as she raised an eyebrow, gesturing for me to follow her. She pulled me towards Louis’ room and pointed at the mirror, so I crouched down in front of it and gasped when I saw the purple marks scattered across my neck and collarbone. “You look like you’ve been attacked by Dracula!” she giggled.
“No, just Louis,” I sighed irritably. “Okay, I need a scarf. Harry! Harry will have a scarf in his room, come with me!” I pulled her out of the room, quickly slipping into Harry’s before anyone saw us and pulling a face at the mess. “Ew.”
“He’s a boy, what do you expect?” Danielle laughed, kicking at a discarded pair of jeans and opening his wardrobe, pushing a few things out of the way before smiling triumphantly as she held up a black and white checked scarf. “Ta-da!”
“You’re a babe,” I told her, snatching the scarf off her and fixing it round my neck, so the marks Louis had left weren’t visible.
“HEY! GIRLS! Don’t be ignorant, come out here and sit with your boys!” Harry shouted. I smirked and shook my head, following Danielle back towards the living and wincing when I heard Liam’s voice.
“Jesus, Louis!”
“What?” Louis asked in confusion.
“Your back, it’s all scratched! What have you been doing?!” he asked. Danielle turned to me, her eyes shining in amusement as my own widened and I clamped a hand over my mouth.
“Your sister!” Niall hooted as I stepped into the room with Dani. “! Who knew you were such a minx in the bedroom?!”
“Shut up, Horan!” I hissed, slapping his legs. “Uhm… Lou, you might wanna put a shirt on…” I coughed. Fuck. Had I really done that to his back? Whoops. “Like, right now, before Liam’s brain turns to mush.”
“Have you really scratched me?” He mumbled into my ear, pulling back with a smirk on his face.
“Apparently so.” I blushed.
“…I don’t know what’s got into you-”
“You have, obviously-”
“-but I like it,” he grinned, ignoring Niall’s interruption and rushing off to his bedroom. Liam looked less than pleased by Niall’s comments, the glare he was shooting him making Niall fidget uncomfortably on the sofa.
“Liam!” he sighed. “Stop looking at me like that, man. I’m not the one doin’ your sister!”
“No, you’re the one making crude comments!” Harry snapped, and I saw Zayn wince. “Stop it. Liam doesn’t appreciate it and neither do I, I’m sure Louis and don’t either.” he grumbled, flopping down on to the sofa and crossing his arms over his chest. Niall stared at him in shock before muttering an apology to Liam and smiling weakly at me.
“S’okay, Nialler,” I whispered, cuddling up next to him. “I don’t mind. Promise.”
“Urgh.” Harry grunted.
“Problem?” I glared over at him.
“I thought you’d fixed everything,” Liam moaned pathetically at us. “Go back to being annoying best friends! I’d take that over this any day!”
“Agreed,” Danielle piped up, slipping her hand into Liam’s and allowing him to pull her down on his lap as the front door clicked open and a soft, familiar voice drifted from the hallway.
“Hello…? Harry? The door was open-” she stopped talking when she saw us all scattered around the room and a blush crept on to her cheeks when her eyes met mine. “Hey, .”
“!” Louis cried happily, bumping her hip with his as he left his room. “You got my text, then?”
“Your text?” questioned at the same time as me, our eyes meeting again.
“Yes,” he smiled proudly at me. “I text while we were still at the zoo, told her if she could get a couple of days off work she should drive up here tonight and hang out with us and-”
“He text me from Harry’s phone!” interrupted. “I didn’t know I’d be hanging out with, well, everyone,” she blushed when her eyes landed on Zayn and I smirked.
“Well you are. So why don’t you go and sit over there next to- no wait! This is wrong,” Louis shook his head. “Niall, move!”
“No!” I argued. “Harry yelled at him, I’m hugging him!”
“Zayn can hug him,” Louis waved a hand dismissively. Niall rolled his eyes and stood up, making his way over to the other couch.
“Awh Niall baby! Come here, I’ll look after you!” Zayn pulled him into a hug and messed his blonde hair up as I giggled.
“Your gay is showing, Zayn,” Harry smirked.
“Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Haz,” I quipped. His eyes snapped to me and he frowned, so I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Harry sit next to ,” Louis demanded, pointing to the empty seat next to me. “Then you sit next to Harry and I sit where Niall was. And Liam and Danielle can stay where they are and we’ll ignore their smooching,” he smirked. Harry moved over to me reluctantly and I saw him visibly tense up when sat on the other side of him. Well. This was going to be interesting.

***

My breath hitched in my throat as I felt his hand creep higher up my leg under the blanket. I squirmed, hoping he’d get the hint and stop but he didn’t. Louis looked down at me, a smirk on his face as his eyes went between me and the TV.
“Scared?” he whispered, nodding towards the movie that was playing.
“Mhmm,” I mumbled, trying my best to concentrate on the boy being force fed chicken on screen and failing miserably when I felt his fingers curl around the waistband of the sweat pants I’d changed into. My hand shot out underneath the blanket and curled around his fingers, stopping them from going any further. I glanced at Harry, his gaze was fixed on the TV but by the way his mouth twitched, he knew exactly what he was doing. I gave his hand a tight squeeze and went to pull away from him, but he laced his fingers through mine and settled our hands down on the cushion between us. Zayn was eyeing us curiously from the opposite side of the room and I shook my head at him. “I don’t like this film, it’s creeping me out,” I commented. “I need a drink, anyone want anything?” I asked as I stood up, everyone shouting their orders out to me. “Okay. Harry, come and help me.”
“But I’m-”
“Don’t care, come and help me,” I narrowed my eyes at him and he nodded, following me into the kitchen where I closed the door quietly behind us. “What are you doing?!” I hissed.
“What do you mean?” he smiled innocently. “I’m afraid I do not know to what you are referring!”
“Oh you know damn well to what I am referring, Styles!” I slapped his chest and pulled the fridge open, grabbing a few bottles of Corona and a couple of Diet Cokes.
“Have I got you all hot and bothered, ?” he murmured, his breath hitting the back of my neck as he stepped closer to me and put his hands on my waist. I sighed, my head falling to the side as Harry brushed my hair away and pulling the scarf off my neck so he could place light kisses across it. “Jesus, has Louis turned into a vampire or something?” he scoffed. My eyes snapped open and I pulled away from him, grabbing the scarf back and wrapping it around my neck. “You’re spoiling my fun,” he pouted at me. “You know, I don’t think they’d notice if we ran off to my room and-“
“We’d notice.”
“Shit!” I yelped, turning to the doorway and seeing stood there with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyebrows raised, watching us suspiciously.
“I- We- this isn’t what it looks like,” Harry stuttered. “We’re only- I was just winding her up, that’s all.” he told her quietly. nodded slowly, clearly not convinced by Harry’s lie as she walked back to the living room and I shot him a panicked look.
“Hey guys, Harry’s just gonna run me and to the shop, we’re almost out of coke,” called to the others, receiving mumbles and grunts in reply. “Harry, , come on. I’m driving.” she gestured for us to follow her and we did, shuffling after her like naughty school kids as we stepped into the lift and stayed silent the whole way to the car park.
It was only when we were in the car – in the drivers seat and me and Harry in the back – and we were driving down the road that she finally spoke.
“So how long has it been going on, then?”
“There’s nothing-“
“Not long,” I whispered, interrupting Harry who gazed at me in shock. “It’s… There’s nothing going on, not really. We’ve just- it’s not like we’re having a wild affair or anything. It’s only- I mean, sometimes we just… Get carried away.”
“Are you sleeping together?”
“It’s not-“
“Once,” I interrupted Harry again and he sighed irritably. “What? What’s the point in lying to her, Harry? She already knows something is going on!” I grumbled. sighed loudly, pulling into the Tesco car park and stopping the car as she turned in her seat to look at us.
“Are you in love?” she asked some-what nervously.
“Yes,” Harry admitted quietly. “I always have been. She knows that.”
“…?” looked over at me and I shifted my gaze to my knees, shrugging my shoulders. “ Payne.”
“With Louis,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’m in love with Louis. I- it’s always been Louis.”
“So what the fuck is this then, ?!” Harry snapped. “What’s with all the secret kisses and the flirting and the touching?!”
“I don’t know,” I sniffed. “I don’t know, Harry,” I looked up at him. “I… There are certain… feelings there, yeah. But it’s not-” I paused, running a hand through my hair. “It’s not like how I feel about Louis. I-I like you, but it’s just not there.”
“So, what? You’re just keeping me around for a quick fuck, yeah?” he scoffed. “Thanks, .”
“I can’t explain it, I don’t know how to!” I cried. “It’s… With Louis… Everything is so safe and normal and caring, I love him and I know he loves me too, everyone knows about us and everyone’s happy. With you… It’s different. It’s far from safe, it’s stupid and reckless and crazy and I can’t get enough of it,” I whispered. “I know what we’re doing is wrong but at the same time I don’t care. Because it’s exciting.”
“It’s lust,” piped up, raising an eyebrow. “That’s all it is. Lust. Are you willing to throw everything away for excitement?” she snapped, and I shook my head. “Harry, you love her?”
“…Yeah. More than anything.”
“Then, you stay away from her,” she told him, Harry’s head immediately snapping in her direction, his eyes narrowed as he frowned. “If you love her as much as you say you do, then you stay away from her. I mean, in every way possible. Do not text each other, do not talk, do not meet up alone. Because she loves Louis, and Louis loves her, and they’re happy. They- You can make this work, , with Louis. This could be something amazing, this could be it. Louis could be it. And you, Styles, you are not fucking it up,” she pointed a finger at him. “Can you do that? Can you stay away?”
“If she wants me too,” Harry answered, his eyes burning into mine as I nodded slowly. “Then yeah. Fine. I’ll stay away.” he mumbled.
“Good,” muttered. “Louis won’t hear about this from me, he doesn’t ever need to find out about this, alright?” she told us, and we nodded slowly. “Good. And I want you both to swear, to promise me right now, that this stops, now.”
“Yeah. It stops now,” Harry whispered, sniffing and turning his head away from us. “It’s over. I promise.” he added quietly. …Was he crying?
“?” looked at me intently.
“I…” I paused. “Yeah. It’s done, we stop,” I whispered, glancing over at Harry and seeing a tear roll down his cheek. “I promise.”

———-

twenty one

“You’re drunk!” I giggled, pointing at .
“No, no I’m not, s’fine!” she waved a hand at me, her words slurring together as she picked up her empty glass and looked at it in confusion. “Where’d my drink go?!”
“You drank it!” I squeaked, trying to catch my breath from laughing so much. “Oh my God I’m going to go to Hell for getting you drunk!” I gasped, my eyes widening and my hands covering my mouth. Okay, perhaps I was a tiny bit drunk, too. “I can’t believe I got you drunk, ! You’re like God’s favourite person and now you’re friends with vodka and he’ll hate me!”
“Pretty sure if you’re going to Hell for anything, it’ll be for screwing Harry,” she grinned at me and I shushed her, quickly looking round and asking her how she knew that. “I heard you on the phone to him the other day and you sounded all suspicious, then when called I heard you talking about it with her, too. If you don’t want anyone to know you should be quieter about it, . You’re like Dick Dastardly… and Harry’s Muttley!”
“And you’re drunk, no more vodka for you!” I snorted. We were out with a few people from university to celebrate – well, nothing, really. I mean, one the girls we were with got engaged but that was like a month ago and we were just using it as an excuse to get drunk. Hey, we’re students. It’s what we do!
“And it’s not the first time I’ve been drunk, nor will it be the last, now give me more vodkaaa!” she whined, gesturing towards the bar.
“Tell you what , if you can stand up and make it to the bar without falling over, I’ll buy you an entire bottle of vodka,” I raised an eyebrow. frowned, determination on her face as she stood up from her chair, before giggling and falling back down into it. “See? No more vodka!”
“Oooh!” she giggled, looking past me and wiggling her eyebrows. “HEY SEXY!” she hollered.
“!” I hissed, my eyes widening. I turned round to see who she’d yelled at and smiled when I saw Louis chuckling at her. “Hey, Lou!”
“How much has she had to drink?” he smirked, eyeing in amusement and throwing an arm over my shoulder.
“Too much,” I replied at the same time answered with ‘not enough’. “Clearly, she’s making up for lost time. What are you doing here anyway? How did you know I’d be here?”
“I didn’t,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m actually meeting Gemma here.”
“Gemma…?” I trailed off. “Gemma Styles? Why are meeting Gemma, what’s she here for?”
“To surprise Harry. He’s been a bit down lately so I thought a visit from her might cheer him up! She’s staying here for a couple of days and coming to the charity concert tomorrow.”
“If Harry’s sad, get him a stripper. He seems like the kind of boy who’d be happy with a naked lady.”
“…You know Harry pretty well then, ,” Louis grinned at her and pulled a face at me. “Exactly how much has she had to drink…?”
“I’d say, roughly, about a bottle of vodka.”
“Huh. Well she should drink more often, I like drunk . Drunk isn’t mean to me like sober is.”
“Sober ,” scoffed. “Is the who remembers having to comfort a crying everytime you upset her. Drunk embraces her crush on Niall, therefore not caring about the LouCass saga.”
“Ohmygod,” I scoffed. “I knew you had a crush on Niall!”
“IT’S THE EYES, ALRIGHT?!” she yelled, throwing her hands in the air. “They’re just so there on his adorable little face and they’re so blue and ungh. I’m a virgin, y’know, but I’d let Niall do things to me.”
“POLLY!” I shrieked with laughter. “Oh my goodness, okay I’m taking you home!”
“And I’m calling Niall and telling him to meet you there,” Louis grinned. I tutted, smacking his arm. “Ow! What, I wouldn’t really call him!”
“Yes you would,” I scoffed. I stood up, stumbling slightly and Louis quickly put his hands on my waist to steady me so I didn’t fall. “Uhm, whoops!”
“Whoops,” Louis chuckled. “I think maybe I should take the both of you home so you don’t get into any trouble on the way there…”
“Can’t, you have to wait for Gemma!” I told him, poking his nose. “We’ll be fine, we’ll get a taxi! Come on, ! Home time!” I pulled her up, giggling when she tripped over her own feet. “Louis, we’ll be fine,” I smiled when I noticed the concerned look on his face. “There’s a taxi stand right outside so we’ll jump right into one of those and I’ll text you when we’re home, alright?”
“Mhmm…” he sighed, kissing my cheek and giving me a hug. “You better had do or I’ll be round at the flat to make sure you haven’t died or anything.”
“We’ll be fine,” rolled her eyes, ruffling his hair up and pulling a face and she wiped her hand on his t-shirt. “Lay off the hair products, Styles!”
“Tomlinson,” he corrected her with a smirk.
“What?” she frowned in confusion.
“Harry Styles. Louis Tomlinson.” he chuckled.
“Same thing, both in love with , both have stupid hair,” she waved a hand dismissively and my eyes widened. “Niall has nice hair…”
“Oh my God, come on we’re leaving!” I groaned inwardly and tugged on her elbow. “Sorry, Lou…”
“It’s alright, she’s actually quite amusing!” Louis smiled widely, shaking his head. “And she’s right. Harry does have stupid hair.”
“ likes Harry’s hair.”
“POLLY.” I glared at her and she held her hands up defensively, shrugging her shoulders.
“She likes your hair, too, Louis!”
“…,” Louis raised an eyebrow. “Go home and go to bed.”
“Okay…” she sighed, pausing and eyeing Louis suspiciously. “If Niall is at our place when we get there, I’ll buy you something pretty. Then, when I’m sober, I’ll make leave you for Harry.” She pointed a warning finger at him and turned to walk away. Louis laughed at her and gave me another quick kiss goodbye before I turned to quickly follow her outside and ushered her into a taxi. I gave the driver our address and let rest her head on my shoulder and close her eyes as I pulled my phone out of my bag, frowning when I saw I had a message from Harry saying he missed me and we needed to talk.
We hadn’t spoken since our little car ride with which was almost three weeks ago, and we were doing okay. At least, I thought we were.
When anyone else was around, we were the best of friends, the same as we’d always been.
When it was just me and him… we didn’t speak. We hadn’t called, texted… anything.
“Don’t text him, ,” mumbled from beside me. “I like Louis. I know I didn’t at first and I wanted you to choose Harry, but I like Louis now. He’s lovely and sweet and funny and he loves you, and if Harry loved you and if he was any kind of friend to Louis then he’d leave you both alone to get on with it,” she yawned, her eyes closing again.
I didn’t answer her. I moved my phone to the side, out of her eye line as I typed a quick reply to him.

