spun away from the window in her chair sighing, her lips vibrating as she let the air escape them. She ran her fingers over the garments hung on the clothing rail in front of her. It was another beautiful day in California but once again she was missing out on experiencing the sun on her skin and the thrill of the city life – not that she minded the reason for having to stay hidden. Being the girlfriend of a member of one of the world’s biggest boybands meant that even she was susceptible to being hounded by paparazzi and the droves of fans that seem to constantly be stalking them. She had no idea how they found them when most of the time they travelled under the radar and separately. At 23, society would convey that her thoughts should’ve been consumed with nights out and finishing up her degree – not about ditching paparazzi or whether or not her popstar boyfriend really did have a better backside than her. She shook her head, lost in her thoughts. A laugh caught her off-guard making her jump.
She blinked at the figure, “What’re you laughing at, Tommo?”
“You were muttering and nodding in your daydream. You look like a psycho.”
She scoffed before giving him a cheeky smile, “All the more for putting up with you!”
He stuck his tongue out at her as he walked over to her and planted a kiss to her cheek.
“Is that you done with your fitting?”
He nodded, absent-mindedly spinning her in the chair. She tried her best to look at him but found it impossible as Louis was quickly gathering up speed, spinning her faster by the second. She took the opportunity to slam her foot down before she suddenly found herself flying off the seat – something Louis had made her do more times than she’d like to recall. Louis lifted his hands away from the seat as she used her feet to turn herself to him.
“Are you ok?” she asked, looking up at him. She could tell something was a little off with him.
He sighed, motioning at her to stand up. She stood up and no sooner had she done so when she felt herself being pulled back down, only this time the padding was a little… bonier than usual.
Louis put his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder, “I’m just so bored of being cooped up. I want to see more than just the inside of a building – to see more of the ground outside than what’s confined to the inside of the latest stadium that we’re performing in.”
brought her hand to his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb, “We could always sneak out. You’re forever sneaking around trying to prank the lads; I’m sure we could find a way to creep out unnoticed, and even if we did get caught, we’d have far too much fun trying to outrun the paps and fans.”
He let out a snort, “Like we did in France?”
“Exactly,” she giggled.
Louis’ eyes turned sad again, “Can’t risk it. Security’s too tight. I just want to slip out incognito – so that not even security knows that it’s us.”
The side of ’s mouth turned up in thought as she contemplated what to do. A slight movement from Louis made her turn her head. The glimmer of a shiny fabric caught her eye, making her eyes widen.
“What about a crafty disguise?” she reached out and tugged at a shirt on the rack, looking at him coyly.
Louis’ eyebrows lifted in disbelief, “I think you may have just saved my sanity, babe.”
laughed out loud as Louis clipped his latest fashion accessory around his waist, “Oh my God!” She dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Flicking it onto camera mode, she snapped away some pics of her beloved dressed in one of his worst outfits to date. Their stylist, Caroline, would definitely not be impressed.
Louis looked up at her with a look of pure evil on his face.
‘s eyes grew wide, knowing that the devilish imp had something horrid in store for her. She sighed deeply, “I’ve got one too, haven’t I?”
He nodded as he slowly brandished a matching bum bag, grinning at her. He waved it around a few times before throwing it at her.
barely caught it as it flew at her head, muttering a barely audible, “Dickhead.” She glared at Louis who just laughed as he sat in her previously occupied chair, spinning around. When she agreed to dress as tourists for the day, she had hoped to be ones of this decade – not from the eighties. Sure it had been her idea – but bum bags? Really? She rolled her eyes and sighed, putting on the offending item. She’d just have to put up with it. At least the rest of outfit wasn’t that bad: Denim shorts, converse and a dusty-red t-shirt with “I’m with Stupid” emblazoned on it might not have been her first choice but it was damn sight better than some of the other fashion disasters that were flung hap hazardously into the “reject” pile. A shuffling movement caught her eye as Louis appeared from behind the rail, having declared beforehand that he wanted his outfit to be “a surprise”. She bit her bottom lip in attempt to not laugh at his outfit. The shorts he wore were a dirty cream colour and utterly shapeless – unlike his usual jeans that were so tight that wondered just how he managed to keep his circulation flowing and, on occasion, where he put his “member” – and had that distinct “old man” look about them. They even had a crease down the centre of each leg and a bunched-in, elasticated waist. He was even sporting a pair of white socks and a pair of tan sandals that most tourists would wear – tourists usually in the form of old men. It made her think of the song “White Socks”. She snorted, trying her best to contain her amusement. His choice of shirt was a bit more sensible given the styling options. It was a simple button-down polo shirt in what can only be described as a spinach-green shade. He had done up all but the first two buttons and was now fixing a faded old baseball cap with “I <3 L.A” on it upon his head. The clothes were far too loose on his skinny frame that they were practically drowning him and it was such a hilarious sight that as soon as her eyes connected with his, she started sputtering, unable to keep her laughter in any longer. Her sides soon started to ache and it took everything in her power to not collapse on the floor in a shuddering wreck. Louis simply folded his arms and waited for her to compose herself, although that didn’t look as if it was going to happen any time soon. He tutted as he watched her knees give way beneath her, unable to support her weakening frame anymore, as she landed in a crumpled heap. Louis rolled his eyes before joining in with his own laughing fit. His girlfriend rolling about the floor at the sight of him was just too funny not to even crack a smile at. He lived to make her laugh and if it meant dressing up like a total prat then so be it. Once they’d managed to regain the strength in their core muscles, Louis stood up and reached out his hand for to take. She accepted it, still giggling, and allowed him to pull her to her feet. Making sure she was steady on her feet, he reached past her to the rack once again. ’s breath caught in her throat as his familiar scent glided past her nose. As soon as he was stood directly in front of her again she knew that she was in trouble.
She looked at him with wide eyes, “What have you got for me now?”
Louis lifted up a visor that was clearly straight out of the nineties with its elasticated back and shiny, silver fabric covering the cap. He gently placed it on her head, making sure it was low enough for her eyes to be covered.
