It wasn’t the sound of the key rattling in the lock nor was it the sound of the lock clicking into place as it slid across to “open” that had awoken her. It definitely wasn’t the sound of the door creaking open or the squeak of the person’s leather jacket scraping across the door frame as they slid through the small gap they had created between it and the door, passing over the threshold and into the small hallway of the building. The person thought that maybe they shouldn’t be entering the home of an unguarded woman but it was fleeting and no sooner had the small sense of guilt pricked at their mind; it disappeared in a flurry. This was the third time in under a year that they had attempted to get close to her and they had calculated it so that this time they wouldn’t be caught by her nosey neighbour just like last time. Last time they had attempted to get into her home in broad daylight; a rookie move. Although, it’s technically not breaking and entering if it is – or rather was – your own home, right? This time, however, they made sure they were concealed by the cover of nightfall. They had, however, anticipated that her response would be a negative one – just like the two previous times. She didn’t even stir when the person locked the door behind them and kicked their shoes off. As much as they were considerate to not traipse dirt into the house for fear of leaving a trace they didn’t think twice as they flew off, scuffing the wall opposite as they hit it, one after the other. They threw their jacket over the end of the bannister leading up the stairs. The sounds were completely muffled by the floorboards that separated the floor she was on and the intruder. The sounds of the person thumping up the stairs and down the hall to her room weren’t loud enough to even stir her from her sound slumber. No. What did suddenly jolt her awake and cause her to spring up and out of her bed clutching the sheets, a cold sweat drizzled on her forehead, was the iciness of a body – a male body – sliding in next to her and attempt to wrap its arms around her. She shrieked, alarm bells ringing in her head. She ran around the foot of bed towards the door and out of it, not stopping to look back.

“! Wait!”

The voice caught her dead in her tracks and then a familiar smell hit her. She hadn’t heard that voice in months, nor had she smelled that scent in a very long time. At least not since before… him … and it terrified her. It brought back many unwanted feelings of despair and helplessness that she had long tried to banish. How dare he come back when she had only recently begun sleeping through the night again without crying herself to sleep because of him? How dare he try to cosy up to her again when she spent the last year trying to forget him, desperately trying to get over him? What did he want with her? A cold feeling washed over her as her heart plummeted to the ground. She wasn’t sure if she was still numb from their last frosty encounter or if it was the chill that hung in the air. She turned around slowly, bracing herself on the radiator attached to the wall on her left, just outside of the door. The hopelessness and feelings of sadness turned into a raging anger firing up within her. He couldn’t just come waltzing back into her life again and she was going to make it loud and clear to him this time once and for all. She was sick of him stopping her from being free.

“Shane? What are you doing here?” her voice was thick with hatred as she flicked the lights on. He could feel her eyes boring into his skull and just knew they were darkened with a deep loathing for him. really could not believe that he had had the audacity to come in uninvited and pretend that everything was okay when it was far from it. Surely he wasn’t back because he wanted to be? Not after he had ended it and oh, so cruelly?

He sat up, rubbing his face with his hands, the light having disoriented him briefly “I… I made – ”

“Don’t you dare tell me that you made a mistake, Shane Filan! Not when it’s been months since you told me you had found someone new. Only she wasn’t new was she, Shane? No. She was my friend – my best friend. A friend we had both known since we were bloody five years old! How dare you come back yet again and try to even justify why you are here! You longer share this bed with me anymore and this is no longer your home even though you conveniently forget that fact every three months or so when you decide to come crawling back. If you’ve had a tiff with your bit on the side then go find a hotel or go stay at your beloved mammy’s. I’m sure she’ll take her golden boy back without so much as a question of; why? If you go now you might just make it in time for her to make you a nice hot chocolate with a biccy or two thrown in, all for her precious boy. You’re not welcome here and I want you to leave. Now!” Her words cut him to the core. If he had been an onlooker he would’ve thought he was in an episode of “The Jeremy Kyle Show”. Only, he wasn’t. Every word she had thrown out at him was true. That’s when it hit him. He couldn’t run to her anymore. He watched her as she stormed back out of the room and down the stairs knowing he would follow suit. This wasn’t the first time he had shown up at the door of their former marital home. He swung his legs out of the bed and stood up; still in the clothes he had been wearing when he had arrived.