I’ll see you tomorrow. x

***

“One foot in front of the other… that’s right…” Louis had hold of my arm as he pulled me into One Direction’s dressing room. “Okay… , you wanna go sit down now, hmm? Sit next to Gemma?”
“…Why are you talking to her like she’s stupid?” Harry raised an eyebrow at him, eyeing me up and down as I tried to stop grinning. “Why’s she so happy, what’s- oh you haven’t been fucking in a cupboard have you?”
“I sincerely hope they haven’t,” Liam frowned at him. “What’s with the dopey grin, ?” he asked curiously as I sat down next to Gemma.
“I just met Olly Murs,” I breathed. “And he knew my name!” I added with a squeal as I turned to face Gemma. “He actually knew my name, he was like ‘oh you’re , right? Why haven’t we met before?’ and I was all, oh I don’t know Olly but hey, let’s get married!”
“…And that’s why we’ve never introduced you to him before!” Harry smirked. I ignored him.
“And I just stood there like a spare part. I was no longer the loving boyfriend, I was the thing standing in the way of her raping Olly Murs,” Louis sighed dramatically and I giggled, grabbing hold of his wrist and pulling him down into the seat next to me. “I don’t even recall getting a thank you for introducing you to him!” he pouted. I smirked, leaning closer to his ear so I could whisper.
“You’ll get your thank you later tonight,” I mumbled, pulling back to see a grin on his face. “Anyway!” I jumped up from my seat, grabbing Gemma and pulling her up with me. “He said he was going to do his sound check, let’s go watch him!”
“Can I-“
“No,” Gemma immediately interrupted her brother. “Girls only. Come on !” she tugged on my hand and pulled me into the arena.
We were at the o2 for a charity concert, to raise money for Help Harry Help Others. As soon as the boys had heard about it they’d signed on right away. Ticket sales alone had raised thousands of pounds, merchandise was expected to raise even more.
I started to walk towards the stage to sit closer to it, but Gemma stopped me and shook her head, making me sit further back. I frowned at her, my gaze flickering back to Olly. “I want to talk to you.”
“Oh…” I shifted in my seat. “But-“
“It’s about Harry.” she interrupted. “About you and Harry. About what happened between you when you came to stay.”
“I- hmm?” I raised my eyebrows. “What happened? Him getting drunk? I don’t know what you mean.”
“, I’m not going to act like I believe you, alright?” Gemma sighed loudly. “You had sex with my brother, in my mother’s kitchen for crying out loud. Please don’t insult my intelligence by lying to me about it.”
“I- did Harry tell you?” I muttered, picking at the sleeves of the hoody I’d stolen from Zayn after I’d stayed at his. I stared down at my feet, avoiding Gemma’s judgemental gaze. I’d always been a tiny bit intimidated by her – she was older, she was so clever and beautiful and Harry as so close to her – I’d been terrified when I first met her, thinking that she was going to think I was trying to steal her brother away from her. Even after I’d got to know her and found out for myself just how lovely she was, she still intimidated me. She always would, I suppose.
“No, he didn’t. He doesn’t even know that I know,” she shook her head at me. “I heard you. I heard you mumbling to yourself and I heard him follow you and I heard… well. Needless to say I stuck my ear phones in to block it out, but still. The fact of the matter is, , I know what you and Harry did.”
“I- fuck,” I muttered. “Did… Anne… Does she know?”
“I haven’t told her. Pretty sure Harry hasn’t mentioned it, either. She loves Louis like he’s her other son and she’d be more than disappointed in Harry if he told her, so I’m almost certain he doesn’t want her to find out. But, what I want to know , is… do you love my brother?”
“Yes,” I replied instantly and Gemma’s eyes widened in surprise. “I mean… It’s Harry, Gemma. I’ve always loved him, I always will, just… I mean…” I sighed in frustration. “He’s my best friend, of course I love him. Okay, yeah, things have… changed, lately. I mean, I never really saw him as- well, as anything than Harry, my best friend who was always there for me no matter what. Now he’s…” I paused uncomfortably, unsure of whether or not to carry on. Gemma nodded encouragingly and I sighed. “Now he’s Harry, the boy who I can’t seem to keep away from, despite the fact that I really am insanely in love with my boyfriend. I can’t… I don’t know how to explain it, Gem.” I muttered. “It’s like… I’ve got Louis and I’m happy with Louis, I love him. And I know what you’re thinking, how can I possibly love him if I slept with Harry, if I was sneaking off with and flirting with and having all these little moments with Harry? But I do, Gemma,” I whispered. “I do love him. It’s, these feelings for Harry have sort of appeared and I’m not sure what they are. I don’t know if it’s lust or a crush or… or if I’m falling in love with him.”
“…Right,” Gemma frowned. “I’m not going to sugar-coat anything for you, , which I’m sure other people would do. It’s my brother’s heart on the line, here. I don’t care if I sound like a bitch, this needs to be said. You’re playing games with both of them. Not only is what you’re doing unfair to Louis, it’s unfair to Harry as well.”
“Harry’s not exactly perfect in all of this!”
“I know, I’m not saying he is, I’m just pointing out that you know about his feelings for you. You know he loves you and a part of me can’t help but think that you’re doing this because you don’t want him to stop loving you in case you lose him. But the way you’re carrying on… You’re going to lose them both. Maybe you should take a step back from both of them, give yourself a break from it all. Just take some time for yourself and work through everything in your head and then make a decision. Because you do realise you’re going to have to choose, you know that?”
“Yes,” I mumbled, looking away from her. “I should… I should talk to Harry now.”
“No,” Gemma shook her head. “Wait until tonight, after the concert. He shouldn’t have any distractions.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I nodded in agreement. “Okay. Tonight, after the concert. I’ll talk to him then.”

***

I was sat on the front row, between Danielle and Gemma as we waited for the boys to come on stage.
Harry had known something was wrong at sound check. He kept on looking over at me and Gemma, and he pulled her off into an empty room almost as soon as their sound check was over. I hadn’t spoken to Gemma since, but I’d assumed she’d told him what we’d spoken about.
“Get ready for the scream to get about a million times worse!” Danielle said in my ear, wincing as the lights dimmed and the scream did in fact get much louder when the boys ran on stage. I bit back a grin when Louis winked at me as Everything About You started to play, thinking back to the sound check earlier. “You’re so adorable,” Danielle laughed beside me. “The way you smile as soon as you see him, and the way he sort of lights up when he sees you. It’s just so cute! If you get married and have babies can I be godmother…?”
“If we get married and have babies, you’ll be their auntie,” I smiled. “Because you’ll be married to my brother.”
“You two are such groupies,” Gemma scoffed, and I blushed as Danielle tutted at her.
“Didn’t you used to have a crush on Louis, Gem…? I’m sure I remember Liam mentioning something about that…” Dani grinned at her.
“You did?” I raised an eyebrow at Gemma. “You kept that one quiet!”
“It was nothing,” she waved a hand dismissively, her eyes glued to the stage as the song finished and the boys switched places, Liam standing in the middle with Harry and Zayn on his right, and Louis and Niall on his left. “Oh, it’s the classic boyband pose.”
“They all look so hot!” Danielle groaned, and Gemma and I raised our eyebrows as I looked at her. “…What? I’m allowed to say that, I’m not related to any of them!”
“You’re such a fangirl Dani,” Gemma chuckled. I stayed silent, my eyes fixed on Harry as the music started to play. I didn’t know they were singing this, why didn’t I stick around in sound check before? I would have made sure I needed to pee right about now! I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head as Liam started to sing.

“I’m broken, do you hear me?
I’m blinded, ‘cause you are everything I see,
I’m dancing alone, I’m praying,
That your heart will just turn around,

And as I walk up to your door,
My head turns to face the floor,
‘Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say,” Liam dropped the mic from his lip, stepping back and letting Harry take his place in the middle of the boys. He lifted the microphone to his lip, his eyes boring into my own as he started to sing.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this,” he kept his eyes on me and I felt Gemma squeeze my arm, but I couldn’t look away from him. I was vaguely aware of Niall starting to sing, before Harry stopped him and carried on himself.

“If I’m louder, would you see me?
Would you lay down
In my arms and rescue me?
‘Cause we are the same
You saved me,
When you leave it’s gone again,” Harry took a few steps forward, his eyes not leaving mine. Niall looked at Louis in confusion and gestured to Harry, but Louis shook his head and shrugged his shoulder, lifting his mic up to start his verse.

“And when I see you on the street-“
“In his arms, I get weak,
My body fails, I’m on my knees,
Praying,” Harry cut him off, singing over him again until the others joined in.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,“

Zayn glanced at Harry, chewing on his lip to see if he was going to sing over him like he’d done to Niall and Louis. Just as he opened his mouth to start, Harry beat him to it.

“I’ve never had the words to say,
But now I’m asking you to stay
For a little while inside my arms,
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light,
That’s shining from the stars above,
And I say,”

“,” Gemma whispered. “, come on, let’s get out of here.”
“No,” I whispered, pulling my arm out of her grasp and watching as Zayn pulled Harry backwards, whispering to him as Liam starting singing.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

‘Cause I can love you more than this

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he opens his arms and hold you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this…”

The cheers erupted around us as Harry tore his eyes away from mine when Zayn angrily pulled him to the side. Whatever Zayn had said to him, Harry obviously disagreed with as he shook his head and frowned, looking over at me. Gemma elbowed my side and looked up at her, following her gaze to Louis, who’s eyes were flitting between myself and Harry.
Shit.
“I need a drink,” I mumbled. “I’m going to the bar.”
“I…” Danielle paused, scratching her head in confusion. “I’ll come with you. You can tell me what the hell is going on with Harry.” she raised an eyebrow as we pushed our way out of the row, leaving Gemma glaring at the stage.
How was I meant to tell her what was going on when I didn’t even know myself?

***

“…Wow,” Danielle mumbled, sipping on her diet coke and leaning back in the cushioned chair. “And… what are you going to do, ?”
“I’m going to tell Louis,” I whispered. “I was going to anyway, but after that…” I shook my head, thinking back to their performance. “After what Harry’s just done, I’m gonna have to tell him soon.”
“I just…” she sighed in frustration, her lips pursed as she looked at me. “Did neither of you think about what this is going to do to anyone else? Louis’s… he’s not going to just forget this and move on. Louis loves you. He had so many doubts before you got together, he talked to me, y’know? He was worried he’d lose you to Harry no matter he did, he didn’t want to hurt Harry by getting with you but at the same time, he didn’t want to hurt you or himself by denying how he felt. I’ve never seen someone so… torn, about something. This isn’t something you can fix with an apology. This is going to destroy the three of you.”
“Don’t you think I know that?!” I snapped, finishing off my second glass of white wine and grabbing the bottle to pour myself another.
“Well getting drunk is hardly going to help.”
“I-“
“What the fuck was that?!” Liam snapped, walking into the bar with Niall and Zayn in tow. “! What was he doing up there?!”
“I-I don’t know,” I mumbled.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?! You’re best friends! What was he doing?!” Liam ran a hand through his hair.
“Liam, man, she said she doesn’t know,” Zayn muttered, pushing past him and squishing up on the seat next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I cuddled up to him, wrapping my arms round his waist as he leaned towards my ear. “Gemma was waiting when we came off stage, she’s pulled him off somewhere to shout at him.”
“Where’s Lou?” I whispered.
“I…” Zayn paused, looking round. “I swear he was right behind us…? Guys, where’s Louis?”
“He’s gone to find Harry and Gemma,” Niall shrugged his shoulders, getting a packet of crisps from behind the bar and munching on them happily. I looked at Zayn, my eyes wide in horror as he frowned.
“Go find them, now. Before Harry does something stupid,” he muttered, pushing me out of the seat. I nodded, ignoring Liam’s confused calls as I rushed off to find them.
“GEMMA!” I called when I saw her walking towards me. “Gemma! Where is he, where’s Harry?”
“He’s…” she trailed off, chewing her bottom lip nervously. “He’s in the dressing room. With Louis.”
“What?“
“Shit, , I’m sorry, I- I was talking to Harry but then Louis came in and he was all assertive and scowly and he demanded that I leave, then Harry told me to go as well and I did, I just-“
I didn’t wait for her to finish as I rushed towards their dressing room, pushing the door open and freezing when I saw Louis pinning Harry to the wall, his fists clenched.
“Stay away from her.” he hissed through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to hurt you Harry but I swear to God, if you don’t stay away from , then I will. You had your chance.”
“I didn’t!” Harry shoved him away. “I never had a chance because she’s so blinded by how perfect she thinks you are!”
“I don’t care. She’s mine, she’s my girlfriend and I love her and you’re not taking that away from me.”
“Tell me you wouldn’t do the same,” Harry’s face was hard as he glared at Louis. “Tell me if it was the other way round, that you wouldn’t fight for her.”
“I wouldn’t!” Louis sneered. “Because you’re my friend. I wouldn’t try and steal your girlfriend away from you!”
“Only because you know that she wouldn’t look twice at you if she was with me.”
“Stop it!” I gasped, slipping between them and putting my hands on Louis’ chest. “Stop. Now. You’re best friends, this isn’t- it’s not- why are you fighting? I’m not- this isn’t worth you two falling out over, alright? I’m not worth losing your friendship over. Just stop.”
“Oh, he is not my friend,” Louis glared at Harry.
“Louis.”
“Don’t- , don’t even try and defend him, alright? He’s- he’s-“
“I know, I know,” I interrupted, my hands on his face as I made him look at me, his eyes softening when they met mine. “Just stop. Please,” I whispered. He paused, nodding at me and pressing a kiss to my forehead.
“-“
“Don’t, Harry,” I shook my head as I turned to face him. “Just… don’t? What the hell was that?” I waved an arm in the air. “What were you hoping to achieve?”
“Well, I was hoping you’d finally admit to yourself that you have feelings for me,” he smirked. Louis took a quick step forward put I pushed him back, shaking my head at him. “What?” Harry asked innocently, looking past me at Louis. “Scared I’m right?”
“We’re leaving,” Louis snapped, grabbing hold of my hand. “I’m not staying here and listening to this bullshit!”
“No, Louis, wait-“
“No!” he growled at me. “We’re leaving , I’m not standing here and letting him spout off all this rubbish.”
“If you go with him, , don’t come crawling back to me when you realise I’m right!” Harry called as Louis pulled me from the room. I pulled my hand out of his, turning round in the doorway and facing Harry. “Please,” he whispered. “I know you feel something, too.”
“Harry…” I mumbled with a sigh. I looked from Louis’ angry face to Harry’s hopeful one and bit my lip. “I can’t,” I whispered, shaking my head and letting Louis take my hand again. “I’m sorry.” I told him. Harry ran his hands through his messy curls and sighed deeply as I turned to follow Louis down the corridor.
“He’s a fucking dick,” Louis muttered, putting an arm round my shoulders. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to stand there and- I just- what kind of so-called friend does that?!”
“Louis…” I trailed off, biting my lips. “Louis, there’s something you should-“
“No,” he shook his head. “No, don’t. He’s an idiot. He’s an absolute tool, he’s…” Louis trailed off, shaking his head. “No. Come on, . Let’s go back to your place.”
“Okay,” I whispered, nodding my head. Louis carried on talking, but I hardly heard anything said.
By leaving with him, I’d effectively made my decision. I’d chosen Louis.
And I couldn’t stop thinking about the emptiness in Harry’s eyes as I walked away.

———-

twenty two

.

Louis’ POV “Hazza,” I smirked at the look of confusion he shot Gemma as she pulled from the room. “What’d you do to piss her off? She’s been here less than 24 hours!”
“I don’t know,” he frowned, shrugging.
“Maybe she’s on her period or something.”
Silence.
“Niall.” Liam pulled a face. “That’s… You know sometimes you have these thoughts and you think it’s a good idea to speak? Yeah… Don’t.” he chuckled. I laughed, patting Niall on the back as he frowned.
“Come on, mate,” I beckoned for Harry to follow me and he raised a questioning eyebrow. “Let’s go find and Gem, Gemma can’t chase both of us away, can she?!” I smirked. Harry grinned, jumping out of his chair and nodding at me.
“You two are like the gruesome twosome…” Zayn frowned. “Leave them alone, let them have some fun!”
“No!” I called back over my shoulder, hearing Harry laugh behind me as he followed me out of the room. We walked in silence for a little while, until I stopped and turned to face him. Harry’s face screwed up in confusion, worry and panic flashing through his eyes as they widened. He took a step backwards and I raised my eyebrows at him. “You alright mate?”
“I- yeah. Fine. Why? What have you stopped for?”
“Just wanted to ask you how you’re doing,” I shrugged.
“I’m fine. Thanks Joey,” Harry rolled his eyes and I tutted at him.
“You know what I mean, Hazza. With… well, with me and . Are you alright about it? Are you- do you still…?” I trailed off, waving a hand in the air.
“Do I still what? Do I still love her?” he asked, and I shrugged my shoulders. “Yes, I do. But whatever, she loves you and you love her, so it doesn’t matter, does it? She made her choice so I’ll just have to deal with it.”
“…Did she have a choice to make, Harry?” I asked curiously. “Did she have to think about who it was going to be?”
“No,” he sighed. “Of course she didn’t. I never had a chance, anyway. It’s been you from the minute you pounced on her the first time we ever met her. No one’s ever had a chance with you around.”
“Oh.” I tried to stop the small smile that was threatening to spread across my face and Harry scoffed. “You and … You’re friends though, yeah? Because I don’t want it to change, the three of us being friends. I like us all hanging out, like the other week at the zoo.”
“Of course we’re still friends, why wouldn’t we be?” Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Just because my feelings aren’t reciprocated doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop being her friend.” he frowned. I nodded slowly at him and turned round as I carried on walking into the actual arena. I spotted Gemma and whispering to each other, turning away from Gemma and looking… guilty? They both stood up from their seats, moving to sit closer to the stage and I could see blushing when Olly waved at her. She sent him a small wave back and looked round, smiling when she spotted me and Harry and waving us over.
“Gemma!” I grabbed her hands and pulled her up. “Come and dance with me!”
“What? No,” she laughed, pushing me away from her. “Dance with your girlfriend!”
“Harry’s dancing with her,” I pouted. Gemma raised an eyebrow and glanced at Harry, who just shrugged at her. “Come oooon!” I whined.
“I don’t want to dance,” pouted at me and I rolled my eyes, reaching past Gemma and pulling her to her feet, pushing her towards Harry. “Louis! I don’t want to dance, I want to- Harry put me down!” she shrieked. I laughed, Harry throwing her over his shoulder as he started to dance, ‘s head bouncing round as she kicked her legs. “Harry Styles put me down right now!”
“Don’t kick, ! Horses kick, you’re not a horse! Stop wiggling or I’ll drop you on your arse!”
“If you drop me I swear to God I’ll rip out every single one of your precious little curls. Put me down!” she growled at him. Harry chuckled, loosening his grip on her and setting her back on the floor. “You are a tosser, Harry.”
“You love me,” he grinned.
“Oh, I beg to differ,” scoffed and I laughed at them, until Harry smirked and spoke again.
“You’ll be begging for something else later,” he winked. ‘s eyes went wide in what I could only assume was surprise and I frowned, stepping forwards and throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Sorry, man,” Harry smiled sheepishly.
“Mhmm. I’d appreciate you not hitting on my girlfriend when I’m stood right here, Harry,” I raised my eyebrows. “In fact, I’d appreciate you not hitting on my girlfriend at all.”
“Sorry!” he held his hands up. “It’s just, I don’t know. I’m just used to it, I guess.”
“Boys, boys…” Gemma laughed quietly, pulling away from me. “Learn to share your toys. Come on, . Let’s go flutter our eyelashes at Olly!” she tugged on ‘s sleeve and shot Harry a warning look. rolled her eyes and allowed Gemma to pull her away, even closer to the stage. I shook my head, a small smile on my face as I watched her leave. I looked back at Harry, his eyes fixed on ‘s back and I coughed. He jumped, giving me an apologetic smile and a small shrug of his shoulders. I scoffed at him, shaking my head and pushing past him, walking to go back to the dressing room and leaving him where he was.