She visibly gulped which made him chuckle. She slapped his arm before giving him a broad smile, deciding to make the best of the bad situation that she’d gotten them into. She was determined that this little adventure was going to be fun regardless of the fact that they looked like they’d made a wrong turn somewhere between 1985 and 1997. The pair slid on their sunglasses and linked arms. It was go time.
2.
The couple giggled, tittering away between themselves as they ran down the long corridor that separated the offices on the 12th floor of the large building they were in from the elevators. Louis had taken it upon himself to decide to just make a run for it instead of creeping around James Bond style, much to ’s disappointment. used Louis as a shield as he pulled her along, darting in and out of the various, visibly disgusted, business men and women who were actually employed within the offices. Feeling herself bump into someone she apologised, only to be met with a glare placed upon the pointed features of some woman whose panties were clearly in such a bunch that feared for the future of the woman’s bottom, and possibly her colon. She grimaced, thinking about how embarrassing it would be to go to the emergency room to have one’s knickers removed from one’s derriere. She continued to let Louis pull her to one side as he simultaneously pressed the “down” button in order to summon the lift. It wasn’t long before the doors sprung apart to reveal an unusually empty tin room. decided to take charge and pulled Louis inside, pressing the button that would take them down to the ground floor where they could catch the service lift.
“You know,” Louis mused as the doors closed, “I quite like sneaking around with you. Makes me feel really naughty.” He gave her a cheeky wink. Dirty bastard.
A smile tugged at her lips, “That’s because you are.”
In true Louis form he crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her before planting a wet, slobbery kiss to her lips.
She pushed him away from her, laughing slightly; “Eww!”
He feigned hurt as she made a point of running the back of her hand over her lips in an attempt to rid her of any extra saliva.
“You disgust me, did you know that?” she pretended to be annoyed with him as she checked her face in the reflective surface of the elevator.
He grabbed her hand, pressing a kiss to it, “But you wouldn’t have me any other way, would you?”
She turned to face him with a grin upon her face, shaking her head, “Sadly, no.”
He tugged her a little bit closer and kissed her with every ounce of gusto he had, “Better?”
“Better.”
“Like me now?”
“Never stopped,” just as she was about to open her mouth again, the doors sprung open, giving them somewhat of a fright.
Louis led the way to the kitchen – the only way they could access the service entry. Just the smell of food made ’s stomach grumble. It had been hours since they’d eaten and she was starting to feel a little light headed.
She looked at him hopefully, only to be met with a shake of the head.
“In a bit, babe. We need to escape first.”
They rushed their way through the room in a bid to not be caught out. They were almost disappointed when they reached the door to the loading dock without question. Apparently no one was in the mood to question why mere tourists were practically running through the kitchen. As they exited through the double doors, they bumped into another couple, almost sending them to the floor with the sheer force of the impact. They stopped dead in their tracks, taking in the scene. They had to laugh when it turned out that they had almost taken out ’s best friend and one of Louis’ bandmates, who stood clinging onto each other, making no effort in hiding the fact that they were laughing their heads off.
“What the hell are you wearing?” asked, trying her best not to choke and pointing at the monstrosity that was before them.
“Err….” started, watching the pair.
“Caroline will batter you once she sees this!” Niall spluttered as he took out his phone and took at least a dozen pictures of the couple until snatched his phone away.
“Be nice, babe. Those outfits are punishment enough,” she giggled as she slid his phone into her bag, “why are you wearing them, anyway?”
Louis grimaced, “We’re kind of in disguise.”
“Why?”
“We’re trying to sneak out without the fans noticing us.”
She nodded slowly, “So dressing up like this will let you go by unnoticed?” She tried her best not to laugh again, “Sorry, guys, but I don’t think it’s gonna work.”
“Gee, thanks,” pulled a face at her, “Nice to know you’re on our side.”
“Sorry, guys. You have to admit though; this is a little crazy – even for you two,” Niall smirked.
“Yeah, yeah, mate,” Louis said, hitting him, “what are you two doing anyway?”
“We were trying to go get brunch outside but we’ve given up. We tried going outside but the fans are crazy. We went out front first but there were too many so we tried the back exit, but even that was packed. We took security with us and even that didn’t deter them. You might not get out.”
gulped. The last thing she wanted was to be trampled on by the fans.
“We’ll take the chance,” the grip around ’s waist tightened. He didn’t want either of them to get hurt but he feared for their sanity if they didn’t get out.
“Just be safe,” warned.
“We will,” Louis nodded as the couple left them to their own devices.
looked at him, “You’re fucking crazy if you think I’m going out and getting squished to death.”
“You won’t,” he grabbed her by the hand and dragged her further into a warehouse-like loading bay. Spying their ticket out of there, he turned to her, “Wait here a sec, babe.”
She gave him a confused look, “Why? Where are you going?”
He was already a ways from her when he replied, “I’ll be right back.”
She watched as he approached a man in a high-visibility jacket and began a conversation with him. Just as she was trying to comprehend what was happening, he motioned her over. She made her way wearily over to him, resting at his side.
“Derek here is going to sneak us out,” Louis introduced her to the man who tipped his head at her.
She raised an eyebrow at him, “And just how is he going to do that?”
“He’s going to let us get into the back of his van. He’s gonna drop us off a couple of blocks away.”
She gave him a crazed look, “And you think that’s a good idea?”
“I…”
“What makes you think this guy isn’t a murderer?” she motioned towards Derek, “No offence; I’m sure you’re very nice.”
“None taken,” he muttered, awkwardly shuffling towards his van.
“I don’t but…”
She cut him off, “You’re freaking insane.”
“Just trust me on this one!” he pleaded with her, “it may be our only way to get out.”
She rolled her eyes at him, “You’re just…” At a loss for words, she growled and threw her hands up in the air at him.
“Sexy? Incredibly handsome? Good-looking?” he dared to crack a joke.
“Impossible!”
A loud whistle stopped them mid argument. It was Derek signalling at them from the back of the van.
“I’m leaving in exactly one minute so you either get in now or not at all.”
Louis looked at her pleadingly, blinking his eyes at her a few times.
groaned, her hands balled up into fists; “Fine!”