As he left to go after her he cast a glance over his shoulder at the bed. He hadn’t even noticed when he had crept in beside her that she had had a new one delivered and it was now standing in the very spot where their one had been. He sighed deeply; it had been their first big purchase back when they were seventeen and cash-strapped. It had meant so much to them. He caught sight of her dark brown hair as she practically threw herself down the stairs.

felt her body jerk as she was about to open the front door. She stopped abruptly; something was holding her back – quite literally. Just as she had predicted; the cretin had followed after her.

He had reached out to grab her wrist as he reached the bottom of the stairs and his fingers were now curled tightly around it; “Will ye just listen to me?”

She tore her arm away, throwing him a look of disgust mixed with disbelief.

She snorted, “I did listen to you, Shane. I listened outside of our bedroom door as you cheated on me. I listened to you when you leapt out of bed – our bed – and told me that it wasn’t what it looked like. I even gave you another chance! I listened when you gave up the act not even a week after we got back together and admitted that you had been seeing her on and off since we had been married and that you still were! I was forced to listen to her smarmy little voice when she served me with the divorce papers that you had had drafted up. I listened to you as you begged me not to go through with it even though you had already signed them and I had to listen to her as she laughed in my face even though the ink had barely dried.”

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. He tried to speak but she shot him a look, her eyes piercing into his as if she had fired a bullet in his face. She wasn’t done. If he was going to come back then he could damn well hear what she had to say.

“You both looked so smug when I let you have everything you had listed to your lawyer. Where is that smugness now, huh? Ever think about why I let you have everything bar the house and the car? It’s because I couldn’t bear to have anything that reminded me of you. Cars and houses can be redesigned, Shane. Hearts can’t. It’s bad enough that you then shacked with her not even a street away without you trying to come back like none of the past few years has even happened. I don’t need it and I don’t need either of you gloating in my face. You took away my happiness, you took away my soul and you took away my life. And to think I even loved you and wanted you back at one point. I gave up everything for you because I was so hopelessly in love with you and what do I get? Not even an ounce of respect back. You don’t even have the decency to love me enough to leave me alone or to even want to. What will it take to make you go away; the house, the car? You can have them as well. I don’t want any of it and I certainly don’t want you.”

Her hands shook so much from the anger and the adrenalin that she could barely turn the key he had left in the lock. It took all of her strength to not cry in front of him. She wouldn’t. Not when she couldn’t find one single shred of remorse in anything he had ever said to her since she had found him with another woman. He didn’t really want her back; he just wanted to know that he could keep running to her when his new relationship was faltering. They had been brought up together, finally getting together at fifteen, moving in together at seventeen and then married ten years later. She had wasted most of her life on him and she wasn’t going to give him a single second more. He didn’t deserve anything.

He stared at her in shock. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak as he looked on at her hurried motions. She didn’t know quite what to do with herself yet she knew exactly what to do when it came to him.

Pulling the door open, she practically pushed him out of it into the dead of the night. He turned to look at the door just in time to duck as she threw his coat at him.

“And don’t you dare come back!” He knew she meant it this time.

He was unlucky, however, when she chucked his boots out of the residence. One bounced off of his chest with a resounding “thwack!” and the other hit him squarely in his nether region, causing him to momentarily double over. Only it didn’t hurt as much as he had expected. In fact, he wouldn’t even have noticed had he not been staring straight at them as they flew towards his body. He didn’t even notice when she closed the door over for good this time. He looked down as the boots fell onto the ground, frozen in the moment. The cold concrete of the pavement barely penetrated the soles of his bare feet. Then he realised: he hadn’t even meant it when he had begged her to take him back not once, not twice, but three times over the last year. In fact: he didn’t feel anything at all. And that was his problem.

Go to top