***

“Where are they?” Zayn asked, standing next to me and peeking round the curtain. I pointed to the front row, where was sat with Danielle and Gemma. “Gemma looks hot, man,” he mumbled.
“HEY!” Harry called. “That’s my sister, eyes off!”
“Double standards or what?” Zayn scoffed. Harry didn’t reply, choosing to glare at Zayn instead.
“Something wrong?” I asked, looking between them in confusion. Zayn opened his mouth to answer, but Harry shook his head and quickly clamped a hand over Zayn’s mouth.
“Get off! I was only gonna say it’s double standards because you didn’t have a problem with Louis not keeping his hands off Liam’s sister!”
“Exactly, Liam’s sister. Not mine. Liam’s sister can do as she pleases.” Harry tutted.
“Er, no one’s putting their hands anywhere on my sister in front of me, alright? What you do behind closed doors is your own business.” Liam looked pointedly at me and my eyes widened.
“I didn’t even do anything!” I told him.
“Yeah but you had that smirk on your face like you were going to drag her off and-“
“NIALL.” Liam and Harry glared at him simultaneously, but he just laughed at them. I opened my mouth to say something when the stage manager ushered us on stage.
It was still so hard to get used to, to believe that the screams were for us. For our music. Sometimes I still had to pinch myself to make sure it was real and this was one of those times. It was the first performance had been to as my girlfriend and I wanted to make her proud.
I saw her whispering to Danielle as we ran on stage and I winked at her, she smiled up at me and Danielle laughed, pointing at me. We got through Everything About You and switched places, ready for the next song. This was ‘s favourite, she loved it and had no idea we were singing it because she’d disappeared from sound check earlier on. I took my place next to Niall and kept my eyes on as the song started.
…Why did she look so sad?

“I’m broken, do you hear me?
I’m blinded, ‘cause you are everything I see,
I’m dancing alone, I’m praying,
That your heart will just turn around,

And as I walk up to your door,
My head turns to face the floor,
‘Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say,”

Liam moved to stand beside Zayn, Harry taking his place in the middle of us all. He was staring right at and she looked panicked when he started to sing.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this,”

I watching him, his eyes never leaving her as he stood completely still in the middle of the stage. Niall opened his mouth to sing, barely getting out the first word when Harry interrupted him and carried on. Niall looked at me in confusion and gestured to Harry, but I just shrugged.

What was he doing?

“If I’m louder, would you see me?
Would you lay down
In my arms and rescue me?
‘Cause we are the same
You saved me,
When you leave it’s gone again,”

I took a step forward ready to start my verse.

“And when I see you on the street-“

“In his arms, I get weak,
My body fails, I’m on my knees,
Praying,”

Harry sang over me. What the fuck is he playing at? I scowled, looking between him and and glancing at Gemma, who was shaking her head as she glared at her younger brother.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,”

He wouldn’t… He’s never sing over Zayn. I could see Zayn out of the corner of my eyes, chewing on his lip nervously as he tried to work out what Harry was going to do. He didn’t have to wait long, as Harry started singing louder and with more emotion than I’ve ever heard him sing before.

“I’ve never had the words to say,
But now I’m asking you to stay
For a little while inside my arms,
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light,
That’s shining from the stars above,
And I say,”

I glanced as , seeing her yank her arm away from Gemma as she watched Zayn pull Harry backwards so Zayn could sing.

“When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

‘Cause I can love you more than this

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he opens his arms and hold you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this…”

The screams were just as loud as always, the fans probably not realising something was obviously wrong. Zayn grabbed hold of Harry angrily and yanked him to the side.
“Leave it alone. She doesn’t want you, deal with it. It’s too late.” he snapped. Harry frowned at him and looked away, I followed his gaze to who was frowning at him.
“No, it’s not,” Harry shook his head.
My breath caught in my throat, my eyes darting between them.
Something was going on.
Gemma elbowed and nodded towards me, ‘s face paling when she looked at me. She muttered something to the other two and stood up, Danielle following her as they walked out towards the bar.
Gemma was still glaring at Harry, who was doing everything possible to avoid looking at anything but his hands.
…He wanted her.
He wanted , and he was trying to take her from me.

***

I hung back when we left the stage after our other five songs, Gemma pulling Harry away before I had a chance to speak to him. Liam and Zayn walked on ahead, Liam muttering angrily and determined to find out what was going on as he marched off to find Danielle and , Zayn following him quickly. “You comin’ dude?” Niall asked me.
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m going to find Gemma and Harry, find out what he was playing at. I think he’ll talk to me more than he’ll talk to her.”
“Okay,” he shrugged, and I shook my head in amusement. Niall was so easy going and laidback, he didn’t even seem fazed that Harry had just basically sang an entire song on his own. I watched him walk away before heading back to our dressing room, lingering outside when I heard Gemma mention my name.
“Louis loves her, Harry! What are you playing at?! She doesn’t want you!”
“She does!” Harry hissed back to her. I peeked around the door to watch them. “She loves me, Gem, I know she does. I can feel it in here!” he told her, putting his hand to his chest.
“Stop thinking with your heart, Harry,” Gemma sighed, ruffling his curls up. “Use your head for once. She’s in love with your best friend. It doesn’t matter how you feel, it doesn’t matter what’s happened between you in the past. She’s chosen Louis. She wants to be with Louis.”
“But what if she-“
“What if she what, Harry?” I interrupted, stepping into the room. Gemma and Harry whirled round to look at me, their faces nervous. “What if she wants you instead? If she wanted to be with you, she would. No one’s stopping her.”
“I- they are. You’re stopping her. She thinks she loves you and-“
“Harry. She does love him!” Gemma groaned.
“Gemma,” I kept my eyes on Harry as I spoke to her. “Leave.”
“Wha- no,” she shook her head. “No, I’m staying.”
“Gemma, fucking get out of here,” I hissed. “Now.”
“But-“
“Just go, Gem,” Harry sighed, pushing his hair back. “It’s alright. Just go.” he gestured to the door. She bit her lip and sighed, looking between us both before shaking her head and leaving the room. Harry eyed me suspiciously as I took a step towards him.
“What’s going on, Harry?” I asked. He shrugged. “Why… What were you doing, singing that song?”
“I wrote it-” he mumbled.
“I know you did,” I interrupted, rolling my eyes.
“No. I wrote it about .” he sighed. “I- she knows. I just, I don’t know, alright?”
“…Is there something going on between the two of you?” I asked, nervously waiting for his answer. He shook his head.
“No, there isn’t. And I don’t why I did it, okay? I’m just sick of seeing her with you when I know you can’t… Never mind,” he sighed.
“When I can’t what, Harry?” I scowled. He looked up at me, his jaw clenched as his eyes searched my face.
“When you can’t love her as much as I love her.”
I was vaguely aware of footsteps stopping in the doorway as I shoved Harry’s into the wall, my fists clenched as I held onto his shirt.
“Stay away from her.” I hissed through. “I don’t want to hurt you Harry but I swear to God, if you don’t stay away from , then I will. You had your chance.”
“I didn’t!” he pushed me away and pointed behind me. “I never had a chance because she’s so blinded by how perfect she thinks you are!”
“I don’t care. She’s mine, she’s my girlfriend and I love her and you’re not taking that away from me.”
“Tell me you wouldn’t do the same,” he demanded, glaring at me. “Tell me if it was the other way round, that you wouldn’t fight for her.”
“I wouldn’t! Because you’re my friend. I wouldn’t try and steal your girlfriend away from you!”
“Only because you know that she wouldn’t look twice at you if she was with me.”
I’m going to kill him.
“Stop it!” stood between us and turned to me, putting her hands on my chest and stopping me from stepping towards Harry. …When did she get here? “Stop. Now. You’re best friends, this isn’t- it’s not- why are you fighting? I’m not- this isn’t worth you two falling out over, alright? I’m not worth losing your friendship over. Just stop.”
Yes, you are.
“Oh, he is not my friend,” I snarled.
“Louis.”
“Don’t- , don’t even try and defend him, alright? He’s- he’s-” I gestured towards him, unable to finished my sentence.
“I know, I know,” took my face in her hands and brought my eyes down to meet hers. I relaxed almost instantly when I looked at her. “Just stop. Please,” She whispered. I stopped, thinking for a second before I nodded and kissed her forehead.
“-“Harry started to speak, but turned round to face him and interrupted.
“Don’t, Harry. Just… don’t? What the hell was that? What were you hoping to achieve?”
“Well, I was hoping you’d finally admit to yourself that you have feelings for me,” he smirked. I took a quick step forward, but held her arm out, her hand on my stomach as she shook her head. “What?” Harry asked innocently, looking at me. “Scared I’m right?”
“We’re leaving,” I took ‘s hand in mine. “I’m not staying here and listening to this bullshit!”
“No, Louis, wait-“
“No!” I growled. “We’re leaving , I’m not standing here and letting him spout off all this rubbish.”
“If you go with him, , don’t come crawling back to me when you realise I’m right!” Harry called after us. I felt pull her hand out of mine and I stopped, watching as she turned to look at the idiot in front of us. “Please,” he whispered. “I know you feel something, too.”
“Harry…” she mumbled, a small sigh escaping her lips. She looked between us, biting her lip before speaking to Harry. “I can’t,” she shook her head and my hand found hers again. “I’m sorry.” she whispered. I didn’t wait to see if he had anything to say as I pulled from the room, waiting a few minutes before I spoke.
“He’s a fucking dick,” I muttered, putting my arm around her and pulling her closer as we carried on walking. “I can’t believe he had the nerve to stand there and- I just- what kind of so-called friend does that?!”
“Louis…” she paused. “Louis, there’s something you should-“
“No,” I cut her off, shaking my head. “No, don’t. He’s an idiot. He’s an absolute tool, he’s… No. Come on, . Let’s go back to your place.”
“Okay,” she whispered. I carried on talking, but I was obvious she wasn’t listening to a word I said and I started to think about what had just happened.
“I can’t.”
That’s what she’d said. When Harry said he knew she felt something, she’d said I can’t. Not I don’t. I frowned and glanced at her face, confusion written across it as she stopped walking and looked up at me.
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“What?” I screwed my face up. “What a stupid question. I’ve basically just ended my friendship with Harry because he’s trying to take you away, of course I love you.”
“Would you fight for me?”
“Yes. Isn’t that what I’ve just done…?”
“No,” shook her head. “No, it’s not. What you’ve just done, is tell Harry you wouldn’t fight for me. If… If things were different, if it was Harry I was with… you wouldn’t fight to get me?”
“I- What? Is that what this is about?” I sighed. “I love you. But if you were happy with someone else, I’d let you go. You being happy is all I care about, … As much as I’d hate to see you with someone else, if I knew you were happy, then I’d be happy, too.”
“But what if I wasn’t happy? What if I’d be happier with you?”
“…Are you trying to tell me you’re not happy? Do you want to be with Harry?”
“No, I- that’s not what I mean,” she sighed loudly, her hands running through her blonde hair as she shook her head. “I don’t know what I mean. I just… I fought for you, Louis. For two damn years, you’re all I wanted and now-“
“Now what? Now I’m not enough?”
“I didn’t say that! Of course you’re enough, you’re- I love you, for crying out loud!”
“Why didn’t you tell me he wrote More Than This about you?” I asked curiously, and she stared up at me.
“I didn’t think it was important,” she muttered.
“You didn’t think it was important to mention that our best friend, who everyone knows has feeling for you, wrote you a song? A song which just happens to be your favourite? Is that why it’s your favourite?”
“NO.” she groaned. “I didn’t even knows he’d written it about me until we- until that night at home, after the bonfire.” her cheeks turned pink and I rolled my eyes.
“Classy. He tells you he wrote a song about you, so you jump into bed with him. Your parents would be proud.”
“Fuck you,” she scowled at me. “It wasn’t like that at all and you know it. I made a mistake, a mistake you’re obviously never going to let me forget and I can’t keep apologising for something I can’t change. It happened, it’s in the past and I’ve just stood there and basically chosen you over my best friend, but you’re still not happy!”
“Then go and fucking tell your best friend that you’ve changed your mind and it’s him you want!” I yelled, pointing down the corridor. “Because I mean it, . I love you, with absolutely every part of me, I love you more than anything and of course I’d fight for you. But if that’s not enough, if I’m not enough and it’s Harry that you want, go and tell him that. I’ll stand back and let you do whatever you want, so long as you’re happy! I don’t want to lose you, ,” I whispered. “I can’t lose you. But I don’t want you to lie to me, either. If… If we’re wasting our time here, if this isn’t what you want anymore, tell me now before I fall any harder. Because if you let me keep loving you and you suddenly realise it’s not me, I don’t know what I’d do.” I looked at her, a few tears slipping out of the corners of her eyes.
“I don’t want anyone but you, Louis,” she whispered. I smiled weakly, opening my arms. She stepped into the and buried her face in my chest, her arms going round my neck as she hugged me tightly. I sighed, kissing her hair and resting my cheek on the top of her head.
I’m not an idiot.
Something else was going on. Something involving him.
But I’m just not ready to lose her yet.

———-

twenty-three

. Harry took over the whole song!
He was staring at Liam’s sister through the whole thing.
She’s so fucking him too.
Louis looked so pissed.
I hate her if she’s come between Larry Stylinson!

I groaned, throwing my phone to the other side of the room after scanning through my timeline on Twitter. I pouted, looking up at my brother.
“No.” he told me, not taking his eyes away from his phone.
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“You don’t need to say anything,” Liam scoffed. “I know that look. And the answer is no.”
“Please, Liam! Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase!” I begged. “Please, just let me stay again, I don’t want to go outsiiiiide!” I whined.
“No. You’ve been here for five days, go stay with your boyfriend or go home!” “I can’t stay with Louis, he won’t let me within five feet of the place since Harry’s little stunt and I don’t want to go home because the girls who live opposite keep giving me evils… Who knew I shared a building with a gang of Directioners. I hate them. Please just let me stay!”
“No.”
“What kind of brother are you?” I grumbled.
“I’m the kind of brother who’s getting entirely fed up of your whining,” he raised an eyebrow, putting his phone down on the cushion beside him. “Whatever’s going on between you and Harry-”
“There’s noth-”
“Don’t interrupt me,” he interrupted, and I rolled my eyes. “I’m not an idiot, .”
“Ooer. Middle name too. This must be serious,” I mumbled sarcastically.
“Don’t act like such a childish bitch, . I am not an idiot. It’s painfully obvious that there is or was something going on between you and Harry, something more than friendship. I don’t want to know what it was, I don’t want to know what you did. But the hate you’re getting on Twitter, the fights you’ve been having with Louis, you brought it all on yourself and you’ll get absolutely no sympathy from me. So, if sympathy is what you’re after, I suggest you go running to Zayn like you’ve been doing for the last week. Because for some unknown reason you appear to have him wrapped round your little finger, and I’ve had enough of you moping around my apartment all week.” he turned away from me, his attention going to the TV as he used the remote to switch it on.
I bit my lip, standing up and walking towards Liam’s spare room that I’d called my own for almost a week. My clothes were scattered round the place, as well as a couple of Zayn’s hoodies. I don’t know how I always ended up stealing them from him, it just sort of happened.
I grabbed my overnight bag and shoved as many clothes as I could inside, quickly tying my hair up and pulling on my boots on before I left the room.
“Storming out, then?”
“No,” I frowned as I looked at Liam. “I’m not storming out, I’m just leaving. And for your information, Liam, the reason I keep going to Zayn is because he actually listens without judging me.”
“Maybe you need to be judged,” Liam raised an eyebrow. “You’re acting like a whore.”
“…Screw you, Liam.” I growled, throwing open the front door and making my way to Zayn’s, knocking quickly on the door. “Can I stay here?” I asked desperately as soon as he pulled the door open.
“I- what? Yeah, sure, why? Liam kicked you out?” he raised his eyebrows stepping aside to let me in. I walked inside the apartment and dropped my bag on the floor before making my way to the living. “Oh, , wait, Harry’s-”
“!”
“Fucking shit!” I hissed, jumping when I saw Harry sat on the sofa. He stood up and started to make his way over to me but I shook my head and turned back to Zayn. “Niall’s in, right? I’ll go to Niall’s. It’s fine, I’ll see if he’s… Thanks Zayn!”
“, wait,” Harry’s fingers wrapped around my wrist to stop me from walking. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, I just, I had a bit of a disagreement with Liam, that’s all. I don’t want to go back to the flat because there are girls opposite who hate me and I don’t know, I just need to stay here,” I rambled. “But you’re here so it’s okay, I’ll go stay with Niall or something and-”
“, , stop,” Harry put his hands on my shoulders. “You’re babbling. Go and stay with Louis? I’ll crash here again,” he shrugged his shoulders. “…Unless, you want to stay with me?”
“We’re fighting. Me and Louis, I mean. We’ve been arguing.”
“So go make up…” Zayn shrugged. “What are you and Liam disagreeing over?”
“Nothing,” I bit my lip, glancing at Harry. “He’s suspicious, that’s all. He… He told me I was acting like a whore and he’s fed up of me hanging round.”
“He what?” Harry hissed, his fists clenching. “I’ll- I’m going to kill him. It’s not- it’s not your fault, shit I’m so sorry. You’re not a whore.”
“Sit down and keep your wig on, Curly,” Zayn tutted, shoving Harry down onto the sofa. “, you can stay here if you want to, but Harry’s been here the past couple of days… Maybe now’s a good time for you and Louis to spend some time together, hmmm?”
“I-” I paused, glancing at Harry who was watching me intently. “Yeah. I guess it would be good to talk to him, I should go and-” I stopped talking, Rihanna loudly playing from my phone and interrupting me.
“Since when did you like Rude Boy?” Zayn smirked.
“I don’t,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes and staring at the screen. “Louis must have changed it to his ringtone… Hello?”
“?” he asked quickly, sounding out of breath. “Where are you, are you home?”
“No, I’m… I’ve been in Liam’s, I’m actually just on my way up to see you now. Why do you sound so… panicked?”
“I’m not panicked! I’m excited!” he laughed manically and I smirked. “Do you think you can get home, pack some stuff and grab your passport in the next two hours?”
“Erm…” I paused, looking at Zayn in confusion as he raised his eyebrows. “…Yes? Why?”
“Because, my beautiful girl,” he giggled. “I’m taking you to Venice!”