“I love you, babe!” he guided her where Derek was waiting.
“Yeah, yeah,” she grabbed onto a handle at the side and attempted to hoist herself up. Her arms were a little too weak to pull herself up onto the high ledge and she felt herself turning to Louis, “boost.”
Louis allowed her to put her foot on top of his clasped hands before giving her a little lift upwards. He only just managed to pull himself up next to her when the doors shut behind them.
“Say ‘thank you, Louis’” he smirked at her.
She gritted her teeth as she walked to the opposite side of the van to where he stood and sat down on the floor, “Not until we get out of here alive.”
Louis sighed. The block’s corner may only have been a matter of minutes away but this was going to be one of the longest rides he’d ever been on.
“I swear to God, Louis Tomlinson; if this man is some creepy murderer then it won’t be him you’ll have to worry about killing you,” muttered, glaring at him in the dark. She would have flipped him the bird had there been light but as it was dark, he’d be none the wiser and there was nothing she enjoyed more than visibly displaying her disdain towards him.
The couple rode in silence for the most part of their journey. The only time that there was any sound was when the van driver turned corners too sharply or when bumps in the road caused the pair to lose their balance, resulting in various “oomph”s and thuds from Louis falling over numerous times.
“Will you just sit the fuck down?” snapped at him, tired of his lack of common sense.
Louis gritted his teeth, “I’m fine standing, thank you very much.”
“Clearly,” she scoffed at him, “seeing as you keep falling on your arse every two seconds.”
Louis sighed loudly towards her causing her to roll her eyes. The van was soon filled with an uneasy silence as both of them refused to acknowledge the other. After some time, Louis looked over at . He could barely make out her outline in the confines of the van. His sight was soon aided by the light of her mobile phone as she took it out and pressed a button on the side of it. She swiped the screen before pressing it. He stared at her as she appeared to be typing out a message.
“Please tell me that you’re not doing what I think you’re doing.”
“And what would that be?” she tapped away at her screen, somewhat ignoring him.
He sighed again as he cautiously walked towards her, “Making up pros and cons lists of the other guys so you can decide who your new favourite is going to be. “
She shrugged as she tapped out the last of the words, “Maybe…” Pressing “send”, she slid her phone back into her pocket.
Louis’ own phone lit up a few seconds later. Noticing the light glow from his shorts, he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. His brow furrowed in confusion when he realised who the message was from.
Cons of being with Louis Tomlinson:
Larry Stylinson
His arse is better than mine.
Louis let out a subtle laugh, shooting a sideways look in the dim light that his phone gave off. She was picking at a thread at the bottom of her shorts, attempting to not pay him any attention. His eyes shifted back to the text at hand.
He makes me worry. A lot.
His stunts could get one or both of us killed.
His face fell and he groaned inwardly. He knew that they both had some things to work on. As he read the rest of the text, he felt his heart fall.
They’d listen to me.
No stress.
No chance of being killed.
Louis brought his hand up to his head, taking off his cap and sticking it between his legs so as to run his fingers through his fairly long, slicked back hair. He exhaled deeply – a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding in. His screen brightened once more as another message entered his sim inbox. He removed his cap and placed it back onto his head. Upon seeing that it was another text from , he slightly grimaced wondering what more she could have to say. He vaguely heard her stand up.
They’d probably have a better arse than me.
I wouldn’t get to check out his ass.
I’m not in love with anyone else.
They’re not my Louis.
“I know I have some things to work on and granted I can be a bit boisterous at times…”
He felt her turn into him slightly. Even in the dark he knew straight away what she was thinking and just what kind of look had graced her face immediately after his last words.
“OK,” he trailed his fingers in small circles over her hip, tickling her skin lightly, her t-shirt having ridden up as soon as she’d moved towards him, “more than a bit. I also know that we have some things we need to work on and I do have a suggestion for what we can do; but that does require you giving me an answer. I wouldn’t want to do anything you weren’t up for or could end up getting me killed.”
sighed knowing full well that even though he knew he was in trouble with her, he was still trying to make light of the situation, but still turned into him some more and tilted her head up to at least convey that she was trying to look as him.
Sensing her motions, he cupped her face in his hands as he spoke, “I’m sorry. That was a bit of a dick move.”
He felt her shrug.
“There is no denying that we need to talk but I still would like to continue on with our trip and take you out for the day. That is if you’ll let me.”
She remained silent, mulling over his idea.
“This is kind of the part that requires you to answer…” he trailed off.
“I…. uh…”
A rattling noise followed by a bone chilling screech caught them both off guard as the shutter to the van flew upwards and their eyes were suddenly blinded by the outside light.
“Right you two,” a gruff voice called out as the pair shielded their eyes, “out you get.”
3.
“Lou, please? I’m starving!” twisted into him, sticking her face into his.
“Ssshhhh!” he chuckled, pressing his hand to her face and gently pushing her away, “I will get you food if you keep your voice down.”
She momentarily let go of his hand to clap hers together, letting out a little squeal.
Louis clamped his hand over her mouth, laughing as he dragged her away from the main street and down a side alley way.
’s eyes lit up at the sight of a coffee cart, “Can we?” She barely left him any time to reply as she pulled him in the direction of it. Surely where there was coffee there had to be delicious pastries?
He laughed a bit too loudly at how enthusiastic she was upon seeing the beverage stand indeed had a range of donuts and bagels.
She turned to him and gave him a pleading look.
He didn’t have the heart to deny her, “Go on, then. What do you want?”
After settling on her usual latte and a chocolate filled donut, and Louis deciding to stick with good old fashioned tea, albeit not a match for the mighty Yorkshire Brew, the pair made their way further down the street to a nearby park armed with a handful of napkins. Spying a picnic table, they placed their treats down and slid in across from each other. wasted no time in biting into her donut.
Louis just stared at her for a while, unnoticed. When she did finally notice, she blushed. Her boyfriend staring at her had made her feel a bit self-conscious which, by this point, was rare in their two year relationship. Looking up had caused her to smear some of the chocolate that was oozing out of it across her face.
He gave a small laugh.
“What?”
He shook his head, his grin widening.
She furrowed her brow in response, narrowing her eyes at him; “Tell me what’s wrong.”
He took a napkin in his hand and leaned across the table to her, carefully wiping the sticky substance from her face, “Absolutely nothing.”
“Weirdo…” she muttered, flashing him a cheeky grin as he still hovered over her.
Louis took a chance to steal a kiss from his beloved.
“What was that for?”
“Do I need to have a reason?”
She shrugged before shaking her head, as he lowered himself onto his part of the bench; “I guess you don’t.”
He grinned back at her, “And if I did, it would almost always be for the same reason.”
“Which is?” she took another bite of her donut, careful not to spill its contents over her.
“That you’re still the most beautiful lass I’ve ever seen.”
She scrunched up her nose at him with a smile upon her face, “That comment is very much like you.”
He gave her a confused look.
“Cute,” she clarified, offering him a bite.
He shook his head. He was having too much of a good time just sitting across from her in the middle of broad daylight being a “normal” couple; something that being in the world’s biggest boyband didn’t usually allow. Thank goodness for the abandoned rail of clothes that had been intended for the next day’s photoshoot – a silly piece where the lads would dress up for a sort of photo-booth shoot in weird and wacky clothing and accessories. It was a rare day when he could go out and not be recognised, no matter how many strange looks the pair got for sticking out like sore thumbs with their costumes. Looks tinged with thoughts of “What-the-hell-are-they-wearing?” were a welcome break from the usual “is-that-Louis-from-One-Direction?” followed by excessive screaming – and even fainting in some girls’ cases. Louis cringed at the thought. He could understand why they would be so excited – he was a fan of quite a few people himself – but could not fathom why anyone would openly make fools of themselves by doing things they would either end up regretting or “dying” of embarrassment from later on when what they had done had sunk in. Die-hard “Directioners” liked to label it “dedication”. He liked to call it “Psychotic rampage”. It was more or less what sprung to mind with the new lengths they were willing to go to these days. Social media websites were mostly to blame for the rapid increase in last minute hotel swaps and sneaky getaways. It was crazy how a percentage of fans could send out a message about spotting him or one of his band mates and within seconds they’d be swarmed by hundreds, sometimes even thousands, of screaming fans. A single fan with the access to even just one other fan could post that they knew where the lads were staying, and within minutes it could blow up with thousands of reposts and debates about when they would arrive and which entrance to the hotel they would use. Fans were so cunning that they could even manage to steal the boys’ clothing from balconies sky high with little more than a pole and ingenuity. Even the term “fan-girling” seemed like an understatement these days.
He was relishing the peace and quiet which, being the most boisterous of the quartet, was a pleasant change.
“You alright?”
Louis blinked before nodding.
“You haven’t touched your tea.”
He shrugged, scrunching his nose; “Guess I was too busy enjoying being “free” for a bit. It’s so weird.”
She nodded. She understood what it felt like to be recognised – albeit on a much smaller scale. She mainly got noticed when she was either alone or with friends. Louis’ fans were usually blinded by the realisation that he was standing in front of him so she could usually slip away but when they weren’t together, unless she went totally under the radar, his fans would follow her down the street in the hopes that she would lead them to him or they could bombard her with questions about him. Some even demanded that she call him or get him to follow them on Twitter. Those were the ones she could do without. Even people that she had known all her life or had met at college or work had shown their true colours when it was first revealed that she was dating “Louis from One Direction” by asking for free tickets or for them and/or their various family members to meet them. One life-long friend, Claire, had even gone so far as to probe her for all sorts of information about Louis and his bandmates – people she’d only met and spoken with on a few occasions at that point. had quickly learned not to mention his name within ten feet of the woman. She had put up with her for months, growing more agitated as time went on and eventually coming to the conclusion that she would avoid her for the time being until the novelty had worn off. Unfortunately this hadn’t stopped Claire from bombarding her with phone calls and texts messages, and even turning up at her doorstep uninvited and unannounced multi times in a bid to “unexpectedly” run into Louis. had finally had enough when it had gotten to the point where the woman had purposely gotten her drunk just so that she could have a story to sell to the press.
Unbeknownst to , Claire had already alerted various magazines and newspapers that would be out on one of her “regular benders” and that they were to have paparazzi waiting for them as she would most likely be “doped up” as well – which was far from the truth. had been battling with the flu for well over a week and with her nose being bunged up and her taste buds being a little out of whack from the aftertaste of her medication, she couldn’t tell whether she coming or going. She had simply been too out of it to even protest her so-called friend when she had forced herself into her home and dressed her up to go out to a bar in town as if was a marionette and she the puppeteer. She had dragged into a waiting taxi and then marched her into a dive of a bar on the high street. ’s brain had been so foggy that she hadn’t even noticed Claire switching her virgin orders for alcoholic versions – she was too busy being propped up by the side of a booth. ’s medicine had started to wear off by the time the fourth round was being ordered, causing her to feel a little hazy and far too sick for her liking. She had stolen a few seconds away to use the toilet, momentarily dodging Claire’s interrogation. It was there that she had had the good sense to leave Louis a voicemail – even if, in her daze, it was to say she felt like she was riding on a unicorn over a rainbow and would Niall be in when she came looking for the pot of gold at the end of it? In the few seconds it had taken her to type out the message, the overwhelming urge to be sick had taken over causing her knees to find the floor and her head to find the ceramic bowl of a toilet, thrusting her phone into her back pocket. She’d been too busy vomiting to notice that her backside was vibrating with a call from a panic stricken Louis. He had only been gone for about an hour trying to find her more medicine and a treat or two when he had returned home to find the door unlocked and his girlfriend missing. He had called her a few times before, both calls ringing out, and this was the only time she has called him back. Unfortunately for the pair the phone had rung out again, sending him to voicemail. Claire had since found and whilst pretending to be the ever-caring friend, rubbing her back and comforting her, had taken her phone and relayed his message. She had listened to Louis explaining that he was on his way to find her and if she could tell him where she was. Claire had then sent Louis a text with the name of the club. As she had hit “send”, she had formulated a new plan to get a pay-out from the papers and magazines.