***

“You’ve got soap on your nose!” Louis smirked, swiping his thumb across the end of my nose. He chuckled when I scrunched my face and he pulled the fluffy white towel tighter around me. “This is a good look on you, baby.”
“What, a towel?”
“No, the ‘I’ve-just-had-shower-sex’ look. I like it.”
“You like it because you’ve got the same look,” I poked my tongue out at him, grabbing a spare towel and starting to dry my hair.
“No, I like it because it’s me you’ve just had shower sex with!” he laughed, kissing my forehead. “Hurry up and get yourself ready, alright? We’ll go for a walk.”
“A walk? Louis, it’s almost midnight.” I told him, plugging the hairdryer in. “Can’t we just go to bed?”
“But it’s our last night here…” he pouted at me and I rolled my eyes, sighing and nodding at him. He grinned, telling me to hurry up again before rushing back into the bedroom.
I smiled to myself as I switched the hairdryer on, not bothering to blow dry it properly.
When Louis had whisked me away to Venice two nights ago, I’d been rather nervous as Zayn dropped me off at the airport.
I’d hardly spoken to Louis all week and when I had, it had ended in an argument. I was scared that’s all this weekend would be – us arguing constantly, just in a different country. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Louis had been all smiles as soon as I’d met him at the airport and he’d taken me to a bar to get me a drink, knowing I was a nervous flyer from when I flew out to see them on their tour in America a couple of years ago. I’d been on the plane with Eleanor and Danielle and the pair of them had had to stop me from hyperventilating.
But it had been fine. I’d shouted at him when he pulled out the first class tickets, but he’d just shushed me and got me another drink.
Venice had been amazing.
We’d gone for walks, been shopping, he’d taken me out on a ‘proper date’ as he called it – he’d managed to persuade me to go on one of those gondola things, which I didn’t particularly enjoy, I kept thinking it was going to capsize and I’d drown. But, it had been okay. And I hadn’t drowned. And not one person had stopped us to ask for his autograph or a picture or anything since we’d been here.
It was just the two of us the entire time.
No fans, no parents, no friends or band mates… No Harry.
And I’d loved every single minute of it.
I was kinda sad that we had to go back tomorrow, but it was Monday and I was already missing university, as well as skipping work for the weekend.
“Lou!” I called through the bathroom door. “Can you throw my jeans in please, the grey ones?”
“Which ones?”
“The grey ones!”
“Huh?”
“The grey ones!” I called again.
“These ones?” he asked, appearing in the doorway with my jeans hanging from his fingertips by the belt loops. I nodded, taking a step forward and holding my hand out, but Louis pulled the jeans back and eyed me curiously. “I think I like you better in the towel.”
“Lou, c’mon…” I moaned. “If you want to go for a walk I’ll have to get dressed.”
“About that walk…” Louis coughed. “We could just go to bed, y’know.”
“Oh my God,” I sighed. “Pass me my pajamas then.” I told him. Louis grinned and threw a pair of shorts and one of his t-shirts into the bathroom and I rolled my eyes, abandoning the towel on the floor and quickly pulling the clothes on.
“You have missed calls on your phone, by the way,” Louis muttered when I stepped into the bedroom, turning off the bathroom lights. “You have twelve of them. All of them from Harry. And texts, too. Apparently he needs to talk to you.”
“Must be drunk,” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Or he’s…” Louis paused. “Missing you too much and he wishes things could go back to normal.”
“Hmm?” I mumbled sleepily.
“But yeah, he must be drunk, coz then he says he wishes you’d let him hold you again.”
“He- what?” I frowned, slipping into bed beside Louis, my eyes widening when I saw my phone in his hand. “Are you reading my messages?!”
“Something to hide?” he raised an eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes and made a grab for my phone, put he pulled it out of my reach. “You love me, right, ?”
“Of course I do, are we seriously doing this again?” I groaned. “You know I love you, Louis… I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you.”
“And Harry’s… He’s just a friend, right?”
“Mhmm, yeah,” I nodded, biting my lip. “Harry’s just a friend. He’s barely even that right now, though.” “And… Is there something going on, ? Honestly? Between you and Harry.”
“I…” I shook my head. “No – n-not anymore,” I added in a whispered. Louis screwed his eyes shut and shoved my phone into my hand, refusing to look at me. “Louis-”
“Goodnight, love,” he smiled. “Love you, see you in the morning.”
“Lou…” I trailed off, putting a hand on his shoulder and stopping him from lying down. “Louis.”
“Don’t, . I-I can’t, okay? I can’t do this right now, I don’t want to hear what I know you’re going to say so I’m going to sleep and we’ll forget about it.”
“We can’t forget about it, it’s-”
“I love you,” Louis interrupted.
“I-I love you too, Louis.”
“Then what does anything else matter, if we love each other? Nothing, right? So we’ll just- we’ll go to sleep, and we’ll go home tomorrow and none of it will matter anymore because we love each and we have each other, so it’s… All the other stuff isn’t important.”
“Louis.”
“Goodnight, .”
“Louis, will you listen to me? Please?” I mumbled. “D-Don’t make this any harder than it already is…”
“I can’t,” he whispered. “You don’t get it, . I can’t hear you say what I know you’re going to, because then it’s real. Then I’m not just the stupid paranoid boyfriend anymore, I become the guy who’s losing his girlfriend to his best mate and I can’t. Because if you say it, then I know it’s over. And I can’t lose you, not now. Not yet.”
“Louis please,” I whimpered.
“Don’t,” he reached out, taking my hands in his and shaking his head. “Don’t. I love you. Just… stop.”
“Louis…” I took a deep breath, tears filling my eyes. “I cheated on you,” I admitted quietly. He shook his head again and through the blur of my own tears, I could vaguely make out tears in his eyes. “I slept with Harry.”
“When?” he sniffed.
“I- it was when I went to his, for the weekend. For that party.”
“…Tell me you were drunk. Tell me it was a mistake and it meant nothing and you were drunk, and I’ll forgive you. We can get past it, move on. Just tell me that, .”
“I wasn’t,” I whispered, looking down at my hands. “I- he- we just… I don’t know. It just happened, I-”
“It’s him,” Louis spat in disgust. “He can’t take no for an answer! He just had to try it on, to have you to himself! He can’t accept the fact that you’re with me!”
“I kissed him first,” I blurted out quickly, but Louis shook his head. “Lou, you can’t put this on him, alright? It wasn’t all him. It was both of us. It’s… We tried. I tried to stay away from him and I just couldn’t, okay? And I know it’s wrong, everyone told us it was, but we just-”
“Everyone?” Louis snapped, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Who’s everyone? Who knows about this?!”
“I…” I paused. “ and ,” I whispered. “And Danielle.”
“…Gemma knows,” Louis whispered. “That’s why she was keeping an eye of him the night of the concert,” he scoffed, and I nodded slowly. “Who else? … do any of the boys know about this? Do my supposed best friends know you’ve been fucking that twat behind my back?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“…You’re lying. You- Liam must know, you tell him everything. Wait, no, because lately you’ve been round to Zayn’s a lot and- Harry’s been there this week… Zayn knows?”
“Louis-”
“Fucking tell me !” he shouted. “Does Zayn know about you two?!” he growled when I nodded weakly. “Some fucking friend he turned out to be!” he laughed sarcastically, pacing round the room and stopping to throw some clothes on.
“It’s not his fault, he was only looking out for everyone, he didn’t want this to happen-”
“Do you love him?”
“W-what?”
“Harry. Do you love him? Do you have feelings for him?”
“Louis-”
“Don’t lie to me anymore, ,” he whispered. “Do you love Harry?” he asked, his eyes burning into mine. I could feel my bottom lip trembling and I nodded my head slowly. “Unbelievable.” He muttered, storming towards the door and throwing it open.
“Where are you going?!” I called, rushing to get out of the bed.
“Away from you,” he snarled at me. “I just… I can’t look at you right now. You disgust me.”
“Louis!” I called, but he ignored me as he left the room and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving me with nothing else to do but cry.
It was over.

***

twenty-four

. I eventually cried myself to sleep, after texting Harry to tell him that Louis knew everything. He was yet to reply.
Louis had stayed out all night, only coming back when I was packing our things away back into our bags. He hadn’t spoken to me on the way to the airport or on the plane – not even when I’d woken up and apologised for sleeping on his shoulder, which he’d let me do. The first time he spoke to me was when we stepped off the plane at Gatwick. He’d grabbed tight hold of my hand and told me to keep my head down because there were fans outside.
Now, as we stepped out of the lift and headed towards the apartment, he dropped my hand and grabbed my small suitcase from me.
“I can take it,” I whispered.
“I’ve got it,” he mumbled, walking away from me.
“I wasn’t talking about the suitcase,” I told him quietly, falling into step beside him. “I meant whatever you’re going to do, whatever you want to say, if you hate me. I can take it. I deserve it.”
“…I don’t hate you, . How can I go from loving you so much, to hating you?” he shook his head. “I just… I’m mad, at you and him and myself, because I knew this would happen but I let myself believe I was being paranoid. I think… Right now, the three of us need to sit down and talk. Harry needs to know you love him – I’m assuming you haven’t told him?” he raised an eyebrow and I shook my head slowly. “Thought not. Well, he needs to know, . Everything needs to be put out in the open so we can work through it and you can…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You can be with him, or whatever.”
“Louis…” I trailed off.
“No,” he shook his head, stopping in front of the door and taking his key out of his pocket. “You… You realise that this,” he gestured between us. “You know it’s over, right?” he whispered sadly. I bit my lip, my gaze finding the floor as tears filled my eyes. “… I just… I can’t be with you if you’re in love with him, too. You cheated on me, .”
“I know,” I whispered. “I didn’t… I never meant to hurt you, Louis.”
“Well, you did,” Louis sighed, unlocking the front door and kicking it open. He dumped our bags by the door and walked further into the apartment, scoffing loudly when he stepped into the kitchen.
“What?” I frowned, walking up behind him. My breath caught in my throat when I saw a shirtless Harry stood there, pinning a blonde girl – who was wearing nothing but her underwear and one of his t-shirts – to the kitchen counter. “Oh.” I mumbled. Harry jumped away from her and smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as the girl blushed. “Okay then.”
“Obviously doesn’t love you as much as he claims,” Louis raised his eyebrows at me. I frowned, avoiding Harry’s confused eyes as I turned round to walk out of the apartment.
“Wha- ? Where are you going, what’s wrong?” Harry called, and I could hear his footsteps as he followed me. “! What did Louis mean?”
“Nothing, go back to- well, whoever she is!” I sniffed, my bottom lip trembling as I carried on walking.
“,” Harry grabbed hold of my arm and turned me round. “Are you crying…? What’s wrong?”
“Didn’t you get my text?” I asked, my eyes narrowed as I wiped away a couple of tears that had fallen from my eyes. Harry shook his head. “He knows. I told him. He knows everything.”
“Y- when?” he asked, his eyes wide. “Why?”
“Because I couldn’t pretend anymore!” I laughed weakly. “I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t cheated on him, I couldn’t make out like everything was fine, I couldn’t lie to him and say I didn’t have feelings for you and I-I-” I stopped, shaking my head when I realised what I’d said. Harry froze, his hand on the back of his head as he eyed me carefully.
“Did you just-” he stopped himself, grabbing hold of my shoulders. “You did. You- Say it.”
“I…”
“. Say it.”
“I… Fuck, Harry, I l-”
“Hey, , you’re back! Is Louis home?” Niall interrupted me, grinned happily as he stepped out of the lift. I pushed Harry away from me and quickly wiped my eyes as I turned to the blonde boy. “Obviously he is, he wouldn’t have just sent you home and then stayed in Paris!”
“Venice,” I smiled weakly. “We went to Venice.”
“Same thing,” he waved a hand dismissively. “Did you have a nice time? …You don’t look like you got much sleep!” he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. “Are you okay? Harry, why are you in the hallway in your boxers…? I know you’re all for nakedness and that but there’s a time and a place, man, and the corridor or our apartment building is not it…”
“I have to go,” I muttered. “I just, I have to- I’ll see you soon, alright? I’ll- Niall, tell Louis I’ll pick my case up tomorrow or something, okay? Alright, bye.”
“No, , wait!” Harry called. I ignored him, running as fast as I could down the stairs, determined to get home.

***

“And then,” slurred, waving her glass around, her drink sloshing over the sides. “Then I was like, ‘oh hey Niall, I’m a friend of ‘s, we’ve met before’ and he was all, ‘oh yeah I know you, hey Dolly!’ Dolly. He called me Dolly.”
“What a dick.”
“Hey!” I looked up from my glass of wine, slightly offended as I frowned at the girl sat opposite me – , someone and I knew from Uni. “He’s not a dick, don’t talk about my Nialler like that! Niall’s a babe, he’s just a bit… dozy, sometimes. He called me Cassandra for about a week when I first met him, it was only when Harry and Louis pinned him down that he-” I stopped talking, pulling a face.
“Have you spoke to him…?”
“Who?” I raised an eyebrow at .
“Either of them,” she shrugged her shoulders.
“Not really…” I sighed. “I’ve… I spoke to Louis, to get my suitcase from the flat. Harry’s tried speaking to me, but… I don’t know. I just, if he loved me like he said he did, why go off with another girl?”
“Erm…” coughed. “Because, no matter how much he says he loves you … You had Louis. Harry couldn’t wait around forever, could he? You had a boyfriend.”
“Exactly. Had,” I tipped my glass at her. “Louis dumped my arse the second we got back to this country. That’s it. Over. The end. Finito. Whatever. I need another drink.”
“You have like half a bottle of wine in front of you,” eyed my glass. “That glass is huge, it’s like a fishbowl. I love it. I wonder where they get them from, I want to buy one. In fact, I want to buy a whole bunch of them, I could get wasted and be like, ‘but I only had two glasses of wine!’… Oh my God steal the glass for me babes.”
“No,” I smirked, jumping when my phone vibrated on the table. I reached for it but beat me to it, waving my phone in the air.
“It’s Harry. Again. Hey! Hey! FELLOW DRINKERS! HARRY STYLES IS CALLING, who wants to talk to him?!” she called, her eyes darting around the bar.
“Gimme the phone!” snorted, grabbing hold of ‘s hand and snatching the phone away, pressing it to her ear and telling us to shush. “Hello? …Who? …? Hmmm, no, she can’t come to the phone right now sorry, she’s busy drowning her sorrows in gallons of wine. We’re trying to have a girls night actually, y’know, pillow fights and such, so we’d appreciate if you didn’t call back, Harry Styles.”
“!” I giggled, holding my hand out. She shook her head, leaning away from me with a frown on her face.
“What?” she muttered. “Sorry, I thought you were him. Well you’re calling from his phone! I- yeah, alright, hold on,” bit her lip and held the phone out to me. “It’s not Harry, it’s Zayn.”
“Oh,” I smiled, taking the phone off her. “Hey, Zayn!”
“…” he mumbled, sighing. “Where are you?”
“Pub. By my house, with and . Why, what’s wrong? You sound… distressed.”
“I need you, we need you to come here, can you get here now?”
“We? Need me where? No, I’m drunk. I’m out. I want to go on karaoke, what do you want me for?” I frowned. “I have wine. I want to finish my wine.”
“…Urgh,” Zayn groaned. “Hold on,” he sighed, and I heard him moving the phone as he muttered to someone in the background. “No, man, she sounds pretty wasted. Yeah but- if she’s drunk it’s hardly going to make things any- urgh! , hello, are you still there?”
“I’m still here,” I nodded. “What do you-” “Harry said can you come round please, he really wants to talk to you!” Zayn blurted out, taking a deep breath. “A-And Louis, too. They want to talk to you.”
“What, so they can gang up on me?!” I scoffed. “No. I’m staying here, I’m getting drunk and then I’m going to sing karaoke songs, tell them to get fucked.”
“…Harry said, he did get fucked, that’s what started all this trouble,” Zayn mumbled. My mouth dropped open in shock and I felt my cheeks turn pink as I scowled.
“Tell Harry, I hope he has a very nice relationship with his hand!” I snapped, quickly ending the call. “Fucking wankers. I want another drink!” I called loudly, tutting when my phone vibrated again, this time with a text message, also from Harry.