As her meal ticket was by now practically comatose, Claire had taken it upon herself to drag outside, and out to a bench under a shelter built for smokers. As much as she’d have loved to have had the paparazzi waiting outside the stalls and for Louis to have been caught coming out of the female loos carting his girlfriend after him, there was a major flaw to her plan; those who took pictures of celebrities for a living were not allowed within the confines of the club walls. Her money-grabbing ways would have to wait until they were firmly outside. She just hoped that Louis would, in a bid to get home quickly, not take any precaution in hiding his identity or try to sneak inside under the radar. When she finally got the pair of them outside, she grinned wickedly. Her plan was well into fruition. Various photographers were already snapping away and were closing themselves around the two women. After all; they were out on the promise of getting an interview with an inebriated in a bid to show her in a bad light so that they could coin articles about the type of girlfriend Louis had managed to bag himself, and potentially snapping evidence of Louis kicking off. Unfortunately for them, when Louis pulled up minutes later, he wasn’t in any mood to talk. As he’d hurled himself out of the vehicle, two great big bodyguards followed suit, surrounding him: one in front of him and one behind. The paparazzi had turned their attention to them. The three men then made their way through the swarm of people, the first guard ordering them to disperse and to cease with their questions and picture taking; an order which was ignored. In one swift move the three men had formed a barricade between the two women and the flashing lights; lights that had started confusing , disorientating her to the point where the world was starting to spin. She had voiced her feelings out loud. The second guard grabbed onto her, pulling her from the leech that was doing a terrible job of holding her upright
. He had narrowed his eyes at the woman; “Mr. Tomlinson does not wish for you to be here. Back away and leave Miss alone; for good. You will be hearing from their lawyers.” And with that he had discretely “bumped” her out of their way, using the force of his hip to knock her closer towards the paparazzi. He had been a bit too forceful with his actions and Claire found herself falling into the crowd. She had expected that at least one person would catch her as she fell but she was wrong. As she hurtled towards the ground she stretched her arms outright. The photographers split apart, finally heeding their warning from the guard, as she fell flat on her face. They say “Karma’s a bitch” but so are body guards.
She had quickly learned who her real friends were and although it had made her sad to realise that people she had once thought cared for her only wanted to know her because of him, she had become stronger and a better judge of character for it. It had made her slightly more cynical but it was a small price to pay when it meant that she knew who she could trust and who she couldn’t.
She gave Louis a small smile, “So where are we going on our date?”
He gave her a cheeky grin back, “Who said I was taking you on a date?”
“You did.”
“No,” he shook his head before saying in a serious tone, “I just said we were going on a trip.”
She scrunched up her nose at him, trying to think of a response. Before she could even open up her mouth, he stuck his tongue out at her;
“Of course it’s a date, dafty.”
She lunged across the table at him and punched him square in the left shoulder.
He in turn leant across and flicked her on the nose, all the while standing up and sliding out of the bench. He grabbed his now cold tea with his spare hand.
She dodged his fingers, pulling her head back so far that she almost toppled off of her side of the seat.
He gave a chuckle and extended his hand out to her, “Right Missus; up.”
She gladly accepted, allowing him to somewhat pull her up and out. When she was standing on her feet, she dusted some crumbs off of her outfit, “You sound like what’s-his-face from the van.”
“You mean Derek?” he took hold of her hand again, barely giving her time to grab her own cardboard cup.
“Mmhmm,” she took a sip of her latte. Tasting that it was now lukewarm and not all that satisfying, she grimaced a little and pulled Louis towards a bin so that she could dispose of her drink. He copied her actions with his own cup that he hadn’t even managed a sip of. always thought it cute that he would order a beverage or some form of food even when he didn’t feel thirsty or hungry just so that she didn’t look like the odd one out in a group. She liked that about him. It told her that they were in it together and that he’d do anything for her, no matter how small, for the sake of her not feeling insecure. He pulled her gently back onto the path they had been following, unknown to her that he actually knew where they were going.
4.
As they continued on their way, the sights started to become slightly more familiar to , “Didn’t we pass that on the way to the hotel?” she asked him as she pointed at a windmill that was somewhat still on the massive side even though it was about a mile away.
“Yep,” he nodded, guiding her over to a green gate. He stood her directly in front of it, “This is what we’re doing on our date.”
She put her hand up to shield her eyes from the now low-lying sun as she read the sign. Taking in the words, she giggled; “We’re going mini golfing?”
He nodded again, giving her a wide grin, “We are indeed.”
She looked around for any signs of life and was relieved to find that there was hardly anyone about. It must’ve been due to the “week day curse” as well as it being mid-afternoon. She was glad that most schools were still open meaning that there was even less of a chance that Louis would be recognised. From where she stood it looked like your classic, run-of-the-mill, family-orientated fun park. There were various unlit neon signs that promised fun times and a huge board with a map of the park on it, boasting of the mini golf company’s seven different course trails for everyone to enjoy. The park looked fairly pleasant to her and it almost made her excited to think that as soon as it started to get dark the park would be lit – almost like a fairground.
Louis led her towards the ticket booth and asked for two clubs as well as a couple of balls. At five foot seven, found that she could barely even peer over the counter at the lad assisting them. Even Louis, who was a good couple of inches taller than her, was finding it difficult to see him. She snickered. If were here she’d need a step ladder to reach it. Even standing on tiptoes would only lend about an extra inch, if she was lucky, to her five foot and one inch frame. Small children would need a megaphone just so that their voices could travel to the person in the booth.
As if reading her mind, the young lad sat in the towering booth looked down at her and answered her question:
“It’s so that customers with what we like to call ‘mini golfers rage’ aren’t able to reach the staff in the booth and it gives us a longer response time if they were to kick off and throw the balls at us.”
She nodded at him curtly, taking in just how young he was. The lad was barely older than sixteen and was clearly only working there in order to pay towards college – or a car, she hadn’t yet decided. Upon taking in his braces, rather red and spotty complexion, and his wild mop of curly ginger hair she decided that it definitely was the former. The kid probably didn’t even know how to put the key into the ignition. Her eye caught sight of a glass jar with a makeshift label taped to the front of it. It read “Mark’s Tips.” The “s” was partially covered, causing her to snort as she tried not to laugh. She assumed that the kid in front of her was Mark. He caught her eyeing the jar and tried to discreetly push it out of the way. She raised an eyebrow at him. She was hardly the type to be getting her boyfriend to give her a boost so that she could steal a child’s pocket money. The tabloids would really have a field day. The only pro to being a thief would be that Claire would be pissed off that it wasn’t her that got to destroy ’s reputation.
“Saving up for college,” he muttered, reaching behind him and unhooking two putters off of a rack on the wall. He slid them over the counter to her. Apparently Louis was too busy doing his best impression of an owl, moving his head around in various different ways, and at one point almost all the way around, to receive them.
She nodded at him again, “Smart move. It’s expensive these days.”
It was his turn to nod yet he did so slowly, as if he couldn’t quite tell what his motives were. She vaguely heard him tell Louis how much was owed.
As Louis reached into his bum bag for his wallet, Mark looked them over with a look of sheer judgement laced with bemusement on his face.
“Do you always dress like that?” the teen asked as he tried to work out whether he was being Punk’d or not.
shook her head and gave him a fake look of confusion as if she had no idea what he was talking about, “Like what?”
“Never mind,” he mumbled. He was slightly too afraid to continue questioning their outfit choices. He turned back to Louis who slid the bills over the counter to him.
She made a mental note to get Louis to tip him on the way out a) for not interjecting in this awkward moment that was just dragging on and on and b) because she had noticed that the kid’s jar was empty. She would’ve done it herself had she banked on Louis smuggling her out of a hotel without any of her belongings. Plus, she had decided not to hold the “is she a thief?” look he had given her because, according to Louis, it was “written all over her face” that she was for having stolen his heart – his words, not hers. It brought a smile to her face to recall just how sweet he could be – even if under his retro disguise he currently resembled a homeless man. He was in desperate need of a haircut and a deep condition, not to mention a shave. Her mind started to wonder about the many ways she could convince him to do either – or both preferably – but she figured it would have to be a case of sheering him in his sleep as he was just a bit too attached to the pubes growing out of his face. She was snapped out of her slightly wicked thoughts by a tugging on her arm. She looked up to the person pulling at her. She noticed that the boy was not at his station and that the protective window had been slid across his post.
“Mark’s gone to get us some balls. We’ve to meet him at the first hole.”
They exchanged looks and laughed. They were one and the same when it came to euphemisms.
“Did you just sign us up for a kinky threesome with a minor?”
Louis tried his best to answer her but he was too far gone with his fight against laughter and battling a stitch that was forming in his right side. Laughter consumed him, causing his shoulders to shake and making the pain from the stitch worse, which made her laugh all the more. He doubled over; tucking a hand in between the crease he had formed at his waist to press down on the stitch. Laughter was definitely something that was contagious within the couple and their group of friends. She made a mental note to tell their friends of their almost ménage à trois involving a child. Or not. It was sounding seedier by the second.
She waited patiently for him to regain his composure, something completely uncharacteristic to her nature. Louis was now only slightly hunched over. The shaking was slowly subsiding to an almost gentle, delayed hiccup every now and then and the pain became a dull tingle over a few minutes. He blew out a breath as he stood up, his hand still pressed where the pain had been.
She tapped her foot at him, feigning annoyance as she crossed her arms over; “Are you quite done?”
He nodded, snorting at her as he tried not to laugh at her stance.
“Good,” she unfolded her arms and turned to walk away, “Mark’s balls have probably dropped by now.”
That set him off again, albeit with a hearty chuckle rather than a tremor –inducing state of hysterics. She rolled her eyes, giggling away to herself as she started walking away from him and towards the putting green. She was still waiting there for him when Mark eventually strolled over with two balls; one light blue and the other a darker blue. She thanked him, hoping that she wouldn’t have to engage him in another awkward “conversation”. He mumbled something that vaguely sounded like “no problem” before leaving her to wait for Louis by herself.
Mark stopped and looked over his shoulder. hoped that he hadn’t decided to talk to her whilst she waited.
“Ball retrieval is an extra dollar per hole,” he didn’t give her a chance to respond as he made his way back to his post.
She thanked her lucky stars, and also said another, now silent, “thank you” to Mark for giving her the opportunity to make Louis laugh again at the sight of the blue balls and to allow her to make a joke involving why one was a deeper shade than the other. She cast her eyes over to where Louis had been standing, immediately furrowing her brow. He wasn’t where she’d left him. She searched around for him to no avail. She sighed deeply. Where was he? She rolled her eyes again; it wasn’t typical for him to just disappear. That was a characteristic best left to his ex-bandmate, Zayn. She slid her hand into her pocket to send him a text. As she was about to press “send” he casually strolled up to her.
She looked up at him with a small scowl; “Where have you been?”
He gave her a slight shrug, “I had to piss.”
“Oh, so it wasn’t a case of these?” she produced the two balls that were held in her other hand.
He tried to refrain from laughing again – he still hurt from the last time – and instead gave her a cheeky response; “Not a chance with you around.”
She gave him a playful nudge, “And there was me thinking you enjoyed it. Now that I know…”
“Hey, hey, hey!” he cut her off, “There’s no need to be withholding sex! It wouldn’t just affect me – you wouldn’t be getting any either!”
She snorted at him, “Sweetheart; I own a vibrator. I’m good to go. If you want to borrow it, you’re more than welcome to. Sharing is caring after all!”
“Haha, funny,” his tone became sarcastic as he narrowed his eyes on her.
She smirked at him and stuck her tongue out at him, “Are you ready to lose?”
“You’re on .”
“Bring it, Tommo!”
5.
“How many holes are left?” asked to noone in particular as she lined up to take her shot. They were now on the fifteenth section of the mini golf park and, although she wasn’t bored, the grounds seemed to go on forever. She was also waiting for Louis to make some joke based upon holes.