If you don’t come round now, Pebbles gets it.x

“You fucking bastard!” I shrieked, my eyes wide as I looked up at . “He’s going to kill Pebbles, the little shit!”
“NO!” gasped, watching me as I typed furiously on my phone.
“Who’s Pebbles…?” whispered loudly.
“Pebbles,” raised her eyebrow. “Is our Panda. Mine and ‘s. Well, she’s ‘s really, Louis bought her as a good luck in uni in present for , we’re her adoptive parents. She’s like a travelling Panda – she’s been to Ireland with me, she went on the first ever One Direction tour – Zayn and Liam took care of her then – she went to Greece with and her friends last year. What’s he gonna do to Pebbles?!” asked desperately as I squeaked.
“I told him there’s no way Louis would let him near Pebbles, but Harry said Louis won’t be able to stop him and if I’m not in a taxi in five minutes, then Pebbles will be headless!” I cried. “I need to go, I have to save my baby!” I quickly finished my wine and stuff my phone into my bag before hopping off the high bar chair and stumbling slightly.
“Lemme know if you save her!” called after me.
“I will, I will! Have a good night ladies!” I called back, rushing outside. I quickly flagged down a taxi and jumped inside, giving the driver their address and sending Harry a quick text.

I’m on my way, you fucker. If you do anything to my Pebbles I’ll tell Twitter that you’re rubbish in bed. Don’t test me Styles.

Lies. My fans know I’d be amazing in bed. Pebbles is safe, as long as you get here! x

I grumbled him, texting him back and telling him I hated him. I sat back, only half-listening to the taxi driver who told me his life story during the twenty minute ride. I threw some money at him and said thank you as I climbed out, quickly making my way up to their apartment banging on the door.
“Let me in, you twat!” I growled. I heard Harry chuckle on the other side and he opened the door, one eyebrow raised as he grinned at me. “Give me my panda!”
“Come in,” he smirked, stepping aside. I scowled, pushing past him to get inside the apartment and frowning when I didn’t see Louis.
“…Where’s Lou? And Zayn?”
“Zayn went after he called you, Louis’s out, he’s been staying at Niall’s since you got back the other day.”
“…You tricked me,” I pouted. “Give me Pebbles and I’ll go, no one has to get hurt here.”
“Who’s gonna get hurt, hmm, ?” Harry rolled his eyes as he walked past me.
“Uhm,” I followed him into the living room. “You are. I’ll kick you in the balls, I swear to God. You tricked me into coming here, I could have stayed with and and – how did you get Zayn on your side?!”
“I held his hair wax hostage.”
“You’re a wanker,” I scoffed. “Give me Pebbles so I can leave.”
“I’ll give you Pebbles,” Harry raised his eyebrows, sitting down on the sofa and patting the cushion next to him. “But first, you have to stay and talk to me for a bit.”
“That wasn’t the deal,” I shook my head. “The deal was, I come here, I get Pebbles. So, I’m here. Give me Pebbles.” I demanded, my eyes narrowed.
“Sit. Down.” Harry glared back at me. I rolled my eyes and sighed dramatically, flopping down on the sofa as far away from him as I could. “Good girl. Now then. I believe we were interrupted the other day, when we were talking. You were in the middle of telling me something.”
“I was in the middle of running away from you and the girl you had pinned to the counter,” I scoffed. “Do we really have to do this? I’m a bit drunk, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“You were about to tell me something,” Harry whispered, his curls falling into his eyes and he leant closer to me. “Something important. Weren’t you?”
“No.” I mumbled.
“Yes, you were,” he smirked. “I know you were. Because I’ve spoken to Louis, and I know it’s over between the two of you. I also know that you told him you’re in love with me. So can we just stop pretending, now? Can we stop acting like we’re not meant to be together?”
“Harry,” I muttered, putting a hand on his chest as he tried to lean in closer. “It doesn’t work that way. Just because I lo- just because I have certain feelings for you, doesn’t mean I love Louis any less. It doesn’t mean we’re just gonna sail off into the sunset and forget about everyone around us. I… Yeah. Okay. I love you. There, I said it. Happy now?”
“Mhmm,” he smiled softly. “… The girl, the other day. She was no one, it was nothing. As soon as you left I kicked her out, she.. It meant absolutely nothing to me.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself, Harry,” I grumbled. “I’m not your girlfriend.”
“…I’d like you to be,” Harry whispered, his thumb brushing across my cheek. “I’d like you to be much more than that. I-I don’t think you realise how in love with you I actually am. I would do anything for you, …”
“…Can you give me Pebbles?” I whimpered. Harry chuckled, nodding his head.
“I’ll give you Pebbles. If you stay here with me tonight.”
“Harry-“
“Please, ,” he interrupted. “Please don’t leave me again. Just stay here, just for tonight. I’m not going to- we don’t have to- I won’t try anything. I promise. I just want to be around you, to hold you before all the drama starts. Can’t we just pretend, just for tonight?”
“I…” I paused, biting my lip as I stared at Harry’s hopeful. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

***

“Don’t forget Pebbles!” Harry grinned, reaching into the back of the car the next morning and handing me the stuffed Panda. I rolled my eyes, but smiled and took it off him. “I… I had fun last night, . It was nice. It felt like we were… together.”
“I had fun, too,” I admitted quietly, smiling softly.
“…I know there’s things you need to sort out with Louis,” Harry ran a hand through his curls nervously. “I know you need to work through things yourself before you… decide anything. But… I’ll be here, . I’ve always been here, waiting for you.”
“Harry-“
“No,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “I just want you to know that, even though things are complicated, because of Louis and everything, if you decide to give me a chance, you won’t regret it. I promise you won’t. Things will be difficult at first, sure, but if we stick together and work hard at it then everyone will accept it.”
“Harry…” I sighed. “I think I just need to be on my own for a while…” I chewed on my bottom lip.
“I get that. I do. Like I said, I’ll be here when you’re done being on your own,” he grinned, lacing his fingers through mine and leaning forward, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Now get out of my car and go get ready for work!”
“Bye, Harry,” I tutted, climbing out of the car and rushing inside to my flat. I breathed heavily when I got inside, leaning against the wall by the front door and taking deep breaths to try and calm myself down.
“?”
“?” I looked at the girl lying on my sofa in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“Too much to drink,” she pulled a face. “And and I got talking about holidays and stuff, so I crashed. She’s still sleeping, I think.”
“I’m not, I’m up,” grumbled, shuffling into the room. She smacked ‘s feet off the sofa and sat down, a pout on her face, watching me as I sat on the arm chair, Pebbles in my lap. “You saved her, then. What’d you have to do, give him a blowjob?” she raised an eyebrow and snorted, burying her face in a cushion to stifle her giggles.
“I-” I stared at her, my eyes wide. “!”
“Oh, she’s no longer the innocent little Irish virgin, ! You should have heard some of the things she was saying about Niall last night!” laughed. “So how’d you get Pebbles back?”
“He held her ransom until this morning,” I shrugged.
“So you had to fuck him, then?” smirked. I tutted loudly at them both and shook my head. “So you stayed of your own free well?”
“Do you really think I’d sleep with someone just to get a stupid stuffed toy back?!”
“She’s not stupid!” gasped, reaching over and snatching Pebbles away from me. “Don’t listen to her, baby. She didn’t mean that,” she cooed, her attention turning back to me. “And I think, if you were drunk enough-“
“Which you clearly were when you left us last night,” interrupted.
“Exactly. If you were drunk enough, I think you’d sleep with Harry for… well, not for anything. I think you’d just do it. Or do him, ha. So, did you?”
“No,” I shrugged my shoulders. “We just hung out, talked. He… We kissed, a few times. But that’s all. I-I lied and told him I had work today so I could come back early. He dropped me off. He… Fuck,” I grumbled. “He said he’d wait for me. He said he knows I need to talk to Louis and sort everything out, but he said he’d wait until I wanted to be with him.” I whimpered.
“…Why do you sound so sad, ?” whispered, her and leaning forwards in their seats. grabbed hold of my hand as tears slipped down my face.
“Because… I know I have feelings for Harry now, alright? I know they’re stronger than just friendship, I know I love him, but… when I woke up this morning,” I whispered. “When I woke up this morning, I forgot. I forgot who I was with and I turned round and saw him, and I just felt… heartbroken,” I sniffed. “I didn’t want it to be him. I wanted it to be Louis.”

———-

twenty-five

. “Take a seat,” my course leader, Malcolm (or ‘Mal’ as he told us all to call him) smiled softly, gesturing for me to sit as he took a seat behind his desk. I smiled nervously back at him, sitting in the cushioned black chair and looking around the room. “Do you know why I called you here, ?”
“I-” I paused. “I think I have a pretty good idea, yeah,” I whispered. “It’s about my work.”
“Or lack of it,” Mal sighed. “Listen… I’m not going to pretend that I don’t have a 14 year old daughter who’s obsessed with One Direction, . She tells me everything, and I’ve heard you have some… problems, in your personal life right now. Correct?” he raised his eyebrows and I nodded, blushing. “Now, as much as myself and the university are willing to help students who feel like they can’t balance everything in their life, I’m afraid that help doesn’t extend to your love life.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I just, things have been crazy and-” I stopped talking when he held a hand up, interrupting me.
“, you’re failing. Even if you work your hardest from now until the end of the academic year, you’re going to fail. You’ll have to repeat the year, or leave. There’s no other way around it.” he told me quietly. I nodded, looking down and chewing on my lip. “…Would you like to go away and have a think about it, ?”
“I…” I paused, looking up at him. “I’ll repeat the year. I can’t just leave… What do I need to do? Will I need to re-register for my subjects?”
“We’ll have to set up meetings with your other subject teachers and the Dean, we’ll explain your… extenuating circumstances and see if they’re willing to teach you again if you repeat.”
“…And if they’re not?”
“We’ll deal with that if it happens.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“,” Mal sighed. “You’re not the first student this has happened to and you won’t be the last. Some just have a difficult time trying to balance everything in their life. It can be hard adjusting to life at university, living away from home. And I’m assuming it hasn’t been the easiest experience for you to deal with, what with your brother and your friends being who they are… It must be hard meeting new people.”
“Only because I never know who’s just being nice because of who I know…” I shrugged my shoulders. “This is no one’s fault but my own, though. I just let my personal problems get in the way of my work.”
“Ah, everyone’s guilty of letting life get on top of them sometimes!” Mal chuckled, looking up when someone knocked on his door. “That’ll be my next victim!” he winked at me. “I’ll be in touch once I’ve spoken to your other lecturers, okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded, standing up. “Oh! What about… I mean, I’m failing, you said there’s nothing I can do to change it, so… do I still have to go to lectures?”
“No.” he grinned.
“Okay, thank you!” I smiled gratefully, pulling the door open and stepping past a boy I vaguely recognised from seeing him sleep during every lecture I’ve had with him. and , who’d come along for moral support, stood up as soon as they saw me. “Failing,” I muttered, and winced. “I’ll have to repeat the year, Mal’s gonna be in touch about meeting with my other tutors.”
“Welcome to the club,” smiled sympathetically, patting my shoulder. “At least you can repeat, though. I was just told to leave.” She shrugged.
“What?!” I stared at her, mouth open in shock. “What for?! Talk to them again, you can repeat with me! We’ll be failures together!”
“Oh babe,” chuckled. “No. Uni’s just not for me, I’m too lazy to do any of the work and I’m terrible with people telling me what to do!”
“So… What are you gonna do?” I asked. bit her lip, grinning and looking over at . “…What’s going on?”
“I have family in America, in New York. I’m going to visit them for a few months, then in the Summer, ’s going to come for a month or two before she starts her second year, and I’ll come back home then.”
“…You should come, ,” smiled at me. “In the Summer, with me. It might be good for you to get away for a while, give yourself some space and a break from irate fangirls and boy bands with pretty hair.”
“Can’t afford it,” I scoffed, thanking the boy in front of us who held the door open as we left the building and walked towards ’s car and climbed inside, and in the front and me in the back. “I, uhm, I lost my job…” I mumbled.
“What?!” shrieked, whirling round in her seat to face me. “When?!”
“Last week,” I sighed. “My impromptu trip to Venice with Louis was frowned upon, apparently. I didn’t give them enough notice to find someone to cover my shift. That’s the official line, anyway.” I pulled a face.
“And the unofficial line is?” raised an eyebrow, looking at my reflection in the rear-view mirror.
“They were getting fed up of girls coming in and asking questions about me and about the boys,” I shrugged my shoulders. “They’d had a few complaints from other people who worked there, and from customers who were sick of the crowds, I guess. Whatever. I’d love to get away for a bit as well!” I groaned.
“Ask your parents?” suggested.
“Or ask your mega rich popstar brother!” shrugged and ’s eyes widened as I scoffed. “…Did I say the wrong thing?”
“I haven’t spoken to Liam since he told me I was acting like a whore. He can fuck off. Urgh! Why did it have to be my brother’s friends? Why couldn’t I have just found a nice boy?!”
“Louis’s a nice boy,” smirked. “You had a nice boy. Clearly, nice isn’t enough for you,” she raised her eyebrows at me and I frowned, digging through my bag to find my ringing phone and smiling when I saw the caller ID.
“Hey ! are you nearly here?”
“Nearly here? Babe, I’ve been sat outside your flat for like ten minutes,” she laughed. “Are you nearly here?”
“Yeah we’re just down the road, we’ll be turning on to our street in about two minutes. Oh my God I’m so excited to see you! We’re gonna get a takeaway and have some drinks while we’re getting ready – makes these cocktails and they’re bright blue but they’re amazing, so we’ll have some of them – and then wants us to go to this karaoke bar that she loves and-”
“Harry’s here!” interrupted in a whisper.
“What, where?”
“Outside your building! Oh my God, , I’m actually fucking hiding from him, what am I doing? I’m crouched right down in my seat so he doesn’t see me! …And I’ve failed. He’s waving, the fucker. Stop grinning, Styles. Shit. Do you want me to get rid of him before you get here?”
“Too late,” I muttered. “We’ve just pulled on to the street now, I can see him. It’s fine. Zayn’s probably told him you’re coming and that’s why he’s here.”
“Unless he’s here to propose to you or something equally ridiculous,” scoffed. I tutted, ignoring her.
“Okay, I can see your car so I’m gonna go, alright?” I mumbled, not waiting for an answer as I hung up. pulled into a parking space and shut the engine off, turning to look at me with wide eyes. “What?”
“Am I about to meet Harry Styles?”
“…Yes?”
“Oh my God! Okay, how’s my hair?” she breathed, smoothing her hair down.
“,” giggled, glancing at my amused expression.
“I know, I know… Oh my God, I’m sorry, I know you’re like in love with him or something and I know he worships you but c’mon, it’s Harry Styles. I’m allowed to be a bit excited… right? It’s the hair. It’s most definitely the hair. I totally blame the curls, that’s why I loved Justin Timberlake too.”
“…No alcohol for you,” I pointed a finger at her as I climbed out of the car, only to be jumped on by Harry who wrapped his arms around me. “Nice to see you too, Styles.”
“I missed you,” he whispered, kissing my cheek before letting go of me and grinning as stepped out of her car. “SOPHIE!”
“Hey, Harry,” she smiled at him and he laughed, diving on her and messing her hair up. “Get off me you twat!”
“-”
“NO!” squeaked, holding a hand up and stopped Harry from going near her. “No. Personal space, Harry. Stay there.” she shook her head, smiling. Harry chuckled at her, cocking his head to the side as he turned to look at .
“I don’t know you.”
“Harry you’re so rude,” I tutted, smacking his arm. “This is , she goes to- or, well, she used to go to university with me and . , this is Ha-”
“Let’s not pretend she doesn’t know who I am, .”
“You’re so arrogant!” scoffed, pushing him out of the way and hugging me tightly. “Oh my God, I missed you . How did the meeting at uni go?” she asked as we followed and into the flat, Harry trailing behind us.
“Failing,” I shrugged. “Gonna have to repeat the year, if my course tutors are willing to teach me again.”
“What? You’re failing uni?” Harry piped up, frowning at me as I nodded. “How? Why?”
“Because I clearly haven’t been doing the work. I’ve had other things on my mind,” I shrugged my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter anyway, I can just repeat next year, or find another university and do my courses there instead.”
“At least while you’re off, you can work extra hours and get some money saved,” nudged me and I coughed. “…What?”
“Erm…” I paused, and suddenly finding something interesting to do in the kitchen. “I kinda lost my job.”
“What?” Harry stood in front of me. “When?! you loved it there!”
“I did,” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s no big deal. I can still go there, just not to work…”
“What happened?” frowned in confusion.
“It was nothing…” I trailed off, but her and Harry glanced at each other and raised their eyebrows, staring back at me and waiting for an answer. “Okay, officially, it was because I took too much time off and the Venice disaster was the last straw, because I didn’t give them enough notice to get someone in to cover me. But I’ve spoken to David and the real reason is because of your fans,” I pointed at Harry and he winced. “They kept getting girls coming in and asking questions about us, it started to piss people off and management got complaints. So, they let me go. They gave me the choice of either getting fired, or leaving of my own accord. So I left.”
“…” Harry sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s not fair, you didn’t ask to have girls harassing you.”
“Kinda comes with being Liam’s sister, I guess,” I shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me, Haz. I’d rather get abuse hurled at me on Twitter than not have the five of you in my life, I can deal with it. I just need to manage my time better, that’s all. Things have been… hectic, lately. Whatever. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Boys night out… Liam and Zayn decided that Niall and Louis needed a night out to cheer them up.”
“What? Why does Niall need cheering up, is he okay?”
“He’s fine,” Harry rolled his eyes at me. “Millie’s just been sending not-so-cryptic tweets since he broke up with her and he’s fed up of it.”
“…So, if it’s boys night… Why aren’t you going with them?” asked in confusion.
“Wasn’t invited,” Harry shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Liam told me it would probably be better if I didn’t go so I-”
“Excuse me?” I growled, interrupting him and turning round to face him. winced when she glanced at me and took a step backwards as Harry’s eyes widened. “Did you just say that Liam told you not to go with them, with your friends?”
“Well… Yes, but-”
“Wait, and the others didn’t say anything to him?”
“No… Why would they? Louis’s-”
“Louis has every right not to want you there, but Liam doesn’t. At all. He’s just being a massive twat right now, I’m so mad at him, how dare he?! Fuck it. Fuck Liam. You’re staying with us,” I told him. “We’re going out, you can come with us. ! ! Harry’s coming with us because the rest of One Direction are wankers!”
“HEY!” objected from the kitchen.
“Alright, okay… Because Liam is a wanker!” I corrected, rolling my eyes as I turned to Harry and pointed at him. “You, go to the shop and get some pizzas or something,” I told him, before looking to . “You put the music on. We’re going to have a good time tonight even if it kills me.”