Louis shrugged even though she couldn’t see him from the angle she was at, “I dunno. Your swing is still a little off.” He watched as her expression changed, unable to tell if he was intentionally trying to start a fight or just chiding her.
She stopped mid swing to turn to him, planting her feet together and giving him a look, “Since when did this stop being mini golf and start being professional golf? We’re only putting.”
He gave her a cheeky grin.
She turned back into her shot, content that he was just messing around. Having known him for so long, though, she knew he wasn’t done.
“Your angles are still off, though.”
She looked back at him, joining in; “Don’t start otherwise these,” she gestured at the golf balls, “won’t be the only blue balls that you’ll be playing with.”
“What did I say about withholding?”
She shrugged, starting a roll from her shoulders down to her hands, realigning her shot. She didn’t reply to him and instead made a low-pitched buzzing sound.
He shook his head in her direction as he watched her swing the putter and hit the ball. It seamlessly rolled down the green as if it was merely gliding along it and towards a light up structure that had once resembled what appeared to be a Pin-Up Girl. The only place for the ball to enter was part of the structure that was presumably where the woman’s nether region would be. The woman’s eyes lit up as the ball rolled through the hole and the voice box from within it shrieked a very girly: “Well! Ring-a-ding-ding boys!” followed by a noise that could only be described as a sign of immense pleasure.
The couple snapped their heads towards each other. What the hell kind of amusement was this?
“I thought this was a child-friendly place,” Louis murmured, taken aback.
“No wonder Mark’s face was red if he has to retrieve balls by sticking his hand in there!” gestured somewhat wildly, finding the situation hilarious, “She should be charging him.” Louis gave her a weird look.
She spluttered, “Ball retrieval is a dollar per hole. He gets to put practically his whole arm in her and get paid for it!”
“Fuck. I think I’m in the wrong job!”
The pair switched places so that Louis could take his own shot.
“Oh, I can really see the headlines now!” placed her putter in between her legs to hold it up as she stuck her hands out in front of her, palms facing forward and then pushing the sides of her hands away from each other as if a headline were to appear in front of her, “1D Star Turned Gimp.”
He stuck his tongue out at her, “Fuck you!”
“You wish!”
He raised one shoulder up, tilting his head towards it and grinning widely at her, “Well…”
placed her left hand on her head, face-palming and groaning inwardly. She was now certain that they should be put down, or at the very least be put in straight-jackets and taken to padded cells.
“I would let you show me how I apparently should be setting up my shots, according to the pro that is you, but I wouldn’t want you to misconstrue it as a chance to feel me up,” she winked at him.
“I’m glad, if I’m honest. I don’t think I’d last.”
They left the conversation there so that Louis could have his own go at sticking his blue ball into the lady-structure’s hole.
closed her eyes in an attempt to block out the vision before her. All these visuals and innuendoes were becoming too much and she was pretty sure that she didn’t feel like walking into a hospital with laughter-induced injuries and having to explain this current situation.
When Louis finished off his shot, taking all of three tries to complete the hole, they unanimously decided to skip the next four sections and move onto the last. The sun had begun to set and the park was now mostly cleared of any remaining players who had filtered in during the duration of their game. They had decided that if they were to come back that they would go for one of the shorter course plans, especially if they were to bring company. It had been a long, but fun, game and they were ready to move onto doing something else. Something that included getting dinner and then going straight to bed, hoped. Who’d have thought that hitting balls around a park would be so tiring and time-consuming, even with only two players?
The final hole consisted of a feature that was more typical of a mini golf course and was the one that had secretly been eying over the course of their game: the giant windmill. It was by far the park’s largest structure and definitely its most “normal” display when it came to sticking to features you would usually associate with going to such a place. The couple still didn’t know what to make of the Pin-Up sector. It was just weird to them that it would be placed in what was advertised as a “child-friendly” place. had mused, albeit inwardly, that maybe the purpose of the park having seven different trails was so that children could bypass the more adult themes of the grounds. She decided that if she could be bothered – which she doubted – she would question Mark about the adult games when the couple were done, if not for actually wanting to know why but for her own amusement. She wanted to see how he would react when she brought up another structure in the form of a balloon that was clearly built to resemble a giant penis that not only started off deflated but inflated when the ball rolled over the sensors underneath it. She laughed to herself about the idea of her “bringing up” that particular part of the game and then found herself spluttering, for about the twentieth time since they’d been there, as the word “erection” popped into her head. Louis turned to give her a weird look, trying to gauge whether he wanted to know what she was thinking or not. She thought about warning her of her intentions but then thought better of it for he was not one to stop her from doing such things, thus making her warning obsolete.
“So this is the grand finale,” Louis gestured at the windmill, “doesn’t this seem a little bit anti-climactic?”
nodded, covering her face as she tried not to laugh. Her tiredness was making her find things even funnier than they probably were. The windmill might’ve been anticlimactic but the “penis round” certainly wasn’t. Although she had been amused that the company who owned the park had put one in place, she definitely agreed that it was its far less impressive piece. It didn’t even light up. It was just this massive once-white wooden tower with cracked planks and blades that seemed to be spinning faster with each second that ticked by. It was a wonder to her that the building wasn’t shaking or showing any sign of movement other than the speeding motion of the blades. Her mind then flickered back to all of the innuendoes she planned to confront Mark with, bringing on a fit of giggles. Her own fleet of jokes had convinced her that she would indeed be asking Mark about the various.
Louis put his left hand on her shoulder, “Do I need to be concerned? Do you have a laughing problem? Should I call someone? You’re not going to suddenly stop breathing from this, are you?” He was trying to be serious with her through his worry for her but he was trying to make light of the fact that he thought his girlfriend was going insane.
She shook her head at him putting her own left hand on the arm that he had extended out to her to steady herself. Her legs were starting to buckle and she just could not stop the flood of jokes that were entering her mind.
Louis just continued to stare at her, deciding that he needed to know what the hell was going on; “What’s going on?”