***

“Wha’chu gonna sing?”
“What? Nothing!” I laughed, answering Harry’s slightly slurred question as I leaned further into the leather sofa.
We were sat in the karaoke bar loved – she failed to mention it wasn’t quite the dingy, rundown place we’d all been expecting. It was actually quite nice, with leather booths all around the bar and the karaoke machine over in the corner on a small platform. We’d been here for just over an hour, tucked away in a booth at the back.
“But you gotta sing!” Harry whined.
“I can’t sing,” I sipped on my cocktail. “You know I can’t sing Haz, I sound like a dying cat.”
“Cats!” Harry giggled and rolled her eyes at him as she smirked at me.
“He’s wasted,” she whispered, leaning across the table. I laughed, nodding my head and looking over towards and who were stood at the bar, with her phone pressed to her ear. “Harry, love, I don’t think you should drink anymore.”
“Well I don’t think you should think anymore,” Harry shot back at her, pulling a face. I stifled a laugh. “Honestly . Always sticking your nose in and offering your advice when no one even wants it.”
“Harry!” I hissed.
“What?! She is! Told me to stay away from you like it was all my fault… Fat lot of good that did because look what happened anyway… You’re not with Louis anymore and everyone’s miserable!”
“Harry. Shut up,” I elbowed him. “Finish your drink.”
“Hey!” slid into the seat next to , smiling as she eyed me and Harry curiously. “You guys okay? ’s up singing next, she said she wants to live out her rock star dream so she’s chosen a Bon Jovi song… Surprise, surprise!” she rolled her eyes and groaned, letting her head fall on to the table. Harry reached a hand over and patted the top of her head gently, making her look up and glare at him. I laughed quietly, looking at ’s confused expression and shrugging my shoulders. had done nothing but sing Bon Jovi since we’d started getting ready to leave. I didn’t mind – could sing, she had a decent voice and I liked Bon Jovi. , on the other hand, had had to put up with the small (okay, huge) Bon Jovi obsession I’d gone through in high school and claimed she’d had enough for the rest of her life.
“Is she singin’ the one I asked her to sing?!” Harry asked, his eyes shining in excitement.
“She’s taking requests?” raised an eyebrow but Harry just grinned at her.
“Apparently so,” smirked, turning her head to look at who was waiting excitedly, clutching a microphone in her hand. “Go on, !” she cheered. smiled sheepishly and waved over at us as she stepped onto the small platform.
“Okay, this one’s for you, Styles!” she giggled into the mic.
“WOOOO!” Harry cheered loudly, pumping his fists in the air and grinning at me. I rolled my eyes, grabbing elbows and yanking his arms down. “I’m trying to be romantic!”
“You wanna be romantic, you get up and sing.”
“I did that,” Harry glared at . “She ran away to Venice with Louis.”
“Shut up,” I hissed at the pair of them, turning my attention to as she started to sing.

“This Romeo is bleeding
But you can’t see his blood
It’s nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It’s been raining since you left me
Now I’m drowning in the flood
You see I’ve always been a fighter
But without you I give up…”

“You asked her to sing Always?” I raised an eyebrow, turning my head slightly to look at Harry. He nodded shifting closer to me. I smiled softly, shaking my head and sipping on my drink before looking back across the bar as continued to sing.

“Now I can’t sing a love song
Like the way it’s meant to be
Well, I guess I’m not that good anymore
But baby, that’s just me

And I will love you, baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day, always
I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don’t rhyme
And I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind
And I’ll love you, always…”

“Always,” Harry whispered into my ear. I turned to look at him, his eyes nervous and his bottom lip between his teeth. “Because I do love you, . I will. Always.”
“Harry…” I whispered. He shook his head, smiling and taking my hand underneath the table. glanced at us curiously, her eyes flicking to Harry who was watching . I shook my head at her and she raised her eyebrows.

“Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories from a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I’d give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I’ve made mistakes, I’m just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you’ve been needing to hear
I’ll wish I was him that those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby, always
And I’ll be there forever and a day, always

If you told me to cry for you, I could
If you told me to die for you, I would
Take a look at my face
There’s no price I won’t pay
To say these words to you…”

“Does anyone else find it strange she’s singing about being a man?” giggled when she turned round to look at us, her smile fading as she eyes drifted past me. I went to turn around, but stopped when Harry squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and he leant in closer, singing along quietly.

“Well, there ain’t no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives
We’ll find a place where the sun still shines,”

“Harry-”
“I love you,” he interrupted quickly, ’s voice fading in to the background. “I’ve always loved you. You’re the one, , I know you are,” he whispered, his finger trailing down my cheek and under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. “…But it’s not me, is it?”
“I…” I paused. “Harry,” my eyes flickered over to and , who were doing their best not to look at us. “Can we not do this here?”
“…” he mumbled, his lips even closer to mine, his eyes closing. I let my own eyes flutter shut and I could feel his breath on my lips before I realised what was going on, and I put a hand on his chest, pushing him back. His eyes snapped open and he smiled weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think that’s pretty much just answered my questioned.”
“Harry-”
“It meant absolutely nothing to you, did it? What we had, anything we did. You’d take it all back if it meant you could still have Louis.” Harry frowned. “Did you even… Do you care about me at all, ?”
“Of course I do,” I whispered hoarsely. “Of course I care, I love you, Harry. You’re my best-”
“Best friend, yeah. Got it.”
“Harry, please, I-”
“No, you know what?” he snapped at me. “Fuck you, . You’ve strung me along for your own amusement, I was willing to give up my friendship with Louis for you, knowing it would jeopardise the band but you don’t give a shit. What, was Louis not good enough in the bedroom, is that it? You just wanted a quick shag every now and then? Well screw you. You know how I felt, how I feel. You know how in love with you I am and you let me believe I had a chance when it’s been Louis since day fucking one.”
“Harry-”
“Stop saying my name!”
“Harry, please-”
“I said STOP IT!” he yelled. ’s head snapped to us and she elbowed sharply, who jumped and paled when she looked at me.
“, come on,” whispered, tugging on my arm. When did she get back? “Come on, let’s go to the toilets, okay?” she pulled on my arm again. I looked at Harry, his elbows resting on the table and his head in his hands as hissed something at him.
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” shook her head quickly. “This was such a bad idea, I didn’t think he’d- I didn’t know Harry would- Shit. Fuck. It’s too late, I’m so sorry, I-”
“ what are you rambling about?” I asked in confusion, watching as she screwed her face shut and let my arm drop as someone stepped up beside me.
“…?”
“Wha-” I stopped, turning round and freezing, my eyes wide. “Louis.”

———-

twenty-six

. “…?”
“Wha-” I stopped, turning round and freezing, my eyes wide. “Louis.”
“…What are you doing here?” he asked me, frowning. “Is this some kind of… Liam, is this down to you?”
“What?” Liam raised an eyebrow. “You think I’d suggest a night out to cheer you up, and invite the two reasons why you’re depressed in the first place? Cheers, mate. Nice to know you think so highly of me.”
“He had nothing to do with it,” I told him. “I haven’t spoken to him in days and he told Harry he wasn’t welcome to go out with you tonight. I didn’t know you’d be here,” I whispered. “If I’d have known, I wouldn’t have come out. We have to- I should probably leave,” I stood up, grabbing my bag and pushing between Louis and to walk away.
“That’s okay, just run away and leave me to clean up your mess again!” Liam called after me. I stopped, turning round to face him and shooting a glare in his direction. “What? There’s no point in looking at me like that, you know I’m right, I’m just the only one who’ll actually call you out on your bullshit.”
“Liam, stop it,” frowned at him, touching his arm. He ignored her, shaking her off and stalking towards the bar.
“Arse,” I mumbled, turning back round to leave to bar and bumping into Niall. “Hey, Nialler. Sorry, I’m just about leave so I’ll-“
“No you’re not,” Niall interrupted. “You’re not leaving,” he grabbed hold of my hand and pulled me back to the others, shoving me in front of Louis. “Fix it.”
“What…?” I looked over at him in confusion.
“Fix it. and I haven’t spent the last three days plotting this just to have you run out. Talk. Stop pretending like you don’t miss each other, the pair of you are driving me mad and this fighting… It just needs to stop.” Niall shook his head at us. I paused, looking past him and allowing my eyes fall on Harry, who was watching us intently. Niall followed my gaze and rolled his eyes at me as he leaned closer to my ear. “And I’ll deal with him, don’t worry about it.” he whispered. Biting my lip, I let my eyes drift to Louis who was frowning as he fixed is hair. “Louis.”
“What?” his head snapped towards Niall. “We’re out. Boys night. No girls.”
“I’ll just go…”
“No you won’t just go!” Niall shouted at me. My eyes widened and I took a step back from him, my back hitting Louis’ chest and his hands landing on my waist. “Just fucking talk about it before I strangle you!”
“Niall you dick you’re scaring her, stop yelling!” Louis snapped, his fingers digging into my sides as he held on to me.
“We’re friends and- no, we’re more than friends, we’re practically family and none of us are going to choose who we want to spend time with so you either fix it now, or you leave it and resent each other forever,” Niall glared at us. “Because no matter what, you’re still going to have to see one another, and I for one don’t give a shit how awkward it makes you feel!”
“Yeah, you had no problem breaking my heart, ,” Harry spat. “You’ve made it damn clear it isn’t me you want, so why don’t you just admit that you’re still in love with him and do everyone a favour and fuck off.”
“Don’t you dare talk to her like that.” Zayn snarled.
“Oh wow,” Harry laughed harshly, raising his eyebrows and pointed to Zayn as he looked at me. “Are you fucking him, too?”
“Harry!” gasped, her mouth falling open in surprise.
“You can deal with him,” Zayn growled at Niall. “I swear to God I’m about to punch him in the face, you can handle his tantrums better. I’ll be at the bar getting wasted with Liam. This was a seriously bad idea.” he mumbled as he pushed past me and Louis, walking towards Liam and patting his shoulder.
“I… Is that true?” Louis asked me quietly.
“Wha- no of course it’s not true!” I stared at him. “Do you really think I’d sleep with Zayn as well? What am I, a groupie?!”
“I- no,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t mean that… I meant what Harry said… about not wanting him?” he raised his eyebrows. I shrugged my shoulder weakly, looking down and fiddling with my bag. “…” Louis trailed off, hooking his finger under my chin and lifting my eyes to meet his.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah, it’s true. It’s… It’s you, Louis. It’s always been you.” I told him, watching as he closed his eyes and let out a breath I didn’t realise he’d been holding.
“Come with me,” he whispered, his fingers curling round my own as he opened his eyes, a soft smile on his face as he pulled me away from the other. I turned to look at them, and sticking their thumbs up in what I assumed they thought was a discreet way. Harry was sat with Niall, his eyes trained on me and Louis even though Niall was speaking to him. I quickly looked away, letting Louis lead me to a booth further away. He gestured for me to sit down so I did, my back to the others as Louis moved to the other side of the table and sat down opposite me. He reached across the table, taking both of my hands in his and leaning forward. “…Do you mean it?”
“Of course I mean it.”
“I… You’ve said it before, and look. I wasn’t enough, you wanted Harry, too.”
“Louis you’ve always been enough,” I told him. “I just got stupid and selfish and confused but that’s… It’s done. It’s over. I won’t do that again because it made me lose you and I can’t deal with that, Lou. I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry for everything and I just- please, can we try and be friends again.”
“No,” Louis whispered, his eyes meeting mine. “No, we can’t be friends. Because I’m in love with you, . I can’t just be friends with you anymore,” he shook his head, standing up and moving round to sit down next to me. “I can’t sit back and watch you eventually meet a guy who you fall in love with, I can’t watch you be happy with someone who isn’t me. You’ve never been just a friend . You’ve always been the only one I’ve wanted, even when I didn’t know it myself. Everyone else could tell, they all knew. I… It’s us, ,” he mumbled, his forehead resting against mine. “Do you… Can you promise me, with absolutely everything in you that this won’t happen again? That you and Harry are done, that you’ll never hurt me like that again?”
“Yes,” I breathed. “I promise.”
“And you realise this is going to be hard, right? We need to work at this. I need to be able to trust you again. It’s not going to be easy…”
“I know.”
“Fuck, , I love you,” he gulped, his eyes closing.
“I love you too,” I whispered, my own eyes fluttering closed as Louis pressed his lips to mine. “I love you so much, I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh, don’t,” Louis shook his head, cupping my face in his hands and wiping my tears away with his thumbs. “Stop. It’s over. I forgive you.”

“It might be hard to be lovers
But it’s harder to be friends
Baby, pull down the covers
It’s time you let me in
Maybe light a couple candles
I’ll just go ahead and lock the door
If you just talk to me baby
Till we ain’t strangers anymore…”

“Is that… Is that Niall?” Louis asked, his face screwed up in confusion.
“Uhm. Yes,” I laughed quietly, looking over at the karaoke machine and letting out a shocked laugh when I saw stood up there with him, a mic to her lips as she started to sing.

“Lay your head on my pillow
I sit beside you on the bed
Don’t you think it’s time we say
Some things we haven’t said
It ain’t too late to get back to that place
Back to where, we thought it was before
Why don’t you look at me
Till we ain’t strangers anymore…”

“…What are they doing?”
“I think they’re serenading us, love,” Louis grinned, putting an arm around my shoulders.

“Sometimes it’s hard to love me
Sometimes it’s hard to love you too
I know it’s hard believing
That love can pull us through
It would be so easy
To live your life

With one foot out the door
Just hold me baby
Till we ain’t strangers anymore…”

“They’re actually not too bad…” I paused, biting my lip as Louis looked down at me and smirked.
“I know that look. What are you plotting?”
“She likes him. Did you know they’d been talking? How did they even plan this whole night?”
“Twitter,” Louis shrugged. “He mentioned he’d been messaging her on there, I think they swapped numbers. He likes her too, I think. …Wanna return the favour? Do some matchmaking and set them up?”
“No,” I shook my head, reaching a hand up to my shoulder and lacing my fingers with Louis’. “I think we should leave them to it. I’d rather not interfere.”

“It’s hard to find forgiveness
When we just turn out the light
It’s hard to say you’re sorry
When you can’t tell wrong from right
It would be so easy
To spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score
So let’s get down to it baby
There ain’t no need to lie

Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes
Let’s put our two hearts back together
And we’ll leave the broken pieces on the floor
Make love with me baby
Till we ain’t strangers anymore…”

“Well, I know something I’m interfering in,” Louis whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my neck and making me shiver. “And that’s you and Liam! Come on, up you get!” he demanded, standing up and taking my hands, pulling me into a standing position as I moaned in annoyance. “Oh, ,” he chucking, grinning and biting his lip as he leaned towards my ear again. “You’ll be doing plenty of moaning later on. Save it for then.”
“I- Lou!” I stared at him open-mouthed.
“Come on!” he took my hand in his, pulling me over to the bar. Zayn noticed us first, a grin spreading across his face when he saw our hands clasper together. He nudged Liam and pointed at us, raising his eyebrows as Liam turned round with a frown on his face. He rolled his eyes when he spotted us and I scoffed. Loudly.
“Everything fixed now, then?” Liam asked, one eyebrow raised. “Planning on going running off into the sunset and leaving Harry behind to pick himself up, hmm? How lovely of you both.”
“I’ll talk to Harry, that’s nothing to do with you,” Louis frowned. “And no, we’re not planning on doing anything. We know it’s going to be difficult but we’re going to work on it, so kindly shut your mouth and open your ears, Liam,” he tutted and Liam’s eyes widened, causing me to smirk. “Whatever’s happened between me, and Harry is no reason for you to be arguing with your sister. So you’re both going to sit down and talk now.”
“No thank you.”
“It wasn’t a request Liam, it was a demand alright? Get your sulking arse over there, now,” Louis growled, dropping my hand and pointing to the booth we’d just left. Liam’s mouth dropped open and I could see he was trying to decide whether or not to argue, but he thought better of it and instead let out a loud sigh, gesturing for me to walk ahead of him. I pouted slightly as I looked up at Louis, but he refused to meet my eyes as he waved me away. Grumbling to myself, I started walking back to the booth and took my previous seat, watching Liam carefully as he sat next to me.
“Don’t look so pissed off, it’s not like I want to be here either,” I muttered at him, crossing my arms over my chest. Liam sighed, turning in his seat to look at me, a disappointed look on his face.
“Do you know why I was so mad at you ?” he asked quietly.
“Because you’re an arse?”
“,” he pursed his lips as he looked at me. “Let’s not pretend that you’re little Miss Perfect in all of this, okay? I called you on your bullshit and you didn’t like it, you went running off with Louis, you broke his heart and right now you’re breaking Harry’s. I’m mad at you because… Because I’m mad at myself,” Liam sighed, scratching his head. “The first time you met them, when they came to stay… I could see it. I could see when you looked at Louis that you were going to fall for him and I could see when Harry looked at you that he liked you, that he was developing some form of feelings for you. So when we all went to the X Factor house… I sat them all down. I sat the boys down and I spoke to them, I told them all you were off limits, that they weren’t allowed to flirt with you or anything. I didn’t… I very nearly told them that I didn’t even want them to be friends with you but that wouldn’t have worked out very well anyway, because you and Harry were already so close…” he paused, shrugging his shoulders.
“W-Why did you do that?”
“Because I knew someone would get hurt!” Liam whined, waving his arms in the air. “And I didn’t want you to get hurt, you’re my baby sister and I’m supposed to look out for you, to beat the hell out of any guy who dares to hurt you! But how could I beat up one of my new best friends?!” he groaned.
“Liam you can’t even beat up a fly,” I scoffed.
“Don’t you see, ?” he carried on, ignoring me. “I warned them all not to hurt you, this whole time, I’ve been worrying about you getting hurt… And I never thought to warn you not to hurt them, and that’s what you’ve done. And I know you’re hurting too, but , you’re in the middle of it, don’t you see that? You might be hurting but no matter who you choose, you’ll be happy. But you’re going to break someone’s heart. You. My little sister, who I was so intent on keeping safe and protecting, is the one who’s causing it all. And I feel like it’s my fault because I didn’t do enough to stop it. I don’t… I don’t want you with Louis, .” he whispered, refusing to look at me. “I’ve been the one there for everything. For you crying over him, for him not realising what he had right in front of him and going from girlfriend to girlfriend while he left you there… And all the while, there was Harry, waiting. Just waiting for you in the background, waiting for you to get over Louis, turning down girl after girl and waiting for you to realise what was right under your nose. But you never did.”
“Liam…” I whimpered.
“No,” he shook his head. “What Harry feels for you goes beyond love, okay? That boy worships you. He’s been there from day one, he’s supported you and he’s helped you and he’s put you back together everytime Louis’s broke your heart-“
“Louis didn’t know!” I cried. “He didn’t know I was in love with him, how could he know what he was doing?”
“Oh he knew, ,” Liam grumbled. “I told him. Several times. He just didn’t care.”
“I- what?” I frowned in confusion. “No. He didn’t know, you might have told him but I didn’t, he thought there was something between me and Harry and… If someone would have walked up to you and been like ‘hey Liam, Danielle’s in love with you’, but she didn’t tell you herself… would you have believed them?”
“…No,” Liam rolled his eyes.
“Exactly.”
“But… . Is it… Do you really want him? Louis? Can you sit there and tell me that he’s all you want, that you’ll never look at Harry in that way again? That you can live without Harry in your life? Because, honestly, if you and Louis start something up again… I think you’re going to have to live without Harry in your life. I don’t think he could be friends with you anymore.”
“I… Harry shouldn’t be friends with me,” I whispered, picking at an imaginary thread on my dress. “He deserves better. They both deserve better.”
“…There is another option,” Liam whispered, biting his lip. “You could move on from both of them.”
“I-” I started to reply, but was interrupted by a bang from the other side of the bar. Liam’s head snapped round and I peeked over his shoulder, only to see Niall and Zayn holding onto Harry. Louis was in front of him, a sympathetic look on his face, but Harry’s features were fixed in a glare. I stood up quickly, catching his attention. He stared at me, his curls falling into his eyes as he searched my face. I looked away, unable to stand the intensity of his gaze.
Harry shook his head, mumbling something to Zayn, who instantly let go of him. Harry shook Niall off, walking past Louis and stopping in front of me.
“I hope you’re very happy together,” he muttered. “But when it all goes wrong, don’t come crying back to me.”
“Harry-” I stopped when he held a hand up, shaking his head.
“I’m done. We’re done. Have a nice life, .”

———-

twenty-seven

. “Direct me to the floor and turn it up some more, I’mma get it on, on, on, on…
SHE MAKES ME WANNA OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH! MAKES ME WANNA- MORNING GORGEOUS!”
“What are you doing?” I yawned, shuffling sleepily into the kitchen, the duck slippers Niall had bought me a couple of Christmases ago quacking as I walked.
“I can’t believe you still have those… Actually, yes I can. I just can’t believe you still wear them,” Louis smirked, turning round and eyeing my fluffy yellow footwear, pointing the spatula he held at them. “The left one’s missing an eye.”
“I know…” I shrugged my shoulders. “Why are you singing JLS songs at 8 in the morning?”
“I’m making breakfast!”
“Okay…” I paused, taking a seat at the kitchen table and fiddling the sleeve of my pyjama top. “What exactly are you making? My kitchen looks like it’s exploded, this is why I don’t let you cook.”
“I’m ignoring that,” he tutted at me. “And I’m making pancakes! And bacon, too. I was gonna do sausages but you only have those Quorn ones and-“
“Because they’re nicer than normal sausages.”
“No they’re not. I’ve done scrambled eggs, too. I’ve made some for in case she’s hungry! ! BREAKFAST!” he called.
“LOUIS. SLEEPING!” ‘s called back, her voice muffled.
“UNGRATEFUL!” Louis shouted.
“ANNOYING!” shouted back at him, making me laugh. Louis scoffed in reply and turned back to the pan. I eyed him curiously, watching him as he whistled to himself.
It had been three weeks since we’d decided to give things another go. He’d been right, of course. We had to work at it, but we were getting there.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to Harry since he’d left the bar that night.
I’d tried, though. I’d tried to talk to him when I’d been at their flat, until eventually he just locked himself in his room. That’s why, for the last week and a half, Louis had taken to coming round to mine instead.
“…Lou?” I started quietly.
“Hmmm?” he hummed, turning to look at me with a small smile on his face.
“I, uhm,” I chewed on my bottom lip. “You know… I- It’s just…” I sighed heavily, running a hand through my messy hair, the curls having stayed in from two days ago. “You know you can stay here whenever, right? It’s just… This is ‘s place too and I kinda feel like we’re… invading her space, y’know? Are things… Is there a reason we don’t spend time at yours anymore…?”
“No,” he frowned. “After tomorrow we can spend as much time there as we want.”
“Why? Is Har… Is he going home for the weekend or something?”
“No,” Louis sighed, shaking his head and tipping some pancakes and bacon on to a plate before placing it in front of me. “Tomorrow… He’s moving out. He’s found his own place.” he shrugged his shoulders. I looked up at him quickly, my fork clattering on the plate as I dropped it.
“What did you just say?” I breathed.
“…Harry’s moving out,” Louis spoke slowly, looking at me like I was mad, his eyes widening as he realised what I was thinking. “Oh… No! No, , it’s not because- it isn’t your fault, it’s not like that I promise. It’s- he’s 19 now, he has more than enough money, we can’t live together forever, babe… Now just seemed like the right time for him to find a place.”
“Oh my God I’m going to forever be known as the slut who split up Larry Stylinson!” I cried, my head dropping hands.
“Hey, hey,” Louis reached forward, his fingers wrapping round my wrists as he pulled my hands away from my face. “Don’t you ever say that, okay? You’re not a… You’re not. Besides… The fans still have Zarry? Let them ship that from now on!”
“Louis you don’t get it!” I panicked. “They don’t- your fans aren’t idiots, they know something happened! I was, we were- we didn’t talk or tweet and no one saw me and you together for ages, but I was seen out and about with Harry and now we’re together again and being seen places, and Harry’s moving out?! They’ll put two and two together and- and-“
“And they’ll get twelve million,” Louis shushed me. “Baby… He’s not leaving because of you.”
“I know he’s not, he’s leaving because of us.” I whispered. “What have we done? What if he- oh my God, Louis, you don’t think he’d leave the band do you? You’ve all worked so hard and-“
“Harry would never leave the band. Harry is the band as far as some people are concerned,” he scoffed. “Why is this bothering you? He’s only moving out, it’s not like he’s leaving the country. He’s finding his own place, it’s normal. And, I mean… When he’s gone, maybe you could… stay more?” Louis chewed on his bottom lip.
“I’ll stay whenever you want me to,” I smiled over at him. He stared at me, his bottom lip between his teeth and his smile nervous.
“What if I want you to stay all the time?”
“…Then I will?” I raised an eyebrow in confusion.
“I mean… What if I wanted you to… live there? With me?”
“A-Are you serious?” I stuttered.
“If you’re moving out, ‘s coming to live with me because I’ve fallen in love with her,” yawned as she walked into the kitchen, her brown hair tied in to a messy bun.
“Niall be sorry to hear that!” Louis smirked.
“Shut up, Tomlinson,” tutted, hitting him over the head and her eyes lighting up. “Ooh pancakes!” she squealed, reaching towards my plate and stealing one. “Yum!”
“…,” I raised my eyebrows at her, letting my eyes drift to a smirking Louis. “We were, uhm… Do you mind if we… talk?”
“Oh, no, sorry…” she coughed embarrassedly and pouted as she looked at Louis’ plate. He rolled his eyes and pushed it towards her, waving a hand dismissively. “Thank you Boo Bear!” she called as she grabbed hold of it, picking up a fork and walking back to her room.
“Don’t call me Boo Bear!” Louis called after her. slammed her door in response and Louis chuckled, but I just stared at him. “…I’ve freaked you out, haven’t I?”
“No, I just- would it not be weird? I’d feel strange, living there. It’s… It’s the Larry flat.”
“So we’ll find somewhere else,” Louis shrugged his shoulders. “We’ll find another one, in the same building.”
“Louis I don’t have a job right now, I can’t afford stuff like that.”
“I’ll pay for it.”
“Louis!” I sighed in frustration.
“Just say if you don’t want to move in together, ,” he grumbled. “I can understand you not wanting to live with me if Harry’s not around all the fucking time.”
“…Why are you even bringing Harry up, he has nothing to do with this,” I muttered. “I just don’t think- With everything that’s happened lately, is it really a good idea? Are you just saying this because you want to keep an eye on me, to make sure I’m…” I trailed off.
“To make sure you’re what? To make sure you’re not sleeping with anyone else behind my back?” he snapped, and I looked away from him quickly, hearing him sigh. “…”
“No, it’s fine, I deserved that.”
“No, you didn’t,” Louis whispered, shuffling closer to me and taking my hands in his. “I’ve forgiven you, I shouldn’t bring it up just to hurt you. I was wrong, I’m sorry. I love you, you know?”
“I know,” I smiled weakly. “I love you, too.”
“Look, we’ll just… I started tour rehearsals in a couple of weeks, we’ll just talk about it afterwards, okay? When the tour’s done with.” he told me, squeezing my hand when I nodded in reply. “Are you… I mean, you’re not in uni or anything… Do you wanna come on tour with me?”
“Uhm…” I paused nervously. “I would love to, but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea… And not just because of Harry, before you say anything. With Liam as well, he’s not really accepting the fact that we’re together right now, he’s my brother and I don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama with him…”
“It’s fine,” Louis shrugged, but the smile fell from his face and his eyes refused to meet mine. “He’s your brother, I get that. I… What did I do, ? To him. What did I ever do to him to make him think I’m not good enough for you?”
“He doesn’t think that!” I shook my head. “It’s the other way round! He thinks I’m not good enough for you! He’d be right on that one, too. He’s just trying to look out for everyone, that’s all.”
“Well perhaps he should focus on his own relationship instead of everyone else’s,” Louis scoffed as looked down at his watch, sighing. “I should get going… I have a couple of things I need to do and I need to get some clean clothes or I’ll be trying to squeeze into your jeans. I’ll be back later though, yeah?” he stood up, kissing my forehead.
“Yeah,” I giggled at him. “See you later, Lou!”

***

I chewed nervously on the inside of my cheek, jumping as the door to small café opened but sighing in disappointment when I saw it wasn’t him.
“Are you okay, hon?”
“Huh?” I looked up at the waitress as she held the coffee pot out to me, but I shook my head. “No, I’m good, thanks.”
“You’ve been watching that door for the past ten minutes.” she commented.
“Just waiting for someone,” I smiled weakly.
“Uh-huh…” she paused, her eyes shifting to the door as she leant towards. “Would this someone be a little curly haired cutie who’s frozen in the doorway with his eyes stuck to you?” she whispered. I looked up quickly, my breath catching in my throat when my eyes met his. “Thought so.” she laughed quietly, raising an eyebrow at me as she walked away. I watched Harry carefully, fully expecting him to leave and breathing a sigh of relief when he walked towards me and sat down, a frown on his face.
“I didn’t know if you’d come.”
“I thought I was meeting Zayn,” he muttered.
“…Okay, I didn’t think you’d stay…” I trailed off. “Don’t be mad at him, please. I had to beg him to text you for me, it was the only way I could think of to get you to actually talk to me.” I whispered. Harry stayed silent. “I… Louis said you’re moving out.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Why? Why?” Harry scoffed. “So I don’t have to be around either of you unless I need to be, that’s why.”
“Harry-“
“Don’t fucking apologise , I really couldn’t give a shit who you’re fucking anymore. You’ll move on to Niall next month.” he scoffed and I winced, tears stinging my eyes. He sighed when he looked at me, running a hand through his messy curls. “Sorry. Didn’t mean that.”
“Yeah you did,” I muttered. “I deserved it. Whatever. This was a bad idea, I don’t know what I was trying to achieve by getting you to meet me here,” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, we should- I’ll leave. Bye, Harry.” I whispered, standing up.
“Do you love him?” He called, making me stop and turned back around. “Like, really love him? You’ll never hurt him, you’ll never look at me or anyone else the way you look at him?”
“I… Yeah,” I nodded slowly. “I do.” I told him. Harry stood up and started walking, stopping with his face inches away from my own.
“You’re willing to walk away from me, from us? Forever? For Louis?”
“Harry…”
“Do you know he rubs my face in it every chance he gets? He makes sly comments and digs about how you chose him and how it was never me, how it will never be me that you want?”
“He wouldn’t do that,” I frowned.
“Clearly you don’t your boyfriend as well as you think you do,” Harry smirked. “I’ll miss you, you know?” he whispered, his finger trailing down my cheek. “Not even just the sex, although that was pretty amazing. I’ll just miss you. Everything about you. Holding you, ringing you when I’m drunk at 3 in the morning… being your friend. All of it. I’ll miss it, so much.”
“We can still be friends Harry, we can still do all of that,” I told him, grabbing on to his hands. “We don’t have to stop being friends.”
“We do,” he smiled sadly. “I can’t be just friends with you , not now that I’ve had you as more… I love you too much. I can’t watch you with Louis and know that he’ll never make you as happy as I can. I just can’t do it. Louis wouldn’t let us be friends, anyway.”
“He would!” I told him, my tone pleading. “He will. Harry please, I can’t lose you, I need you in my life, I can’t only have one of you. I love you both so much, he’s… He’s everything I’ve wanted for two years but you’re my best friends. You’re everything I’ve needed for the last two years and you’re everything I’ll ever need again. I can’t do this without my best friend. Please, Harry. Please.”
“I can’t,” he whispered, sniffing and pulling his hands away from me. “I can’t do it. I refuse to. Just… I hope you’re happy with him, . I really, really do. I hope he’s everything you thought he’d be. I hope he treats you like a princess, but I won’t be around to watch it. I… You have . She can- she’s your best friend, too. And you have , and . I can’t- I don’t need to see the girl I’m in love with, being in love with someone else. I’ve had to watch you break down over him and I’ve had to put you back together ever since I’ve known you and I refuse to do it anymore when I’m stood here giving you another option and you’re rejecting it. I can see it in your eyes that you know it’s me, that you know I’ll make you happy. So until you realise your feelings for him have changed… I won’t be around. I’m sorry.” he shook his head, stepping past me and pulling the door to the café open. He stopped turning round and reaching a hand out to tuck my hair behind my ear before he leaned down and kissed my cheek softly.
“Love you, ,” he whispered. “Always.”
“Harry-“
“Bye,” he interrupted me, stepping out of the door and stuffing his hands in his pockets as he walked away.
I let out a sob, collapsing down into an empty booth and pulling my phone out of my pockets, dialling the familiar number.
“Hello? ?”
“Liam,” I whispered. “Liam. I need your help.”