It took her around ten minutes through the now laughter-induced tears streaming down her face to even get the gist of what was going through her mind conveyed to him. He was still somewhat confused yet now mildly amused. He had still yet to assess whether she needed to be carted off and force-fed sedatives in a bid to calm her down. He had resolved to give her the benefit of doubt and let her calm down, just like she had for him. It was his conclusion that it had been too long of a day for both of them and that the start of their day had been so boring that now they were trying to get rid of all of the pent-up silliness so that they could function like “normal” human beings.
\ Once she had calmed down to the point of breathing heavily, she indicated that Louis could go first.
He strolled over to their teeing-off point – minus the tee – and placed his ball on the ground. He lined himself up and swung his club ever so slightly, lightly knocking the ball. He paused, wondering if he had hit it with enough force for it to make it all the way through the windmill. The ball travelled across the concrete and over a bump, slowly down significantly. It had just enough power behind it to narrowly miss the circling blades. Louis handed her ball before walking over to the windmill and going around it to see if the ball had come out the other end. It hadn’t. He gestured to , who was now completely fine and had already placed her ball down, to take her shot. Her swing, much like Louis’ had barely given the ball enough momentum to make it past the blades.
She looked up at him, “Any luck?”
He shook his head.
“Shall I go get Mark?” she called over to him. Again he shook his head so she took it as a cue to go over to him.
“Fuck spending a dollar to get some kid to get our balls back,” he looked at her as her plastered on straight face showed signs of cracking, “Don’t laugh.”
He circled around to the other side of the windmill and called her over. She huffed slightly at him but still made her way to his side.
He offered her a cheeky grin, “Fancy taking a look?” He added a somewhat sleazy wink to emphasise his intentions.
She raised her eyebrows at him as she realised what he meant, “In there?”
He nodded once, “In there.”
She just looked at him. He had already unlatched the door before she even had a chance to respond to such a request. He looked around, making sure that no one could see them. He swung the door open and lifted his leg over a small divider, motioning with his head for her to join him inside. She rolled her eyes but gave him a small and reached out her hand to him. He winked at her again as he pulled her inside, taking care to make sure she didn’t trip over the divider. He pulled the door shut behind them, thanking whoever had thought of installing a secondary handle inside of the windmill.
From outside all that could be heard were occasional giggles and noises that were far too similar to the noises from the Pin-Up round the couple had previously played. After a while the noises had started to alert a strangling few who had started their game after the couple and when it became apparent to them that the noises were coming from inside the final attraction, their immediate reaction was to form a semi-circle around the door so that they could continue with aiding their amusement to the barred-off scene in front of them. The few people studying the door soon became a small gathering of around ten people who had wandered over from various other sections in the park to feed their curiosity as to why two people were just staring at a plain white door. When they had figured out what was going on from hushed whispers among the group and the noises from within the constraint of the building, it didn’t take long for one “horrifically horrified” mother to try to flag over the only attendee in sight. When her flailing arms went unquestioned, she grabbed her young children – who were none the wiser as to what was happening nor knew what these sounds in particular meant – by the wrists and marched them over the male. A select few watched her make an absolute scene in front of her children and shook their heads. It may not have been an appropriate thing to witness in the middle of a family oriented place but there was no need to make it into something bigger than it was. The attendee started to flush bright red and became so concerned with trying to figure out what it was that he should do that his flustered demeanour was noticeable from where the group were standing. The rest of the group were a mix of either being far too amused that a couple had taken their antics to the inside of a windmill or bewildered as to just how it could be done in there. Was there anything other than the other side of these planks to lean against? Were there any handles or railings inside? Was the base of the structure even wide enough for them to lie down? Some were even contemplating having a look inside – after the couple inside had been attended to.
As they looked on there was suddenly a loud screeching over the grounds. Many of them covered their ears.
looked up, “What was that?”
“It was probably nothing, babe,” Louis lifted himself up to tease her neck with his lips.
A familiar voice was soon heard over the park’s P.A system, jolting the pair.
“Could the couple fornicating inside the windmill please remove themselves from the premises. Please gather up your belongings and remain inside until the crowd outside has been dispersed.”/i>
and Louis looked at each other and burst out laughing. Their laughter soon turned to dread as the words sunk in. There was a crowd outside. As if on autopilot, the pair grasped around in the darkened room for their clothing.
The male continued talking over the system;
“An attendee will be over shortly to escort you off of the grounds and to remove your loaned equipment.”
“How did he know my equipment isn’t actually mine?” Louis’ attempt at a joke was met with silence from who could be seen only slightly from a few rays of light filtering through the cracks in the wood.
“This is now a notice for those gathered at said windmill. Please vacate the green and return to attendee’s post at the front of the park, thank you.”
As the couple scrambled to find their belongings, the muffled conversations of the people outside became louder and louder, some questioning why they should be the ones to move.
Mark grabbed a couple of metal railings to act as a barrier between the crowd and the party of two as he left his post and jogged out towards the slowly dispersing crowd. It seemed to have grown bigger from the last time he’d looked over. He was by now flushing a rather glowing shade of red, the colour from his cheeks creeping its way across his entire face and now his neck. He made her way through the crowd and began to set up the barricade to allow the, presumably embarrassed, couple some space so that they could be removed from the park with very little fuss from the crowd. He then turned to those who were still gathered and ordered them to move away from the scene, buying the couple more time to become “decent”.
When the last of the crowd had gone, he knocked on the door to alert the couple.
“Time’s up.”
The couple felt around for each other’s hands, trying to find some comfort in their predicament. Louis felt around for the door handle and slowly turned it. The couple shielded their eyes from the bright, illuminated neon lights as they stepped out. Louis made sure to slip on his sunglasses for extra coverage before anyone could see his face peeking out from underneath his cap. Mark rolled his eyes. He should’ve guessed it would be the weirdly dressed tourists. He allowed them a chance to peer back inside to see if they had missed any of their belongings before sealing the door over again and redoing the latch.
Without saying a word, he escorted them through a series of shortcuts to the exit. He hovered by the gates, making sure that couple kept walking away.
Louis and looked back at the park. They definitely wouldn’t be telling their friends about this.
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