———-

twenty-eight

. “Right, that’s it, done,” huffed, shutting the boot of her car. “How much stuff do you have in there, it’s so heavy!”
“A lot,” I shrugged my shoulders, turning round to look at who was smiling weakly. “You’ll… You know if you need anything, you can call Liam or something, right? I’m sorry to drop you in it like this, …”
“Don’t be silly, I’ll just miss you!” she cried, jumping forward and wrapping her arms around me.
“You’ll see me in a few weeks,” I laughed quietly, patting her back.
“You’re not even saying goodbye yet, you’re coming with us you fool!” told her, tutting and rolling her eyes. giggled quietly, nodding her head as she stepped away from me.
“SHOTGUN!” she called, hopping into the front of ‘s car. I rolled my eyes at her and laughed, slipping into the backseat and clicking my seatbelt in place and pulled away from the pavement. I leaned back in my seat as and chatted excitedly about the next few weeks – having agreed to move to into the flat while I was away.
I’d ended things with Louis a week ago. I was still to give him a reason, but we both knew why. He was never going to fully forgive me for cheating on him, and I was never going to stop feeling guilty about it.
After meeting Harry at the café and ringing Liam for help, it hadn’t really been a hard decision at all.
I was leaving.
Liam was paying for it, for me to go to America with .
And now, all I had to do was say goodbye.

***

I took a deep breath, tapping on the door and feeling my heart beat quicken as I heard shuffling on the other side. It opened a couple of minutes later and Louis frowned as he looked at me, his hair messy and his eyes tired.
“What do you want?” he mumbled. I didn’t say anything, instead grabbing his hand and letting my fingers link with his as I pulled him from his apartment. “-“
“Just come with me,” I told him, reaching behind him and pulling the door shut.
“I’m really not in the mood for-“
“Louis, for once in your life just shut the hell up and do as I say!” I groaned. He raised his eyebrows at me, but allowed me to pull him downstairs to Liam’s flat, pulling me to a stop when he saw Harry knocking on the door. “Please, Lou,” I turned to him pleadingly. “Please. For me?”
“You have no right to ask me to do anything for you!” he snapped, pulling his hand out of mine. “What is this, some kind of ambush so you can announce you’re back to sleeping with him?!”
“Louis, it’s not-“
“The fuck are you two doing here?” Harry grumbled. He looked up as Liam opened the door and glared at him. “Why are they here? I thought we were hanging out?”
“Just come inside, Harry,” Liam mumbled, shooting me a sympathetic smile.
“No.”
“Harry.”
“No, Liam. Not if-“
“Listen to me!” Liam hissed, making me and Louis jump and Harry immediately shut his mouth. “My patience is slowly wearing thin with all three of you, I swear to God if you don’t act like adults and get inside this fucking apartment right now then I will bash all of your heads together and I will ship off to fucking Alaska and make her stay there until she marries an Eskimo!” he snapped, Harry’s mouth dropping open in surprise. “Get inside. Now.”
I bit my lip, biting back a smile as Harry mumbled something under his breath and pushed past Liam to get inside, Louis trailing along behind him with his head down.
“Well they certainly don’t call you Daddy Direction for nothing,” I giggled quietly, patting Liam’s shoulder as he grinned proudly at me.
“You talk to them,” he whispered. “Zayn and Niall are upstairs, I’ll take and and we’ll go tell them for you, okay?” he told me, and I looked away. “…Do you want to tell Zayn yourself?”
“No,” I shook my head quickly. “No, it’s gonna be hard enough telling Harry and Lou… How am I supposed tell Zayn and Niall, as well? No. You do it. Thanks, Liam.”
“You’ve got half an hour, then we have to leave, alright?” he told me. I nodded slowly and he sighed, hugging me tightly and whispering into my ear. “You’re doing the right thing, I promise. Just tell them. Like ripping a plaster off, remember?”
“Yep…” I nodded. Liam smiled softly, messing my hair up before ushering and out of the kitchen and out of the door. I took a deep breath before walking into the living room to see Harry sat down on the sofa, fiddling with his phone and Louis leaning against the wall.
“What is this, ?” Louis mumbled, his eyes meeting mine as I stepped into the room.
“Sit down, Lou,” I whispered, gesturing for him to take a seat on the sofa. He shook his head, choosing to sit on the seat furthest away from and I sighed, any doubts I had leaving my head instantly.
I needed to leave if they had any chance of ever being friends again. I sat down on the other end of the sofa, Harry on my right and Louis on my left.
“…Seriously, if this is some kind of kinky sex idea-“
“Shut up!” I tutted, leaning over and flicking Harry’s ear to stop him from talking. “I just… I needed to talk to you. To both of you. And I don’t think I have the energy to do it separately, so I’m wimping out and doing it this way.”
“What are you-“
“You guys are best friends,” I interrupted Harry. “You’ve been best friends since the second you met and now… Now you’ve moved out,” I pointed at Harry. “And you won’t talk to him,” I looked at Louis. “And it’s my fault, and I shouldn’t have let it happen. I shouldn’t have come between you the way I did. You shouldn’t have let me. It’s not worth it, I’m not worth it.”
“, what-“
“Do you remember what I said to you, that night in Wolverhampton?” I turned to Louis, interrupting him. “At the firework display. When I told you what I’d do if the three of us ever came down to this,” I gestured around us. “About how I couldn’t lose either of you, that I’d-“
“That you’d rather have neither of us in your life than just having one of us,” Louis interrupted in a whisper, his eyes travelling to the floor and a frown crossing Harry’s face. “About how you’d walk away and choose yourself instead.”
“I’m choosing your friendship,” I told them quietly. “I’m putting you both first for a change, instead of thinking about what I want.”
“No, ,” Harry started, reaching out to touch my arm but I held a hand up, stopping him.
“Don’t,” I shook my head, shuffling further down the sofa to put some distance between us. “I know I’m being selfish, alright? I know I’m not perfect in all of this, I don’t claim to be, and I know this is going to be hard, but… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit here and pretend like everything’s going to be okay when I’m in love with you,” I let my eyes drift over to Louis. “Because I am in love with you, Louis.”
“-” “No, let me finish,” I interrupted him. “You’ve been- Lou, you’re the best thing I’ve ever had and I screwed it up, alright? I know I did. And that’s why I can’t stay. I love you, but…” I paused, my gaze landing on Harry. “I can’t stay away from you,” I whispered. “You’re my best friend, you’ve been there when I’ve needed you and when I haven’t, and I adore you for that, Harry. But I’m so confused – I can’t keep away, I have all these feelings and thoughts that I shouldn’t have about you, Haz. It’s not fair for me to stay here and keep screwing with your head just because I’m too scared and selfish to just have one of you. I knew, I knew after that weekend at yours that I was going to have to try and make some sort of decision, but I can’t do it. How am I supposed to only have one of you in my life from now on? So I’m…” I paused.
“Don’t,” Louis shook his head. “Don’t, .”
“I’m leaving,” I told them, staring down at my hands. “To go to New York.”
“For a… For a holiday, yeah?” Harry questioned. I stayed silent, watching the colour leave Louis’ face as he shook his head.
“No, not for a holiday,” I admitted quietly. “I’m- … She has family over there and she’s going to stay with them for a while… She’s invited me along with her. ‘s gonna fly out too, when she has a break from uni and so is …”
“How long for?” Louis asked, his voice cracking. “. How long for?”
“Six months,” I whispered.
“When?” Louis muttered.
“I-” I stopped, biting my lip. “I leave this afternoon.”
“T-Today?!” Louis spluttered. “And you- you’re only telling us now?” “I’m sorry!” I cried. “I’m sorry, I know I should have told you sooner but I was scared, I didn’t- if I told you then it became real, and I didn’t want- I don’t know how to say goodbye to either of you.”
“But you…” Harry paused. “You don’t have a job! How can you afford it?!”
“I- Liam… Liam’s paying for me.” I answered.
“But you don’t have to leave!” Harry’s eyes widened. “You don’t have to go. We can- I’ll back off. You love Louis, he loves you, I’ll stay away, alright? I’ll stop it, I’ll stop all the flirting and everything and you can just stay. Please just stay.”
“I can’t, Harry,” I mumbled, wiping my eyes as a tear slipped out when I heard the desperation in his voice.
“Tell her, Louis!” Harry pleaded, turning to Louis who had his head in his hands. “Tell her she doesn’t have to go!”
“No, Harry, listen to me,” I moved closer, taking his face in my hands and making him look at me. “I have to do this. It’s not fair of me to stay, to expect everything to go back to normal. It’s not fair of me to expect either of you to just forgive me.”
“You’re running away,” Louis told me quietly, finally meeting my eyes. “You’re being a coward and running away instead of fighting.”
“I-I know,” I looked away from him, dropping my hands from Harry’s face. “I can’t hang around and hurt other people or get hurt myself. I’ve come between you two too much, you’re supposed to be best friends and I had you hurting each other. So, yeah. I’m taking the cowards way out and I’m running, because I don’t know what else to do.”
“You don’t know what else to do?” Louis repeated, laughing sarcastically and standing up as he started to pace around the room. “How about staying? STAY, . We’ll work it all out, I know we will. How about growing up and trying to fix the mistakes we’ve all made? Running away isn’t going to fix anything, . It’s just going to make everything worse! What about me? What am I supposed to do without you, hmm? I fucking love you, . I made you my entire world, I feel like I don’t have anything without you anymore, like I can barely function when you’re not with me! What am I supposed to do without you?”
“I don’t have any fight left in me, Louis. I… We shouldn’t have to fight to be happy, none of us should…” I paused, unsure of what to say to him when I heard a soft knock on the door.
“Sorry…” muttered uncomfortably. “We’re- Zayn and Niall are here… We have to go. Liam said you’ll miss your flight if we don’t leave now.” she pointed behind her, to where Liam was stood in the hallway with .
“Okay,” I nodded, wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath as I stood up. “Okay, I’m ready.” I told her, catching her sympathetic smile.
“NO!” Harry jumped up from his seat, taking hold of my shoulders. “Please, . Please don’t go.”
“Harry…” I mumbled, tears filling my eyes once again.
“Please,” he begged, his arms going round my waist, his hands grasping on to my t-shirt and his head dropping to my shoulder. “You’re my best friend, you can’t go, I can’t lose you. I can’t. I take it all back, everything I said about not seeing you anymore, I didn’t mean it!” he whispered into my ear. I squeezed my eyes shut, my arms around his neck as I hugged him tightly. “Please. I love you.” “Liam,” I gasped, pulling away from Harry and prying his arms from around me. “Liam, please.” I looked at my brother with pleading eyes and he nodded sympathetically, stepping forwards and Harry pulling Harry away from me, ushering out of the door where I all but collapsed into ‘s arms.
“Harry, mate, come on…” Liam whispered quietly to him. “She’s not going forever.”
“It’s your fault,” I heard Louis whisper. “It’s your fucking fault, Harry. If you would have just- if you’d just backed off! She made her choice, she chose me but you’re such a brat and you’re so used to getting your own way that you couldn’t accept that! You ruined it, you destroyed one of the best things in my life and I’ll never forgive you for it. She’s leaving, I’m losing her because of you!”
“Stop it!” Liam growled. “This is why she has to leave! You’re best friends and you keep fighting, and she hates it! Both of you just stop. You’re my friends and I’m sorry that this has happened, but she’s my baby sister and if you don’t stop, I’ll kick you both out I swear to God. She’s my priority and you’re not ruining this for her. She wants to do this. Just… let her go. Say goodbye. You’ll see her again, in six months.”
“Liam I can’t lose her,” Harry whimpered and I screwed my eyes shut, hugging me tighter only to have someone pull me out of her grasp.
“Don’t let them see you crying,” Zayn whispered in my ear, pressing his lips to the side of my head. “Don’t. Harry will try and use it to get you to stay. ,” he moved his head, keeping hold of me. “Car keys. Now. I’m taking her to the car.”
“No, wait,” I muttered, pulling away from him and wiping my eyes, Louis staring at me when I turned back to face him and Harry. “I don’t… I don’t want you to come. To the airport, I mean. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want you to try and get in touch with me while I’m gone. I think… All of us, we need a new start. I don’t… When I’m back, maybe we can be friends again.” I whispered. Louis just stared at me before he shook his head, rubbing his eyes and turning to walk away. “Louis!”
“Don’t,” Zayn shook his head. “Leave him. He’ll regret it later.” he told me, and I nodded as I looked at Harry who was practically being held up by Liam. “…You can’t say bye to him, can you?”

“No,” I whispered hoarsely. “I don’t know how I can say goodbye to any of you.”
“…” Niall touched my elbow, smiling weakly. “I’m gonna… Harry needs someone to stay with him, I think. It clearly isn’t going to be Zayn, so… I’m gonna bye now, alright?”
“Okay…” I trailed off, laughing quietly when he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground. “You listen to me, Horan. I know all about your little crush on my and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll make a move before she comes out to New York.”
“Heh… Maybe,” he smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll miss you, .”
“I’ll miss you too Nialler,” I sighed, reaching up and ruffling his hair. “You look after Harry for me, alright?” I whispered.
“Of course I will,” he smiled softly, kissing my cheek and looking over my shoulder. “Liam’s taken him inside, you might want to escape while you can…”
“Come on,” Zayn took hold of my hand in his, and tugged me away but I shook him off, jumping on Niall and hugging him again.
“Promise me you’ll look after Harry, Nialler. Promise.”
“Of course I will,” he whispered, his arms circling my waist.
“Promise you’ll make sure him and Louis are friends again.”
“I will, . I promise you.”
“, now,” Zayn tugged on my arm and I nodded, letting go of Niall and allowing Zayn to pull me into the lift behind and . It was only when we got downstairs and I was sandwiched in the back of the car between him and my brother that I finally let myself go.
And I cried.

***

Zayn clung on to me, his hands balled into fists as he grabbed hold of my jacket.
“Stop it,” I whispered hoarsely. “Please stop it, Z.”
“Please don’t leave, ,” he muttered. “You don’t have to go. You can just… You can be my girlfriend, yeah? You know there are people out there shipping Zassie!”
“Not as bad as they ship Ziam, though,” I laughed quietly, pulling away from him and wiping my eyes. “You know if I thought of you as anything but an annoying older brother that I would have jumped at that offer. I like your face.”
“I like your face too, ,” Zayn smiled weakly, poking my nose. “I’ll miss your face. I’ll miss you. You’re like my sister…”
“Can you do something for me, Zayn?” I asked, my hands on his shoulders.
“Anything.” “I’m gonna need you to take care of Louis. I need you make sure he’s alright. You and Niall need to get plotting and get Larry Stylinson back on track, okay?”
“I’ll see what I can do, babe,” Zayn smiled, sighing and kissing my cheek before pushing me towards and .
“I don’t even need to say goodbye to you two, I’ll see you in a couple of months,” I chuckled, hugging them both. “, I expect you to get your matchmaker head on and make sure she’s shacked up with Horan by the time you come to New York.”
“Babycakes, it won’t even take me three days once I get plotting!” grinned, elbowing a blushing in the side. I chuckled glancing over at who was saying goodbye to her family. She was a crying mess, this is exactly why I’d told Mum and Dad to stay away. It was hard enough saying goodbye to the boys. I sighed, my eyes shifting to the side as landing on him.
Liam.
I gulped, taking a step towards him. He gave me a small half-smile, slipping his hands out of his pockets and holding his arms out.
That’s all it took.
I jumped on him, nearly knocking him over as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you, Liam. Thank you so much, for everything. You’re the best brother in the world
and I love you for it. I’m so sorry for all the hassle I’ve caused, I’ve never… I didn’t want to. I’m sorry I’ve been such a rubbish sister.”
“Shut up,” he chuckled in my ear, his face buried in my ear. “You’re the best little sister I could have asked for. I’m so proud of you for doing this, . For making this decision. I know it was hard but I really believe you’re doing the right thing here. I’ll make sure everything gets worked out by the time you’re back, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered, stepping out of his arms and punching his shoulder lightly. “Look after Danielle while I’m gone, you won’t find another girlfriend like her for as long as you live. You won’t get that lucky twice,” I smirked. Liam rolled his eyes but smiled anyway, his eyes widening as he looked up.
“.”
“She told you not to come,” Liam grumbled. I shook my head, putting a hand on his arm and turning around.
“Hey, Louis…” I said quietly, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “…Why are you here?”
“What do you mean, why am I here?” he frowned at me. “I’m here to say goodbye…” he reached out, taking my hands and pulling me towards him. “I don’t want you to go, but I know I can’t stop you. I can’t ask you to stay, it’s not fair of me. Just… Whatever’s happened, , I love you.”
“Lou…” I bit my lip.
“No, don’t,” he shook his head. “I do love you, more than anything. I’ll fix things with Harry, don’t worry about that. And in six months, when you get back, I’ll be here. Waiting.” he smiled softly at me and I looked up at him curiously. “You’re mine, . And I’m yours.”
“I love you,” I let out a sob and Louis screwed his eyes, his arms wrapping round my waist as he crushed his lips against mine.
“…” whispered, her fingers wrapping round my wrist. “We have to go now.”
“Okay,” I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand and stepping away from Louis, his hand holding tightly on to mine. “I’ll… I’ll see you in six months, then.”
“You will,” Louis smiled, tucking a piece of hair of behind my ear. “I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get off the plane. It… It’s gonna be hard not talking to you for six months, . But I get it, I understand why and I respect that, so I’ll try my hardest to stay away. Just… I love you, just remember that, okay?”
“I will. I love you too, Louis… I always have,” I told him shyly. Liam stepped forward, pulling me into his arms again and before I knew it, Zayn had demanded a group hug and and I were sandwiched between Liam, Louis, Zayn, and .
“Guys we really have to go!” I told them.
“Or we’ll miss our flight!” added, grabbing on to my hand and pulling me out of the circle. I grabbed my carry-on, making sure I had my ticket and my passport as I followed towards the departures lounge.
I paused for a second, turning round to look at the others and catching Louis’ eye.
He smiled weakly, lifting his hand in a small waving and mouthing ‘I love you’ at me. I smiled back at him, nodding at him when called me to hurry up. I hurried after her, determined not to turn around again.
I was done looking back.
It was a new start.
And I did it.
I walked away.

The End

. For now.